Entries from July 2006 ↓

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Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams — And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them…

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His “Potential”

Do you know any women who want the man they’re dating to behave differently?

Of course you do.

And just like me, I’m sure you have friends who date guys who don’t have much going for them or who don’t treat them very well.

Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy’s shortcomings.

What’s going on here?

It’s actually very simple.

Women (and men) don’t base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.

Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.

And guess what?

Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn’t treat them very well.

Sometimes for months or years…

But why in the world would a woman do that!?

Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.

Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.

How do I know?

Because I’ve seen it at least a hundred times…

And because I’ve been this guy in the past myself.

Thinking back on past dating and relationships I’ve had, I was selfish and didn’t offer much.

I’m amazed the women put up with me.

But they did…all the while hoping that I would somehow change.

The women I dated hoped I’d change.

The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.

The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever…

The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.

And more importantly, I wasn’t even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.

But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.

They believed that I could become someone else with them…. and that this would be easy for us both.

Talk about a losing battle.

It doesn’t make a lot of “logical” sense…

But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you’ll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.

MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology

Men are different from women.

You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.

When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.

Lot’s of women don’t even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.

But does the same apply for men?

As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.

As a result, they often don’t understand non-verbal communication as well as women.

And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.

Women don’t seem to remember this about men.

So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?

Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.

Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.

Looks just happen to be the most obvious way…

But looks are NOT the most powerful.

If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.

But it’s not an accident.

You have to LEARN how to do this.

And ANY woman can learn how…

MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man

In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man’s attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.

Another HORRIBLE idea.

Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guys attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.

Wrong.

Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want… EVER.

Don’t get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.

You don’t have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don’t have to play like he’s some gift to the Earth.

Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.

So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man’s fantasies” from the start, think again.

You’ll never succeed by looking for a man’s approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.

MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him

Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on.

Listen…

Attractive, single, successful men are rare.

They get a LOT of attention from women.

Most women don’t realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.

And guess what?

Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.

That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.

They know what to expect.

And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything…

It’s a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.

This signals to the man that you’re just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can’t control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.

This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.

Don’t do it. Lean back. Relax.

There’s a much better way…

MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send

Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.

Most women don’t pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.

The signals men send have 4 main levels:

1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction

2) Emotional: Whether or not he’s “emotionally available”

3) Physical: If he’s attracted to you… and for what reasons

4) Love State: If he’s open to building and growing a relationship in the future

The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.

That’s great news to women…

Men can’t help it!

You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.

MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man’s Character

People aren’t easy to figure out.

Especially men.

The last several years of my life I’ve spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.

I’ve studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they’re dating.

From what I’ve seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.

But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.

Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they’re first getting to know a man.

They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they’re open to something more serious.

Men are different.

Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.

VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he’s ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.

Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they’re at.

If you don’t know how to read through the signals men send, then you’ll get the wrong message.

Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.

You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.

MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy

A mistake I’ve seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.

And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.

But those are the exceptions, not the rule.

Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.

And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren’t exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.

Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”

So let me be clear…

I think it’s important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it’s dating, a relationship, whatever.

But if a woman communicates that she’s looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.

It doesn’t have to be spoken by the woman either…

If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.

This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.

So what can you do as a woman?

You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he’ll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.

This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.

Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.

But you have to know how to create this situation with a man… and it rarely happens by accident.

MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You

What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like… but he’s just not that interested or isn’t as serious?

Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.

Well, I have news for you…

YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!

Never, ever, ever.

You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.

Think about it.

If a man doesn’t “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?

But we all do it.

Men are the worst at this by the way.

They’re always complimenting women who don’t like them and buying them gifts.

Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.

She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn’t change the way she FEELS about him.

When a man just isn’t interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.

Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation

A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman…

And I don’t mean just sex.

I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you’re out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.

And if you don’t know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won’t help!

If you don’t know what to do in each situation, you’ll probably screw it up… and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help

This is the biggest mistake of all.

This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

I know, you don’t like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don’t like to ask for help.

Hey, I’ve been there myself.

Let me tell you a little about me.

Over the last few years it’s been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.

It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.

Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.

I’ve read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.

I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that’s going on in an interaction.

Best of all, I’ve been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.

It’s been a very rewarding experience, and it’s how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.

I’ve helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling… the one you get when you’re lonely, you’ve been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he’s not ready”.

You don’t have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you’ll end up alone.

I Now Have A FREE Email Newsletter…

But the really great news is… after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.

I’d like to invite you to sign up.

It’s free, there’s no obligation, I’ll never share you’re email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I’ll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junkmail when you try to remove yourself.)

Of course, it even get’s better than that…

In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.

It’s JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer “emotional” and “physical”
level smoothly and easily.

To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:

Free Dating Advice Newsletter And Download eBook

Oh, I Almost Forgot…

In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.

Well, that’s not the case.

I’ve spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.

I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.

Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.

I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man… without having to deal with all the wrong men, be “manipulated” or experience the pain and loss I’ve helped other women avoid.

I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They’ve taken what they’ve learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.

I know, I know… a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?

No way.

Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships… I absolutely guarantee it 100%.

If you’d like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you’ve always wanted, then go here:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Tons of women do this one thing.

And it must leave them feeling awful…

I wonder if you do it too?

I’m talking about women who hide their true feelings from a man and fear sharing their desire for a closer relationship and for love.

Ever felt this way?

It’s happens when you won’t communicate directly with a man about your feelings because you think you’ll “scare him away”.

Unfortunately, you’re right… it could scare him away.

The way you talk to a man about a relationship turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.

I’ll come back to this giant mistake in just a quick second…

First, I’d like to talk about what I’ve seen in the dating world as a guy and share a FASCINATING story with you.

I’ve had women communicate their feelings with me in all sorts of different ways from joy to anger to frustration, and I know what each one does to a man.

(and in a larger context, what communicating this way does to any person in general - man or woman)

There’s a pattern to the dating experiences that I’d like to share.

THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS…

(let’s pretend I’m the man in this story and you’re the woman)

You and I meet. We both like each other. (lucky me!)

Feelings develop for us both on several levels. (physically, emotionally, socially)

You try to be “patient” and not express too many feelings and what you want to play it cool.

We have a great “connection”, but we never talk about what we want in our future around dating, a relationship or marriage.

Time goes by and things are great for us.

Eventually, you begin to see that you’re not getting what you want from me in the relationship.

You want more, but you’re scared of talking to me about it because you don’t know where I’m at.

You’re scared because I’ve talked to you about all the bad experiences I’ve had with women in the past.

And sometimes I even make negative remarks about women and their emotions.

You don’t want to ruin the good things we have going and rock the boat, but in the back of your mind you know that you’ll want to deal with the negative emotions that are slowly but surely building in your mind.

Then as I start to see us growing closer, I begin to use my past issues to tell you that I’m not looking for much more than what we have right now.

So you don’t say anything to me directly to communicate what’s going on for you and your feelings.

And of course, being a normal guy, I don’t say anything either. (Of course, I’m a man!)

You become frustrated and confused that I’m not acting how I used to act.

Things begin to change with the way I treat you.

I don’t pay as much attention to you anymore.

I don’t surprise you or bring you flowers anymore.

I’m tired everyday after work and just want to watch tv when I get home.

I call you less frequently.

I don’t initiate sex as much anymore.

You even consider that I could be seeing someone else.

And after a few months - I’ve become distant.

So what happens next?

You decide you’re not happy with where things are and it’s time to have a talk about where we’re at.

But you’re SCARED of expressing your feelings about what you want, so you let things build up inside you until you begin to let your frustrations with me show.

And to wrap the story up…

You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE WITH A MAN…

You start a conversation about the relationship and then you “let me have it”!

(you get upset and lose your cool with me)

All your desires, fears, frustrations and dreams that you’ve been holding inside away from me all pour out in one big emotional explosion…

This “Big Mistake” can take the form of arguing and yelling, but not exclusively.

Sometimes it’s just extreme intensity, perhaps tears.

It might include:

- Complaining about the current state of the relationship

- Talking about the things he does wrong with you

- Showing your frustrations about what you feel is missing

- Becoming upset that he doesn’t feel how you’d like him to feel

- Bringing up past issues, arguments or disappointments

But it always creates a lot of emotional tension and “drama”. Especially in the guys mind.

This is THE LAST THING you want to do with a man if you want to get some positive result with him.

That tension that’s created stays with him, and he NEVER forgets it.

In his mind, he now thinks of you as “hysterical” and full of issues. His mind defines you by what he saw in your behavior, and it scares him.

Yep, I know it’s not fair, but it’s the man’s weird and twisted reality…

I’ve heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men talk about this exact perception of a woman and how they fear being with a woman who they think will make this giant mistake.

Yeah, I know… it’s immature, selfish and not fair of the man, but it’s the reality of the situation that lots of women end up in with men.

So how do you avoid this….?

I’ll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.

Step 1) You Need To Understand What’s Going On Inside The Mind Of Your Man…

Let me tell it to you straight, as a man…

Women secretly believe that their connection with a man will “naturally” turn into something deeper without any communication taking place.

Kind of like it’s the unspoken truth about what’s going on.

Honestly… this isn’t how it works for us men.

If you’re “assuming” you have a relationship, and that he feels like you do, you’re wrong.

Men don’t assume that a connection, being together, spending quality time and all the rest means they’re in a committed relationship.

Some men do, but not most.

For a man to know he’s in a committed relationship, and understand the things YOU want in that relationship, YOU have to communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT terms.

Yeah, that’s right… You have to put yourself out there and be vulnerable.

Scary!

But I hear lots of women think that other women are just lucky to have found such a great guy.

And while there are some men who are more equipped and ready for a healthy situation with a woman, it’s NOT luck that women in great relationships have found a way to communicate with their guy.

That’s right, they’ve taken time to find the right information and to learn to integrate a certain way of communicating into their thinking and behavior.

It’s not easy, but there’s help.

Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You To Make “The Big Mistake”

EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first. It’s basic human nature.

But being able to delay your gratification is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life. (in every part of your life!)

Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk, talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.

The root of this problem basically boils down to needs that are unmet.

So making “The Big Mistake” is really all about being driven by your unmet needs and desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the relationship to be, without honestly and critically considering the man’s perspective, his emotional state, his communication skills and where he’s coming from at the same time.

When you do this with a man, you are subconsciously telling him that you’re more interested in your feelings and what YOU want than you are in his feelings and what he wants.

And men can read and pick up on women who do this instantly.

I see a form of this “Big Mistake” communication all the time in business by the way.

Some business professionals are the worst at this self-absorbed “need” oriented communication.

Like when someone calls me who wants to get something from me or sell me something and they’re not very experienced or polished at it.

The first thing I pick up on is their selfish agenda… and it instantly puts me on the defensive.

But if they’ve done their “homework” on me and what I’m looking for, and not what THEY WANT from me, when they talk it changes the whole situation the second they show me they’ve thought about what I want.

It’s very simple but extremely powerful.

So let’s take this concept directly back to communicating with men.

It might sound cliche’, but you’ve got to learn to listen and understand where’s he’s at and where’s he’s coming from.

This cliche’ is a around for a reason.

It works.

Patience, empathy and understanding are the first steps towards creating the relationship you dream about.

But you’ve got to be careful to not become the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets walked on.

Use your common sense and intuition to safeguard yourself - I know that your female perceptive abilities aren’t used nearly enough, so put these strong tools to good use.

Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake

Let me give you a vital piece of information when dealing with men…

Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying the things that are “obvious” to women in dating and relationships.

I would know. It’s taken me ten years to begin to understand these things for myself - and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.

Sorry though, I’m “spoken for”… (Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)

Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.

So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and participating in conversations about deep emotions and relationships.

Sorry to break the bad news, but it’s almost always up to you to make this communication happen.

It’s important to remember to approach the entire conversation from the perspective of talking about what you want AND what he wants.

If you can make a guy feel like you put his feelings and needs a priority in this conversation, and always consider what he wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!

There’s no rule that says you can’t consider another persons opinions and feelings first in order to get what you want.

In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let the other person talk first.

When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have the advantage. You know exactly what the other person wants… and knowledge is influence and power.

I’m not saying you need to take on hard-core negotiating here with a man, but some of the same rules and principles about people and psychology apply.

When you talk to a man from a positive place of listening first, he will be 10,000 times more receptive to what you have to say and what you want once you bring it up than if you approach him from a place of feeling hurt, communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.

Try this instead.

Ask a positive question or give a positive statement such as, “Honey, I was thinking today that I was happy to be with you.”

It might sound submissive, corny or difficult to say to someone you’re having a tough time with, but think about it…

If you’re going through all the trouble to worry so much about the future with this person, this is already what you’re thinking.

You might want to check out what could be the world’s best collection of ideas, strategies, insights and research on the subject of how to avoid the Big Mistakes, and other big mistakes in my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

It’s full off specific ways to communicate with a man that will instantly amplify the attraction he feels for you and help move things quickly and smoothly from “casual” to “committed” in no time flat.

I’ve spent the better part of the last year making sure my ebook will give you REAL WORLD ANSWERS and solutions to the things you’re dealing with when it comes to men.

Go check it out right now:

Click Here For Your Free Newsletter And eBook Download

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Want to learn something about men that most women will never know?

Ok, then check this out…

What’s the best way to get a man to the right “emotional place” where he’s open to you both falling for each other and wanting to spend the future together?

Well, I’m about to share a SECRET with you about doing exactly this.

Did you know that there’s ONE SIMPLE THING you can do with a man to help move things from that first meeting or the “casual dating” stage
to a happy, healthy, committed relationship?

It has to do with something surprising and unexpected.

I’ve spent years studying the complex process that leads up to and helps create a committed relationship between a man and a woman.

And there’s one thing I always come back to as one of the most important ideas because I hear about it everyday from women I know or who
email me:

When it comes to men and dating, moving from casual to committed can be the most emotionally difficult and “dangerous” stage for a woman.

It’s where all the worst things can happen.

It’s where all the RISK is.

It’s what can hurt the most.

And of course, it’s where all the long term “rewards” are.

Funny how dangers can be gifts as well…

Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about.

There’s one simple idea or “strategy” I’m going to share with you that is the single most powerful and effective way to help you press FAST FORWARD and help you get to a great “long-term” place in your love-life.

And by “long-term” I mean long term rewards both personally and with men.

Both are important.

The problem is, you might not see how or why the strategy will work for you when you hear it.

Actually, I bet that you’ll refuse to even believe that it’s something that could ever work for you. That it’s too simple to really guide you
on a good path.

But, I know that if you suspend your disbelief, that the strategy will help you move forward to a new place in your love-life.

A place where you’ll feel much more comfortable and “in control” of where your heart ends up.

(I don’t mean the control freak kind of “in control” here - I’m talking about making CONSCIOUS smart choices that lead to great situations instead of blind ambition that leads to heartache)

Plus, as an added benefit, this strategy will lead you to “naturally” avoid the mess of the pain and mistakes tons of other women make when it comes to critical transition stages with men and relationships.

So here we go…

THE “I’LL TEACH HIM TO LOVE ME” LOVE STRATEGY

Let me ask you an important question…

Have you ever noticed yourself trying to “teach” a man how to love, love you, or how to have a “real” relationship?

I know, it sounds ridiculous that you’d need to teach someone how to love, but I’m sure you already know what I’m talking about as a woman.

So let’s get the question out there in the open so we can talk about it:

Do men not know how to love a woman?

Here’s your tough-love for the day…

The short answer is NO.

Most men DON’T KNOW HOW to love a woman the way they want to be loved.

Which brings me to another fascinating question that I like to ask women:

How is a man supposed to know how to love you, if he doesn’t already know on his own?

The easy answer is - you have to show him how to love you and how you want to be treated.

But if you’re like most women, (and men!) then you don’t want to have to spell it out for the other person.

Not much romance here, right?

And for some funny weird deep psychological reason it doesn’t feel the same if you do spell out what you want and get it.

It’s like the magic is gone, right?

I’ve felt this one myself.

I get it.

So how do you go about showing a man how to love you if he doesn’t “get it” on his own, without making it so that you don’t enjoy the process yourself?

Here’s the “usual” approach I see women take.

They end up trying to teach men who don’t get it the absolute basics about loving, being a good boyfriend and about how to have a good relationship.

Kind of like a boyfriend improvement program.

Know what I’m talking about?

Ever been a boyfriend boot camp instructor?

And does it work?

Think about the whole situation for a second.

There’s a great story I like to tell around this exact thing…

It’s about a man and a woman.

(Tell me if it sounds at all familiar)

There’s this guy that a woman is attracted to and has a great connection with.

She’s been seeing him for a little while now and they’ve both grown pretty close.

Things have even progressed in the relationship, but only through that “casually starting to get serious” thing.

You know… where it feels so comfortable and natural to be with a man that you don’t question ANYTHING as things seem to all just fall into place.

But there’s something else going on for the woman here…

Something that she hasn’t mentioned, but it’s bugging her and lurking in the back of her mind.

The truth is that she’s never really had “the talk” or anything like it with her guy, so she’s NOT EXACTLY SURE where things are at and what everything means.

But she’s already opened herself up and shared so much that she’s “past that point of no return” emotionally.

And as her feelings are growing she’s starting to feel something awful inside-

She’s starting to feel VULNERABLE and UNCERTAIN.

Not knowing exactly what’s happening in the guy’s mind, and him not talking or expressing his feelings is seriously starting to drive her CRAZY.

But in the face of all this emotional uncertainty, she’s trying her best to “play it cool”.

Then finally, it happens…

She realizes that things aren’t on the “up-and-up” the way they seemed at first, and her unconscious fears start to take over.

That easy and ever-present attraction, magnetism and connection isn’t there like it used to be.

In fact, the guy is starting to withdraw and she picks up on all kinds of weird feelings and behaviors that she didn’t see in him before when things were fun, easy and “new” together.

And now she’s not sure what to do or how to get things back to how they used to be.

So she comes up with an idea-

She wants to be the one that leads him to understand that they DESERVE BETTER, and that they can have a beautiful love-life together if
he listens to her, chooses her and commits to making it work.

So she thinks that if she could just have the chance to really TELL HIM how she FEELS ABOUT HIM that he’d see the light, understand where things
are going wrong, and he’d come running into her arms.

Then she’d be able to teach him how to give and receive love, and give him everything he’s always wanted in a woman and they’d be happy and
in love.

End of story.

So tell me, how do you think the story turned out for the woman?

Did her man see the light?

Was she able to teach him?

Did they live happily ever after?

I want you to think about it, because I can almost guarantee that you recognized something about yourself in this story.

I did, and I’m not even a woman. It’s just that these are pretty universal experiences when it comes to how we behave as humans around the psychology of dating and relationships.

So here’s some quick homework that I know will do you good.

Spend a few minutes thinking through the situation and the “psychology” of it all.

Think the story through for a minute and how it applies to your life.

Good, now let’s talk about it…

UNDERSTANDING “MALE PSYCHOLOGY” AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD OF USING THE “I’LL TEACH HIM TO LOVE ME” LOVE STRATEGY…

The reason I know about the situation of telling someone how you feel and getting them to “see the light” and come running to you so well is that I’ve LIVED IT several times in my life.

In my case, the roles were reversed and I did this hopeless thing with several women I dated in the past.

And looking back, as bizarre as it seems, I only ended up doing this and acting this way with the women who weren’t really the right ones for me
when I looked at the reality of it all.

It’s kind of a freak-show really…

Because of the intense feelings I was having and the “drama” of it all, I was wrapped up in these women and how they lived their lives, even
though what was going on and what I was getting from them and the situation wasn’t anything that great at all.

In fact, it was a waste of my time and energy.

The truth was that I was involved in all kinds of behavior and situation that weren’t really about me and what I wanted in my life.

Almost everything that was happening was about getting things that really weren’t that important to ME in the long run.

And now, in hindsight, it’s crystal clear what was going on-

The real trouble in these situations was that the ATTRACTION and the CONNECTION I was feeling did something crazy to me…

The ATTRACTION and CONNECTION I was feeling seriously distorted my focus and distracted me from what I was really after and what I valued.

Now that I’ve been there, I recognize women doing this same thing all the time with men.

Because of what’s going on with the man in their lives, they’ll try all kinds of unbelievable things they would normally never do, and put
themselves in awful, painful and uncomfortable situations, just to try and keep getting back to the good FEELINGS they want to hold on to that they
had in the past.

They want to get back to the way they felt when things were great, and don’t think twice about the trade off they’re making to get there just for
a short moment.

What’s going on here?

It’s simple really.

We’re seeking pleasure and avoiding pain.

In these kinds of situations, women (and men) just want to get back to the ATTRACTION and CONNECTION that they experienced that made them feel so good at the time.

And there’s something else going on here too.

It’s a fascinating human psychological response mechanism…

When someone is drifting away from us or acting distant, our first reaction is to tighten our grip and pull them towards us even harder.

And we do this on a largely unconscious level without even realizing that we’re doing it.

But to get the RESULTS that you want, (getting closer) it usually takes doing something completely COUNTERINTUITIVE.

Lots of women try and take the common-sense approach with men of trying to address the issues, fears and shortcomings that the guy has head on
and talk it through.

This makes complete SENSE, but it rarely WORKS the way we want it to.

On the other hand, there’s something I see that most of the successful women I’ve met do to attract great men and build fantastic relationships in their lives.

And it’s obvious that women who end up with great guys and lead happy love-lives really “get” this…

There’s two ways you can live and function with a man in your life (and as your own person if you want to go there):

Choice #1: You can have an EXTERNAL frame or reference for your needs, goals, fulfillment, emotions and direction.

Here you focus on what other people are thinking and doing, and you most often follow the path that other people lay out before you as your own.

Choice #2: You can have an INTERNAL frame of reference for all the most important things in your life.

Here it’s YOU who decides what you want, how you’re going to feel, what you’re going to accept and what you’re not going to put up with from other people.

Here you’re going in the direction of what you want and what you’re after, and other people are free to join you on your way.

So what’s your frame of reference?

Internal or external?

After talking to women and observing and getting to know a bit about their “inner psychology”, I’ve found some common links.

The women that I see are happiest and most often end up finding healthy, mature relationships with men are women that use their own internal
frame of reference as their “emotional compass”.

In other words, they have a direction and a path that they’re on, and NO MATTER WHAT a man is doing, they keep moving in the direction of what they want.

But the most important part here isn’t the most obvious.

Because these women have their own “compass”, they DON’T do something lots of other women do…

They never let a man’s emotional problems, issues or shortcomings become THEIR responsibility and burden.

It doesn’t become their problem in life that they’re trying to solve.

They realize the boundaries of the situation, and that it’s ONLY the man’s choice to figure it out for himself or not.

So what should a woman do instead?

Well, here’s the secret strategy I was talking about earlier…

STOP TRYING.

If you stop trying to make things the way you want them to be with a man, and start doing the things that lead him with your own “compass”
that I’ll show you, you’ll “naturally” start creating the situations you want with men.

I know, it might sound like a lot of fluff.

But that’s because the “meat” of this strategy isn’t the strategy itself.

It’s in the application of it in your life.

It’s a process…

So here’s more about what that process looks like-

If you want to figure out how to go from casual to committed with a man, and there’s problems along the way or resistance from him- DON’T “TRY” to teach him how.

Why?

Because you’ll fight an uphill battle all the way.

The kind where you fall into the unavoidable psychological and emotional trap of worrying about the man’s mindset more than acting on what’s good
for YOU.

And now you’re back to that external frame of reference.

There’s a better way…

Instead, learn to LEAD a man to think and see things from YOUR frame of reference.

Have him see how you want your love-life to be and what your reality is.

And the less you try to make this happen, the more it will naturally start to take shape.

Bu the ONLY way to do this is to start thinking and living with an INTERNAL frame of reference for yourself.

And it’s tougher than it sounds.

But this psychological “shift” will have a MAJOR impact on your life and the people around you.

Especially with men.

I’ve literally seen men go from flaky and reluctant with the woman in their lives to attentive and desiring of a more committed and serious relationship almost entirely because the woman made the critical shift to her own frame of reference with her thinking and behavior.

And instead of waiting for a man to give them the things that they wanted the way they used to, these women changed the situation by changing
themselves.

They stopped waiting for the guy who wasn’t on the same page with them to start giving them what they thought they wanted.

And it’s at this point that something powerful happens in the process-

The woman begins to see that she’s the one teaching the man how to think about her as a woman and as a lover or girlfriend.

Read that again. It’s important.

You, and only you, are the one who teaches a man how to treat you.

So let me be absolutely clear…

Worrying about why a man acts the way he does and trying to “fix” anything about him is a WASTE OF TIME.

Yes, it means you’re being a good person if you’re there for a man when he needs you.

And NO, it doesn’t mean you’re being a good person if he’s making you frustrated and unhappy with your life and you wish he was different -
so you try to change him so he can lead a better life with you.

You see the difference.

WHAT TO DO… EXACTLY

So let’s say you “settle” in the short-run for a flaky situation with a guy that you honestly don’t feel that good about because he’s unavailable
or just doesn’t know how to have a loving relationship the way you know how.

In this situation, even if you’re trying to change things and turn the situation around for the better, you’re really teaching a man to treat
you like a flaky fling.

If you’re living with flakiness and “unavailable” behavior from a man, flakiness and unavailable behavior is exactly what you’re going to get now and in the future.

So here’s where it gets interesting…

Remember how I said that you’re the one who teaches a man how to treat you?

The strange part is that you can’t teach a man how to treat you just by “trying harder”.

But tons of women try through convincing or pleading behaviors.

Here’s the deal.

If you want to teach a man, the only way to do it is by LEADING him.

And to lead a man, you’ve got to have your own internal frame of reference.

Once you’re seeing and acting in ways that mean you’re conscious and aware of what you want…

And that you start to see where your frame or reference ends and a man’s begins (this is called AWARENESS by the way), here’s what magically
starts to happen…

All kinds of things will start to happen for you and fall into place.

You’ll “naturally” become better at communicating what you want with a man and leading him towards it.

And you’ll do it Without having to go down the road of trying to change him or convince him to do anything “for you”.

Then he’ll start to choose to do things on his own because he sees you differently and is led by your “compass”.

There’s a big emotional element in here too but we don’t have time to get into that one.

But here’s the best part…

Without all these counterproductive things going on (convincing, etc.), you’ll start to psychologically and emotionally LEAD the man you’re with down the path you want to be on.

Instead of what often happens where you end up following him down whatever uncertain or aimless direction he might be headed.

I rarely say this, but trust me on this one…

STOP TRYING.

This “strategy” might not sound so like magic on paper here, but in real-life it’s 1,000 times more effective at helping create the relationship you’re looking for than anything else that makes sense.

And once you’ve stopped trying so hard, start leading.

But there’s are a few vitally important keys to keep in mind and to know about when you start down this path.

Especially if you’re sure you’ve met a great guy and you want to keep things moving closer and closer.

There’s something I call the “Relationship Balance” that I talk about in depth in my ebook.

It’s the general model that I use to explain some of the psychological complexities of dating, attraction and relationships when it comes to men and commitment.

I use the “Relationship Balance” to spell out a detailed “how-to” of taking psychological leadership in your love-life.

And of course it also explains the common mistakes we talked about earlier that tons of women make, tells you in detail why they’ll NEVER work, and let’s you know what to do if you’ve made any of them…

So go to the link below to check out my eBook “Catch Him And Keep Him”.

Inside it, you’ll learn more about how you can use your “emotional compass” to lead a man into craving the kind of loving situation you’re looking for.

And best of all, I’ve made is so that you can check out “Catch Him And Keep Him” without having to pay anything.

Just go to the link below and you can try the eBook for 7 full days to decide if you like it and want to keep it.

If not, simply let me know and you won’t be charged for anything.

That’s how confident I am that you’ll love it and that you’ll get real-world value from it.

So stop stalling, you know you’re curious at least. And what do you have to lose?

You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes.

Go here and check it out now:

http://www.dating-advice-for-women.net/catchhimandkeephim

And I’ll talk to you again soon.

In the meantime, best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter