Entries from June 2007 ↓

How many times have you met a great guy and wanted to get to know him better… but he just didn’t seem to notice you or feel the same way about you?

You talked and interacted with him… but you didn’t quite know how to make that more personal “connection” with him.

And he didn’t seem to “make the first move” the way you might have wanted him to.

Which was frustrating, because you wanted to spend time with him… but you didn’t know how to get the conversation started and “break the ice”.

And the thought of “approaching” him directly and telling him how you felt seemed like the very last thing to do.

So what did you do?

You didn’t do or say ANYTHING.

You waited and tried to “indirectly” get him to notice you.

And while you were waiting for him… you tried to find ways to “accidentally” be at the places he was at.

You’d try and find out what he was doing and where he was going to be… and then you’d find a reason to go there too so you could end up in his physical presence… in the hopes that
something would happen.

But still nothing happened.

He didn’t really even “notice you”… and he didn’t take any interest. And you felt foolish for being the one to have to “chase” him.

No matter how hard you tried, no matter how many “hints” you dropped, or how many “signals” you tried to send his way… NOTHING came of it.

It was like you were somehow “invisible” to him in that romantic kind of way.

Not a great feeling, right?

If you’ve been in this kind of situation with a man before, then you know it can make you feel awful.

In fact, it can be downright PAINFUL and FRUSTRATING to the point where you don’t know what to do next and you become a little hopeless and down on yourself.

If you’re like lots of women, then in situations like this in your past you’ve ended up either:

A) NEVER sharing your feelings with the man you were crazy about

Obviously, this gets you nowhere…

B) Finally breaking down and telling him how much you like him and would like to go out with him

If you’ve been down this second road before, then you know it doesn’t get you very far with a man either - even though it makes sense that you should tell a man, and that
he would respond.

But what really happens when you quickly come out and share your feelings for a man in this way?

I think you unfortunately know the answer already of what happens when you do this…

Instead of him being swept up by your feelings and affections and embracing you… he feels immediately REPELLED by you and your feelings.

And as if his negative reaction in the moment wasn’t bad enough… he stops communicating with you all together after that, and even the “friendship” you had is gone.

Ouch.

Now, here’s where it gets really strange and fascinating…

For lots of women in these kinds of situations with men, this is all just a setup for an even bigger mistake they make that’s the proverbial “nail in the coffin”.

For lots of women, the more a man doesn’t seem to notice them or return their affections… the more they SECRETLY CRAVE the man’s attention and have an even stronger urge to keep sharing more of their feelings with him.

Which of course only makes the man want to get farther and farther away from them the more that they try and share.

I wish this wasn’t how things worked… but I’ve seen this exact thing happen so many times that I can see this mistake coming for some women a mile away.

But if this mistake is so common, why do so many women make this mistake and engage in the same kind of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE behavior with men?

I’ll give you the short answer…

It’s because most women think that the more they share their feelings… the more a man will like them and develop those “romantic feelings” toward them.

This is 100% WRONG when it comes to men and dating.

The FALSE BELIEF that most women hold here, that drives them to try and share more to get a man interested is that if they just say enough about how they feel… then the man will open his eyes, feel the same way, and recognize what a perfect couple they could be.

Here’s the point…

When it comes to meeting men, getting things started, and “dating”… sharing more of your “deeper” feelings early on can have the exact OPPOSITE EFFECT of what you might think.

Instead of a man feeling flattered… he’ll often get TURNED OFF by you the more you try to tell him how attractive and wonderful you think he is.

Now, this whole idea of having to “censor” yourself and your feelings… or not being able to share who you really are and how you really feel might bother you.

In fact, it might bother you a lot.

But the reality is that if you care about having a man actually RESPOND to you the way you’d like him to respond… then you’re going to have to start to learn and take RESPONSIBILITY for the way WHAT YOU communicate to him makes him FEEL.

In other words, if you walk up to a man you like and say to him,

“Hey, I really like you…”

You’re NOT going to get you the results you want 9 times out of 10. (At least not in terms of starting a “real” lasting relationship)

What’s important if you want a man to RESPOND to you and reciprocate your feelings is to first get him LIKING YOU and feeling that magic thing called ATTRACTION for you.

And more importantly, to get him “feeling it” for you BEFORE you tell him how you feel.

So then when you do share with him how you feel… EVERYTHING will be different and he’ll be VERY receptive to you and your feelings.

Maybe even a little too “receptive”… and you’ll have to do your best to keep his hands off of you (if you want)

Luckily, if you’re ready… I can help you avoid ever having to be in these kinds of frustrating situations with men ever again.

If you want the quickest way I know of to capture a man’s attention and interest, and get the conversation started to where HE is asking YOU out… then you need to read this special letter I’ve written explaining exactly what you need to know in order to instantly capture a man’s eye.

Now, I want to show you a few QUICK TIPS to help you get what you want from your love life.

If you’re ready to meet a great guy, or you’re looking to make things happen with a great guy you already know… then here’s where to start-

First, you need to know how to cross that “invisible boundary” between being “friends” with a man… and connecting on a “romantic” level where a deeper level of affection and intimacy is possible.

For lots of women, they have NO IDEA of how to cross this line with a man in a way that is fun, easy, and most importantly makes a man feel MORE INTERESTED in being around them.

Here’s where to start…

Tip #1: Get his attention in a way that will intrigue him so much he won’t be able to resist wanting to get to know you better… and will think of you as the kind of woman he wants from the START.

Ever strike up a conversation with a man you were trying to get close to… and it either led you nowhere, or you ended up just being “friends”?

You were close to him, and you talked and shared things with him… and your feelings started to grow the more you got to know him.

But he didn’t seem to have the same feelings growing inside him, and you could tell.

You wished there was some way you could break through and have him see you differently.

Lots of women who DON’T know how to “break the ice” with a man on a romantic level and end up either not getting a man’s interest, or just being stuck in the friend zone no matter what they do or say.

Trying too hard to connect with a man if he DOESN’T FEEL that initial SPARK of romantic or sexual interest does NOTHING to convince him that he should spend his time with you.

If you want to break the pattern of constantly getting stuck in the “friend zone” with a man… and you’d like to know how you can cross that invisible boundary between… then you need to
know how and where to take the conversation to a ROMANTIC LEVEL where a man will quickly start “feeling it” for you.

And you need to know how to do this without making the mistake of coming off desperate, or actually turning a man off in the process like so many women accidentally do.

Tip #2: Learn The Essential Skill Of “Backleading”

Do you ever think or feel like it should be the man who makes the first move?

Let me answer the important question here that so many women wonder about when it comes to meeting men-

“Is it bad if I ask him out?”

Or put it another way, “Shouldn’t the man be the one to ask the woman out?”

Here’s the deal…

It’s BEST if a man makes the move first, if you want to set the foundation for a more serious and lasting relationship from the start.

But…

If a man isn’t making the move, what’s a woman to do?

Is it then bad for a woman to make the first move?

The answer is NO. It’s not bad.

But only if you know what you’re doing, and you know how to avoid the deadly mistake of setting up a long term “courtship pattern” where YOU are the one chasing HIM.

This pattern over the long term will NOT work out well for you. Period. End of story.

So… then what can you do if a man isn’t making the first move, but you want to make something happen?

Here’s what to do…

I have an amazing friend who’s a ballroom dancer. She’s INCREDIBLE.

One day we were sitting around and she told me about how it’s important in dancing to have the roles where one LEADS, and the other dancer FOLLOWS.

This is, of course, one of the oldest and simplest human behavior patterns around.

Anways… here’s how it related to you and men and dating.

My friend, the dancer, shared with me what she would do when her male dance partner was supposed to LEAD, but wasn’t doing a great job of it.

Instead of CRITICIZING him, or taking the LEAD herself (which wouldn’t work out well or get her what she ultimately wanted)… she would do what she called “BACKLEADING”.

This is where she is able to subtly direct a man to lead and do the things he needs to be doing… but she would do it in a way where she didn’t take the lead herself.

She was able to CREATE THE SPACE and the opportunity for the man to lead… without having to take the lead herself.

As a result, she gets enjoy the process of following his lead in direction she had wanted things to go in the first place. (Nice!)

And all along, the man is a better dance partner AND MORE SATISFIED and ENGAGED in the process because he still felt like is the one making things happen on HIS TERMS.

Wow.

Now, I’m sure you’re already picking up on where this is going when it comes to men and dating…

If you can learn this amazing and subtle skill called BACKLEADING with men in when it comes to dating… and you can help a man take the lead in bringing you and your relationship closer from the very beginning… then the “dating process” and the relationship you create is going to be fun and easy.

On the other hand, if you keep on trying to take the lead for a man and tell him where you want to go… then he’s naturally going to start RESISTING you and not enjoy the process.

He’ll feel “pressured” by you and he won’t want to follow you lead - because he won’t feel like it’s what HE WANTS, or his idea.

In life, it can make things a whole lot easier if you can find ways to work WITH the “energy” and the people around you…

Instead of constantly going AGAINST the grain and trying to get everyone to do and see things YOUR WAY.

If you’d like to learn how to quickly engage a man on a “romantic” level (even when he’s not showing interest in you initially)…

And you’d like to know what to DO and SAY in the first meeting, and on the first several dates or phone calls to create the kind of ATTRACTION that will have him “courting” you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

” I purchased a copy of your ebook yesterday! It’s amazing, it’s like my new bible! Woo! Congrats! I have pretty much been doing nearly all off them! But yesterday I said to myself I would try to change! And I will for the sake of my relationship! I have been dating my man for a year this May. Do you think there is still time for me to get my relationship back to the way it was when he called me more, told me he loved me more, and couldn’t wait to see me?

- L.W.

Ok, you’re doing about 132 different things to screw yourself up here, and sabotage the good things you have going.

And the worst part is… you know it.

But you still CAN’T HELP YOURSELF.

Ouch.

Do me a favor and go ahead and give yourself a good hard SLAP!

Ok, now that you’re awake and listening…

Let me address your direct question first,since I won’t be able to get to your whole bag of “goodies” here.

“Is there still time for me to get my relationship back to the way it was when he called me more, told me he loved me more, and couldn’t wait to see me?”

No.

And stop trying. (Go ahead and give yourself another slap here for worrying about this.)

You will NEVER get back to how you both were before things grew into a new place in your relationship.

Period.

And in case you don’t see it, the fact that you’re no longer in that early “intense” stage, and have moved past it together, is largely a GREAT thing.

But not for you in your freaked out, love starved mind.

Here’s the first thing I want you to recognize-

Relationships GROW and CHANGE.

Sit and think about that simple truth for a minute.

Think about how every relationship you’ve ever had, with each person you’ve met, has changed from where it was when it began.

Now that you’ve thought about this…

I don’t know if you see this yet, but it’s a GOOD THING that you’ve grown past what you had before.

“But how?”, you’re wondering.

Because you now have the potential to have something EVEN BETTER.

Seriously.

Better than the “cutesy, pet-name calling, spending all weekend in each others arms, not seeing anyone but each other for days, talking all night on the phone till your ear hurts, feeling nervous and anxious each time you’re going to see each other” situation you had when you first got together.

I know… There’s nothing like that instant, intense chemistry and attraction you feel and share in the initial “honeymoon” phase.

So what in the world could be better?

I’ll tell you…

Something that includes more of who you both truly are inside.

Something that lets you both live, learn and grow -independently AND together.

In other words… something that’s REAL and will LAST.

The truth is, in a REAL and LASTING RELATIONSHIP, things are going to CHANGE - whether you like it or not.

His feelings will change.

Your feelings will change.

How you both interact will change.

And how much attention each person gives to the relationship and to the other will change.

These are INEVITABLE, no matter who you are or what you want from love and a relationship.

So where am I going with this?

Well, what really matters now that things are changing is how you choose to deal with the changes.

Instead of RESISTING, trying to prevent the changes from happening, and becoming scared and emotional when you recognize change, you need to learn how to work with it.

So let me ask you…

Are you going to allow the changes to FREAK YOU OUT, and let your FEAR and INSECURITIES take over?

Doing this will of course keep on creating negative emotional experiences, MORE DISTANCE, and worst of all… MORE UNCERTAINTY in your boyfriend’s mind about if you are the girl he wants to be with.

Or…

Are you going to start learning to LISTEN, THINK and ACT in ways that create more POSITIVE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES, less distance, and bring MORE CERTAINTY to your boyfriends mind about you and your relationship?

I take it you’re going to choose what’s behind Door #2 -the “learning” option?

Good.

Let’s get started.

PERFECTIONISM, FEAR, AND GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY

The truth is you will never get back to where you were with someone from when you first met.

But in your relationship, you can become 100 times CLOSER than you were, IF you can LEARN to ACCEPT and UNDERSTAND more about the “whole picture” of who you both are - for better or worse - and start to figure out what to do now that things are more “real”.

But here’s where one of your biggest challenges will come up…

By knowing more about the whole picture, you’ll start recognizing LESS PERFECTION about him and your relationship (which you already are).

And seeing this will keep setting off more FEAR and INSECURITY in your mind.

But if you bother to pay attention, you’ll recognize the same kinds of imperfections you see in him, in yourself.

You are also imperfect in how you act out on your jealousy.

You are also imperfect in your fears.

You’re also imperfect in your insecurities.

And you are also imperfect in your desire for him to be someone or something else.

And guess what?

He sees your imperfections right now too. And part of him inside wants to either withdraw, or run from the situation all together.

But remember, he’s not perfect either.

I can’t tell you how important it is, and will continue to be for your future relationship, to develop the ability to “watch” your own emotions inside as they come up.

That way, you can start to CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE how to let them affect you and how you communicate with men.

Otherwise, you’re on “auto-pilot” and all the advice and “truth” in the world isn’t going to help you.

Here’s a VERY QUICK TIP about this:

Most of us have those instant, negative, knee-jerk reactions in our lives when we are running on “empty” emotionally.

On the other hand, when we’re very FULFILLED in our own lives, and doing the things that makes us feel “full” emotionally, we are MUCH MORE confident, calm and in control.

There’s something IMPORTANT I want you to realize about where you’re at.

The things you used to do that worked in the “early stages” of your relationship aren’t working for you anymore.

In part, it’s really that simple.

So…

You need to learn WHAT WORKS in this new area or “phase” of your relationship, and of your own life.

You need to ADAPT.

But here’s where it isn’t so simple…

The way most of us adapt around change is one of the areas of human behavior that’s most FASCINATING to me.

Here’s why-

Most of us have developed a basic set of “strategies” we use in our lives, when it comes to dealing with other people and relationships.

And these strategies were usually born out of “trial and error” throughout our lives and developed in response to our specific environments and the people we were surrounded with.

We’d try one thing… and it wouldn’t work.

Then we’d try another… and it would work.

And then we’d stick with the behavior we found that worked, and use it for years. Sometimes for a lifetime.

But what happens when something around us changes?

What does our strategy usually look like in the face of change?

You got it. It stays THE SAME.

We often spend days, months or years trying the same “strategies” over and over, even when we’re now FAILING again and again because we KNEW for a fact that our old strategy worked.

But we keep doing things that aren’t working again and again, until serious frustration sets in.

Why do so many of us do this?

Well, in part, because our old strategy simply WORKED, and we got a “pay-off” from doing the behavior involved.

Which means that the impulse, too, became “wired up” into our minds to play out automatically.

So most of us believe, on a deeper level, that our strategy is what works best. And if we keep on doing it, the environment around us that has changed will eventually correct itself.

WRONG!

Don’t get stuck in the dead-end cycle of trying to use the SAME strategies in NEW situations.

It’s a sure-fire way to fail - especially with people and relationships.

To make a long story short…

You need to figure out how to communicate in the NEW environments you move into.

You need to find a “strategy for dealing with the built-in “imperfections” of getting truly close and intimate with a man.

You need a new “strategy” to help a man, and yourself, open up in a POSITIVE way that brings you both CLOSER.

You need to figure out how to not just have a great “start” to relationships and never be able to make it work after the honeymoon is over, but how to KEEP the connection, attraction and intimacy AFTER THE HONEYMOON IS OVER.

The two are VERY different.

You need to start living IN THE PRESENT MOMENT.

Or, on the flip-side, stop living in the past.

I know this isn’t some amazing original insight, but there’s something new and important to see here…

I’ll let you in on a little secret I’ve found out about a few years back.

It’s something lots of women do in relationships that is completely COUNTERPRODUCTIVE to their own emotional well being and for the state of their relationship -

Lots of women play something I call the “connect-the-dots” game in relationships with men.

It goes like this…

You become worried about your relationship, and you start looking for possible signs of danger.

But instead of looking for how things are GOOD in your relationship, you look to see if you can find clues that things are BAD.

And of course you start finding all the “evidence” you need, from the present AND the past.

So you take past events, conversations, behaviors, etc. and start to tie them all together into one giant “conspiracy”.

And in just a few rounds of playing your version of “connect-the-dots” with all the things you think you’re finding wrong, it happens…

You finally come up with “PROOF”.

I’m talking about your very own PROOF that things are BAD in the relationship, or wrong with the guy you’re with.

Which sets you off on an even more intense emotional tail-spin.

And here’s where it gets even more DESTRUCTIVE-

Your guy doesn’t have any idea that you’re thinking about these things, since you haven’t really shared it with him, aside from how you’ve been acting out your fears and doubts.

But you wish he’d see through how you’re acting, and all the “hints” you’re dropping, and open up and ask you what’s REALLY going on.

Sound familiar?

Do you play the “connect-the-dots” game?

Are you an expert at finding the “proof” that things are going bad in your relationship?

Or that he’s thinking about leaving you?

Or that he DOESN’T love you?

IF you are, wake up!

You’re not strengthening your relationship…

You’re breaking it down and picking on all the things you fear in a negative emotional way.

Which leaves a man little choice but to see that you’re emotionally OUT OF CONTROL.

Let me ask you… what do you think a man feels when you’re doing this?

And what does this make him think about being with you?

It often tells a man, on a SUBCONSCIOUS level, that you don’t know how to deal with your feelings in a way that will create positive experiences for you together in the future.

It also tells him that each time doubt or fear comes into your mind, you’re not going to be able to deal with it in a mature and healthy way, and you’ll turn your feelings about it on him and make it HIS FAULT.

A healthy, fun, attractive, successful man does NOT want to be with a woman long term who turns uncertain or challenging situations into NEGATIVE emotional experiences every time.

He wants a woman who brings amazing thoughts, feelings and POSITIVE experiences and growth into his life.

And even if the subject matter is tough or likely to make you both freaked out, he wants a woman who is going to be confident and emotionally healthy enough to work through things with him to create more CONNECTION - not build resentment and
DISTANCE.

Of course, men have a lot to learn in this area too, which is also why it’s important to pick the right guy who’s done some of “the work” himself.

But the amazing thing I’ve learned from observing and working with tons of women and men is that it often takes just one…

Just one person in the relationship to be the one to have the emotional “maturity” and skills to take the potentially negative things they’re confronted with in the relationship, and turn them
into positive opportunities for growth and connection.

That’s why it’s time…

It’s time for you to shift your thinking from fear, insecurity, uncertainty and idealism… and start finding ways to be the one who helps CREATE the DEEPER CONNECTION you want FOR YOURSELF.

The reality is… it’s EASY early on in a relationship to experience intense chemistry and attraction.

Which makes it EASY for you both to call all the time, think of each other constantly, and want to be with one another every minute.

But when things change, as they always will, it means you have to learn how to create the connection and experiences you want in the new environment.

Right now, here’s what I want you to do…

Put to use what’s in front of you!

HOW EMOTIONAL “DRAMA” EFFECTS LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

And let me give you a quick piece of advice about men here… and about yourself.

Men LOVE their “FREEDOM”.

Or what they perceive as “freedom”.

You intuitively know and understand this because you probably have guy friends, a brother, whoever, and you see how they are.

You see how they have a strong “masculine” impulse to feel “free”…

To feel in control of their own lives…

To make their own decisions free of what they see as “obligation”…

And to not be too “tied down” in intense emotional situations all the time.

You might not see it right now since you’re so focused on becoming closer and committed with him, but your freedom as a woman is very important to you too.

Freedom to think what you want.

Freedom to feel what you want.

And freedom to act how you want.

Which is why… you’re BOTH going to need to learn to be CLOSER and MORE SEPARATE at the same time in your relationship.

I’m talking about a long term “emotional connection” here that runs much deeper than all the things you feel when you’re together…

So that there’s a natural understanding of the other person when you’re doing your own thing, changing, growing, or when you’re not as close as you have been.

So stop the jealousy, the “bitching” and the “girly neediness for attention” stuff.

Stop it NOW.

Not only do these behaviors tell your guy that you don’t have an understanding for him, and your own feelings…

But the way you’re acting when you’re being jealous or needy is 100% annoying and very UNATTRACTIVE.

And most importantly, in terms of your relationship…

Your behavior is telling your guy, on a deeper level, that the closer he gets to you, the more difficult (and less fun and interesting) you will become, and the less freedom he’ll have to live his life and be free of the intense negative emotional experiences you create each time you get scared.

How do you think that speaks to him when he thinks about you both together in the future?

I’ve given you a lot of good ideas here.

They will get you started.

But, if you’d REALLY like to learn how to take control of your love life and relationship, and move to the next level where you’re doing things that will get HIM to start opening up and creating great experiences, and bringing you closer from his end…

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

“I’ve got a couple of important questions I want to ask you about how men really think.

I ask because there’s a critical “shift” that takes place when you’ve been hurt that can easily end up working AGAINST YOU in all your other future relationships - even if you really want them to work.”

See… what happens for most women who are hurt and have this “shift” is that in their next relationship, even though the guy they’re with seems great, they feel kind of FLAT and unenthusiastic about him.

It’s like they’re going through the motions and trying to have a relationship… but in their mind they know they should be feeling more because this is such a good guy who’s much more caring and loving than the last.

But still, they don’t feel that deeper connection.

Women in this place in their love lives often say things like…

“I really don’t have room in my life to date or have a relationship anyway.”

Or…

“I’ll be fine with whatever happens with this guy, one way or another.”

Or…

“I don’t really want a real relationship. They’re too much work.”

Any of this ring a bell for you?

OK, so what’s really going on here?

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years-

If a woman is doing and saying these things in her life, then there’s a subtle but powerful kind of FEAR going on inside her-

The fear of being VULNERABLE with a man.

Let me explain…

Just like how it works for a man… if a woman isn’t “open”, and if she isn’t willing to “put herself out there” emotionally, and she thinks it’s easier and “safer” to not be too emotionally involved in her love life… then she’s NOT going to find another CLOSE and LOVING RELATIONSHIP.

This is true for a woman, just as it’s true for a man.

So here’s the reality…

When a woman is afraid of being vulnerable with a man and has fear around letting herself becoming emotionally attached… then a man can’t and won’t end up feeling ATTRACTION to her.

And forget about true and LASTING LOVE.

If a woman can’t be vulnerable and share some of those subtle but deeper parts of herself…then whether she wants them or not, there won’t be any of those emotional “sparks” that bring a man and a woman closer on a physical and emotional level.

So…

If you’re not VULNERABLE with a man because you’re trying to protect your heart and mind… then it’s going to be almost impossible for a man to experience that magic feeling of ATTRACTION with you.

Simply put, he just won’t “feel it” for you.

Instead, he’ll subtly sense that something is off or resistant inside you, and he’ll be turned off.

Of course, most women who have been hurt in the past make the UNCONSCIOUS SHIFT from being emotionally open and vulnerable… to then putting up a “wall” because it feels a whole lot safer to be INVULNERABLE.

They think that the right thing to do now is to wait for the man to “prove himself” before they’ll share much of anything and emotionally “engage”.

Most women think of themselves as being “stronger” or “tougher” or more “independent” and not needing a man when they are in this place in their life.

But how does this work out?

I’ll tell you…

Not well.

If you’re like lots of women like this then here’s what happens…

You date or start a new relationship, and even though you think they’re being “smarter” and “tougher”, your attitude comes off as disinterested or cold to the man.

But you don’t see this part of yourself nd how it’s coming off to a man… so you nd up wondering why men don’t seem to be interested in anything more than “fun”.

Which only adds to the negative view you tart having that “men only want one thing” nd that “guys are jerks”.

And you don’t call the guy much, you make sure to stay unattached to how much time you spend with him, you don’t participate in making plans for dates, and you make your kids or work or anything else the only real prioritites in your life.

But with all this going on, and the conscious decision to stay less involved and not get yourself into another situation where you could get hurt…

You STILL keep seeing him and become more involved and emotionally attached than you can consciously admit to yourself.

And the reason for this is that deep down you still secretly crave and want a loving connection… but you’re trying to tell yourself you’re not attached and that this doesn’t really mean
much to you.

But then it happens…

Even if the man was interested at first and found things he really liked about you… eventually the EMOTIONAL DISTANCE you’ve been keeping between you feels weird and turns the man off.

Or worse…

It drives him away completely.

And so the single life and the unfulfilling cycle of “casual dating” and having things start with a bang and go nowhere starts all over again.

But it doesn’t have to be this way… and it easier than you think to have what you want in your love life, and feel great about it.

So let me ask you…

How do you get to a place where you can start feeling good about dating again?

How do you “crack” that shell of ambivalence and numbness to feel like yourself again and be genuinely excited about love and connecting with a man again?

Because your heart is going to lead you back there anyways… whether you like it or not.

Well, as luck would have it, I’ve recently connected with an amazing woman who went through a similar place in her life where as a result of a painful divorce she was that INVULNERABLE tough woman.

And she admitted to me that she was this way for way too long… and didn’t even know it.

At first she was in that bad mental and emotional state where love, connection, and a great relationship was the very last thing
she thought she would ever want or try for again…

But after time passed, like other women who experience bad break ups or divorce, she struggled trying to recover, make sense of her life again, heal, and get back to a new life after her marriage had ended.

It wasn’t easy.

And every part of her wanted to try and stay in that “protective” place alone where she knew she couldn’t be hurt again.

But then something happened…

After digging deep and learning some amazing life-lessons and specific ways of growing and starting over again… she discovered a set of keys to undo that negative shift that made her put up a wall and act INVULNERABLE.

And she learned exactly what it took to heal, grow, and MAKE THE SPACE in her life for love and happiness again.

Now she’s in the best relationship she’s ever experienced and happier and more fulfilled than she’s ever been.

Do you ever get frustrated about the fact that even though you’re a great woman, being a great person isn’t often what really matters when it comes to men, dating, and getting a great relationship started?

There are TONS of great women out there who deserve a great guy, and a great relationship,but just can’t seem to make things come together.

The thing is…

I can understand how the process of “doing the work” and still not being able to find the right man, let alone get things started and working in a relationship, can be incredibly frustrating.

I’ve thought about women in this situation a lot - women who are smart, attractive, great people who just can’t seem to make things work with men and dating.

And after reading literally hundreds of emails from women and taking a few years to observe what’s really going on… I’ve recognized a specific set of “problems” that keep most women from being lucky or successful when it comes to men, dating… and getting a relationship started that will LAST.

Here are just a few of these specific problems:

- Having no idea where to go to meet quality, attractive single men (or it seems like all the good men are already “taken”)

- Going on “dates” (which they dread in the first place) and having them either go NOWHERE… or having things go great on the date, but the guy never calls or asks you out again

- Seeing a man you’re attracted to, and wishing you knew EXACTLY what to do and say to get his attention without sounding dumb, goofy, or desperate

- Not knowing specific things to ASK a man to figure out very early on whether or not he’s honest, mature, and “into” having a real relationship… without sounding pushy, manipulative or scaring him off

- Never knowing the reason WHY a man stops calling or making plans after one or more dates, when there seemed to be so much “chemistry” at first. (Just knowing WHY could save you from feeling UNECESSARILY bad because you’re wondering about what you did or said wrong)

Any of these sound familiar?

If so, then your life just got a lot easier…

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of
luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

What makes a man want to stay single?

And what makes a man want to stay single and not have a relationship even when he’s dating an amazing woman?

Keep reading to find out.

Here’s something you should know…

Did you know that most men make up their minds about whether they’d “get serious” and try out a relationship within the first few minutes of having met a woman?

It’s true.

If you don’t know what to say or do early on to get a man’s interest for the RIGHT REASONS… then the first “exchanges” between you and a man could keep him from ever wanting to explore a relationship with you.

I see it happen all the time…

A woman meets a fantastic guy and they hit it off.

The chemistry is amazing. They laugh, talk, and have tons of things in common.

It just feels right.

They go out several times and end up getting “physical” early on.

And since all the basic elements are there to start a great relationship, and this guy seemslike he could be “the one”, the women starts to really open up.

But just as she’s becoming more and more EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED, the truth comes out…

The man has ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in having a real relationship.

He says something like:

“It’s not you… it’s me.”

Or…

“I’m just not interested in a relationship
right now.”

Or…

“You’re great, but if we went out I know
we’d get serious really quickly and I’m not
ready for all that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Give me a nod here if you know what I’m talking about.

If you’ve experienced this kind of thing before, then you know that men will come up with every excuse in the book to try and AVOID a relationship.

Sometimes it seems like men’s minds’ are simply searching for every possible excuse or way out.

That way they don’t have to deal with the fact that there’s an amazing woman right in front of them who could be the love of their lives.

So let me ask you…

Why is finding the right person such a bad thing to men?

And what can YOU do as a woman to avoid all these “traps” that other women constantly walk into and trigger with men that keep them from ever finding and starting the relationship that
they really want?

Good questions.

After years and years of thinking about all this, of talking to men and women, and spending years observing and studying what’s really going on at a deeper level… I’ve discovered something that TONS of women are doing when meeting and dating men that INSTANTLY pushes that WITHDRAWAL button where a man will not only not want to get any closer to a woman…

But he’ll want to get away from her altogether.

It’s one thing when you’re dating a man and he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship, and that he isn’t ready.

But here’s where it gets even more bizarre and PREDICTABLE when it comes to men and how they think about dating and new relationships…

After a man dates you and says he’s NOT READY for a relationship, unless you’re the unlucky kind of woman who likes to torture herself by trying to CONVINCE a man that he should want a relationship with you… you listen and move on.

You try and respect the fact that, for whatever reason, he’s not in a place where he’s capable of having a real relationship.

But for lots of women, this is when the unthinkable happens…

A few weeks or months later you can’t believe what you hear-

This same man who was dead-set on staying single and not having a relationship is suddenly IN LOVE with ANOTHER WOMAN.

And to add insult to injury… things are getting very “serious” and moving very, very quickly for him with this other woman.

What!

What’s going on here?

For most women, it’s in these moments that a few “truths” become clear to you:

1) Men don’t know what they want…

How many times have you had a man say one thing, or show you that he felt or thought one thing… but then he did something that was completely the opposite?

Why does a man do this?

Is he lying?

Did he mean to deceive you and hurt you?

Or did he do this for another reason?

What if I told you that when a man likes you and is interested… he’ll often say things about the way he feels about you just to get your interested and attention?

And what if I told you that these things that he thought and felt could change VERY, VERY QUICKLY as you’re getting to know each other and “dating”?

Would that change the way you think about men and how they don’t know what they want?

It should.

2) You can’t trust what a man tells you…

If you’re a woman who’s been hurt before in a relationship, then odds are you’re finding it hard to believe a man or trust him much further than you could throw him.

It’s understandable.

But did you know that if you’ve been hurt from a past relationship and you carry some doubt and fear about men in general…

Then no matter how you try and come across to him… a man will sense this inside you when you go out with him - even if you don’t say anything about it or mention it.

Your inability to trust a man won’t allow you to “connect” with him on a deeper level.

And without that CONNECTION where a man feels like you really “get” him… he’ll never get past that superficial level of conversation and start becoming EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED and
drawn to you.

In other words… the fear that you have that he’ll turn out like other men that you’ve known will “leak” out in subtle ways. And it will not only keep you both from growing closer… but it will give him the intuitive feeling that something is off, and he’ll leave.

If you’re talking to a new man in your life or dating and you have the bad experiences of the past in your mind… you’re practically guaranteeing failure for yourself and for the relationship you’re trying to get started.

Men don’t like women and don’t feel comfortable or ATTRACTED when a woman is full of doubt and fear from her past relationships.

It’s a HUGE turn off.

3) Men don’t make any sense to you…

There’s something that keeps coming up over and over in my life that’s I find absolutely fascinating…

It’s that everywhere I go I meet smart women who are what a friend of mine calls “Man Stupid”.

Raise your hand if you’re guilty of this yourself.

It’s amazing to me how many brilliant, smart, sweet, caring, wise and loving women I’ve met who have failure after failure when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

And for these smart women, since they’re so capable and successful in every other area of their life… they can’t believe that they wouldn’t be able to make things work with a man
in a relationship.

But here’s the fatal mistake they make…

They think that the fact that they are smart, educated, capable, successful, etc. in other areas of life should somehow “translate” into knowing what to do when it comes to men and their love life.

But nothing could be farther from the truth.

In fact, the belief that you know how things work with men and dating just because you’re a woman and you think about these things all the time and you really want love to work out in your life actually works against you.

Why does this work against you?

Simply put - because it keeps you from ever accepting the fact that you don’t know what you need to know about how men think, and how things work when it comes to a real and lasting relationship with a man.

There’s a kind of subtle shame that I’ve learned some women carry because they think that they were born not knowing something that every other woman was born knowing.

Wrong!

Not knowing how men think, and how men really are different when it comes to dating and what catches a his attention and interest isn’t a sign of a “dumb” or incapable woman.

It’s simply a sign that you haven’t taken the time to learn what actually works.

Luckily, I’ve put together what I think of as the world’s best resource to help any woman, at any level of “Man-Stupid”… quickly get herself up to speed with how men think and WHAT WORKS to catch a man’s interest from the first meeting to when a man can’t help but say “I love you”.

Don’t set yourself up for failure when you meet a man and start a new relationship because you haven’t taken the time to stop doing what hasn’t been working all these years… and start doing what works with a man.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Ever wonder why the man you’re dating and having an amazing time with doesn’t call you very often?

Or worse… stops calling altogether?

If you’ve ever had this happen to you with a man, then you know how FRUSTRATING it can be when a man just suddenly stops calling for what seems like no good reason…

And you’ve spent more time than you’d like to admit wondering what happened and what YOU might have done wrong.

Most women in this situation fall into a kind of trap that seems to work against them…

Instead of recognizing that the man not calling is an important signal in of itself, they become obsessed with wanting to know what he’s thinking and WHY he’s acting this way.

It’s time you learned what it really means if a man isn’t calling… and what to do about it to quickly “turn the tables” in your favor so that he’s the one calling and asking you out.

“First of all I think you are great and have learned a lot from reading your book. I am divorced and have been dating a widower for about a month. We get together once or twice a week - I don’t expect more than that - as he lives about half an hour away from me. Our dates are great and there is a definite physical attraction on both sides. My problem is that in-between dates I don’t hear from him. I know that he works hard and is bringing up 3 children on his own - but how long does it take to pick up the phone and ask me how I am? Am I asking too much? Is it too soon to expect anything? I don’t want to complain and
frighten him off, as I really like him. What do you suggest?”

Looking forward to hearing from you
- R.J. from Illinois

Ok, let me get the facts straight here…

You’ve been out with a man for an entire month. (Not long at all, and effectively NO TIME in a man’s mind)

You’ve seen each other once or twice a week or so for 3-4 whole weeks. (Not even enough for a man to see you as “dating”)

And you know he is busy and raising three young children on his own. (His attention and focus is admittedly elsewhere)

But in just a few dates you’ve already become disappointed and “bothered” by the way he’s being… and you’re wishing he would CHANGE.

DANGER.

This is bad for YOU, and for him.

The approach and mindset you have right now is almost guaranteed to make this man see you as too demanding and “needy” to want to be with you, when it’s just a few weeks in.

So I hope you haven’t started talking about all your feelings of disappointment with him yet.. because it wouldn’t go over well with the way you’re looking at things.

But here’s the worst part of all this…

“Am I asking for too much from him?”

Simply put - YES. You’re asking for too much because you shouldn’t be ASKING HIM for what you want and then hoping that he “meets your demands”.

This is a LOSING APPROACH that will 100% guarantee that a man won’t want to give you what you’re looking for.

Why?

Well, it’s not because you actually are asking for too much.

It’s OK to know that you’d like a man in your life who you’re involved with to call you more.

But this isn’t about whether this is ok for you to ask for.

No. This is all about THE WAY you ask, and the emotions and expectations a man will see that you’re holding onto when you open your mouth and you’ve been going through a whole lot of disappointment and frustration with him… while he’s thinking that you’ve been out on a few fun dates and everything is fine and dandy.

WHY ISN’T HE CALLING MORE?

Here’s something you might not have thought about…

Men often communicate and show their feelings in less “direct” ways than simply saying and expressing how the feel.

In fact, most men are a whole lot more conscious of DOING things than they are of how they effect and relate to others on an emotional level.

So… when a man doesn’t call, it’s often NOT an indication of something else going on for him that he might want to talk to you about.

Often times it’s simply an indication that he doesn’t actually FEEL like spending more time around you.

So he simply doesn’t call.

In other words, when it comes to men and dating, it’s best to look at a man’s ACTIONS and BEHAVIORS as the only TRUE INDICATION of how they really feel inside.

As a woman, you can probably spin your wheels dreaming up all kinds of incredible and elaborate ideas and scenarios for why a man isn’t calling and what it means about his feelings and your situation.

But, if you’re interested in doing more than analyzing and trying to figure out things in your own mind… then it’s best to “read” the men you’re dating early on by what they DO… and NOT what they SAY.

Which means… a man not calling you often, or at all, is an important signal in of itself.

If a man is spending time with a woman he “likes”, but he isn’t sure if he would want much more than a few casual dates with her…then here’s what he does…

He only calls her every once in a while to keep the “connection” open… making sure not to let the connection die, but also making sure not to spend too much time with a woman or show her too many signs of interest that might indicate he’d want a more serious relationship.

And yes, some men actually think this way and are CONSCIOUS about NOT CALLING women very often if they don’t want things to get more serious.

While other men who don’t call are usually doing this inadvertently as they’re going about their life and not thinking much about wanting more with a woman.

Here’s what you need to take away from all this…

If a man isn’t calling and you’d like him to call more and to grow in your relationship together, it really doesn’t matter WHY.

The only things that matter are if he’s not calling because he’s not interested in a relationship with you ever.

Or…

If he’s not calling because he’s just not feeling “that way” for you YET.

Which begs the question - how do you get a man feeling “that way” for you if he’s not feeling it yet?

Well, for starters, you need to STOP doing the things that will promise that a man WON’T feel it for you.

Things like CALLING HIM TOO MUCH.

Or getting upset and hurt that he hasn’t called when there’s no “relationship” yet,and it’s just YOUR EXPECTATION that he SHOULD call more.

Or generally taking on any other needy, clingy, or overly emotional behaviors that will have a man thinking you’d be nothing but a pain if he was to get to know you and involved in a real relationship with you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of
luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter