Avoiding “Psycho” Men And Meeting The One

Written by Christian Carter |  1 Comment

Do you ever find yourself meeting and dating all the WRONG MEN?

Or maybe you’re one of the women who does something even worse…

Do you find yourself getting involved with men who have serious fears, issues, or even ADDICTIONS that make it literally impossible
for you to have a functional and healthy relationship?

If so, then there’s something I’m sure you’re going through right now-

It’s that when you meet a new man, not only are you being “triggered” and attracted to the very things that are wrong with them… (yes, you!)

But…

When you do meet a nice guy who leaves more space for you to actually think about what’s happening and not be caught up in some “drama”…instead of enjoying this space where there’s a lack of issues to occupy your thoughts- your mind ends up filling up with all kinds of fears and worries anyway.

It’s what your mind is use to doing and is constantly trained to do.

In other words… when you get time to really “check in with yourself” and find out more of what you’re really feeling inside – instead of becoming relaxed, centered and in control…

You end up finally getting in touch for the first time with the part of you that is terribly AFRAID OF BEING BURNED AGAIN.

Now, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that this isn’t a great place to be as a woman – where your fears are speaking so loudly that they literally take over on an unconscious level.

But, here’s the good news… this isn’t very unusual. And it doesn’t have to work this way.

TONS of women who have had a run of bad luck with all the wrong men end up feeling this way.

But here’s the thing…

It’s not going to go away all by itself,and the right man, no matter how sensitive,sweet, caring, nurturing, or communicative he is with you, can NEVER fix this thing inside you.

Ever.

Even if he tries and wants to help you heal.

This is YOUR FEAR that is going to pop up in a relationship with a man no matter how great he is, and no matter how hard he tries to make you feel secure and reassured.

The point is…

If you don’t do something about this fear and emotional habit in your life, and you stay “stuck” in this fearful and “blocked” place- you’re NEVER going to get to where you want to be.

And I’m sure the last thing you want to do at this point in your life is to finallyfind a great guy, start off a healthy loving relationship… and then sabotage the wholething because of the bad things that have happened to you in your past.

Talk about wasting your energy and working against yourself.

I want to make sure you get to avoid all this in your future.

And that’s why am I talking to you about all this.

There’s something important you should know right now…

THE TWO GREATEST MISTAKES YOU’RE MAKING IF YOU’RE MEETING AND DATING ALL THE WRONG MEN

There are 2 important mistakes you need to know right now about men and relationships.

Mistake #1) Thinking that a man is going to change because he loves you

There are good men out there, and there are “bad” men out there for you to meet.

It’s not your job to “fix” or change the ones who aren’t right for you, or who aren’t ready… or who can’t get their act together but seem like great guys otherwise.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve met,talked to, or who have emailed me, who go on to explain the “crazy” and “psycho” behaviors and things the men they’re interested in do…only to then ask me – how do I get him back, or
what can I do to fix things?

And these are smart women who have great, full lives, healthy relationships with others, and who logically know that the way the man they are with is acting is completely insane and ridiculous.

These women have what I think of as the”Instant Relationship”… where even if they’ve just been with a man for a few days, weeks, or casual months… because they FEEL something for this man and think there’s hope of a real
relationship in there somewhere, they end up willing to do ANYTHING to try and make things work.

I’ve come to understand that this “Instant Relationship” is a kind of ADDICTION that lots of women (even smart ones) fall victim to and end up not only tying themselves into DANGEROUS and UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS with the WRONG MEN…

But this “Instant Relationship” mistake also ends up pushing away the RIGHT MAN once he comes along.

The reality is that all men have a kind of “button” that’s pushed inside them when they see a woman who shows signs that she’s doing the Instant Relationship” thing…

And this button is an instant switch that takes them from interested and turned on by a woman and transforms everything she does after the Instant Relationship things pops up into a total TURN OFF, to the point where a man suddenly becomes 100% NOT INTERESTED in any kind of RELATIONSHIP.

Which leads me to the second mistake…

Mistake #2) Not recognizing that YOU are the one who keeps finding these “wrong” men and getting involved with them

How many times have you had a woman friend who was dating some terrible guy who was a real piece of work, and he kept doing awful thing after awful thing to her and their relationship?

Or maybe they weren’t even an item – they were just “dating”… and still this guy thought it was OK to try and get away with God knows what with her.

But, no matter what he did, or how awful it was… instead of your friend seeing what he was doing and thinking, “Wow, that’s behavior I can’t and won’t accept”….

Instead she simply became MORE ENGAGED and more EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED.

It was as though however intensely bad or negative the things that the man was doing…

She became equally emotionally “invested” and intense about trying to fix things, or help him, or make things work.

And all the while you’re friend COMPLAINED to you-

“Why is he doing this to me?”

“How do I get him to stop?”

Or the worst one of all…

“Why do I always attract guys who do this stuff to me?”

Duh!!!!

Because you TOLERATE IT and stay around for the pain and suffering that goes along with it..emotionally engaging with people (or men) who obviously don’t have their act together.

If you have a friend who says these kinds of things, please do them a huge favor and give them a good hard SLAP across the face next time they launch into the “poor me” stuff.

And yes… if you’ve been doing this stuff yourself, then you know what you’ve got to do.

I want you to walk over to the nearest mirror in your house, look yourself straight in the eyes, give yourself a good hard slap across the face and tell yourself to “Stop it!”.

WHERE TO START WITH WHAT WORKS WITH MEETING THE RIGHT MEN AND DATING

Ok, first things first.

It’s time to learn once and for all how to truly identify the right man for you. (And screen out and stay away from the wrong ones)

Here’s a few sure-fire traits of a man who is NOT RIGHT for you…

Bad Sign #1: He Doesn’t Call Very Often

Let me be as clear and as simple as possible here…

If you’ve met a guy, flirted, talked and exchanged contact info… if he isn’t calling you very often, or he doesn’t ask you out… it doesn’t mean that there’s some MYSTERY about him that you need to figure out that will show you exactly what’s going on with him.

His ACTIONS are the answer you’re looking for.

Not the “secret” and “hidden” meaning that you want to discover that’s behind them.

If a man is interested in you, and is ready to engage in the kind of dating situation or relationship that he thinks you’re looking for,then he’s going to call you.

It’s that simple.

Bad Sign #2: You’re Trying To Help Him And “Fix” Parts Of His Life Before You’re Even Really Together

I really feel for women on this one.

Do you know any women who seem to be the therapists, counselors, or moms to all the wounded and broken male birds of the world?

Well, I have to say that it’s so amazing that some women are so caring, selfless, and generous to the point of sacrificing huge parts of their time and energy to help others.

Thank God for the women of the world.

But not all women do this in a way that comes from a HEALTHY place inside.

Here’s a good rule of thumb with men…

If you’re dating a man and before you even get in a verbally committed relationship with him, he starts asking you to do and fix all kinds of things for him in his life – then it’s not that it wouldn’t be sweet or “nice” if you
did these things for him…

It’s that doing these things would instantly change the dynamic of your relationship from one where you are an attractive and interesting woman a man wants to get to know and be close to…

To one where you are more of a “mother” to him who he comes to with his PROBLEMS and starts to identify with all kinds of things that he doesn’t like ABOUT HIMSELF.

In other words… remember when I told you about the “Instant Relationship” earlier, and how women who make this mistake instantly turn men off with this behavior – because of the way a man sees it and what it means to a man about
what’s going on inside a woman?

Well, here’s the thing…

If a man is quickly wanting you to start doing all kinds of things for him that he will ultimately RESENT YOU FOR later in your relationship… and that will cause him to lose interest and attraction for you…

Then it’s HIM who’s making the “Instant Relationship” mistake.

And just like when a woman starts instantly acting like a man should be her life long love and partner even after a short while dating…

When a man steps over the boundary of what he should and shouldn’t ask of you and want you to do for him when you’re dating… it shows that HE is the one who is UNHEALTHY and doesn’t have his own act together.

Which is why he’s trying to get a woman to make his life better and fix things for him.

He’s acting like a BOY who needs help and looking for a woman to make it all better for him.

If you’ve ever tried taking on all the things that are going wrong in a man’s life and making them better for him… then I don’t have to
tell you all the thousands of ways in which it can only BACKFIRE on you… and leave you feeling completely worn out, angry, and unappreciated.

DON’T FALL INTO THIS TRAP!

So what do you do instead…

The reality is that what you do in the very first few encounters with a man, and on the first several dates has EVERYTHING to do with how a man thinks of you and whether or not he’ll see you as “Relationship Material”.

Of course, you also have to know how to get a man’s attention and interest in the first place,and make sure that you do the things that will make him feel the kind of ATTRACTION for you that will make him have to pursue you and get to know you better.

Building this kind of ATTRACTION inside a man is THE FIRST KEY to attracting the right man for you…

The SECOND KEY is knowing exactly what to do once you found the right guy to keep things moving forward.

Such as when and when not to call him.

And what to say on the first few dates to build his interest in you for more than just a fling.

Or what you MUST AVOID SAYING that is guaranteed to make a man lose interest no matter how he felt about you before. And this is something that most women accidentally say because they think it’s what a man wants to hear and will bring them closer and closer.

Don’t let the right man slip away when he’s finally right in front of you.

And don’t waste any more time using your time, love, and energy in ways that will work against you no matter how great and true your intentions are.

It’s time for you to learn exactly what to say and do with a man to make things work when you finally are ready for them to… and stop wasting your time with the wrong men in the wrong situations, doing the wrong things.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Categories : Understanding Men

Christian Carter is a leading advisor to women on dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Visit Christian's official website, by clicking here.

One Comment

  1. Karen says:

    Why is it these kind of guys try to turn the table and make the woman look like their crazy when its them?
    And why are men so different today than they were say 38 yrs. ago. Back in my day when a woman dated a guy it wasnt so complicated as it is now.
    Now, a woman cant say this or cant do that or he will think whatever.
    I think things are the way they are because Men are babies they need to grow up and take responsibility for their actions towards women.
    To me a good woman, is one that doesnt jump in bed with a guy, same with a man, he doesnt look for this right off he is looking for a good person.
    And whatever happened to no sex til marriage? Morals?
    Now they have FWB, where a guy uses a woman, then moves on. You might be thinking well that woman shouldnt letit happen. Hey that guy ought to respect a woman enough to not come on to her like they do, cause maybe its hard for the woman to resist.
    After all women are human. Most men know what their doing, and women that are widowed or divorced and were married a long time dont know what their up to.
    I find it easier to forget about dating anyone, their to much trouble.
    I think more should be put on the man, his mistakes, what he does that he shouldnt. Leave the women alone.
    Just my thoughts,

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