Entries from July 2007 ↓

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What’s the secret to sharing an amazing Valentine’s Day with a man?

One that you and your man will both remember as the day that your love and passion for each other “clicked” into high gear?

Is it new lingerie?

An amazing dinner together?

A full body massage?

All of these things are nice, and are sure to make Valentine’s Day with a man special…

But they aren’t the the things that are going to turn your Valentine’s Day from just another dinner date together into an intense and passionate experience you’ll both never forget.

So what is going to make this experience happen?

The short answer is… YOU.

See, when it comes to how men think and feel with women and relationships… all of the “bells and whistles” of Valentine’s Day don’t mean a thing if you can’t give him that weak-in-the-knees and can’t-stop-thinking-about-you FEELING.

I’m talking the mental, physical and EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE here.

For most men, the “bells and whistles” of special events, holidays, etc. are just distractions from the TRUTH of your relationship.

For a man, he understands the truth of your relationship in the way he FEELS when he’s with you.

Following me here?

Here’s something I want you to think about…

If you have a special man in your life this Valentine’s Day, he may show up at your door with flowers and a box of chocolates.

He may wine and dine you and say all kinds of sweet and loving things.

But if he doesn’t continue to feel this way about you and show you how he feels tomorrow or the next day, how are you going to feel?

Would you feel confident in your relationship and in him?

Exactly…

You wouldn’t feel confident or secure with where things were going if this was happening.

You’d wonder why he was such a great guy on Valentine’s Day, even though he stopped showing you his love and affection soon afterwards.

Why do men do this?

Why are they so “hot and cold” sometimes?

How come a man will be so “into you” one minute… and then barely seem to care or notice you the next?

I’ll tell you the most important reason-

It’s ATTRACTION… and the presence of it,or the absence of it.

If a man feels an intense level of ATTRACTION for you, then he’s going to be instantly excited at the thought of you and want to do all the amazing things a romantic man will do.

But if a man DOESN’T feel that intense level of ATTRACTION for you, then there’s NOTHING you can do to get him to WANT TO be romantic, loving, affectionate and “into you”.

All your talking, conversation, trying to figure him out, and trying to do nice things for him won’t get you anywhere.

Because he won’t be FEELING IT for you.

That’s why the secret to a great Valentine’s Day is not just what to do and where to do it with a man…

It’s to learn how to create the kind of ATTRACTION inside a man that will make him do all kinds of amazing things for you and with you.

And then build on this and keep the attraction going strong in your relationship.

If the attraction isn’t there before the 14th, there’s not much you can do to change how a man is going to act or feel around you, and in your relationship.

But if you’ve built up the attraction a man feels for you, then when February 14th rolls around, the romance and love and affection will be there without having to ask him for it.

And better yet,it won’t end the day after Valentine’s Day. And things won’t go back to “normal” where a man isn’t very close or affectionate with you.

He’ll want to STAY CLOSE to you because he still feels intensely attracted.

(Translation - it wasn’t the day that made him show his love for you, it was the way you make him FEEL when he’s with you)

If you get where I’m going with this, then you might also guess that ATTRACTION isn’t just something that’s important for special holidays like Valentine’s Day.

In fact, it’s even MORE IMPORTANT every other day of the year, because that’s where most of your time is spent in a RELATIONSHIP.

Imagine having a man who was committed to you on an emotional level so that EVERY DAY would be special between you two the way Valentine’s Day is for other couples.

He would be caring and thoughtful…

He wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off you.

He would give you little gifts and shows of love and affection just because he wanted you to know.

And he would do this all year round… without you having to put on a show with the fancy lingerie… or go out to a fancy dinner.

Are you imagining this?

Would this be something you want?

If so, I want you to realize something…

This is not just imaginary stuff.

There are women out there who do have the kind of amazing relationships with a man where he shows up with flowers on a random Tuesday night, just because he couldn’t stop thinking about her that day.

But why don’t YOU have this?

Have you not found that perfect man who is the kind of guy who does this stuff?

I’ve got news for you about this…

I’ve known TONS of men who seemed like they would NEVER be the kind of “romantic” who would show up on their woman’s doorstep with flowers, etc.

But when they found that certain woman who knew how to drive them wild and keep the man thinking about them… wouldn’t you know it…out came the flowers.

Of course, flowers are just another way a man can show a woman his love and affection, and let her know that he’s thinking about her.

There are lots of other ways too that lots of women get to experience and enjoy with men that FEEL that INTENSE LEVEL OF ATTRACTION for them.

The kind of attraction inside a man that makes them IRRESISTIBLE.

Happy Valentine’s Day,

Christian Carter

If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and attracting great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly work for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go…

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game?”

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game…if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost instantly connected and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love, connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So what’s the answer to the question from above about what makes that difference?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

Instead, let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is the best one to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

- “I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

- “I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

- “I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

- “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

(And not finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that have women investing a ton of their precious time and energy with a guy that has no plans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship)

So… it sounds pretty important, actually.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication. (Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because most of the things we learn and identify about each other happen through silent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely interested in you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flip side, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly - CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction - “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be great friends.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive…it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing…Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

(And in case you don’t realize it, men will have much more fun trying to guess and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away)

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and jump into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things, by the way, and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then
everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

This is by no means all “the goods.”

Thanks and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Ever wonder how in the world you’re supposed to get closer to a man and connect with him, let alone have a real relationship,when he won’t even open up, listen, or share what’s going on inside?

Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart,and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?

Where did all the conversation, connection, attraction and passion go to?

I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?

The answer is NO….

However, the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way.

But guess what?

It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.

Keep reading and you’ll LEARN how men can go from “emotionally unavailable” and withdrawn with a woman to intimate and connected, WITHOUT you having to do all the work.

But first, let me ask you…

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly?

And forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts.

These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?

What’s with men?

Are we completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too?

Good question.

If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice” inside your relationship with a man…

Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open, thoughtful and direct, then you won’t want to miss this email.

THE COMMON WAYS “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” MEN WITHDRAW…AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”

Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk”.

Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you…

It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is.

And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.

Ok, let me repeat that.

Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Because lots of women get upset when a man withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it personally…as though the man is consciously doing something to ruin the relationship or to REJECT her.

Wrong.

The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So when a great woman comes along who he could have an amazing time with and get close to…

And she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…

Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way) she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.

How many men, do you know, get together with their friends to talk about their feelings and discuss the details and meaning of the relationships in their lives?

Exactly.

That’s why it’s FASCINATING to recognize that lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these things (feelings, emotions, and meaning behind relationships).

Men who are this way often say or think things
like:

“It’s better if we don’t talk about it…”

Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?!”

Sound familiar?

So what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?

Dump him and move on?

Ok, I can’t make that decision for you, but a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship.

Translation - if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

So how open to learning and growth is your guy?

And how open to learning and growth are you?

Or is all this talk about learning to understand more about what men are feeling like too much “work?”

THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GROW

Let me ask you an important question, since men aren’t going to magically change their biological make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any time soon…

Have you ever thought about how a man’s “emotional withdrawal” actually works and what brings it about?

I’m asking because I’ve noticed something crazy and fascinating…

Lots of women don’t take the time to think through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.

(Just like lots of men don’t think through how or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)

Instead, they jump to immediately feeling frustrated that it’s happening… AGAIN. (Which usually leads to things getting worse, not better.)

And hey…I get that this would be frustrating for a woman, who’s putting so much of herself into the relationship, to try and make things better for him and her.

Buy, there’s a better way than becoming emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts like this…

So what can a woman do to avoid a man’s “withdrawal response”, in the first place, to save them both the trouble?

And how can a woman deal with this, unfortunately, common situation with men, in a healthy way and get back to an open and loving place quickly?

I thought you’d never ask…

STEP ONE:

The first step for a woman is to identify how the man withdraws.

Why?

So she can understand what’s going on when it happens, and not be caught off guard or get carried away with the fear of not knowing what’s happening.

As strange as it might sound, just knowing more about how a man withdraws will keep you in a better emotional and mental state.

In my program, From Casual To Committed, I go into a lot of detail about why a man withdraws, and what his behavior reveals about his mental state.

See if you can identify with any of these:

- He doesn’t listen at all or dismisses what you’re saying because he’s distracted, focused on, or more interested in something else.

- He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to argue and turns the table with anything you say, telling you that you give him too much “drama” and points out your faults.

- He plays dumb. (And maybe he’s not even playing!)

- He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting.

- He’s so wrapped up or stressed by his work or projects in his life that when you do spend time together, he’s still not really there with you. And, he seems even more irritated when you try to get him to relax and open up.

- He tries to appease you by acting like he “gets” what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t really listen or take what you have to say to heart. It’s back to the same old guy behavior a few days or weeks later.

- He has no idea what to do or how to start communicating with you on the subject, so he changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking about it.

Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?

You might even recognize several.

You might even have one or two of these that seem to happen over and over.

I want you to realize that these are the withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want you to become aware of how they work.

STEP TWO:

Understand how his behavior affects YOU and learn to master your response:

I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the thoughts that came to mind as you read this.

First write down, in detail, what it is that the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past to withdraw.

Then, once you’ve done this, describe how the distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.

I’ll give you a minute.

Ok, now that you’ve got your thoughts down, there’s a second step after identifying how withdrawal takes place…

Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit that leads us to make faulty and negative associations between what happens in the world around us and the personal meaning we give to them inside.

Let me give you an example…

You probably know people who are convinced that they have terrible luck, so when anything happens they think, “Of course, I’m such an unlucky person…”

These kind of people have a very negative view of everything that happens to them because they see themselves as someone to whom only bad things happen.

I call this “Limiting Beliefs”, and we all have some version of this that fits our own fears and life experiences.

Right now, you’re going to identify some of your own Limiting Beliefs around what it means to YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.

That way, you can better understand and make good choices if it happens with a man again.

Following me?

Good.

So what is the feeling you had when you think back to when a man withdrew from you?

Picture it in your mind.

Now, take that negative feeling and find the “internal state” that it created inside you, which was the general emotional state that you felt.

Realize that the feelings you had, and the state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN BELIEFS about what the man’s behavior meant.

But here’s the thing…

Our beliefs are NOT often the “reality” of the situations we’re in.

In other words, a man’s behavior DOES NOT have to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside YOU.

Read that line above again.

Good. Now…think about the negative belief inside your own head that created the negative feeling or reaction inside you.

What was that belief?

There might be more than one.

Take several minutes and write it down.

I’ll give you another minute…

So here’s the whole point. It SOUNDS simple, but it isn’t. It’s very powerful…

I want you to try and remain AWARE of the Limiting Belief that you have and that you have identified, so you can start to “un-link” the faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.

And once that happens, you’ll start to have your mind “freed up” to make new, productive choices that will naturally bring a man closer to you and make him start connecting with you.

THE CRITICAL “NEXT STEP” TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR LOVE LIFE…FOR GOOD

We just did a quick exercise that can bring a lot of real, positive changes to you and any relationship you have…including a relationship with a man.

But that’s just the first step…the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

There’s a TON more where that came from, and that’s why I want you to take the next step.

KEEP LEARNING.

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever noticed that when it comes to men and dating, things just don’t seem to be very “fair”?

Have you ever felt like men have all the “power” when it comes to love, dating, and relationships?

If so, then you’re like lots of women that I’ve met, talked to and helped over the years.

Now, I’d like to ask you something a little more personal about all of this…

Has the fact that dating just doesn’t seem “fair” or to work out for you in the end ever really frustrated you to the point where you thought about simply giving up on men and dating all together?

At least for a few months or years… until the truly right man comes along and you can know for sure he’s the right one?

And have you ever felt that feeling where as lonely and loveless as it might be to be single and without a man… it was actually EASIER and SAFER to be ALONE?

That way you wouldn’t have to risk another heartbreak with another failed relationship with a man who couldn’t measure up.

At least being alone is predictable and you know what to expect, right?

In a way being single and alone is kind of “manageable”.Especially on an emotional level.

Whereas being with a man, and all the uncertainty and pain that can come with it, just doesn’t seem worth the risk at some point.

Ever felt this way?

Well, I’m here to tell you that lots of other women end up in this “resigned” state in their love life where they decide it’s hopeless to keep trying.

If you’ve ever felt this way, or you’re feeling this way right now… then here are a few important things I want to share with you about why dating isn’t fair for you as a woman… and what you can do about it to change your LOVE and LUCK today.

First off, I want to mention that in case you haven’t been paying attention… LIFE ISN’T FAIR.

In fact, there’s little or NOTHING that really is “fair” these days.

Fairness is actually just an ideal we have in our minds that we expect to show up in our lives.

But it rarely does show up, no matter how much we believe things should be fair.

Here are a few ways that life isn’t “fair”, as it relates to men, dating and relationships:

1) A small portion of the men out there who are single and looking are actually handsome, fun,successful and spiritually and emotionallly “available”… and therefore it’s impossible for every woman who would like to meet a man like this to find one. How unfair.

2) Some women have bodies that instantly attract a lot of attention and interest from men, and some women don’t. How unfair.

3) Many women go their entire lives without ever sharing the deeper kind of lasting and fulfilling love they know is possible… and never get to have the family they want. While other women find the right man, share love that lasts, and start an amazing family from an early age. How unfair.

4) Some women have an amazing man who loves and cherishes them for their entire life. While other women can’t seem to have a relationship in their life last more than a few months or years. How unfair.

5) Some women know the secrets of creating the magical FEELING called ATTRACTION inside of a man even though they aren’t the thinnest, the youngest, the smartest, the most beautiful etc. and wind up having the love life and relationship
they always wanted as a result. While other women never figure out how ATTRACTION really works for a man. How unfair.

The point I’m trying to make is that life isn’t fair.

And more to the point, dating isn’t fair.

Sometimes a man will flirt with you, ask for your number, and seem completely taken with you…and then the next day he’ll act strange or aloof and he’ll stop calling and making plans with you.

Sometimes you can go out with a man several times, share amazing chemistry, and he’ll want to keep seeing you. And sometimes he won’t.

Sometimes you feel great and confident inside, and sometimes you don’t feel this way at all and your feelings are hard to deal with.

Now, most women don’t like the idea that when it comes to men and dating, life isn’t “fair”.

One of the things that can be most frustrating about men and dating is that all the things you’d expect, or you think SHOULD work out, rarely seem to be as straightforward and as easy as you think.

If you like a man, and he likes you, then it should be easy for you to start spending time together and grow closer.

Of course, if you’ve spent more than 30 seconds around a man then you know it’s NEVER this simple.

Unfortunately, because things aren’t so easy and PREDICTABLE with men and dating, a lot of women get upset when things don’t go their way.

They place too much MEANING on things that happen to them and responses they get from men even just after the first date.

Generally, lots of women act like life should be different when what a man actually does, doesn’t match up with what they would want him to do.

Of course, this is CRAZY.

The thing is… the more that I realized this fact that life just isn’t fair… the more that I realized 2 other incredible truths about life:

Truth #1) The fact that life isn’t “fair” is GREAT NEWS

Truth #2) Since life isn’t “fair”, you can have something EVEN BETTER than what you think might be “fair” to you or anyone like you

If life were “fair”, then you wouldn’t be able to do anything to change your personal situation or what you experience in life. You’d get what everyone else was getting.

But, the fact is you CAN change your life and what surrounds you in any area you want (including men, dating, and relationships).

And the best part is that you can not only grow and become wiser, but you can actually turn the tables around in YOUR FAVOR so that you don’t feel hopeless or uncertain about how to make things work with a man.

You can learn so much about how men think and why they do the things they do that you can actually have an ADVANTAGE when it comes to finding and creating the kind of love and relationship you want in your life.

Then instead of wishing things would be more fair when it came to your love life, you’d know that you didn’t want something “fair”… because you’d KNOW how to have a whole lot more than what’s “fair”.

Now, here’s something fascinating to think about…

If the idea that “life isn’t fair” is such great news, then why aren’t more people, or more to the point, more women thinking of the whole world of men and relationships this way?

I personally think that most women aren’t willing to do 2 things:

1) They aren’t ready to admit that it isn’t just men who don’t know what’s going on when it comes to dating and relationships… but that it’s also THEM. They don’t want to face the responsibility they have for creating everything they want in
their life. And instead, they want it to just happen for them with a man, and be easy as it’s “supposed to be”.

2) They aren’t WILLING to move past their own patterns of failure and the things they blame for not having the love they want in their life yet…and then actually invest the time and effort required to learn, grow, and become really and truly GREAT at something.

So, I’d like you to do something right now.

Take a moment, and make the decision and commitment to yourself that you’re going to TAKE ACTION in the areas of your life that you want to improve, and you’re going to do what it takes to stay on track until you get the results that you’re looking for.

Can you make that commitment to yourself?

Can you FOLLOW THROUGH on that commitment?

The most important decision you can ever make that will guarantee that you change your love life FOREVER is to COMMIT TO YOURSELF that you’re no longer going to remain in a place of worry, doubt,and uncertainty.

Commit to yourself that you’re going to figure out how to get this part of your life called men,dating, and a loving lasting relationships back on track… NO MATTER WHAT.

Have YOU made this decision yet?

If not, then make it RIGHT NOW.

The bottom line is…

Dating isn’t fair, and that’s great news.

Men don’t make a whole lot of sense. And the right man isn’t just going to walk up to you one day and make everything that you’ve been going through and struggling with in your past relationships just go away.

And sure, when you do find the right man, it can be MUCH MUCH easier when you share that deep connection and love.

But does this guarantee that things will work out and that you’ll be making all the right decisions and doing the right things with him?

No.

So it’s time you helped yourself out.

When you turn the tables in your favor, you can create the love and relationship that other women who can’t seem to stop attracting the wrong men and keep getting hurt only dream about. Really.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever wondered Why men can act so “hot and cold” and lose interest so quickly?

A man will approach you, get your number,call and ask you out, take you out and tell you he had an amazing time… and then the phone never rings again.

What’s going on here?

And here’s something else bizarre about men…

Why does a man who’s been giving his love and affection to a woman and shared a great relationship suddenly change his mind and leave?

Even if there wasn’t some big moment that changed things?

Interesting questions…

If you’re like lots of women I’ve talked to, then you’ve had theexperience of a man losing interest after a few dates, or leaving a more serious relationship unexpectedly for what seemed like no good reason.

When this happens with a great guy who you could have seen an amazing future with, you end up wondering over and over about why he was really leaving… and you end up often feeling like you would be willing to do almost ANYTHING to get him to stay since he seemed like he was the right man for you.

Unfortunately, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about here.

Read the scenarios below and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of these situations with men:

- You met an incredible man and you really hitt off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with him, the less interested he became…but the MORE interested you became.You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually he just stopped calling and seeing you, but he never explained why in a way that made any sense…

- You were seeing a man for several months,maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine.But then one day he came to you and said, “I don’t know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE… it’s not YOU, it’s ME”… but, his time “alone” turned into him seeing some other woman that wasn’t nearly the woman you are…

- You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the man you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you’d always work through whatever came up, and he would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, he started acting strange and distant… he started to become more frustrated, cold, and sometimes angry… and no matter how hard you tried to make him feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then he dropped the bomb that he didn’t love you anymore, and he was leaving. Or maybe he cheated on you, then told you as his way of breaking up…

…of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I’ll bet you can dentify with at least one of them.

These situations SUCK… and the PAIN and the FRUSTRATION that comes up any time this happens to you with a man makes you wonder what all of your time, love, and attention was for.

Did you waste it all on something you thought was special and real that he didn’t share or feel the same way about?

And how could you have not seen this in him?

But the worst part of this for most women after the initial shock is over is the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that comes with a man doing and saying these things.

You wish you would have had some warning or been able to see it coming so you wouldn’t be so blindsided… or you could avoid it or do something to prevent it in the first place.

It’s bad enough having the man you like or love leave you… but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you didn’t even see or feel it coming and that there’s NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT can be just plain depressing.

Again, if you’ve been there, nod silently with me…

Now let’s talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.

IDENTIFYING THE REAL PROBLEM

The first thing you must realize in this type of situation with a man is that the problem you’re dealing with isn’t what you THINK it is.

I’ll explain what I mean by this…

Most women naturally assume that a man is leaving them because they’re not being “nice” or good enough in the relationship, or that they aren’t giving him what he wants.

Or they assume that this is just “one of those things that happens” because men don’t get it, or that “feelings change” and that there’s really nothing you could have done anyway.

Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most women think are DEAD WRONG.

Let me give you a hint.

If you’ve had these kinds of situations happen to you more than once, then the reality is that:

1) There’s likely a PATTERN going on here in YOUR LIFE that a man, or men in general, play just a small part in creating and living out with you.

2) As part of this pattern in your life, YOU are the one who is bringing the thinking and behavior that helps create these situations yourself…and you need to get rid of these old ways of doing things that don’t work and throw them out before you’re truly going to be able to grow and move forward in your love life.

There’s a great saying that I like to teach and share in my live seminars that I’ve heard from several other great teachers…

“If you’re not growing, your dying.”

Often times it’s hard for you to see how the things you do when it comes to men, dating and relationships is really a lot of the exact same approaches that just look different since you’re in a new situation.

That’s why it’s time to start over and open your mind to a new way of seeing and doing things that will help you quickly grow and learn. And best of all… get you NEW RESULTS and OUTCOMES in your love life… such as a more fulfilling and lasting relationship.

I’ll share more on how to start out on your own growth path in your love life later…

YOU CAN’T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAME

Now I want to talk about the critical things to NOT do when it comes to men and dating.

I know that this is going to sound pretty obvious, but if what you’re doing isn’t working in a particular situation, you need to STOP.

Don’t keep doing what’s NOT working for you.

In other words, if the man you like or love is breaking up with you and you’ve been being nice to him, doing whatever he wants, trying to convince him to stay, feeling so hurt and upset that you cry when you see or talk to him, or telling him that you’ll do anything to make it better and be “available” to him however he wants you if he’ll stay… then you need to STOP.

Stop it right now.

Whatever it is you’re doing that isn’t working actually IS the thing that ISN’T WORKING. Duh.

So stop it now.

Doing more of the same is only going to get you more of what is already happening.

I know this sounds obvious, but I’m not telling you because I can’t think of anything else to say.

I’m telling you because I have talked to and helped literally thousands of women find the love,joy, security, and fulfillment they want in their love lives…

And the single BIGGEST CHALLENGE getting them started on their new path where they start doing things that work well and feel great for them is to simply get them to STOP what they’ve been doing for years and years that isn’t working.

Have you ever been dating a guy and thingswere going great, and then something came up or you saw something in him or your relationship that freaked you out… and you ended up feeling hurt or scared and you let your emotions get the best of you and you “lost it” on the man you were with?

And afterwards, things didn’t seem to really be the same between you ever again?

It was almost like in that moment he saw or felt something from you that kept him from ever getting close or opening up to you again.

If you’ve had this happen, then I can help you avoid this in the future… and know how to get things back on track no matter what happened in the past.

I can help you stop doing what isn’t working for you with men in your life.

And I’m going to give you an easy way to get started with the growth and change that will get you there…

I want you to do something for me right now.

I want you to take out a piece of paper and a pen and write something down.

I’m serious about this, so go get a pen and a piece of paper right now. I’ll wait for you to go find these…

..

..

Ok, now that you’ve got a pen and something to write on, let’s get started.

STEP 1)

I want you to first write down the most recent situation you had with a man that didn’t work.

Start by writing the man’s name. And then below his name, write out what your situation or relationship was when it was good in 1-2 short sentences.

Yours might look something like this…

“Mark”

“Mark was interested and attracted to me,and we had great chemistry. He would call me all the time, we’d share great conversations, and we had some amazing times together.”

Now go ahead and write down briefly in a couple of short sentences what your situation was like when it was great.

STEP 2)

Now I want you to write down how YOU and YOUR behavior and thinking changed as your situation or relationship started to change or end. And again, do this in 1-2 short sentences.

It might look something like this…

“I started getting worried and anxious all the time, and I tried to talk to him about what was going on and how he felt. And I got upset or frustrated with him and lost my composure several times.”

Go ahead and write down how your own thinking and behavior changed in a few short sentences.

STEP 3)

Ok, now I want you to take a look at what you’ve written in the last step about how your behavior and thinking changed… and I want you to do something that is going to be VERY SIMPLE for you, yet VERY POWERFUL.

I want you to write down the 2 things that you are going to STOP DOING with men in the future.

Look at what you did, said, or thought in the past right now, and I want you to see how these things didn’t work for you…and I want you to write out clearly what the 2 things are for you that you’re going to STOP DOING in the future.

Go ahead and write these down now. I’ll give you a minute or two…

..

..

Good.

Now you’ve got some “actionable” things to go out and use to create a better situation for yourself with a man.

Keep these 2 things and make sure to look at them every so often. They are going to be big keys for you if you can keep them in mind.

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

One of the main reasons why I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to situations where a man changes the way he’s acting with you, or starts to feel differently about you… the REAL underlying reason for this,
is usually that the man doesn’t feel that intense level of ATTRACTION for you anymore.

And this is especially true early on when you’re just “dating”.

When you boil it all down… when a man has asked you out, takes you out on a few dates that you felt were great, and then STOPS calling and asking you out… he just plain isn’t FEELING IT
for you anymore.

Now, a man will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is what’s going on for him.

In fact, men have a million things in their heads that keep them from being able to tell a woman what they’re feeling. (That is, if they even consciously know that this is what’s really going on inside their own head)

Instead, men will “rationalize” what’s going on inside them and think or say things like-

“I can’t tell her how I REALLY feel because I don’t want to hurt her feelings that way”…

Or, “I can’t tell her what’s going on because I can’t really explain it and I don’t want to deal with the conversation”…

Or, “It’s just easier if I walk away and don’t say anything”.

NOt fun stuff.

The thing is, when you take away all of the B.S. and you get right to the core of what’s going on, you’ll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION… or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION.

I’m going to say something that’s pretty bold right now. Get ready.

If you don’t know how to make a man feel theGUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are always going to have a high level of UNCERTAINTY and INSECURITY in dating and relationships…

And you will very likely have men leave you and be “wishy-washy” about being with you for the rest of your life.

More to the point- there is no making up for it in other ways with a man if you don’t happen to “get it” in the ATTRACTION department.

As I’m sure you already know, men can be very “hot and cold” in a moments notice.

The reality is that a man doesn’t sit there and think to himself - “Gee, should I be into this woman? Or should I stop wanting her?”

That’s not the way it works at all.

A man simply KNOWS if he FEELS IT for a woman because he feels it or he doesn’t.

And when he doesn’t anymore, then it spells DISASTER for the relationship you were trying to build.

But guess what all this means?

Believe it or not, this is GOOD NEWS.

But how in the world could it be good news?

Because it’s YOU who can make a man feel the powerful, gut level, intense kind of ATTRACTION that will have him begging you for your time and attention… or not.

YOU are the one who creates this feeling in him. And YOU are the one who can make it go away.

In other words, even though you might not see or know it right now… you have a lot of POWER with a man.

And if you choose, you can use this “power” in a great and authentic way with the man in your life to create amazing situations that will naturally lead him to wanting a loving relationship with you that’s filled with passion because of his intense desire to be with you and be close to you.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a man feeling so strongly about you that he was literally pushing you and your relationship forward on his own because he couldn’t stand the idea of not being the only man in your life?

Would you want to know how some women get to experience this with the man in their life and seem to “have it easy”… while other women NEVER get to have this situation?

Before I give you some tips on how to do this,I want to recommend something to you that can quickly give you all the tools and insights you’ll need to have a man feeling this way for you.

FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SYMPTOMS

Here’s something I want you to think about that relates to men, love and relationships…

When it comes to health and medicine, there are a few different approaches that doctors and caregivers take.

One general approach is to try and get rid of and alleviate as many of the SYMPTOMS as possible. Basically this is to try and help the body feel better in the absence of symptoms that complicate or get in the way of the healing process.

Sometimes this approach works.

Another approach is to focus on the underlying PROBLEM or ILLNESS itself… and that by addressing this, all the other symptoms that have been going on will start to take care of themselves and quickly go away.

This approach often has stronger and longer lasting results when it comes to your overall long term health and wellness.

The thing is, if you’re like most women, then you’ve had several serious relationships in your life where things were going well with a man… but then trouble started showing up and things quickly felt differently and changed.

SYMPTOMS came up in your relationship…

The man didn’t act as interested anymore.

Or he didn’t call or make plans as much anymore.

Or he wasn’t as affectionate as he used to be.

Or he seemed suddenly distant or withdrawn.

It’s here that most women make the mistake of trying to FIX what’s going on…. when what they’re trying to fix is really just a SYMPTOM of something else going on at a deeper level.

So by trying to fix the SYMPTOMS, they end up wasting their time and energy, and they don’t end up addressing the actual PROBLEM that’s going on and is the source of all the other SYMPTOMS.

Now, you’re probably becoming aware of where I’m going with all this.

The BEST way to deal with the common negative and frustrating SYMPTOMS that come up for you with men and dating if you’re looking for growth, change, and new outcomes in your life… is to figure out how to SOLVE and PREVENT the actual
PROBLEMS themselves that keep coming up for you with men.

And… on an even bigger level… start figuring out what to do and what not to do in order to AVOID these problems BEFORE they go wrong again in the future.

The truth is that trying to address all the SYMPTOMS with a man after the fact like lots of women do with men is sure to keep you busy and frustrated.

There is a better way…

A way to get right at the heart of the matter of what’s going on between you and a man that will allow you to start creating what you want.

A way to learn to keep the common negative situations that come up for you with men from happening in the first place, rather than try to figure out how to deal with the SYMPTOMS and
hope things get better.

I’ve learned after helping women find more love, joy, and success with men, dating, and relationships over the years that the first and most essential way to PREVENT negative and uncertain situations with a man is to understand more about “male psychology” and, as importantly,to start to learn how and why a man will feel ATTRACTION for you, or not.

Here are a few pointers to get you started when it comes to “male psychology” and ATTRACTION:

Insight #1) Men are NEVER attracted to and stay with women who NEED them

Let me tell you something you might not have thought about…

Did you know that a woman doesn’t have to actually be “needy” for a man to feel like she’s needy and get that “Ewwwwwww” feeling inside where he won’t want to be around her much anymore?

Here’s the thing…

A man has his own experience in the world that is different from most women’s experience.

Most successful, attractive men have met and spoken to A LOT of women in their lives.

And over time, they’ve also talked to lots of women who unfortunately acted “needy” and clingy around them at some time or another, and it was a huge turn off.

Well, imagine what it does to a man’s perspective on women in general when he’s had lots of women act this way around him when he’s dated or been in a relationship?

Although it isn’t fair… a man will become VERY QUICK to see and identify things that women do around him as an indication of these same negative and unattractive needy qualities.

The strange thing is that often times the more attractive and desirable a man is… then the more sensitive his “neediness radar” is because he’s had lots of women act in a way with him that felt needy and desperate.

Point being, if a woman does something that communicates any of these “needy” qualities to a man… then even if she isn’t as needy as other women who might have acted in a similar way… a man is going to quickly judge the woman as overly needy and get that instant bad feeling inside where he wants to get away from her.

In case you aren’t clear on it… a man won’t feel ATTRACTION for a woman who communicates to him that she has to be with him and have a relationship in order to be happy and feel good.

He might have some PHYSICAL ATTRACTION for a woman who acts this way… but a man will be very weary of becoming EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman who seems to have a lot of emotional “needs” from him early on.

To a man, a woman who looks to him too much for emotional support or clarity on how she should feel and if things are good or not between them becomes the very definition of “needy” to him.

Of course, most women aren’t trying to communicate these things to a man and don’t really feel 100% “needy” inside, but they end up communicating these things to a man ON ACCIDENT as they’re trying to help their relationship grow and work.

But no matter what your intentions, if your behavior resembles the common things that other women do who are “needy” that men have seen or felt before… then a man will end up getting that negative and unattractive “needy” feeling from a woman anyways.

Now, I know it doesn’t seem very fair that a man will see you as needy even if you aren’t.

And I know that men should stop being so emotionally “gun-shy” and freaked out.

But the reality is that for a man, it isn’t a “conscious” and logical process when he gets that “Ewwwww” feeling inside that comes from thinking a woman is acting or being needy with him.

It’s just the way that a man responds in the moment on a deep emotional level without thinking.

Of course, what lots of women end up doing is to try and be the opposite of needy, and be very generous and giving.

To them, it makes sense on some level that if a man doesn’t like a needy woman, then the exact opposite must work.

WRONG.

This doesn’t help create the kind of ATTRACTION inside a man that will make him feel so into you that he’ll want to spend all his time with you.

Sure, if you dote on a man, flirt and pay him all kinds of attention to flatter him, and you do enough “nice” things for him, he may “fall” for you. But in that case it’s not because he feels ATTRACTION for you.

No.

It’s because he feels AFFECTION for you.

And who wouldn’t want to spend some time with someone who treats them this way.

But the affection that a man will feel, and the quick and easy emotions he’ll have from your attention can’t be confused with a strong and deeper level of ATTRACTION.

It’s not the kind of ATTRACTION that lasts for longer than the attention your paying him and the ego-boost he’s getting from you.

That’s another thing all together for a man.

Insight #2) Don’t be PREDICTABLE.

Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction.

If a man can guess what you’re going to do or say, you’re being predictable.

If he CAN’T guess what you’re going to do or say, he’ll always be wondering and thinking about you.

Now, keep in mind that some men have gotten pretty good at predicting behavior from women.

So if you’re going to stop being predictable,then you’re going to need to LEARN how if you’re going to create a level of excitement and attraction with it.

To begin with, PAUSE a tiny bit before you do and say things. Think about what you’d normally do, then DO SOMETHING ELSE.

Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure. And use humor and teasing when at all possible with a man. Men LOVE IT.

The point is, being predictable is BAD BAD BAD and instantly makes you seem like all the other women a man has met.

If you’re meeting a man and getting to know him, then don’t let the 1st, 2nd, 3rd question you ask him be,

“So what do you do for a living?” in a serious tone.

This is exactly what every other woman in the world is asking an interesting, desirable,attractive men when they meet him.

Think about what could be fun and unexpected.

Insight #3) Don’t be BORING.

Boring is the bastard child of Predictable.

When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially BORING.

Boring is also the lack of adventure,passion,energy,imagination, humor, and ATTRACTION.

Unfortunately, most women can act or talk about things when “dating” and their nervous that can end up being common, everyday really boring stuff.

Talking about your job is boring.

But talking about crazy office politics and a funny story about how ruthless one of your co-workers is isn’t.

Talking about your ex-boyfriend/husband, or your past relationships or your kids is boring. Even if they are interesting, cute, or have some drama to them.

But talking about the worst pick-up line you ever got from a man isn’t.

Men love fun and humor. So much so, that it’s often all the seek out in their “free time”.

So take it from me, BORING is BAD.

I don’t care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it.

More important than what you do and talk about is HOW you do it and talk about it.

There is a way to communicate with a man that prevents you from being boring. I suggest that you pay attention to the things you’re learning from me so you “get it”.

WHY MEN LOSE INTEREST

OK, so to wrap, let me talk about one more thing…

As I mentioned before, the REAL thing that causes men to LEAVE comes down to the woman in his life not understanding ATTRACTION and how to make him FEEL IT for her… whether it’s on dates, or it’s inside a relationship.

Of course, this isn’t the only reason out there for this… but it’s by far and away the most important when it comes to men.

And, as I mentioned, no man is EVER going to TELL this to you.

Instead, he’s just going to LEAVE.

When I first started studying, learning, and observing all of this stuff about how to help women be more successful with men and dating,I had NO IDEA that I would wind up solving the mystery of why men LEAVE women.

I was only looking for the answer to how a woman can attract a great guy in the first place and make things work in a relationship.

But now I realize that this particular topic usually winds up being the most important one,because once you find that amazing man and get something good going, you certainly don’t want to LOSE him.

And when you find yourself in the situation,and you realize that the man you’re with is about to leave, or he already left… then you would basically do ANYTHING to stop it.

Of course, at that point it’s usually TOO LATE to do anything… which doesn’t feel so great.

So…

One of the most important things you can do RIGHT NOW in your love life is to learn how and why men feel ATTRACTION for a woman… and how to make a man feel it for you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter