Ever wondered why it’s so hard to meet a great guy?

And do you ever wonder why men don’t seem to approach you… even though you’re open to it, “available”, and alone everywhere you go?

Do men sometimes act like there’s already a ring on your finger when there’s not?

Well, you’re about to learn why it’s hard for most women to meet and connect with a great guy… and what to do about it to change your luck with men and dating forever.

I’ll start by sharing a great direct question from a reader I know you’ll relate to…

” I have been wondering if this guy at work is attracted to me. My instincts tell me he is, but I can’t tell for sure. He’s gone the extra mile to be physically present around our office, but if he is interested why has he not approached me? I’ve been trying to play it safe since I do want to approach him but I’m not sure if I should.

What do you think?

What would be a good safe way to start up a friendly conversation?”

-D

Great question. Wrong thinking.

Let me ask you…

Do you want to spend your precious time and energy waiting around for a man to figure things out, finally decide he’s interested in you… and make it all work for you?

Or would you like to be able to CREATE what it is that you’re looking for FOR YOURSELF?

I’m going to guess that you’d like to know more about helping things work for yourself so you don’t have to depend on a man…

But I’m sure that learning to UNDERSTAND MEN BETTER wouldn’t hurt either, so I’ll throw in some tips on this level too.

There’s something PAINFULLY OBVIOUS going on here you probably haven’t considered.

And it’s something important I want you to remember that most women never seem to get about men-

Men are AFRAID of REJECTION.

Stop for a second and think about it…

Men have a million different reasons of their own for NOT talking to a woman and not asking her… most of which have NOTHING to do with him not being interested and not wanting to be with her.

Let me share with you a couple of things you might not have thought about before that will expand your AWARENESS of what’s going on with men.

Did you know that a man will often be even MORE AFRAID of rejection when it comes to asking out a woman he already knows?

Seriously.

To most women, it seems like the opposite would be true… but it’s not.

A man feels like he has a whole lot more to lose by “hitting on” a woman who is inside his social circle than he does with a woman who’s a perfect stranger.

Of course, you might never get the idea from a man that he wouldn’t be totally comfortable or confident about approaching a woman from the way he acts, or the fact that he can talk to you about work or any other less personal topic…

But the reality is that when it comes to approaching women and asking them out, most men:

A) Don’t know what to do or say to find out if a woman is interested

B) Don’t know HOW to ask a woman out

C) Feel so nervous at the thought of approaching a strange new woman that they have to literally run away from the situation

D) Worry intensely what might happen if they “cross the line” from friendly conversation to what might be considered a “sexual advance”

In other words… for a man, showing a woman that he’s interested and asking her out can be very very RISKY.

If a man in your office was interested in you… and he went up to you and decided to ask you out, inside his mind here’s the 3 most likely outcomes:

1. You’d REJECT him as you felt “creeped out” by him making a sexual advance… and you’d spread the word that he was a weirdo and he’d become an outcast among your office peers

2. You’d both reject him, and you’d file a sexual harassment complaint

3. You’d say yes and you’d perhaps go out on a date that might or might not go well

So let me ask you…

How do these potential outcomes compare when you look at all 3 of them?

Well, 2 of these outcomes are what you might think of as very harmful or destructive for a man.

And just 1 of the outcomes has a some small potential to bring more fun and enjoyment into his life.

Here’s the point…

In lots of situations, men simply won’t take the risk of approaching a woman in a personal or “sexual” way because the risk isn’t worth the potential reward.

Men don’t think about all this consciously of course. They make these decisions in a snap second based on the way that they FEEL in the moment around a woman.

A man’s behavior with a woman he isn’t close or intimate with yet is decided and all takes place in an INSTANT where a man either “feels it” for a woman and decides that it’s “safe” for him to move forward… or not.

And here’s something else fascinating you need to know…

After years and years spent talking to both men and women about love, relationships, dating and attraction… there’s something I’ve found to be universally true-

Deep down most men see WOMEN as the ones who hold all the “control” and “power” when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships.

For most men, it’s their absolute everyday reality that WOMEN are the ones who decide what happens when dating, who LEAD the situation forward when and how they want, and are the one’s who ultimately say Yes or No.

Of course, if you’re like most women, then you see things differently…

Deep down you see a MAN as the one who holds all the control and power in the dating world.

And for you it’s the MAN who is the one who decides if there’s going to be a connection, and whether or not things are going to move forward… and that something real, like a great relationship, will only happen if he allows it to happen and subtly LEADS and decides to let the situation go this way.

But wait a minute.

How could men and women both be experiencing the same thing about the other?

By now I think you’re starting to see where this is going.

The good news is that just by becoming AWARE of the fact that men can and do feel EXACTLY the way you often do when it comes to meeting, dating, and getting things started is a HUGE EYE-OPENER that will change your entire perspective and approach forever for the better.

If you let it.

Why He Isn’t Asking You Out

So we’ve already covered the fact that approaching a woman can be very RISKY and dangerous for a man.

In fact, the way we humans developed, for males it was literally a matter of life or death.

If a woman rejected him, he might be not only “outted” from his group or community and never get to have children… but other males would literally hurt or kill him as a result.

There’s some intense “wiring” built into this process of finding and meeting a woman for a man.

Anyways, enough of the deep stuff for now.

Let me fill in some other gaps here for you about men and getting things started…

Did you know that TONS of great women walk around constantly believing that there are NO GOOD MEN OUT THERE?

While TONS of good men live their lives single, alone, and frustrated that they can’t meet a great woman who is sweet, attractive, and loving of them for who they really are?

This fact about men and women never ceases to amaze me.

No matter where I go, over and over again I see men who are scared stiff of approaching women and simply starting conversations.

So much so that the men who are actually CONFIDENT and genuinely comfortable and AUTHENTIC in the way they can interact with and approach and meet women, makes them instantly popular and “powerful” among other men.

It’s incredible to watch how this works and plays out among men.

Anyways…

One of the most powerful things that goes on for men that keeps them from connecting with great women is this-

The MORE INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE a woman is to a man… the more SCARED and NERVOUS the man becomes around her.

Funny how that works.

I know TONS of great guys who are confident, fun, smart and successful… and can walk into a room full of people and work all kinds of magic from helping others, engaging in incredible and riveting conversations, to leading and supporting and listening all at the same time.

But even these men simply don’t feel like they’ll ever be able to meet and attract a great woman.

And that when push comes to shove, they just don’t have that special something, that unique charm, or the right stuff that would make a woman want to go out with them.

Let alone know what to actually SAY to a woman to have her become interested in him.

For most men, the idea of how to get a woman’s personal and “sexual interest” completely and utterly ELUDES THEM.

But why is this?

Well, for starters, some men have a sense of what I’ll call SHAME about being a sexual person, and about engaging with a woman in a sexual way when not expressly invited to do so.

But that’s a whole other story…

Most men claim that they can’t or don’t meet, talk to, or ask out women that they are interested in because, as they say,

“So many women are ‘bitchy’ or ‘uptight’.”

Of course, this is just a defense to keep them from feeling worse about themselves or risk REJECTION.

Lots of men, and I mean LOTS, also complain about how there aren’t any good women out there that would be interested in them for who they REALLY ARE… unless they were richer, more powerful, more talented, better looking, etc.

Not true, as you know.

The SECRET and REAL REASON that these men can’t and don’t “make the move” even when the right woman is right there in front of them is because most men simply don’t know how to GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED with a woman and actually CONNECT with her on a personal and emotional level.

This is what one of my good friends calls a man’s “Secret Excuse”.

Hmmm. And wouldn’t you know it… this kind of thing seems to be a lot like what women are experiencing when it comes to men. (hint, hint)

How many women have you heard say,

“There aren’t any good guys out there.”

“Men don’t like ‘real’ women like me. They want some other fake plastic Barbie doll.”

Or my recent favorite…

“Men are all so screwed up. I’m better off and happier not even thinking about dating.”

As if these women can “turn off” the need and desire for love and connection in their life.

If you’re paying close attention here, then some light bulbs are starting to go off inside your head.

I find it amazing how the truth becomes so clear for us when we can see our own challenges and struggles through the lives of others.

So, what do you think you have in common with a man who is holding on to his “Secret Excuse” for why he can’t meet a great woman?

I’ll give you a few moments to think about it.

..

..

If you spent the time for yourself here,then you had some strong and clear REALIZATIONS by asking yourself this question.

Here’s 2 things that I’d strongly recommend you do right now:

1) Write your thoughts down

I can’t tell you how valuable it is to capture those moments of clarity and insight in your life and put them somewhere you can keep them in your conscious mind and keep learning and growing from them.

2) Keep the process of asking the right questions and getting back clear and powerful answers that guide you…

One of the VERY BEST ways of doing this and keeping your growth and learning process going is to immerse yourself in the right situations and the right information that will bring about those amazing INSIGHTS and REALIZATIONS for you.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to start a conversation with a man you’re interested in and take his attraction and interest for you to the next level so that he’d ask you out?

Well, for lots of women, they’re not sure exactly what to say, when to say it and how a man will respond and what to do about it.

Let’s take a look at What most women do in this situation.

Here’s a short list of the usual things women do when they’re interested in a guy.

I call these the “doing what makes sense” courtship behaviors, because they all center around the idea of doing what makes sense to you instead of what works for the other person.

-Pursuing a man by trying to arrange ways to “accidentally” be around him and starting “safe” and casual conversations, hoping that something will spark.

-Telling a man how much you like him early on

-Trying to hint to a guy that you want to be taken out or trying to convince him to go out with you

-Simply standing next to a man, or constantly putting yourself in his “physical space”, but never directly engaging him or opening yourself at all in hopes that he’ll make something happen for you

-Becoming the “super-friend” and doing favors for the guy without him asking, or buying gifts to try to win over his affection.

If you’ve seen or done any of these before, then I don’t have to tell you that they don’t often lead to great RESULTS with a man.

They might get a man to pay a little attention to you for a moment. Or a few days or weeks.

But they surely don’t give him that gut-level feeling inside where he wants to be with you, and only you.

If you’ve done any of these things with men in the past, or you’re doing any of them now, then you need to CUT IT OUT!

The reality is that, whether you’d like to look at it or not right now… lots of women make the same common mistakes with men.

So, if you’re an attractive and desirable man… and you have women who are interested in you and want your time and attention, then guess what?

You start to see that a lot of women seem to all behave in a lot of similar ways.

And besides the fact that it’s just kind of weird seeing several women do the exact same things with you… it makes the women
who do these same things not seem so unique or special.

Especially if the things that a lot of these women are doing are things that are UNATTRACTIVE to you and give you that “Ewww”
feeling inside your stomach.

It’s bad enough to be PREDICTABLE with a man, and look to him like all the other women out there that he’s NOT interested in.

But it’s even worse when your PREDICTABLE behaviors are the things that really make a man lose interest and never want to be with you.

BORING and PREDICTABLE are the enemies of ATTRACTION.

So what can you do or say when approaching a man to not be boring?

I’m so glad you asked.

There’s an attitude I’ve seen that does wonders to create attraction and interest in men just through conversation.

I call it the “Playful & Independent” attitude.

Let me give you a very specific example and tell you a quick story….

The other day my friend Rob was in the market shopping for some ingredients for a dinner he was cooking.

Rob’s a great single guy who likes to throw fun dinner and cocktail parties just because.

And from what I hear from most women who meet him, he’s quite the catch too.

Anyways, he was in the produce section at the market and a woman was next to him that he could kind of sense was interested and wanted to talk.

She had picked out a head of lettuce right before him, and he put his hand out to pick up some too.

Then as he grabbed the lettuce, the woman looked over at him quickly and said, “Copycat”, flashed a wry grin at him, then kept on doing her shopping like she wasn’t waiting for him to do anything.

Rob loved it. He took the playful comment and immediately fired back in his own playful way.

Then as the conversation went on, she put similar playful and flirtatious comments out there and then backed off and waited for Rob to pick up the slack and take the ball and hit it back
to her.

Next thing you know, Rob turned the conversation to the party he was having and invited the woman over and it turned out to be a great date.

Weeks later now they’re dating and growing closer.

So what went on there? It didn’t sound like
that much, right?

Well, first, the woman didn’t use the “what makes sense” stuff that lots of women use.

She could have made eye contact with Rob, waited for him to talk to her, and then asked him questions like, “What’s your name?”, or “What do you do?”.

BORING.

Instead, the woman decided to take a playful approach that intrigued him and didn’t have any of the common boring predictable conversational stuff.

And it was so different that it made him curious,compelled him to take an interest in her and he couldn’t help but respond and engage in the playful conversation.

Nice.

And once they started talking she kept the attraction and playful tension alive and built more of it by taking one step ahead with playful comments, and then waiting and taking a step back so that Rob would be drawn in and involve himself.

So in very subtle psychological ways, the woman was indicating to Rob several things:

-She wanted to have fun with him but didn’t just come out and say it by being too predictable with the way she showed it

-She was different than other women in a good way

-She wasn’t scared, nervous or dependent on the outcome or what Rob was going to say. She was having a good time personally, no matter what

-She wasn’t going to just pursue Rob. She made sure that he was drawn in and interested by his own choices and decisions by leaving space for him to talk and be playful back so that there was a “back and forth” to the playful conversation and flirting

I see all this as a kind of magic mix that is extremely attractive to men that I go into detail explaining how it works, and how to have it start working for you with men quickly and easily so that men will instantly respond to you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter