Entries from July 2007 ↓

Are you like lots of women out there who end up finding and dating all the WRONG MEN?

And what’s worse… you haven’t just done this once…

You’ve done this over and over to the point where one of the first things you think about when you meet a man is whether or not he’s going to turn out like all the rest.

Sound familiar?

Honestly… how many times in your life have you been attracted to and fallen for a man who later turned out to be anything but what you were looking for…even though he seemed great at first?

When you met your last great guy, you both shared amazing chemistry that just felt “right” from the very start… and because of this you didn’t really stop to wonder if he was good “relationship material”.

How you both felt was proof enough… and so you decided to drop your “baggage” and go with the flow.

Things felt so great that you didn’t want to let your thoughts and worries from the past get in the way just because of a few immature “man-boys” you somehow ended up with in the past.

You were certain that you were through with these “boys”, and you had promised yourself you were smarter and wiser now… and that you’d never end up with one of the wrong guys for the wrong reasons ever again.

But even then, the “little voice” in the back of your mind was there and kept finding every possible fault or “problem area” with the new man in your life.

And it drove you crazy trying to figure out if these things were a big deal, or if you were just overreacting.

Now, if you’re like most women I’ve met and talked to who have had the experience of dating a lot of the same kinds of “wrong men” over and over… then you’ve told yourself a hundred times that you are “too picky” now with men.

But once again, when you found a guy you felt great with, you decided to give love a chance… even though there were a few things that weren’t quite “sitting right” with you.

Like when he called a little too often in the beginning… which felt a little clingy and unappealing.

And you told yourself, “At least he’s calling. Not like the last guy.”

Then other things started cropping up you tried to ignore or tell yourself weren’t a big deal…

Like how he was easily annoyed by other people…co-workers, waiters, etc. and how other drivers could send him into a fit of “road rage”.

And how he started listening to you less and less as things went on… to where you could tell he wasn’t really tuned in and responding to you the way he was at first.

And the thing that REALLY bothered you started happening…

He stopped telling you how he felt about you.

When you first met, he was so affectionate and expressive that you felt amazing around him all the time.

But then the compliments he used to give you became fewer and farther between, until they basically stopped all together.

With all this going on, you started getting that bad feeling you got from those other guys at the time that things went from bad to worse…

And you wanted to say something about what was going on and how it made you feel,but part of you knew this wouldn’t help.

Trying to talk to him about it would probably only make things worse.

And maybe you were over-reacting. Or there was something going on with him that you didn’t understand.

So instead of saying something, you figured out ways of “fixing it” yourself by dropping hints, or worse… letting your emotions get the best of you and just acting ANNOYED with him (hoping he’d get the clue, figure it out and shape up).

The thing was… you really wanted the relationship to work,you really wanted him… and so you were willing to put up with a lot and be patient to try and make things work.

But ultimately, the relationship and the man you thought you’d just give a chance to failed again like the others…

If you get what I’m talking about here, then you know how frustrating this kind of situation can be.

You wonder why were you attracted to him in the first place and how this could happen again.

Was it simply because he was “emotionally unavailable”?

And why is it that the more a man seems to push you away once you’ve been close… the more you want them?

What if I told you that there was a way you could know IMMEDIATELY when you begin a relationship whether or not the man is right or wrong for you… and why?

What if you knew the big RED FLAGS in aman’s behavior that were true indicators of trouble down the line?

And what if you could be “tipped off” from the start on all the things that are just going to drain you and have your relationship go nowhere fast with a man? No matter how hard you try?

The unfortunate reality is that most men (and most people) often act different and put on their “best face” at the beginning when they’re first getting to know you.

This is true in job interviews and in friendships as much as it’s true when it comes to men, dating,and relationships.

I’m sure you’ve seen this with men in the past,where when a man gets “comfortable” with you, his guard comes down and he gets easily angered, he takes on a “controlling” attitude, or he suddenly isn’t “into” having a family (even though he gave you that impression in the beginning).

These “red flags” are very subtle in the beginning for most women… and almost impossible for them to see during the intoxicating and romantic early stage of a relationship.

But no matter how sublte these things are in the beginning, they can have HUGE implications down the road if you’re looking for love and a lasting relationship.

I’m sure you’ve met a man and found something about him that kind of bothered you… and then had that one little “annoyance” become something you fight about months down the line and that ends up breaking you apart in the end.

Here’s the point to all this…

What if you knew exactly how to communicate what you WANT and DON’T WANT with a man, in an easy and effective way that actually created a better level of communication and honesty between you?

And what if you could PREVENT the aggravating situations that have you constantly trying to “fix” your relationship… by knowing how to start things off right and be in the right place from the very beginning?

And not only that… but what if you were able to to recognize all the ways that YOU “sabotage” your own relationships BEFORE they even begin.

What if you could quickly identify and recognize all these things inside yourself… and you could literally TRANSFORM the way you approach your life and your relationships for the better forever?

First you’ll start seeing and understanding new things about yourself and your love life that you haven’t understood before…like why you attract some of the wrong men… and repel others.

And why you keep going around and around in relationship patterns that don’t ultimately serve you and what you’re looking for.

Then once you start seeing all this, you’re going to start noticing how your past painful situations are getting in the way of you creating a healthy, happy and committed relationship with a man.

And you’ll become CLEAR about what it is about YOU and your behavior that keeps you in all the wrong situations… and prevents the right ones from coming into your life and filling you with love and joy.

Over the years, one thing I’ve learned is that you can’t keep blaming OTHER PEOPLE (men) for what happens to you over and over.

The only thing in common with all these situations is YOU.

Have you ever really stopped to consider that it really might be YOUR THINKING and BEHAVIOR that is the source of problems in your relationships?

I’ll talk to you again soon. Best of luck In life and love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Do you know how most women end up losing the man in their life?

Do you know the reason most men end up losing interest in the woman who they used to be wild about?

Do you know how to lose a man, and how to do it lightningfast?

How to lose a man is an interesting topic that there was an entire movie made aboout.

But why would you want to know about how to LOSE a man?

Well, I’m going to throw out a crazy idea for you to think about…

I’m going to suggest that you are probably already an EXPERT at losing a man.

In fact, it might just come naturally for you.

For lots of women, this seems to be the case.

But the real PROBLEM is that most women don’t UNDERSTAND why they’re so good at LOSING the man in their life.

In other words, they walk through the world screwing up one situation after another and never realize just how good they are at being bad with understanding men.

And they don’t realize that by changing just a few key things they could change their lives and their experiences with men DRAMATICALLY.

One great way to increase your success in lifeis to start REALIZING what you’re doing.

Most people call this AWARENESS.

The point being, once you actually understand what you’re doing and the results you’re helpingto create around you, you can CHANGE.

So open your mind. Listen up. Start to become more aware as I share some things you’re probably doing when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

TYPICAL THINGS WOMEN DO WITH MEN

Try this on for size…

What happens if a man expects you to act or behave a certain way that’s “negative” and he doesn’t like… and then you show up and act this way?

Right.

Not only does he not like the way you’re being with him… but you’re also doing something else that will have him seeing you in an even worse light…

You’ll be acting very PREDICTABLE and fulfillingall of the worst expectations a man might have about you, or about women in general.

Here’s something you might not have thought about-

You, like lots of other women, are probablyacting in a ways that are often very PREDICTABLE to men.

In fact, PAINFULLY predictable.

The thing is… as humans, we do basically the same things when we get into common situations as others, and we don’t even realize it.

Predictable responses to common situations happen often enough for most people that when we get around someone new in our life… we can often guess what’s going to happen next.

Part of this serves a useful purpose for ussocially and in the way we relate and connect with each other.

But part of it works entirely AGAINST US.

Here’s why being predictable can be so badwhen it comes to men and dating…

Look at this formula:

Predictable = Boring

Boring = Emotionally Flat

Emotionally Flat = No ATTRACTION

No Attraction = No Interest or Attentionor Affection From A Man

One of the VERY BEST ways to lose a man is toact or become very PREDICTABLE.

A huge mistake women make that causes them to start acting predictable to men in negative ways is GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER or putting your life “on hold” for a man while you’re trying to makesure your relationship is working.

I’m not going to go into everything about this or how it works this second, but if you’ve dated a man seriously before… and you’ve later broken up with him, then odds are you’ve realized something like this that went on inside yourself.

The reality is that men are NOT attracted to women who aren’t living their lives in a fulfilling way.

At least not HEALTHY AND ATTRACTVE MEN who would rather have NO RELATIONSHIP and be aloneif they can’t have the right kind of relationship for them.

If you act or feel lonely or hopeless, or ifyou are waiting to share love with a man to start experiencing joy in your life, you are shooting yourself in the foot and getting in your own way in so many types of situations you can’t even see it right now.

Here are a few examples of how women act PREDICTABLE, give too much of themselves away, and make about 129 other huge mistakes with men they’ve just met or are dating:

1) Calling Him All The Time

If you like or love someone, it’s great to let them know, right?

Yes and No.

There’s a way to let a man know you love himor you’re thinking about him that will “fill his sails” and draw him even closer to you.

And…

There’s a way to let a man know you love humor you’re thinking about him that will end up making him feel like you’re “needy” and clingy and he’ll want space away from you.

It’s great if you feel so strongly for a manand you share such a great connection that you can’t wait until the next time you talk.

But even if you’re not feeling “needy” aboutwhy you call a man all the time… a man will often PERCEIVE this as a sign of INSECURITY and NEEDINESS and actually start wanting to talk to
you and be around you less and less.

It usually feels like a good idea when the urge to call a man and get in touch comes up,and you don’t want to play “games” or censor yourself.

And if a man could just open up to you, then you could talk all the time and it would feel great and do wonders for your relationship.

But the reality is that it almost NEVER works this way for HIM.

Calling a man all the time and constantly wanting to talk, and to have him talk to you is a great way to lose a man before you even have him.

And interestingly enough, it doesn’t leave aman much space to be coming towards you and GIVING to you the attention and interest that he could be if he wasn’t responding and reacting to you all the time.

Some women are so busy giving and trying tocommunicate and be close to a man that they cover up all the space, time and opportunity where a man would otherwise be giving back to them.

Of course, it takes slowing down and no acting on those little emotional and mental impulses all the time to create this kind of space…

2) Doing “Nice Things” And Favors For Him

What do lots of women do when they meet a guy that they “really like” and things are slow to come together?

Well, they get into a series of long life conversation about schools and families and jobs and 100 other everyday things that everyone has going on in their lives… only to realize that it isn’t creating ATTRACTION inside the man even though they’re sharing with each other.

He’s completely “in his own head” and not paying much attention to them.

So what do they do?

They think to themselves, “I better come up with some way to connect with him as a woman toa man. Why don’t I try and HELP HIM with some ofthe stuff he’s having a hard time with. That way I can help him out with what’s bothering him and he’ll like me and know that I like him.”

I call this the “Super-Sized Friend Approach”where a woman tries to get a man to fall for her by being a kind of “super friend”.

If you’ve ever bought a man a gift for noother reason than the sole intent of getting them to like you, then you’ve done this one. (Kind of like how some men think that if they take a woman out to an expensive dinner or buy her fancy things that this will win her love and affection)

But what does this REALLY communicate?

What does this really do for a MAN when a woman tries to help him out with his own “burdens” in life?

Does it make him start feeling ATTRACTION and LOVE for her?

Or does it do something else?

Doing this communicates a few differentsublte things:

A) That you’re his “friend”, and not a woman for him to want and desire.

Men categorize and “compartmentalize” often. And they are also very cautious when it comes to women and REJECTION. If you’re a man’s friend and you keep trying to be an even better friend to try and get him to like you… you’re only reinforcing your role as friends and you’ll makeit less and less likely that he’ll ever think or try and do anything to break the “friend barrier” with you.

B) That you don’t have the confidence or the ability to get him to spend time with you for NO REASON other than the fact that you’ll be together… and that you must not be WORTH spending time with without some kind of bribe or “incentive” for him.

C) That you have to do things in order to win his LOVE and APPROVAL for you… and that you’ll do anything including spending your precious time and energy helping him do even mundane everyday stuff in his life just so he’ll likeyou. Seeking a man’s approval by doing stuff even he wouldn’t want to do only tells a man that you don’t value yourself and your time…and so neither will he.

Doing “nice favors”, buying things for a man, or helping him out financially are all example of something that “sounds good” in the moment, and might be thoughtful and generous, but is BAD BAD BAD when it comes to dating, love, and attraction.

Money doesn’t make the man… just like money doesn’t make the woman.

And being “nice” doesn’t work either.

3) Acting Like His Girlfriend From The Beginning

What’s better than a nice, thoughtful woman who is loving and reassuring and nurturing from the very first date?

Well, to a man lots of things are better…

Like a woman that he doesn’t even know ifhe should want “logically”… but he can’t help it anyway.

Or a woman he can’t stop thinking about and can’t quite figure out.

Or a woman who is so ATTRACTIVE on a physical AND mental/emotional level that nothing else really seems to matter but wanting to be with her.

But lots of women make the huge mistake ofthinking that the way to “date” a man is really the same thing as being a good “girlfriend”.

Of course, this thought process isn’t too conscious. It’s just the way they act around a man. And it ends up ruining things before they even begin.

The man is just starting to get to know her, and if he feels a “serious relationship” starting before he’s even had time to figure out how he feels about this woman and if she’d be right for him… most of the time he’ll pull away without any explanation.

If you come on too strong too soon in terms of calling him “pet names”, or staying home on Friday and Saturday nights, or naming your kids before you know each others last names…you’ll appear just like every other predictable woman that has ever tried to figure out what a man and a relationship is all about before it even gets time to grow.

4) Telling Him How You “Feel” Too Early On

This might be one of my favorites because it feels so “right” and comes so naturally,but creates the wrong situations and dynamics with a man.

I’m starting to think that women (and often times men too in their own way) must come with a mechanism that’s wired in -that actually compels them to open their BIG FAT MOUTHS and screw things up when they’re going well with a man.

And do this in worse and worse ways the BETTER the man they’re with.

I’ll call this the “Feeling Confessor” mechanism. It is triggered by strong feelings of attraction and emotion toward an unusually attractive and great man.

I’ve talked to A LOT of attractive and desirable men in my life about their experiences with the women they’ve dated… and they all have one similar experience to share…

For some UNKNOWN and UNGODLY reason, women just seem to LOVE telling great men how they FEEL within the first couple of dates.

Maybe even within the first few hours.

As you might realize, I get a lot of emails from women…

And one of the common emails I get goes a little something like this:

“I met this incredible guy…he’s smart, interesting, successful… and everything seemed to be going well… but I wasn’t sure what he was feeling… and he acted in a way that confused me the other night… so I decided to ask him how he felt and share my feelings…and for some reason he reacted in a weird way and said that he needs some “space” and some “time to be alone”… I don’t get it….”

Again, when you do this you’re making all kinds of huge mistakes…and basically doing everything you can do to LOSE him by playing right into the very things that aren’t going to work for you,help you be your “best self”, or create the OUTCOME you’re looking for.

5) Keep Telling Him How You Feel When He Needs Space

And as if the last example wasn’t painful enough, most women usually like to use this final “nail in the coffin” technique as well…

Here’s the situation:

You’ve met a guy you really like. Maybe you’ve gone out with him a few times. Doesn’t matter.

You do all the things you can think of to SCREW IT UP, and you finally succeed.

You prove to him that you just don’t get it,that you’ll lose your composure quickly and easily and let it all out around him… and generally show him that you’re easily scared and don’t know how to handle yourself or what’s going on between you.

So he says, “I need some space” or “I need some time to myself”.

And what do most women do?

Of course. They KEEP telling the man how they feel. They keep trying to “figure it all out”. And they keep trying to understand and to feel understood.

And they do it in 100 annoying ways that only make the man want to get farther away.

The thought that most women have is, “If he only understood how I REALLY FELT ABOUT HIM, then he would see past all this and LOVE ME”.

It’s painful just typing the words.

So there you have it.

Part of the magic formula for losing a man fast. Interesting, isn’t it?

But there’s a much DEEPER message here.

The message is this:

If you don’t understand the process of how to make a man feel ATTRACTION for you, including the things to AVOID doing, then you’re not going to have success.

Not knowing how the things you’re doing and saying affect a man makes it very difficult (or impossible) to create what you want with a man.

And unfortunately, some women have a HUGE disadvantage when it comes to men and dating…

You have emotional responses to situations that take over your thinking and reasoning, and make you do all the wrong things.

It’s usually OURSELVES that best sabotage our own success in life.

Don’t let this get you down though…

The GOOD NEWS is that it does NOT have to be this way. There is a BETTER way.

If you found this particular discussion interesting, then you’re probably ready to learn the DEEPER secrets of how to be more successful with men and dating.

If you’re ready to STOP losing men faster than you can meet them, then it’s probably time for you to step up and get yourself an education about how to attract a man and KEEP him attracted.

There’s an old story that I love thinking about…

It’s about a student wandering from town to town looking for enlightenment.

At each town he asks if anyone knows of a teacher who can show him the way, but he has no luck finding what he seeks.

Finally, the student comes to a town and is told that there’s a wise teacher up on the hill,and that he should go and knock on his door.

The student goes up the hill and finds the teacher sitting at a table in his temple.

The student walks in a takes a seat at the table and asks the teacher if he knows about enlightenment.

The teacher says nothing, but puts a cup in front of the student and starts pouring tea into the cup.

The student watches as the cup starts to fill up, and then spill over onto the table.

The student then says, “Hey, stop. You’re spilling the tea.”

The teacher then says, “That cup is like you.”

The student is perplexed and doesn’t know what to say.

The teacher says again, “That cup is like you. It is already full. Before you can take anything more in, we’re going to have to empty out what’s already filling it.”

If you’re looking for quick answers or tips on how to make things work better when it comes to men, dating, and relationships… I have some for you.

But the truth is that if you’re finding yourself not only making some of the common mistakes I’m talking about… and you have some idea in the back of your mind that they are really coming from somewhere “deeper” inside you that’s the source of why you get in your own way with men… then I want to give you more than answers.

I want to help you get rid of what’s already there that isn’t working for you first.

That way, once you clear away what isn’t working and is blocking you from getting what you want… taking the right positive steps will be much much easier.

Past loves, past relationships, and past situations with men can have painful and lasting affects on you.

And if you don’t make sure to heal all the things you might be carrying from the past, it’s going to be tough to not bring those into each and every new relationship in your life.

Let me ask you…

What would this kind of growth and change in your life be worth?

What would it be worth to be able to quickly identify the things that are holding you back on a personal, social, or emotional level when it came to how you were with men or that one special man?

I’m guessing it would be worth a whole lotto you to figure all this out and to be able to grow past it all quickly and easily.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

What is it that can make a man so completely irresistible to you?

If you’ve ever really fallen for a man… then you know how the intense feelings you have end up making you willing to take on or do almost ANYTHING to be with him.

But what is it about the right man that makes him so incredibly different and special from all the other men out there?

Is it because he’s great looking?

Is it his style and charisma?

Is it because he’s smart, talented and successful?

Or is it because he’s sexy and adventurous?

I could go on with all kinds of different reasons why you might fall for a man and feel so strongly for him…

But I want to share with you an important truth about how things ACTUALLY WORK when it comes to love, attraction, and relationships-

See… all these “traits” and “attributes” are great and they can make a man really attractive in one way or another…

But there’s something else that I’ve learned over the years that makes for the REAL MAGIC INGREDIENT that takes a man from just another “nice” and great looking guy, to being the kind of man you FALL FOR.

And it’s something that transcends ALL of the other details about personality, looks, etc.

It’s when a man has HIS ACT TOGETHER.

When a man has his “act together, he’s strong, but also sensitive at the same time.

He’s confident even when he’s under pressure. But, he’s never arrogant.

And there’s not much that can really “rattle” him. He rarely loses his composure.

He’s certain about who he is and he knows what he wants.

He’s simply unapologetically himself.

So what’s my point here?

My point is that there’s something you can learn from the kind of man who’s worth loving. A man who has his act together.

Let me ask you something…

Do you think a great guy who’s the kind of man you could fall for is home alone and waiting around for something to do on a Saturday night?

Do you think he calls up his friends worrying if the woman he met the other night likes him or not?

Do you think he’s having a hard time over the weekend and feels a little “off” because the woman he went out with and had a great time with the other night didn’t call him in several days?

Does he nervously analyze what she said in their last conversation, wondering if she’ll even take his next call, or if she’ll reject him?

Does he not make plans with his friends in the hopes that the woman he’s waiting on will finally want to see him?

Does he worry that she might meet a better looking, more interesting man? So much so that he feels uncomfortable about how she’s going out and having a great time meeting new people?

No way… NEVER. And that’s part of why you love a man who has his act together.

The truth is, the right man who’s confident and attractive doesn’t worry about any of these kinds of things.

Instead, he behaves in a way that shows he enjoys his own life and the time he spends when he isn’t with her.

And he genuinely knows that his time and attention is valuable… and that he’s worth spending time with.

And that if a woman doesn’t see that ? then she’s not worth HIS time.

Now, you might be thinking that any man who’s this confident and secure with himself isn’t likely to have much of a problem when it comes to women and dating.

But here’s the thing…

If you were dating a man who was good looking, successful, talented, smart, sweet, and fun to be around… but then he suddenly started acting very NEEDY and INSECURE with you, would you still think he had his act “together” and see him as desirable and irresistible?

Or would you quickly come to understand on an intuitive level that he didn’t quite have his act together… and wonder what else he had going on inside?

How would the fact that a man needed your APPROVAL to feel good about himself make you feel about him if you were just getting to know him?

When he called up with insecurity and anxiety in his voice trying to read you and hoping you were going to like him… would it be a turn on and show you he was the kind of man who had his act together?

No way.

If a man had his act together, he’d have his own life and wouldn’t be sitting around moping because he didn’t have a girlfriend, or a woman that was giving him attention.

He’d have the maturity and confidence to know what he wants in a woman… and to go about finding what he wanted and making it a reality. And he’d keep his composure as he went about creating the love life that he wanted with a woman.

Just being around him would feel fun, comfortable and exciting… because he knew what he wanted and he would feel confident in having CHOSEN YOU from all the other available women out there.

So what can you learn from a man who has his act together?

If you sit around waiting for a man to show you that you really are loveable and worthy of love and happiness… you just plain aren’t going to attract a very great man.

At least not one who has his own act together.

Of course, you don’t want to try and take on all the attractive “masculine” qualities of a man…

But here’s the reality…

The very things that make a man, who has his act together, so appealing and irresistible to be with are the very qualities that he is looking for in a woman to share his love and affection with.

In fact, the more a man has his act together, the more stricter he will be about ONLY spending his time with women who have their act together.

To make a long story short… if you don’t have “your act together” when you meet a man, or you “accidentally” act in some way that’s similar to how other women act when they don’t have their act together…

Then a man will instantly disqualify you as the kind of woman he would want to be with…and he just won’t ever “feel it” for you.

The window of opportunity for him to open up and grow closer to you will suddenly SHUT, never to open again. And that will be it.

And what’s worse… if you don’t have your act together and this happens as a man you are into or falling for starts to pull away because of the way you’re acting around him… then you’re likely to start worrying about all the things that will make him want you even less and push him even farther away from you.

You’d start asking him to tell you why he was pulling away so you could understand why he was acting the way he was. But he wouldn’t see this the way you would. He’d see your fear and your need to know what was going on with him as a sure sign that you didn’t have your act together.

You’d wait and wonder why he didn’t call, and be upset or frustrated with him when you did talk.

You’d rearrange your schedule and put your interests and life aside just to be with him at a moments notice.

Basically you’d become MAN-REPELLENT ? just when you had finally met a man worth worrying over.

So if you don’t have your own “act together”, or you find yourself losing your composure with men and messing things up for yourself and having men pull away… then what do you do?

How do you get yourself into a place so that when you actually meet the right man, the way you naturally are will have him find you as irresistible as you find him?

How do you have the space to be yourself and have your own feelings and emotions… and at the same time have a man get you and not be driven away?

Well, the reality is that your FEELINGS and your EMOTIONAL RESPONSES aren’t anything you choose to have.

They simply come up in the moment.

How many times have you been disappointed or frustrated with yourself for the way that you reacted or responded in the moment with a man… and you knew he started acting and feeling differently around you after.

Well, here’s the GOOD NEWS…

If you can identify the deeper source of your own FEARS and BELIEFS that are causing your negative feelings to come up with a man in the first place… then you things will start to fall into place for you naturally on all levels (emotional, intellectual, and spiritual).

The fact is, if you’re a mature, confident woman who has her life together… and you’ve taken the time to get your “inner world” handled, then men can FEEL it when they’re around you.

And they’re attracted to you like a MAGNET on a deep level for who you are inside.

But, if you aren’t there in your life, or if you can’t help but lose your composure and your emotions keep getting the best of you… then unfortunately there’s not much that will scare a man off faster.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

“I have just read your latest email about mistakes and i have to admit I nearly wept. You are totally right! I recently started spending a lot of time with a guy I used to know. We had an instant connection and he was exactly as you said: affectionate at first, initiating plans etc, then I made not one mistake but ALL of those you mentioned in your email, and as you said…. he pulled away big time. The attractions gone for him now. What I want to know is, is there any way I can reverse the damage I have caused? Can I get my friendship with him back on track? Is it possible he may learn to feel again what he once felt for me?Please help. Im at my wits end and I really do miss having him in my life. I would be grateful for any advice you could give me on this matter.”

Thanks,
N.W.

OK.

Let me get right to the point here about what you need to do…

First off, as you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve been making with a man, it’s very easy to start thinking that things are EVEN WORSE than you thought they were, and for this to freak you out.

But don’t let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow.

There’a funny thing that happens to us in life…

It’s that any time you develop a new AWARENESS and you start seeing your behavior and interactions in a new light… at first you often feel like kicking yourself.

But getting down on yourself, feeling overly frustrated and hopeless, and letting the lack of CONTROL you have in your new situation doesn’t help.

Here’s the reality if you’ve recognized that you’ve been making some of the mistakes with men I talk about…

It’s NEVER TOO LATE.

Here’s why…

The man you were dating liked you and was attracted to you for some reason.

And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there’s something you should realize-

A man’s FEELINGS can CHANGE VERY QUICKLY, whether you want them to or not.

And you know this from past experience.

Now… most women don’t handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all.

In fact, lots of women let this completely freak them out and take over their emotions and how they act and talk with a man.

What’s behind all this is FEAR.

Fear of loss.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of abandonment.

Fear of not being loved, or not being good enough to be loved.

And lots of women let these fears take over and run the show as their emotions get the best of them.

Of course, I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “Wham!”… the man in your life that you’ve been sharing so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore.

But here’s the thing…

The fact that a man’s feelings can change so quickly has TWO SIDES to it.

See, if a man’s feelings can quickly change from feeling interested and attracted to a woman, to feeling that “Ewwwww” feeling where he wants to get away from her…

It’s also true that a man can quickly change from feeling UNATTRACTED and uninterested in a woman… to feeling intensely ATTRACTED and wanting to spend time with her again.

In other words, men’s feelings and their reactions and responses to a woman can change quickly in EITHER DIRECTION -from good to bad,or from bad to good.

Of course, I’m not just telling you this because it sounds like it makes sense.

I KNOW all this first hand, and have watched and experienced it during the YEARS I’ve spent observing, studying, and coaching women with men, love, and relationships.

I can honestly say that I’ve helped thousands of women create what I’ll call instant “shifts” in their lives and relationships… and do this with men they thought they had driven away for good.

The pont is… you can either let the fact that a man’s feelings can change as a result of your behavior SCARE you and make you ANXIOUS and INSECURE… (which will only make things worse for you)

Or…

You can see that the fact that a man’s feelings can quickly change, can work to your advantage… and you can use this fact to have a man very quickly go from NOT FEELING IT for you… to feeling that gut-level ATTRACTION for you in a few short moments and interactions.

I’ve literally seen men go from feeling like they had to get away from a woman they were dating and telling all their friends that it was over…

To then suddenly remembering why it was that he was interested and attracted to that woman in the first place, and then start calling, making plans, and thinking about her all the time.

I’ll even have to admit that I’ve done this myself in the past.

Now, here’s what to do with all this…

Becoming more AWARE of what’s going on with men, dating, and relationships is just the first step.

Being able to simply IDENTIFY the PROBLEMS that are causing a man to suddenly lose interest is the battle most women struggle endlessly with and are NEVER able to come to understand.

So… it’s great when you start to really become CONSCIOUS of your own thinking, feelings, and behavior, and how they effect the man in your life

But…

All the self-awareness in the world isn’t going to teach you and show you exactly what it is that you need to START DOING to go from pushing a man away to making him feel an INTENSE level of ATTRACTION when he’s around you.

Finding out what the PROBLEM is, is just half the answer that teaches you about what it is that you need to STOP DOING.

But you’ve still got to put the puzzle pieces together on what to START DOING.

Let me give you a quick pointer:

STOP TALKING to the man in your life about the mistakes you’ve made… or about what’s happening in your relationship.

And stop it RIGHT NOW!

Let me ask you…

What are men seeking more than anything in a woman?

Well, when it comes to a man finding a woman he wants to be with and STAY with… men are looking for a woman who is FUN, SEXY… and most important in terms of building a lasting long term relationship - EASY TO BE WITH.

This might sound too simple to be something that could change your life and relationship…

But the reality is that most women who are having problems with men losing interest in them because of their behavior are completely misunderstanding what’s going on inside a man’s mind.

When a woman feels hurt, scared, or uncertain with a man… often times she will act out on her feelings in indirect ways to try and get the man to see what she’s feeling and relate to her and start talking about it.

She wants for a man to recognize and pay attention to her feelings… and to UNDERSTAND her.

But this is NOT how men react and respond when it comes to pain, fear, and uncertainty.

Men seek to avoid or break through all these things… and their minds are constantly working to figure out how to get rid of these things all together.

Of course, love and life and relationships don’t work this way. But it doesn’t keep men from trying, or from wanting the world around them to work this way.

Point being, when a woman shows up and acts overly emotional, upset, insecure… and does things that are UNATTRACTIVE to a man, it’s bad enough.

But then when a woman sees the damage that her behavior has done to her relationship with a man… and she starts to FEEL BAD about that too… things quickly go from bad to worse.

Each time she calls a man and he hears her voice, he instantly knows she’s still in that place of fear, worry, and emotional uncertainty.

And this will keep pushing the man further and further away.

The answer isn’t to try and talk through all your uncertain feelings with a man - if you’re goal is to connect with him and keep building his interest and attraction for you.

The answer is to do the things that create attraction in HIM.

Translation - stop talking and thinking about the PROBLEMS you’re feeling between you… and start being the woman a man naturally feels excited and joyful with when he’s around.

THEN… when you’re in a close and connected place, talking to a man and getting him to share and understand, and even initiate conversations with you about your feelings and your relationship, will be easier than you ever thought possible.

So stop doing the things that you’re learning PUSH MEN AWAY… and START doing the things that tons of other women have learned naturally build more interest and ATTRACTION inside a man.

Now, for lots of women it can be a long and frustrating process trying to figure out what it is that makes a man experience that magic FEELING of ATTRACTION when he’s with a woman…and to feel it so strongly that he literally can’t keep himself from wanting to be with you.

Some women spend their entire lives doing all the WRONG THINGS with the RIGHT MEN in their relationships… only to finally figure out too late all the things they were doing pretty much guaranteed that a man would stop feeling attraction for them as time went on.

And some women, even after they’ve “done the work” and gotten rid of all the negative patterns in their life that kept them from drawing a man to them for lasting love, still can’t clue into the ‘hard-to-identify’ but simple things that make a man keep “feeling it” for them.

Luckily, I’ve done all the “homework” for you in this area to help you learn and understand what it is that a man will respond to on a deep emotional level.

A man needs a woman to trigger something inside him that goes much much deeper than the common Physical Attraction that men can and do experience for many women… if he’s going to feel and know that a woman is not just any woman,but the ONE WOMAN he wants to be with.

And by the way, if you’re making serious mistakes with a man such as:

-Trying to convince him to like you, want you, or to stay with you… and completely losing your composure when you see any sign of him losing interest in you

-Calling him too much and trying to be the one to make plans and make sure that you spend time together and see each other

-Becoming upset with him when he doesn’t call, then not knowing how to get your feelings out and communicate with him without creating an even worse situation for youself

Then here’s the thing…

You’ve probably been doing these kinds of things for a while in your life… and not just with this one man in particular.

You’ve probably been doing these kinds of things for a while as a PATTERN in your own life with the other men in your past as well.

In other words, it’s not just the SITUATION that is brining up all these emotional responses and reactions inside you.

It’s that on a deeper emotional level, YOU don’t have some critical parts of your own life “handled” or together… and it’s showing up in your relationship with a man and pushing him away.

Don’t let what you aren’t aware of about yourself but could quickly get handled keep you from the love and the relationship you want.

If you find yourself losing your composure too often, letting your emotions take over and regretting it too often after the fact… and you’re starting to recognize that not all of what you’re doing and choosing to do with a man is totally CONSCIOUS… then it’s time you took the time and the steps to take care of what’s going on INSIDE YOU first.

Once you take care of what’s happening inside you on an emotional, spiritual, and psychological level… a lot of the things outside you that a man sees and experiences will start to take care of themselves.

And you’ll start to magnetically ATTRACT a man and create the right situations and the right relationship from the inside out.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I’ve got a quick and easy “quiz” for you that’s going let you in on your own personal IQ when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

This simple quiz will show you how and why your relationships haven’t been working in the past with men… and what to do about it.

Here goes…

There are 3 elements that make it so that what you have between you and a man is sure to be LASTING and SECURE.

Do you know what these 3 critical elements are?

I’ll give you a second to think about it.

..

..

Give up?

The 3 critical elements that you MUST HAVE between you and a man if you want a loving, lasting, and secure relationship are:

Element #1 - AN Intense Level Of Attraction

Call it “chemistry”.

Call it a spark.

Call it whatever you like… but if a man doesn’t “feel it” for you when it comes to this magic something of chemistry and attraction… then NOTHING ELSE you say or do will matter.

And I mean NOTHING ELSE matters.

You can try and say all the right things.

You can think about him all the time.

And you can do amazing things for him that no other woman could ever know to do for him in his life…

But if that gut-level ATTRACTION isn’t there that tells him deep down inside that he HAS to be with you tonight and every other night… then there isn’t much you can do to change his mind or make him feel different and really and truly want you.

A man MUST feel a level of attraction for you that goes DEEPER than just the common and “Physical Attraction” a man can experience for a woman that quickly comes and goes, but can seem so “real”.

Unfortunately, lots of women make 2 mistakes when it comes to attraction with men that keep them from ever being able to get past those critical early dating stages where a man will become more emotionally attached and involved with a woman.

These 2 mistakes are:

-Trying to get a man’s interest and attention by using the fast, fun, and easy approach to create “Physical Attraction” inside a man (which never does last)

-Not knowing how that deeper level of what I call “Emotional Attraction” works inside a man’s mind that will make him want to emotionally open up and engage with you

These mistakes are the two most common and certain ways to make sure your love life will go nowhere fast with men… even when you have the best of intentions and just want to find a great guy to love and love you back.

There’s a simple truth you need to know…

If you don’t know how attraction works for a man, and how it works differently than how it works for most women… then you’re going to end up running in circles trying to do what you think will work.

And in your attempts at getting a man to like you and want to be with you… you’re going to end up pushing him away as he sees you as desperate, “needy”, clingy, or just plain overly emotional.

The worst part is, there are a lot of smart women out there who are really great women who actually know on a conscious level about these mistakes… but they just can’t help but make these same mistakes over and over anyway.

But smart women who seem to have a more natural knack for talking to men, getting their interest, and having men see them as “cool” and desirable have a way of being able to AVOID these mistakes and are NEVER seen as desperate, too needy, or generally UNATTRACTIVE when it comes to how they act and feel on an emotional level around men.

Element #2 - “Emotional Engagement”

Do you know what it is that either makes a man open up and be excited to really LISTEN to you and UNDERSTAND what you’re feeling and going through… or shut down when he sees how you’re feeling inside?

And do you know what makes a man see your desire to talk and share your feelings as evidence that you’re emotionally unhealthy and the kind of woman who would only be more trouble and irritation than she’s worth?

Here’s something that might blow your mind…

Did you know that you can say the exact SAME THING to a man at different times, and you’ll get completely different responses from him?

And this isn’t just because of his “mood”.

The reality is that there is one significant thing that makes all the difference in the world when it comes to how a man sees, feels, and RESPONDS to the way you talk and share with him…

And that’s the level to which he is EMOTIONALLY ENGAGED with you when you’re talking.

Let me explain…

One of the most common ways that women end up accidentally causing a man to close off and WITHDRAW from them is when a man doesn’t know about, see, or understand what a women is going through and feeling…

And then the woman gets MORE UPSET and frustrated with him at the fact that he doesn’t seem to see or respond to her, and so SHE closes off.

I know this is something you’ve experienced over and over with men (and made some of the same mistakes again and again in each situation)

Something happens between you and a man, and you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach you just can’t ignore.

You know that something is “off” and not right… and it sends your intuition and your imagination running.

As the flood of emotions hit you, and you FEEL what’s going on throughout your body, you want the man to both see and understand why you would feel this way…

And you want him to UNDERSTAND you and them way that you’re feeling.

Of course, this isn’t at all what most men are going through and their emotional process.

They’re often thinking… “I have NO IDEA why she’s acting this way, or what it’s about, but I don’t like it and it feels awful. What is her problem? And why is she freaking out so much. What a nightmare. I want this to go away.”

Long story short, what started off as a misunderstanding and a situation where you simply didn’t feel good about something in the moment, and you wanted him to see it and respond… turned out to be something that caused a huge DISCONNECT between you two.

And your emotional experiences led both you AND him to feel distant and frustrated with each other in a way that kept you from being able to be close and feel ENGAGED in your feelings together.

Of course, on the other hand, if you know how to COMMUNICATE with a man… and you know how to get him to LISTEN and RESPOND to you in a positive way that shows that he hears and APPRECIATES your feelings…

Then these entire situations actually become moments where you and a man GROW CLOSER and learn more amazing things about each other that build your love and attraction.

Element #3 - “Effortless” Communication

Do you ever sit there and realize that you and a man share less with each other than you probably share with your friends about how you’re both thinking and feeling inside?

Are you ever scared to say what you REALLY think and feel to the man in your life?

And have you ever found out about things that are going on for a man that you’re with and what’s going on in your relationship from someone else who hardly knows him?

Isn’t a man supposed to be closer, more open, and more honest with you than anyone else about what’s going on for him in your relationship with you?

The answer is yes, he is.

You’re supposed to be able to be closer and more open and honest with the man in your life than with anyone else.

But for lots of women it just doesn’t work this way.

Often times you, as the girlfriend, are the VERY LAST person to find out what’s REALLY going on inside the mind of the man you’re with.

And it’s enough to make you want to scream.

Not to mention the embarrassment that you feel realizing that everyone else might have known what was going on with him but you…and they just sat there and watched and said nothing.

It can make you feel like a real fool.

But how is it that other couples, and other women have men and relationships in their lives where the man they’re with can and does tell them ANYTHING and EVERYTHING going on with him first… and shares and confides in them as close and loving partners are supposed to?

Well, I have to be the one to break the bad news to you…

But if you haven’t had this kind of open, honest, and “effortless” communication between you and your man in the past where you can and do tell each other anything…

Or you don’t have it now…

Then guess who’s fault that is?

It’s YOUR FAULT.

Period. End of story.

And this is even more true if you’ve had several relationships in your life where the level of communication you shared was AWFUL, and you found out about all the important things going on inside your man’s mind after the fact.

There’s something I’ve learned in my life that I’ve practiced myself, and that I’ve watched literally hundreds and thousands of women use to turn their love life around almost overnight…

And that’s one simple thing-

Taking 100% PERSONAL RESPONSIBILTY for creating the kind of COMMUNICATION you want and have in your relationship.

Here’s a quick tip-

Communication IS the RESPONSE you get.

Read that again. It’s extremely important.

Communication IS the RESPONSE you get.

In other words, the thing that really and truly matters if you care about having the kind of understanding and emotional exchange between you and a man that you want is helping the man you’re sharing your thoughts and feelings with actually “get” what you’re saying.

And if you can do that, and spend just a little time helping him understand you… then you’re literally HUNDREDS of times more likely to get the RESULT you want from sharing your thoughts and feelings in the first place.

(Often times the RESULT you’re probably looking for is to simply to feel UNDERSTOOD)

So let me ask you…

What do you think would happen if you decided today to take 100% responsibility for the way in which you communicate and share the very thoughts that sneak up on you and make you feel frustrated and upset?

Would he respond in a new and different way?

I think you’d be surprised to find out how he would respond… and I KNOW you’d like what you found.

One of the challenges when we’re in a great relationship is that there is SOOOOO much intense emotional stuff happening inside us that our minds end up literally SWIMMING in ideas and emotions.

And because we know exactly how each of the things that is going on looks and feels for us inside our own head… we make the terrible mistake of thinking that with a few simple words in conversation that the person we’re experiencing these feelings with will instantly “get it” and understand where we’re coming from.

WRONG.

I think that if you think about it and you’re honest… even YOU don’t know and understand all the feelings, emotions, and thoughts that are going through your head.

Point being… this mistake of assuming that a man will have an easy time hearing and understanding you if he would just stop and listen to you is made 10 times worse by the fact that men aren’t often trying to RELATE to what you’re thinking and feeling anyway.

Instead, their mind is somewhere else completely and not focused on relating and understanding at that time.

Especially if you haven’t taken the time to ENGAGE HIM on an EMOTIONAL LEVEL to help him get in touch with his and your feelings.

What do men often do instead of relating to you and understanding you?

Right.

They try to SOLVE the “problem” they think is going on that’s making you feel things so intensely in the first place…

Or they’re trying to get away from the intense feelings and emotions you’re going through in the first place… because they don’t understand them… or they’re not in the mental and emotional place to take them in and talk to you about them.

There’s a SECRET about how to get a man in the right mental and emotional place where he’ll naturally want to listen, share, and connect with you on a more open emotional level.

And that’s by creating what I call an Emotional Engagement with a man.

Doing this can be as simple as rubbing the back of a man’s neck gently with your hands as he sinks into a feeling of connection and affection with you…

Or it can be as difficult as trying to explain to him over and over what’s going on in your relationship that’s causing problems… and having him not want to listen or talk to you anymore.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter