Entries from July 2007 ↓

Have you ever “lost yourself” inside a relationship?

Have you ever had to figure out how to start taking care of yourself, your life, and your dreams FIRST… after realizing that it’s not a man’s business to do this for you?

And how many times have you gotten into a relationship with a man, broken up, and then realized after the fact that you totally got off your own “life path” while you were with him?

If you’re like lots of women, this kind of thing is an ongoing pattern in your life…

You meet an amazing man and you INSTANTLYfall for him and start spending most of your time and energy with him.

And before you know it… a huge part of your life revolves around this man and your relationship with him.

For a while, things are PERFECT.

He’s loving, affectionate, and you share things with each other you’ve never shared with anyone else ever before.

But after a while you start to see things shift…

You start to see that you’re not doing a lot of the things you used to do that were what kept you happy when you were single.

Your friends and other relationships start to drop away as you see everyone but your boyfriend less and less.

And most of your energy and mental focus is spent doing things inside your relationship, and for the man you’re with.

You start to turn to and depend on your relationship and the man you’re with more and more for fulfillment and satisfaction and happiness… which is why when things STOP being so perfect with this guy it completely FREAKS YOU OUT.

You’ve been putting EVERYTHING into this relationship, and doing everything you feel like you can for the man in your life… but then he starts acting differently with you.

He doesn’t seem to be as happy just to see you and be with you… the way he used to be.

He doesn’t seem as fun, as relaxed, and as “present” with you the way he used to be.

And he doesn’t seem to talk about or make plans for THE FUTURE with you the way he did when you were still getting to know one another.

And then it happens…

He comes to you one night out of the blue and tells you, “Honey, we need to talk. I’m not happy anymore and I want to break up.”

He also says some of the following:

“It’s really not you. You’re great. It’s me.”

“I just don’t want a serious relationship right now, but I really care about you.”

“I just feel like I need my freedom right now, and I hope you understand.”

Of course you’re devastated and completely taken off guard. And you start asking yourself questions like…

“Why didn’t I see this coming?”

Or…

“What was his problem? There was nothing wrong with our relationship. So why did he have to turn away from the amazing connection we shared?”

Or…

“How in the world did I get into ANOTHER one of these situations again where the man and the relationship I thought was there for me turned out to be anything but something I could DEPEND ON?”

And finally…

“What part of this is MY FAULT? What did I do that caused him to want to leave and not be with me anymore?”

If you’re like lots of women who I’ve met and helped over the years… then these and other questions have raced through your head for days and weeks after the man in your life left you.

Here’s the point to all this…

Just so you know, in the whole break-up process, asking these kinds of questions to yourself is a completely normal part of what most women go through.

But what often happens next is important for you to think about and learn from if you want to create for yourself better SITUATIONS and RELATIONSHIPS with men in the future…

Once you get some “space” from this man and the relationship… most women start to have a GRADUAL RECOGNITION about how the subtle SIGNS OF DANGER were there from early on with the man they were with…

And how, even though you went into this new situation trying to be smart and careful about being in the right relationship and not getting hurt again like you had before… you ended up repeating the VERY SAME MISTAKES that you had sworn you’d never make again.

And now, only in retrospect, is it so painfully obvious that things were going to end badly with this man.

How could you have ignored the signs that were there?

And how come you didn’t do anything about it when your intuition told you to?

It’s enough to drive you crazy trying to figure out what to listen to inside your head, and what not to.

*Quick Tip: One of the best ways to avoid the UNCERTAINTIES and all the UNKNOWNS in a relationship with a man is to be the kind of woman who a man is able to easily open up to and communicate his true thoughts and feelings with.

Part of the secret of being able to get a man to communicate with you in this way is to understand what it is that INSPIRES a man to get in touch with his feelings and want to share with you in the first place.

Because if you don’t help a man get in touch with his feelings, and be in the mental and emotional state where he’ll want to open up and share with you… then all you’re going to get is RESISTANCE.

Ok, now… as if all that I was talking about above with “losing yourself” with a man and the fallout that comes from it wasn’t painful and frustrating enough… here’s the final straw:

When this happens… you also finally recognize after you break up that you had stopped TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF in your relationship… and that few, if any, of YOUR NEEDS had really been addressed and taken care of inside your relationship.

You had stopped doing most or all of the things that you knew were what truly made you HAPPY and FULFILLED as a woman. So, no wonder you weren’t your “personal best” and your relationship didn’t last.

Instead of making sure you were being the best you could be… you had been spending most of your precious time and energy on your relationship, and on keeping it and the man you were with happy.

But which was the priority?

And which one is more important than the other?

And why is this kind of thing so common and ends up happening to so many women over and over in their lives - but they never learn the lesson and figure out what to do about it.

Well, let me start by sharing with you the most important reasons that this happens to so many women.

It’s because:

A) Most women don’t enter into relationships with an already happy and fulfilling life and allow a man and a relationship to simply add to their already great and ongoing full life

B) Most women get into relationships with men not only in the WRONG WAY that sets things up to be difficult and short-lived from the start, but also for the WRONG REASONS

Now… I want to give you what could be the most powerful and life-changing piece of insight you come across for YEARS.

Seriously.

If you’re repeating a lot of the same relationship patterns over and over with men, and you find that you’re EMOTIONALLY drawn into these similar situations with different men again and again and want to BREAK THE HABIT…

Then you need to start by first creating that emotionally healthy and fulfilling life for yourself first… and THEN you will find that you will EFFORTLESSLY draw and attract the RIGHT MAN to you from the INSIDE OUT.

I want to talk to you about the second reason from above about why so many end up in the situation where they “lose themselves” inside their relationship.

And that’s because they end up falling into a relationship for the WRONG REASONS in the first place.

If you are looking for the wrong things from a man, attracted to the wrong men, or you’re wanting to receive the wrong kind of
attention and validation from a man… then it doesn’t take a rocket-scientist to figure out that you’re very likely to get into the WRONG RELATIONSHIP for the WRONG REASONS.

So…

I’m going to share a few of the absolute WRONG REASONS why you might be in a relationship… and why these reasons guarantee that what you share with a man won’t be healthy or fulfilling for you. (And won’t last)

Here are some of the most critical wrong reasons to be in a relationship…

Wrong Reason #1: To Avoid Feeling Lonely

Another weekend rolls around, it’s a great time to be out in the world enjoying life with someone special… but you have no one special to share it with.

The holidays and other special times of the year keep coming up… and there you are at dinner tables and parties around all kinds of happy loving families and couples.

But you’re there ALONE.

You get into your bed at night by yourself and you think… how in the world do I still not have a real partner I can share my life with?

And you think back to the last man you were with, or loved… and part of you wants to call him up.

It wouldn’t be so bad. He was a good guy afterall… even though you couldn’t make it work the last time around.

Maybe this time will be different.

Why not give it another try?

I can’t tell you how many women I see making huge mistakes with men because there’s a part of them on a deep emotional level that would rather AVOID the feeling of being ALONE at all costs rather than free themselves of a relationship or situation that they knew was unhealthy or harmful to them.

Of course, very few women CONSCIOUSLY say to themselves,

“Gee, if I leave this bad relationship where I’m not getting much of anything anyhow… I’ll have to feel that scary awful feeling of being alone. But that’s better than this hurtful relationship”

No.

On an UNCONSCIOUS level, lots of women are actually MORE EMOTIONALLY SATISFIED in a BAD RELATIONSHIP that ends up hurting them AND the man they’re with… than they are being ALONE.

In other words, all the pain and struggle and hurt that can come with being in the wrong relationship with the wrong man is much more comfortable and “familiar” to lots of women than the idea of being ALONE.

And this is why you can often end up in very complicated and hurtful relationships that just seem to keep beating you up and taking from you… and you never can tell when it’s time to call it quits and move on.

When you feel lonely inside, or you have a fear of being alone now or in the future… sooner or later it will cause you to make BAD CHOICES and end up getting involved and staying in BAD RELATIONSHIPS.

Wrong Reason #2: Pressure

How many of your friends are in serious long term relationships and have love and a great man in their life?

And how many are married, engaged, or soon to be engaged and about to be married?

You might not consciously recognize it…but if a whole bunch of your friends are starting to “get hitched” and are falling deeper into lasting committed relationships, then odds are it’s having a strong impact on the way you’re thinking and feeling.

After you go out to dinner with a few of your female friends, and they are all with the great guy they’re in an amazing relationship with… coming home alone doesn’t feel too good.

And let’s not even mention weddings, baby showers, and the like.

Or if you’re getting close to, at, or past the age where you can start a family.

It’s enough to make you wonder if there’s something wrong with you.

Unfortunately, a lot of women let the love and luck that OTHER WOMEN are experiencing in relationships make them feel an intense level of PRESSURE to find the right man and the right
lasting relationship NOW.

Of course, this only adds to the problem of ATTRACTING a man… as it leads you to not feeling very relaxed, comfortable, or confident in yourself since you’re so wrapped up in your head.

And it makes the challenge of creating a long term relationship that will LAST more difficult for you since the PRESSURE you feel inside to have the right relationship NOW makes you behave in DESPERATE and NEEDY ways that makes a man feel like you’re more interested in the IDEA of a good relationship than you are in HIM and how he actually FEELS when he’s with you.

If you let the fact that other women are in great relationships make you feel sorry for yourself and hopeless… then you’re only making things worse for yourself…

And a man is going to sense these feelings, emotions, and worries inside you VERY QUICKLY from the moment he meets you and gets close to you… and ironically it will be your intense desire and the pressure you feel to have a great relationship that will be the thing that PUSHES HIM AWAY.

Wrong Reason #3: Filling The Void

If you have a sense of emptiness inside you that wants to be filled by love and by a man… then the HARSH REALITY is that no one, no man, and no relationship is EVER going to be able to fill that emptiness or void inside you.

Ever.

And no matter how great you think a man is, or how amazing you think you are together as a couple… if you have those “empty spots” inside you, then they are going to show up in
your relationship and do all kinds of damage to you and the man you’re with.

No matter what he does or says, ultimately it won’t be good enough… or feel good enough for you.

If he starts saying he loves you twice a day… you’ll start to wonder and worry when he only says it once.

When you do something for a man to make him happy, or to surprise him just because…and then he doesn’t respond exactly the way you had hoped or expected, then you’re going to lose your composure and he’ll see that there’s something about you he doesn’t want to be around.

The point is, if there’s that feeling of emptiness that you carry with you when you’re not with a man… then the truth is that when you go to get into a relationship, you’re often going to get involved not because a man or a relationship is right for you…but because you ant to FILL this VOID inside you.

Of course, if you find a good guy and you et a relationship started off right… then often times it’s easy to experience several weeks or months of fun and joy.

But this doesn’t mean that what’s happening beneath the surface inside you has changed.

Any kind of intimacy and “closeness” is going to make you feel better for a little while when you have this “void” inside you…

But once the easy emotional connection and satisfaction you get from a new kind of love and a new situation wears off…you’ll of course find that you’re not “filled up” after all.

Which is why this “void” is the very thing that makes you so terribly VULNERABLE to the WRONG RELATIONSHIPS in the first place.

Some signs that you have a kind of emotional “void” and that you aren’t in touch with the things that fulfill you are:

-Not being able to, or choosing to spend any time alone

-Needing to have a phone, a TV, a radio, or something present in your life at all times or else you feel nervous or bored

-Being out of touch with your own personal thoughts, feelings, beliefs, or purpose

-Needing to have a high level of CERTAINTY and PREDICTABILITY in all things in your life

-”Feeding” your void with things other than just men and relationships such as food, clothing, shopping, etc.

What To Do About All This…

Now, if a few of the things I’ve said here have struck a chord inside you… then that’s a sign that there’s some truth for you in one or more of the things I was talking about.

With that being the case, here’s what I’d like to do…

I’d like to give you a few quick tips here and guide you to some other resources where you could find IN-DEPTH information, answers, and solutions to some of the things that may be going on in your dating and relationship PATTERNS with men.

Tip #1: Don’t Wait For A Man To Figure It All Out

Here’s something fascinating…

I got a bunch of emails last week in response to an email I wrote that was about how some women screw up in common dating situations with men.

Several of these emails were from women who were thanking me for all the insights and advice they got from reading my email.

They said that as they read my email, something kind of “snapped on” inside their minds… and suddenly what they needed to do and change in their own love life became crystal clear.

Problem solved, worries gone, uncertainty dealt with… and life was much better now knowing what they didn’t know before.

But a few of the emails I got from a few other women were very different…

A few of these “other women” had a much different attitude.

They were actually writing because they were PISSED OFF at ME for writing an email that told them how to take action for themselves…and were angry that I hadn’t suggested that it was men who were the ones that needed to do the changing.

If you don’t get where I’m going with this and what’s going on here… here’s the deal-

I’m writing to you right now - a woman.

I’m not writing to a man.

If I was writing to a man, or I could write an email to your boyfriend, lover, husband, whatever… then I would be giving him HELL about getting his act together and being an amazing partner who fulfilled and satisfied you.

But guess what?

He’s not here!!!

You are.

That’s why it’s time to stop waiting for a man to figure out what’s going on and be the one to learn what it takes to make you, your life, and your relationship filled with LOVE, JOY, and FULFILLMENT.

Of course, if you want to keep waiting around for a man to finally “get it” and make things work for you… then be my guest.

Just don’t get mad at me when you start getting frustrated and see that he’s not going to be the one to figure things out for you.

Tip #2: Help Yourself

One of the best ways to start improving your life and any situation your in - whether it’s a relationship with a man or any other potentially great and important situation -is to find amazing resources and information that will help you quickly GROW and LEARN.

I can’t tell you how many women have said to me over the years that they wish they would have come across my book, my information, and some of my other products 5, 10, or even 20 years ago.

It would have saved them nearly a lifetime of pain, frustration, and heartache.

The great news is that you don’t have to figure everything out for yourself… and there are ways to DRAMATICALLY increase your own knowledge and understanding with men, dating, and relationships… so that when those critical situations come along and love is in the balance,you can know and feel confident in yourself and in the right thing to do.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever become frustrated wondering when to become “physical” and intimate with a new man in your life?

You don’t want to move too fast, and you don’t want to move too slow… but no matter what you decide, it often feels like you made the wrong choice and things are going to get off track.

If you’re like TONS of women I’ve met and talked to, you’ve thought or worried about this.

Get ready to learn when and why you should become physical with a man and consider sex.

If you’re interested in a future relationship, and not just a fling with a man… then how you approach, talk about, and become physical with him can mean the difference between him feeling and acting emotionally “engaged” with you (to where he is asking YOU to commit) or being distant and uncertain about everything.

If you keep reading, you’re going to learn…

The mistakes that most women make when it comes to sex and getting physical with men that leaves them feeling unappreciated and afraid.

WHY this happens.

WHAT it means.

And HOW to go about changing the situation, even if you’ve already slept with a man and you’re worried because you’re not in a committed relationship… and so that when a man says he’s going to call, he means it and won’t be able to wait to see you again.

Here we go…

“I first want to start off by thanking you. I read your book front to cover in three days and it may just be the most powerful and inspirational tool I have ever encountered! You truly opened up my eyes to a completely new way of dealing with men and helped me see what it was that I was doing wrong”

- C.

Ok, let me get this straight.

You want to apologize for having sex with him!?

Lol! Sorry, but I have to have call you out since I think a shift in your mind set could do you some good personally and in your situation.

You should be telling him how LUCKY he is, not apologizing to him.

I guess he must be some kind of all powerful and deserving God, right?

For crying out loud! He’s just a man.

Don’t worry so much. Worrying is probably starting to become your actual problem.

Now that we’ve given you some tough love, let’s get down to brass tacks.

I’m glad you asked this question and layed it all out there because I get similar questions from women all the time when they’ve been “physical” with a man early on… and now they’re scared that they might have ruined things and any hope for a real relationship to start.

Let me break it down for you when it comes to men and relationships in regards to sex.

Before I get into exactly what’s going on in a man’s mind, I have to say that what you choose to do with your body and sexuality is a beautiful and private thing, so I’d never pretend to know what you should or shouldn’t do as a woman.

Every woman has her own personal boundaries and beliefs when it comes to love and sex.

But what I am going to talk about is how sex and being physical with a woman plays out in most men’s minds, how this relates to love and relationships, and what you can do about it.

THE BIG MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, SEX, AND BECOMING COMMITTED WITH A MAN

Here’s the first and probably the biggest mistake that most women make when it comes to sex - thinking that the chemistry, connection, physical intimacy, and SEX that they have with a man are what is going to make him want to commit.

Let me explain…

You’ve asked a question that basically states that you are worried that since you had sex with a man, he’s not going to want to commit to you anymore.

That’s not how it works.

There is no “point of no return” when you have sex with a man where it becomes too late to turn things into a great committed relationship.

It’s HOW YOU GO ABOUT becoming committed that’s going to make all the difference here.

The most common mistake I see women make with sex happens because they’re not sure what “stage” their relationship is in, or where the guy they are with is at in his heart and mind, so they use physical intimacy or sex to try and push things along.

Yes this makes a man more “interested” in you in the moment.

And NO, it doesn’t make him want a relationship.

Of course lots of women expect physical intimacy or sex to bring their relationship together anyway - even though they know inside that sex isn’t what really bonds a man to a woman.

And when their efforts to use sex don’t work like the magic that they would hope, they become embarrassed, ashamed, or frustrated that they shared themselves and didn’t get back what they thought they should.

And it’s here that they say things to a man such as,

“I never do this so quickly with men.”

Or…

“This was a mistake.”

Or…

“I swear I’m not like this.”

All the while the guilt, the worry, and the fear you’re feeling is visible just looking at you.

If you think about how a man sees this, it doesn’t make it better and convince him to think or feel what you might want him to feel.

Instead it shows a high level of stress and self-consciousness that’s often mistaken as “neediness” by men.

And it’s here that most women start to panic even more and start doing all kinds of things to compensate, hide their fear, and hold on even tighter to a man for fear of losing him.

Of course, all of these things are completely COUNTERPRODUCTIVE and actually make a man start to feel and do the thing that most women fear-

WITHDRAWAL.

And don’t forget the various forms of RESISTANCE to becoming closer, like thinking or talking about your feelings and a relationship that come up as well.

Next thing you know, the door seems to have shut as quickly as it opened with a man, all because you decided to share yourself with him.

But now you don’t even know how to get back to where you started.

There’s a reason why a man commits to one good woman and not another. And it often has to do with whether or not a woman understands how and when commitment works for him… and what it REALLY is that makes him want to commit.

(Hint - it’s NOT the same things that let you know that you’d like to commit to a man, and it doesn’t happen in the same order and “tempo” as it does for most women)

You know the old saying about how you teach people how to treat you?

When you’re a woman moving towards a new relationship with a man, this couldn’t be more important.

Sex is one of the ways that you help set certain “standards” with a man in your relationship.

Of course, I don’t mean that you should use sex as a bartering tool or as a “weapon” to get what you want.

That’s a whole different thing.

What I mean is that letting a man know that you respect yourself, and know what could be a great relationship between you two (enough to wait and see if it comes together before you dive in to the relationship) will help you AND him.

Here’s how.

It’s great that you are in touch with your sexuality and that you can enjoy yourself.

But I can tell from what you’re saying and feeling that even if you try to deny it, by having sex you’re going to run headlong into “relationship mode”.

Being in relationship mode isn’t the problem for you.

The problem comes when you realize that you are NOT in a relationship.

But physically, emotionally, and mentally you’ve already “gone there”.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

You know that when you’re in this situation, you’re not going to be your “best self”.

In fact, your probably going to be anxious, uncertain, worried, etc. and bring a lot of negative things to the great connection you guys are having right now, and you’re VERY, VERY likely to change the entire way that you guys are interacting and sabotage things for yourself.

This isn’t going to serve you OR him.

Following me here?

Good.

It’s not that having sex before a relationship means that you’ve ruined hopes for more…

It’s that sex doesn’t mean your going to grow into more with a man, even though you’re going to be committing a part of yourself to something that isn’t “there” yet… and you’re going to feel in ways that are going to make you actually STOP DOING the things that ARE WORKING to bring your relationship closer.

Now, I want to point out something else that’s very important…

You’re mistaking one thing for another in thinking that you’ve made a mistake by sleeping with a man who finds you very attractive.

Yes, by NOT having sex with a man, you make him more likely to look at you on a personal and emotional level, and connect with you this way.

Which can have a more lasting “bonding” effect when it comes to creating a lasting relationship.

But that DOESN’T mean that by having sex you “take away” the thing that’s going to make a man want to commit to you.

Men don’t truly commit to real relationships because they want sex and are willing to commit to get it.

Actually, I’d argue that lots of men stay away from commitments with women if they are looking for more sex in their lives.

Strange and interesting to look at it this way huh?

I know. I know. We men are strange animals sometimes.

Anyway… the reason men commit is because they want sex, but more importantly, because they FEEL so amazing around one woman, and find a deeper level of connection, respect, and affection for a woman that goes BEYOND just PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

In other words, if you have sex with a man before you are committed, it doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your one “bargaining chip”.

Although I think it feels this ways for lots of women after they are physical with a man and then they start to see that he isn’t committed to them.

Here’s what you need to understand.

Making a man wait for sex can GREATLY INCREASE the odds of him staying around to figure out if he wants to have a real relationship with you…and get to know you on a deeper level. (And thus share more of himself in the process and become more emotionally “invested” on his own)

But making a man wait for sex isn’t going to make him want to commit on it’s own.

There are LOTS of couples out there who start off with a first night of intense passion… and their relationships start off with a bang and are the better for it.

If you sleep with a man and you are not committed, you haven’t made a “mistake”.

Instead you’ve got to understand that for most men, having sex with a woman doesn’t mean that he’s “ready” or passively/indirectly committing.

TONS of women make the mistake of thinking that if a man sleeps with them, that he’s subtly “agreeing” to a monogamous and committed relationship by default.

When you do this as a woman with a man, and then the signs start to show up after sex that indicate he’s NOT COMMITTED, it’s then that it seems like you’ve done something wrong.

And it’s then that you start to feel more and more vulnerable, as you’ve given or shared yourself with a man, and he hasn’t seemed to recognize or appreciate that gift in the way you would have hoped he would.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Christian Carter

Ever wondered why it’s so hard to meet a great guy?

And do you ever wonder why men don’t seem to approach you… even though you’re open to it, “available”, and alone everywhere you go?

Do men sometimes act like there’s already a ring on your finger when there’s not?

Well, you’re about to learn why it’s hard for most women to meet and connect with a great guy… and what to do about it to change your luck with men and dating forever.

I’ll start by sharing a great direct question from a reader I know you’ll relate to…

” I have been wondering if this guy at work is attracted to me. My instincts tell me he is, but I can’t tell for sure. He’s gone the extra mile to be physically present around our office, but if he is interested why has he not approached me? I’ve been trying to play it safe since I do want to approach him but I’m not sure if I should.

-D

Great question. Wrong thinking.

Let me ask you…

Do you want to spend your precious time and energy waiting around for a man to figure things out, finally decide he’s interested in you… and make it all work for you?

Or would you like to be able to CREATE what it is that you’re looking for FOR YOURSELF?

I’m going to guess that you’d like to know more about helping things work for yourself so you don’t have to depend on a man…

But I’m sure that learning to UNDERSTAND MEN BETTER wouldn’t hurt either, so I’ll throw in some tips on this level too.

There’s something PAINFULLY OBVIOUS going on here you probably haven’t considered.

And it’s something important I want you to remember that most women never seem to get about men-

Men are AFRAID of REJECTION.

Stop for a second and think about it…

Men have a million different reasons of their own for NOT talking to a woman and not asking her… most of which have NOTHING to do with him not being interested and not wanting to be with her.

Let me share with you a couple of things you might not have thought about before that will expand your AWARENESS of what’s going on with men.

Did you know that a man will often be even MORE AFRAID of rejection when it comes to asking out a woman he already knows?

Seriously.

To most women, it seems like the opposite would be true… but it’s not.

A man feels like he has a whole lot more to lose by “hitting on” a woman who is inside his social circle than he does with a woman who’s a perfect stranger.

Of course, you might never get the idea from a man that he wouldn’t be totally comfortable or confident about approaching a woman from the way he acts, or the fact that he can talk to you about work or any other less personal topic…

But the reality is that when it comes to approaching women and asking them out, most men:

A) Don’t know what to do or say to find out if a woman is interested

B) Don’t know HOW to ask a woman out

C) Feel so nervous at the thought of approaching a strange new woman that they have to literally run away from the situation

D) Worry intensely what might happen if they “cross the line” from friendly conversation to what might be considered a “sexual advance”

In other words… for a man, showing a woman that he’s interested and asking her out can be very very RISKY.

If a man in your office was interested in you… and he went up to you and decided to ask you out, inside his mind here’s the 3 most likely outcomes:

1. You’d REJECT him as you felt “creeped out” by him making a sexual advance… and you’d spread the word that he was a weirdo and he’d become an outcast among your office peers

2. You’d both reject him, and you’d file a sexual harassment complaint

3. You’d say yes and you’d perhaps go out on a date that might or might not go well

So let me ask you…

How do these potential outcomes compare when you look at all 3 of them?

Well, 2 of these outcomes are what you might think of as very harmful or destructive for a man.

And just 1 of the outcomes has a some small potential to bring more fun and enjoyment into his life.

Here’s the point…

In lots of situations, men simply won’t take the risk of approaching a woman in a personal or “sexual” way because the risk isn’t worth the potential reward.

Men don’t think about all this consciously of course. They make these decisions in a snap second based on the way that they FEEL in the moment around a woman.

A man’s behavior with a woman he isn’t close or intimate with yet is decided and all takes place in an INSTANT where a man either “feels it” for a woman and decides that it’s “safe” for him to move forward… or not.

And here’s something else fascinating you need to know…

After years and years spent talking to both men and women about love, relationships, dating and attraction… there’s something I’ve found to be universally true-

Deep down most men see WOMEN as the ones who hold all the “control” and “power” when it comes to dating, sex, and relationships.

For most men, it’s their absolute everyday reality that WOMEN are the ones who decide what happens when dating, who LEAD the situation forward when and how they want, and are the one’s who ultimately say Yes or No.

Of course, if you’re like most women, then you see things differently…

Deep down you see a MAN as the one who holds all the control and power in the dating world.

And for you it’s the MAN who is the one who decides if there’s going to be a connection, and whether or not things are going to move forward… and that something real, like a great relationship, will only happen if he allows it to happen and subtly LEADS and decides to let the situation go this way.

But wait a minute.

How could men and women both be experiencing the same thing about the other?

By now I think you’re starting to see where this is going.

The good news is that just by becoming AWARE of the fact that men can and do feel EXACTLY the way you often do when it comes to meeting, dating, and getting things started is a HUGE EYE-OPENER that will change your entire perspective and approach forever for the better.

If you let it.

Why He Isn’t Asking You Out

So we’ve already covered the fact that approaching a woman can be very RISKY and dangerous for a man.

In fact, the way we humans developed, for males it was literally a matter of life or death.

If a woman rejected him, he might be not only “outted” from his group or community and never get to have children… but other males would literally hurt or kill him as a result.

There’s some intense “wiring” built into this process of finding and meeting a woman for a man.

Anyways, enough of the deep stuff for now.

Let me fill in some other gaps here for you about men and getting things started…

Did you know that TONS of great women walk around constantly believing that there are NO GOOD MEN OUT THERE?

While TONS of good men live their lives single, alone, and frustrated that they can’t meet a great woman who is sweet, attractive, and loving of them for who they really are?

This fact about men and women never ceases to amaze me.

No matter where I go, over and over again I see men who are scared stiff of approaching women and simply starting conversations.

So much so that the men who are actually CONFIDENT and genuinely comfortable and AUTHENTIC in the way they can interact with and approach and meet women, makes them instantly popular and “powerful” among other men.

It’s incredible to watch how this works and plays out among men.

Anyways…

One of the most powerful things that goes on for men that keeps them from connecting with great women is this-

The MORE INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE a woman is to a man… the more SCARED and NERVOUS the man becomes around her.

Funny how that works.

I know TONS of great guys who are confident, fun, smart and successful… and can walk into a room full of people and work all kinds of magic from helping others, engaging in incredible and riveting conversations, to leading and supporting and listening all at the same time.

But even these men simply don’t feel like they’ll ever be able to meet and attract a great woman.

And that when push comes to shove, they just don’t have that special something, that unique charm, or the right stuff that would make a woman want to go out with them.

Let alone know what to actually SAY to a woman to have her become interested in him.

For most men, the idea of how to get a woman’s personal and “sexual interest” completely and utterly ELUDES THEM.

But why is this?

Well, for starters, some men have a sense of what I’ll call SHAME about being a sexual person, and about engaging with a woman in a sexual way when not expressly invited to do so.

But that’s a whole other story…

Most men claim that they can’t or don’t meet, talk to, or ask out women that they are interested in because, as they say,

“So many women are ‘bitchy’ or ‘uptight’.”

Of course, this is just a defense to keep them from feeling worse about themselves or risk REJECTION.

Lots of men, and I mean LOTS, also complain about how there aren’t any good women out there that would be interested in them for who they REALLY ARE… unless they were richer, more powerful, more talented, better looking, etc.

Not true, as you know.

The SECRET and REAL REASON that these men can’t and don’t “make the move” even when the right woman is right there in front of them is because most men simply don’t know how to GET THE CONVERSATION STARTED with a woman and actually CONNECT with her on a personal and emotional level.

This is what one of my good friends calls a man’s “Secret Excuse”.

Hmmm. And wouldn’t you know it… this kind of thing seems to be a lot like what women are experiencing when it comes to men. (hint, hint)

How many women have you heard say,

“There aren’t any good guys out there.”

“Men don’t like ‘real’ women like me. They want some other fake plastic Barbie doll.”

Or my recent favorite…

“Men are all so screwed up. I’m better off and happier not even thinking about dating.”

As if these women can “turn off” the need and desire for love and connection in their life.

If you’re paying close attention here, then some light bulbs are starting to go off inside your head.

I find it amazing how the truth becomes so clear for us when we can see our own challenges and struggles through the lives of others.

So, what do you think you have in common with a man who is holding on to his “Secret Excuse” for why he can’t meet a great woman?

I’ll give you a few moments to think about it.

..

..

If you spent the time for yourself here,then you had some strong and clear REALIZATIONS by asking yourself this question.

Here’s 2 things that I’d strongly recommend you do right now:

1) Write your thoughts down

I can’t tell you how valuable it is to capture those moments of clarity and insight in your life and put them somewhere you can keep them in your conscious mind and keep learning and growing from them.

2) Keep the process of asking the right questions and getting back clear and powerful answers that guide you…

One of the VERY BEST ways of doing this and keeping your growth and learning process going is to immerse yourself in the right situations and the right information that will bring about those amazing INSIGHTS and REALIZATIONS for you.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to start a conversation with a man you’re interested in and take his attraction and interest for you to the next level so that he’d ask you out?

Well, for lots of women, they’re not sure exactly what to say, when to say it and how a man will respond and what to do about it.

Let’s take a look at What most women do in this situation.

Here’s a short list of the usual things women do when they’re interested in a guy.

I call these the “doing what makes sense” courtship behaviors, because they all center around the idea of doing what makes sense to you instead of what works for the other person.

-Pursuing a man by trying to arrange ways to “accidentally” be around him and starting “safe” and casual conversations, hoping that something will spark.

-Telling a man how much you like him early on

-Trying to hint to a guy that you want to be taken out or trying to convince him to go out with you

-Simply standing next to a man, or constantly putting yourself in his “physical space”, but never directly engaging him or opening yourself at all in hopes that he’ll make something happen for you

-Becoming the “super-friend” and doing favors for the guy without him asking, or buying gifts to try to win over his affection.

If you’ve seen or done any of these before, then I don’t have to tell you that they don’t often lead to great RESULTS with a man.

They might get a man to pay a little attention to you for a moment. Or a few days or weeks.

But they surely don’t give him that gut-level feeling inside where he wants to be with you, and only you.

If you’ve done any of these things with men in the past, or you’re doing any of them now, then you need to CUT IT OUT!

The reality is that, whether you’d like to look at it or not right now… lots of women make the same common mistakes with men.

So, if you’re an attractive and desirable man… and you have women who are interested in you and want your time and attention, then guess what?

You start to see that a lot of women seem to all behave in a lot of similar ways.

And besides the fact that it’s just kind of weird seeing several women do the exact same things with you… it makes the women
who do these same things not seem so unique or special.

Especially if the things that a lot of these women are doing are things that are UNATTRACTIVE to you and give you that “Ewww”
feeling inside your stomach.

It’s bad enough to be PREDICTABLE with a man, and look to him like all the other women out there that he’s NOT interested in.

But it’s even worse when your PREDICTABLE behaviors are the things that really make a man lose interest and never want to be with you.

BORING and PREDICTABLE are the enemies of ATTRACTION.

So what can you do or say when approaching a man to not be boring?

I’m so glad you asked.

There’s an attitude I’ve seen that does wonders to create attraction and interest in men just through conversation.

I call it the “Playful & Independent” attitude.

Let me give you a very specific example and tell you a quick story….

The other day my friend Rob was in the market shopping for some ingredients for a dinner he was cooking.

Rob’s a great single guy who likes to throw fun dinner and cocktail parties just because.

And from what I hear from most women who meet him, he’s quite the catch too.

Anyways, he was in the produce section at the market and a woman was next to him that he could kind of sense was interested and wanted to talk.

She had picked out a head of lettuce right before him, and he put his hand out to pick up some too.

Then as he grabbed the lettuce, the woman looked over at him quickly and said, “Copycat”, flashed a wry grin at him, then kept on doing her shopping like she wasn’t waiting for him to do anything.

Rob loved it. He took the playful comment and immediately fired back in his own playful way.

Then as the conversation went on, she put similar playful and flirtatious comments out there and then backed off and waited for Rob to pick up the slack and take the ball and hit it back
to her.

Next thing you know, Rob turned the conversation to the party he was having and invited the woman over and it turned out to be a great date.

Weeks later now they’re dating and growing closer.

So what went on there? It didn’t sound like
that much, right?

Well, first, the woman didn’t use the “what makes sense” stuff that lots of women use.

She could have made eye contact with Rob, waited for him to talk to her, and then asked him questions like, “What’s your name?”, or “What do you do?”.

BORING.

Instead, the woman decided to take a playful approach that intrigued him and didn’t have any of the common boring predictable conversational stuff.

And it was so different that it made him curious,compelled him to take an interest in her and he couldn’t help but respond and engage in the playful conversation.

Nice.

And once they started talking she kept the attraction and playful tension alive and built more of it by taking one step ahead with playful comments, and then waiting and taking a step back so that Rob would be drawn in and involve himself.

So in very subtle psychological ways, the woman was indicating to Rob several things:

-She wanted to have fun with him but didn’t just come out and say it by being too predictable with the way she showed it

-She was different than other women in a good way

-She wasn’t scared, nervous or dependent on the outcome or what Rob was going to say. She was having a good time personally, no matter what

-She wasn’t going to just pursue Rob. She made sure that he was drawn in and interested by his own choices and decisions by leaving space for him to talk and be playful back so that there was a “back and forth” to the playful conversation and flirting

I see all this as a kind of magic mix that is extremely attractive to men that I go into detail explaining how it works, and how to have it start working for you with men quickly and easily so that men will instantly respond to you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I want to share something important with you here…

Have you ever had a man tell you he’s not happy and wants to end your relationship?

And the more you tried to figure out why he was unhappy and “fix” things… the further he pushed you away.

You couldn’t understand why in the world he stopped loving and caring for you the way he used to… and it made no sense at all.

And to add further frustration to the pain,there really was no clear REASON WHY he stoppedfeeling it for you and decided he wanted to leave.

There was no single moment that you knew changed things for him.

So it drove you crazy trying to figure out what it really was that had changed the way he felt about you.

Now… if you’re like most women, this situation has happened to you at least once or twice in your life.

Or it may even be happening to you right now.

Point is, you know how devastating it can feel.

Well, the good news is that there is a whole lot of LEARNING and GROWTH that can take place in these moments. (whether you believe it or not right now)

And these are also often the moments that start the process of CHANGE and TRANSFORMATION towards a better life.

To help you get the most from these moments in your life, and make sure you take away the lessons you were to learn… consider for a minute how you’ve dealt with situations like this in the past.

You may have done some or all of the following with a man when your relationship was falling apart and he said he wanted to leave:

1) You tried to “rationalize” the situation and tell him how good you think your relationship is, and how he’s wrong for not wanting it or seeing all the amazing things about it. But this NEVER helped.

2) You were sweeter and more affectionate, hoping he’d reciprocate and open back up to you… but all this did was annoy him.

3) The more hurt you felt, and the more he saw this, the LESS he seemed to pay attention to you and your feelings, or care. As a matter of fact, he may have become colder and MORE distant the more he saw that you were hurt.

4) You spent countless hours trying to TALK about what you were both feeling and “work” on things. But that only pushed him further away, no matter how much reasoning or understanding you did when it came to him, his feelings, and how to help him be happy.

Recognize any of these responses in your past?

If so, then believe it or not I have GOOD NEWS for you.

Let me explain why this is good news…

You may have noticed a kind of “trend” going on with all the common responses I listed above.

This “trend” goes something like this-

The HARDER you try with a man, and the more you attempt to TALK things out with him… the LESS RESPONSIVE and “emotionally available” he becomes with you.

Fascinating.

If you’re paying attention here, than you should have some lightbulbs going off inside your head at this point.

Hopefully you’re starting to recognize a kind of PATTERN that has played out between you and the man in your life in your past.

This is your first step - to discover this PATTERN of your own… and keep CONSCIOUS of it and how it’s working AGAINST YOU with men.

Of course, when you start seeing these patterns in your life more clearly, some questions will quickly come up for you.

So here’s one of those important questions-

In those times that you’ve TRIED HARDER to make things work with a man and put MORE LOVE and ENERGY into a man and a relationship when he’s pulled away… is the reason that it hasn’t worked for you because you’re not SAYING the right things?

Or could it be that what you were saying didn’t really matter, because he had his mind already made up?

Important question.

Here’s the truth…

If you’ve been close to a man, shared an amazing level of love and connection… and you know what you’ve shared is “real”, then the reality is that when a man pulls away from you and tells you he’s unhappy and unsure of wanting to be with you…

On a “logical” level he has decided that he would like to try and move on.

But on a deeper EMOTIONAL LEVEL, a man has rarely made up his mind about not wanting to leave if you’re still close and he’s at all conflicted about things with you.

Deep down he still has that same place in his heart that wants to connect with you and share what you used to share - and would want to do so again if things were “different” than they’ve become.

After all, he felt strongly before and had decided he wanted to be with you in the first place since you’ve been together.

Now, some women sense this kind of thing where a man STILL HAS FEELINGS for them but is saying that he wants to leave… because they can sense it inside a man INTUITIVELY, which is great.

But here is the problem with this…

Instead of using this intuition to their benefit… they actually end up SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT with it by trying to CONVINCE the man of what they can see INSIDE HIM… and try and SHOW HIM how to get back in touch with that place inside where he still love and cares for them.

If you know much about how human behavior works… or more importantly, about how men respond and LISTEN, then you know that trying to tell a man all the things YOU can see that he CAN’T isn’t a great way to approach things.

If you’re like lots of other women who have tried to “save” your relationship unsuccessfully - then some or all of the 4 common responses I described above ring true for you and didn’t work out well for you.

You “went with your gut” and your intuition, and tried to get a man to see all the things YOU KNEW to be true about him and your relationship.

But these weren’t the things that HE was able to hear or understand about you, about himself, or about your relationship.

To make a long story short… it’s important to remember that even though you see the “truth” of your situation and try to share it with a man… this is YOUR TRUTH, and NOT HIS.

He has an entirely different perspective all together.

Which is why, trying to be the one to fix your relationship by CONVINCING a man of what YOUR INTUITION tells you doesn’t often “resonate” the same way for him the way it does for you when you talk about what you’re seeing and feeling.

In fact, sharing your own intuition about him and your relationship only makes him RESIST YOU even more… and want to get farther away from you and your old relationship.

Why Trying To “Talk” Things Through With Him Isn’t The Answer…

OK, so let’s back up a bit, as I want to show you something else critical that’s going on here for you with men…

Think back to the day you first had “the talk” with a man where he admitted how he wasn’t into your relationship anymore:

“It’s just not working.”

“I love you. But I’m just not IN LOVE with you anymore.”

“I’m not happy.”

“I need my space.”

When a man said this… your first reaction was probably-

“Let’s talk about it. Let’s make it better.”

You probably had some “heavy” talks with him, trying to figure out what went wrong and what you could do to get the love back again.

The talks made you upset, and even angry at times.

But you persisted because maybe you felt if you could talk things through and make him SEE how much you still cared for and loved him… then he would of course realize that you were “the one” for him.

Because at one time you had both shared such a great connection that you were sure that you could get it back with “better communication”, and by figuring out what went wrong.

Or maybe you even suggested counseling - for yourself or for both of you.

You laid yourself out on the line… willing to DO and BE just about ANYTHING in order to make things right again, the way they USED to be,but better.

But he didn’t want any part in any of this.

Your friends and family probably told you that you were doing the right things, and that relationship take “work”…

And that if he wasn’t listening, opening up, and “getting it”… then HE was the one to blame.

That he was the one being selfish and immature.

Some of these other reasons made you feel a little bit better… but only for a moment.

It still didn’t explain why, despite everything you were doing to improve yourself and your relationship… he was still getting MORE and MORE distant and certain that he wanted to end things with you.

Until finally he broke it off for good.

Ouch.

A BETTER WAY

What if I were to suggest to you there was a way to STOP your man from leaving… and to actually REVERSE the break up and re-ignite his passion and feelings toward you that brought you together in the first place?

And what if you could do this quickly and easily… with a whole lot LESS EFFORT and frustration?

The thing is… for all your thinking, analyzing, worrying, and trying to do the right thing for your relationship… most women never recognize that they have been making a CRITICAL MISTAKE all along in this “save the relationship” process from the moment that bad “talk” took place.

And they never figure out that this one mistake that they keep making is the thing that is what actually pushing the man in their life FURTHER AWAY… instead of bringing him closer to you.

Now, I don’t expect you to believe that all this could be true about your life just because I’m telling you.

But let me ask you…

If there was even a small bit of truth that you could learn from and change your love life and your “luck” in love FOREVER… would you be willing to at least take a look at this?

Here the cold hard reality…

The key to figuring out what works in “reviving” your relationship has nothing to do with how hard you try or how much or how little love and affection you have for a man.

It has to do with a little-known secret about how the HUMAN PSYCHE has a common pattern of behavior in both men AND women that drives a man to further withdraw when you keep trying to “work things out”.

Want to know more about this secret, how it works… and how to put it to use in your own life and relationship to enjoy more love and security?

Well, then you’re in luck… because I can help you there.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in Life and Love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Tell me if this has ever happened to you…

You’re with this great guy, but he seems to be doing something that’s not so great in your relationship.

And it’s starting to bother you.

A lot.

At first you tell yourself that it’s no big deal, and you try and be the “bigger person” and overlook it.

But eventually it gets to you that he doesn’t see what’s going on… and he doesn’t seem to be paying much attention or care the way you do.

So you want to say something to him, but the right time never seems to come.

Then one day he does something that, in other circumstances, wouldn’t be such a big deal.

But since you’ve been holding on to all these other feelings and carrying them around inside for so long… something happens that surprises even you-

You completely lose your composure, and you let him have it.

Maybe you yell.

Maybe you cry.

Or maybe you become completely withdrawn and cold as ice.

Whatever you do, it’s INTENSE.

You can actually feel all the emotions you’ve been carrying around well up and pour out of you in this moment.

And once you get started, you can’t stop.

It ALL comes out as you get totally carried away with your feelings and emotions.

Afterwards, you feel a sense of relief because it feels good getting things off your chest. And you know that it’s good to share your feelings and be honest because it can bring you and a man closer.

But not so fast…

The man in your life doesn’t act like he feels any closer to you now that you’ve shared how you feel with him.

Instead of him understanding you better, he’s completely WITHDRAWN.

Arrrggh!

Here’s something you can do about this kind of frustrating situation with a man right now:

If you find that your emotions get the best of you when you try and talk honestly with the man in your life and it’s tearing you apart…

Or…

If you find that your fears and emotions are keeping you from attracting the right man and getting a great relationship started in the first place, then there’s something you need to do-

You need to quickly get yourself into the right state of mind where the man for you will be naturally drawn to you and your unique “energy”.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, he will sense the mental and emotional “state” you’re in… and he’ll either instantly “feel it” for you, or he won’t.

And sure, if you don’t know what to say or do you’ll have a hard time as well.

But if you’re not coming from the right place as a woman inside… then it won’t matter what you say or do with a man.

He will hear how you are FEELING louder than anything else.

And if you’re feeling scared, insecure, or uncertain… then he won’t want to get any closer to you.

Instead, he’ll want to get away from you.

So you’ve lost your composure with a man and let fly a whole bunch of feelings that were bottled up inside you… and now he’s acting totally different.

He won’t even talk to you now, and he acts mlike talking to you is the very last thing on Earth he wants to do.

But wait a second…

He was the one doing the things that upset you or bothered you in the first place. And now that you talk about them and finally get to share your feelings, he pulls away from you!?

What gives?

Here’s a quick question for you…

Do you think there’s something going on inside you that’s keeping you from being the very best you?

Is there something about the way that you feel inside, or the way you react when you’re around a man that not only doesn’t help you and isn’t serving you… but is actually driving a good man away without you meaning for it to?

One of the most amazing things in life that I’m personally fascinated with is what I call “blind spots”.

These are the things that others see and feel when they’re around us that we can’t seem to see about ourselves. Even when other people try to tell us or show us.

We all have these of our own.

The question is… what are your “blind spots” with men?

And how much are the things you aren’t even aware of getting in your way right now?

If you’re like lots of women who keep repeating the same relationship patterns over and over with the same kind of men… then the reality is that you have some pretty big blind spots right now.

Ones that you haven’t been able to see or recognize about yourself for YEARS.

Which means that odds are, you aren’t going to become aware of them anytime soon.

That is, unless you get a little help.

Your very first step to stop accidentally pushing love away from you is to accept your part in love’s creation… and in love’s destruction.

The truth is that it’s YOUR BELIEFS about love and how it works that has played the greatest part in keeping you from its fullest expression in yourself and others around you.

Accepting your part will give you back your personal power to create and share Love.

Your second step is to look at what is making you unhappy and evaluate if this “work” you are putting in- is it for this person you are dating, or the possibility of what YOU want him to be?

Are you trying to change him, or subtly convince him to be different than who he really is?

What if a man was constantly communicating to you that the woman you really were wasn’t good enough for him, and that you needed to change to make him happy?

This isn’t a solid or healthy foundation for a real or lasting relationship.

Remember my two amazing married friends who stopped wanting things to be different, and instead accepted the men they were with for who they really were, and how they felt?

Their relationships ended… only to be recreated in a way that had the man truly engaged and committed. And the rest was history.

Of course, you can’t fake your way through this kind of thing with a man.

You can’t want a man to change for you, and feel scared and insecure about yourself and your future… and then tell a man that things aren’t working as a manipulation and get him to suddenly change for you.

You have to genuinely be in the right place inside and have this be your “truth” for your relationship to become TRANSFORMED and GROW as a result.

Doing this out of fear and anxiety will only backfire and the man will leave and never call again.

That’s why your third step here is to make sure you start to discover all the blind spots that are keeping you from what you want.

The funny thing about this is that the act of starting to find and identify your own personal “blind spots”, and then HEALING them is what is going to put you in that magical emotional state that will draw the right man to you and make him want to stay with you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter