Entries from August 2007 ↓

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I’m curious to know…

Have you ever felt “burned out” or “drained” as a result of your relationship and the man in your life?

You were constantly thinking of him, and being thoughtful and generous.

But he seemed to do little in return to show he was thinking of you.

You were always careful to make sure your relationship was headed in the right direction… and that you both were happy.

But he didn’t seem to think of your happiness too often, or consider what was best for your relationship.

Any of this sound familiar?

It feels unfair, right?

Aren’t you supposed to be nurtured, taken care of, and feel MORE EMOTIONALLY FULFILLED because of your relationship?

But instead, you often end up feeling LESS and LESS SATISFIED, even though a relationship is supposed to feed you… and not drain you.

If you’ve experienced this, then like lots of other women, I’m sure you’ve then accidentally said or done something that made the man in your life react negatively, or start treating you even worse.

You were simply worn down, fed up, and tired of what was going on around you. But when you leaned on a man and needed his help, he turned it against you.

This kind of situation SUCKS.

Trying to hold your relationship together, keep a man “happy”, and deal with everything else going on can be OVERWHELMING.

And I get that there’s nothing worse than feeling tired and unappreciated by a man and having to hold it all together by yourself… but then having things BLOW UP when you ask for more support from him.

Have you ever had a situation with a man that you just couldn’t figure out, no matter how hard you tried?

Maybe you had a date or two with a man, and everything felt great and connected, but all of a sudden he stopped calling you and you had no idea why….

Or maybe you were already IN a relationship with a man, but you sensed things were heading in a downward spiral, and the more you tried to “fix” things, the worse they got…

When most women (or men, for that matter) have a romantic challenge that they just don’t understand, the first thing they usually do is to look for some “tip” or “technique” that will make the problem of the pain go away.

Maybe you look for it in the advice of a close girlfriend… or even in your horoscope.

Of course, when you have a problem in an area of your life as intense and as important as your love life… you want a solution or an answer that will work for you RIGHT AWAY.

Well, what if I were to tell you this way of thinking will lead you in the wrong direction 9 times out of 10 when it comes to men?

And what if I told you that by looking for a the right thing to say to a man that will quickly “fix” your situation, you’re likely to only make your problem WORSE?

And end up making your problem not only worse, but last LONGER too.

If you’ve spent hours or days talking to one of your girlfriends about what to do or say to a man… only to end up doing what you both agreed to do… and then have it completely BACKFIRE on you, then you know what I’m talking about here.

How can this be?

Well, the reality is that it’s often the simple sounding “quick-fixes” we come up with that are not only counterproductive…but can literally turn out to be PART OF THE PROBLEM.

To put it another way, I’ll compare it to how most medications work in the body.

You can treat a symptom and sometimes make yourself feel better. At least for a little while.

But if something more serious is going on and is the CAUSE of why you have the symptoms in the first place… then treating the symptoms will just be a temporary fix. A band-aid.

As long as the CAUSE remains, then the symptoms are going to return again and again.

Let’s land the plane here about how this relates to your love life…

There is a way to quickly get back to that place where your relationship, or your single life, actually ENERGIZES you.

If you can focus and start identifying the CAUSE of the frustration “symptoms” that keep coming up in your relationship…

Then you’re MUCH MUCH more likely to move past the CAUSE of your problems once and for all.

And yes, there are tips and conversational “techniques” that can help you.

But 90% of the time, when something keeps coming up in your life again and again… like with men… what you REALLY need to do is make a positive “shift” in your life.

Luckily, doing this isn’t nearly as hard as it sounds.

If you find the right information or person to help guide you, then it will be relatively easy.

And you’ll also find that once you do start to make the right “shifts”, you’ll quickly and naturally become the kind of woman who attracts and creates the right kinds of situations and relationships in her life.

The kind of woman a man is simply drawn to, and doesn’t just want to be around… but he NEEDS to be around.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

If you’ve ever worried about when to become physical or sexual with a man because of how it might change his thinking or affect your relationship… then you don’t want to miss this email.

Now, let me ask you something important about what you know about men first…

Do you ever get MIXED SIGNALS from men?

Like when a man acts caring, affectionate, and tells you he wants to be with you…

But when it comes to sharing MORE than a PHYSICAL CONNECTION, all of the sudden he seems to “change his tune”.

So how do you know what a man is thinking, what he really wants or is ready for, and what you should do about it… when he seems to tell you different things and change his mind all the time?

Well, that’s what I’m here to share with you.

To get us started, check out this great question I got from a woman that spells out a common situation with men, sex, and relationships that I know you can relate to.

I have been broken up with my former boyfriend for about a year. Yes, there is an emotional connection and much attraction. He wants to have sex and be with me again but is not ready for the emotional responsibilities of a relationship. I have stood my ground and have not had any sexual relations with him because the only way I would like to be with him is if he is ready and willing to take a chance on us and explore a relationship. We both continue to date others and I feel proud of my boundaries sexually, but he is always reaching out to say hello every week or so.

- L.C.

I was reading this email and at the beginning thought, “Finally, a woman who gets it with men and can keep herself and her boundaries in line.”

But then you had to go and ruin it all by letting this predictable and common situation with men bother you emotionally and turn it back on yourself.

Still, I’ve got to give you credit for being a mature woman and keeping your physical boundaries when a man seems to have little or none.

And I get that it can really be frustrating and difficult with men when you have your own desires and sexuality… but you feel like
you’re the only one doing any real thinking about whether or not being physical is the right thing.

Here’s something I can’t help but think about…

I’m curious how much having an older brother growing up would have helped you, because you’re still struggling and trying to get comfortable with a plain and simple reality about men.

And that reality is? MEN WILL WANT AND ASK FOR SEX WITH NO INTENTION OF STARTING OR WANTING A RELATIONSHIP.

This reality has some “Duh!” factor to it but you’d be surprised how many women simply don’t “get this”, even though they know it on an intellectual level.

Anyway…

I also mention this, because when I talk to women who had older brothers growing up they often have a radically different view about how men, sex, and relationships go together than women who haven’t had the opportunity to hang around a lot of guys they felt comfortable with as friends, or friends of brothers.

And what they learned and now know from growing up with men makes all the difference when it comes to feeling comfortable and being able to successfully “negotiate” sex in their dating lives and relationships.

*Quick Tip- See if you can find a female friend who is close with a lot of men, or comes from a family with lots of brothers, and pick her brain about how men really think and act with women when it comes to sex.

Better yet, see if she’ll meet you for lunch with her brother and pick HIS brain.

You’ll learn a TON and get a lot of clarity you wouldn’t ever have figured out on your own.

I promise.

Anyways…

There’s something that is actually more important than knowing that men can and do want sex without being in a committed relationship.(And I know this isn’t necessarily news to you)

What’s more important is knowing exactly WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

If a man wants to be with you… and is constantly trying to get close to you physically, and you feel uncomfortable about it… then odds are he’s going to pick up on your tension and anxiety, and probably not know what it’s about, and he’s going to pull away from you.

(Yeah, I know. I know. Us men can sure act in ways that are frustrating and immature.)

But the truth is, even if a man is wrong to do this, and he’s acting immature by not seeing or understanding what’s going on…

No matter how much you might see it as being HIS FAULT… if you don’t know how to move from this point to the next, and the next… then you’ll never move forward and grow with a man in a relationship where there actually is more understanding and security.

So what’s the first step?

Well, first you need to realize that LEADING WITH SEX is NEVER THE ANSWER if your relationship is already having problems, or if you want a real relationship that’s based on something more than a PHYSICAL CONNECTION.

Of course, this is easier said than done because, as you said,it can start to feel like a game if a man wants sex… you don’t give it to him, and then he acts “slighted” or disinterested as a result.

You can’t let this get to you? and don’t EVER start thinking you’ve done something wrong in a situation like this…

EVER.

If you do, it’s going to mess you up BAD each and every time.

And, as strange as it seems, a man is going to be LESS ATTRACTED and INTERESTED in you in the long run if you give in to him or you act frustrated and uncertain about keeping your own boundaries.

Here’s the thing…

If the man in your life is in the mental, physical, or emotional place where he’s going to judge you negatively for NOT having sex with him… then you really need to consider his motivations in the first place.

Now, all this is what I think of as kind of “common sense” when you step back and really think things through about how dating and relationships really and truly work.

But, as if this wasn’t difficult or confusing enough… there’s something else important to be conscious of at the same time. A more “advanced” level to what’s going on that you need to keep in mind if you want to make the most of your love life and relationships.

Here goes…

If you’re in a relationship, and things are difficult between you and a man… what do women most often do to bring attention to the problem or issue?

Exactly… they STOP engaging with a man both sexually and physically.

It’s like a switch gets flipped and the woman’s heart, mind, and body says,

“Shut er’ down!”

If you’ve ever done this before you already know that this is a HUGE MISTAKE that always BACKFIRES.

Sure, I understand that as a woman, you don’t want to share yourself or open up when you’re feeling less certain or less assured with a man.

But did you ever stop to consider that you could actually be BRIBING a man with sex when you do this?

And that by doing this, you were actually teaching him to see sex and affection with you as a “trading” or bargaining tool?

NOT GOOD.

And guess what a man starts to think and feel when he sees the woman in his life acting this way and pulling away from him?

I’ll leave that one for your imagination to run wild with.

Let me land the plane here?

If you want to set yourself up for the best chances for success in your love life and your relationship… then here’s what I’d suggest.

First learn to identify what a MATURE MAN looks and acts like… and then accept nothing less.

Your mind and your heart will thank you for it, I promise.

I can’t tell you how much of a difference being with a mature man can make to the quality of your life and your relationship including your physical and sexual activity.

In a way, it’s EVERYTHING if you want to share something REAL and LASTING.

Have you ever been around a group of people that just had a strange “vibe” about them, and they either weren’t able to communicate or talk with you openly, or they simply DRAINED YOU emotionally just because of the way they were?

Well, dating an IMMATURE MAN is just like that.

If you want to create a secure and COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP? one that includes healthy physical intimacy and the right kind of sexual elements, then you HAVE TO find yourself a MATURE MAN to begin with.

Or show the man that you’re with the things that are going to make him start growing and maturing on his own inside your existing relationship.

There’s something fascinating about relationships that gives me hope…

It’s that relationships truly do have the power to change and transform who we are. Both inside and out.

You could argue that this is the greater and real purpose for relationships in the first place.

And believe it or not, the same goes for a man - he can grow and change as the result of a relationship with a woman.

Of course, he has to be conscious, aware, and not just hoping that a woman will do it all for him.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Ever been in a relationship where you KNEW inside that it wasn’t working… but you loved the guy and tried everything to make it work anyways?

And despite all your efforts, neither you NOR he became the least bit happier or more fulfilled, despite everything you tried.

So you finally took matters into your own hands and broke things off… (while secretly hoping that he’d change once he saw that you were serious about leaving him)

But this only ended up making you feel WORSE and less certain about whether you were doing the right thing.

If you’ve been through this situation, or something similar as a woman, you’re not alone.

Below is one of the most common email questions I receive and my response about what to do if you’re in this place in your love life.

Keep reading to find out what to do if your relationship hasn’t been “working”… and why trying to “fix” things only leads you to more of the same unfulfilling experiences that are pushing you and the man in your life apart.

I’m about to show you a better way…

I wondered if you could help. I was going out with a guy for 10 years. At the start we were madly in love, there was passion, security, everything, although intellectually we were incompatible. I needed friends and other contacts which he resented. He became increasingly jealous and controlling. We lived together but in February of this year I moved out. I couldn’t stop seeing him entirely. I was still attached to him. However this August he came round to my house and after a particularly ugly display of emotion he kicked my door. I said I no longer wanted any contact and kept that up for nearly 3 months. He was broken hearted and begged me back many many times. I was as cold as ice and still resentful as to his behavior previously. Over time I softened and thought it might be time to meet up. At the last minute I cancelled and he went out on a pub crawl. Overnight his attitude changed!!!! He met someone else who he has been seeing for the last 3 weekends (even though he hates to admit it). I knew straight away. Now it is me who is heartbroken. I feel that life has come back and kicked me in the teeth and I want him back. I miss him. However after trying to see him and getting replies like he needs ’space’ I have decided to cut all contact again. What can I do? Will he come back? Or has he just met a newer model and in fact his feelings for me were superficial?

- from a reader

I’ve got to be honest with you.

I cringed as I read several things here… and the only thing running through my head was, “WHAT IS SHE THINKING!?!?”

Do me a favor-

Take a deep breath… center yourself for a minute… make sure you’re sitting up straight and paying attention… and go ahead and give yourself a good hard SLAP!

OK. Now that you know how much this hurts and how dumb this is to do to yourself… I want you to go ahead and do it again.

Seriously.

Give yourself one more good hard SLAP across the face.

Now, in case you don’t get it yet, this is exactly what you’re doing to yourself in your love life right now.

By slapping yourself, you’ve just PHYSICALLY experienced what it is that you’re doing to yourself EMOTIONALLY in your love life.

Get it!?

Good.

Hopefully now you’ll start to wake up to what you’re doing to yourself here.

But let’s get on to WHAT TO DO.

There’s a very complex and sophisticated “technique” I’m going to show you that you need to use in your situation…

Pay close attention here, because this one is tricky. Too tricky for lots of women.

Ready?

Here’s the complex technique I want you to use in your situation-

MOVE ON!

For anyone else who was seeing things clearly and thinking about what would actually work in their love life… moving on would be pretty simple and straightforward.

But not for you.

And yeah, I get that breakups and moving on isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3. It can take time for you to move past your old feelings.

But clinging to your old feelings and your false ideals of how things were in the past, and trying to get back there is only leading to your own SUFFERING, and taking you back to a place that you honestly don’t want to be.

Here’s the thing…

It’s painfully obvious, and any old “pop psychologist” could tell you, that as soon as this guy stopped pursuing you, you wanted him back.

But that’s actually NOT the REAL TRUTH here.

The real truth is that as soon as a man isn’t pursuing you, you of course want the ATTENTION back.

But more importantly, you want the strange comfort that comes from having ANY MAN around that you believe has the POTENTIAL to be a good man and “make you happy” (instead of insisting on a man who is actually a good man).

I’m getting pretty deep here, so I’ll get to the point.

If you were honest with yourself, you’d realize that you’re NOT concerned with wanting this particular guy back.

No. Instead, you want him back at your doorstep in the hopes of AVOIDING something else you know in the back of your mind would be far worse for you than being back in your old relationship that didn’t work in the first place.

Something that makes you feel 50 times more fearful and uncomfortable than not getting this particular man back into your life.

And that certain something is BEING ALONE.

Think about it for a minute…

I want you to step back from everything going on around you and in your love life right now.

And I want you to get in touch with what’s going on for YOU, instead of what’s going on with the man in your life.

Now answer a simple question for me-

Answering honestly, how many of the things that you do, or the things that you’ve chosen for yourself when it comes to men and relationships, stems from your own personal fear of being alone?

Take a minute to think this through.

This could be a huge moment for you right now… so open your mind up and take a good hard look.

I’ll give you a few minutes to think about this.

…

…

Ok, good.

Now, did you see anything new that you didn’t recognize about yourself before?

Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down what you just learned or identified about yourself.

To compare notes now, let me share some common things women do to avoid their fear of being single or alone…

-Dating “Unavailable Men”: This one is common but counterintuitive to understand. Lots of women who are afraid of being alone end up picking the same kind of men over and over who just don’t “get it” and don’t show up emotionally in relationships. Of course, if you do this, at the root of the problem is YOU. You don’t believe in your ability to meet a REAL MAN, or to have a REAL relationship… so you take what comes along (anything) and try to make the situation, and the man,into something more than it is.

-Accepting “Unacceptable” Behavior From Men: If you’re a woman who’s afraid of being alone more than you are of being in a BAD, NEGATIVE, HURTFUL RELATIONSHIP… then guess what you’re likely to end up with? That’s right… a bad relationship.

-Acting “Needy”: When you are afraid of being alone, or living independently, men can quickly sense this inside you… even if you don’t ever say it. You send off a kind of “vibe” or “energy” when you get close to a man. Usually this looks, in part, like clingy or needy behavior. And guess what? This is 100% Grade A Man-Repellent if you are looking to ATTRACT a man and build the foundation for a lasting relationship.

Those are just a few off the top of my head.

Recognize anything here?

If so, and you’d like a shortcut to learning how to get rid of the negative thinking and behavior that isn’t working and TURNS MEN OFF…

Then it’s time you learned exactly how any woman can magnetically draw a man in on a DEEP EMOTIONAL LEVEL for a more connected and lasting kind of situation.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Ever wonder how in the world you’re supposed to get closer to a man and connect with him, let alone have a real relationship, when he won’t even open up, listen, or share what’s going on inside?

Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart, and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?

Where did all the conversation, connection, attraction and passion go to?

I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?

The answer is NO….

However the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way.

But guess what?

It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.

Keep reading and you’ll LEARN how men can go from “emotionally unavailable” and withdrawn with a woman to intimate and connected, WITHOUT youhaving to do all the work.

But first, let me ask you…

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly?

And forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts.

These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?

What’s with men?

Are we completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too?

Good question.

If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice”inside your relationship with a man…

Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open,thoughtful and direct, then you won’t want to miss this email.

THE COMMON WAYS “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” MEN WITHDRAW…AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”

Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk.”

Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve experienced the negative effects of “emotional withdrawal” with a man before.

There’s something that lots of women don’t recognize about men, how they act emotionally, and COMMITMENT that I want to share with you…

It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it actually is, or what it means to a women when he “withdraws”.

For a man, this can be just a part of his own emotional “process”.

And therefore most men can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.

Ok, let me repeat that.

Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Because lots of women get upset when a man withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it personally…as though the man is consciously doing something to ruin the relationship or to REJECT her.

Wrong.

The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to…

And she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…

Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way) she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.

How many men do you know who get together with their friends to talk about their feelings and discuss the details and meaning of the relationships in their lives?

Exactly.

That’s why it’s FASCINATING to recognize that lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these things (feelings, emotions, meaning behind relationships).

Men who are this way often say or think things like:

“It’s better if we don’t talk about it…”

Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?!”

Sound familiar?

So what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?

Dump him and move on?

Ok, I can’t make that decision for you, but a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship.

Translation - if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

So how open to learning and growth is your guy?

And how open to learning and growth are you?

Or is all this talk about learning to understand more about men feeling like too much “work?”

THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GROW

Let me ask you an important question, since men aren’t going to magically change their biological make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any time soon…

Have you ever thought about how a man’s “emotional withdrawal” actually works, and what brings it about?

I’m asking because I’ve noticed something crazy and fascinating…

Lots of women don’t take the time to think through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.

(Just like lots of men don’t think through how or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)

Instead, they jump to immediately feeling frustrated that it’s happening… AGAIN. (Which usually leads to things getting worse, not better.)

And hey… I get that this would be frustrating for a woman, who’s putting so much of herself into the relationship, to try and make things better for him and her.

But there’s a better way than becoming emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts like this…

So what can a woman do to avoid a man’s “withdrawal response” in the first place to save mthem both the trouble?

And how can a woman deal with this, unfortunately, common situation with men in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place quickly?

I thought you’d never ask…

STEP ONE:

The first step for a woman is to identify how the man withdraws.

Why?

So she can understand what’s going on when it happens, and not be caught off guard or get carried away with the fear of not knowing what’s happening.

As strange as it might sound, just knowing more about how a man withdraws will keep you in a better emotional and mental state.

Below are a few of the ways men can withdraw and avoid emotional connection. See if you can identify with any of these:

-He doesn’t listen at all or dismisses what you’re saying because he’s distracted, focused on, or more interested in, something else.

-He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to argue and turns the table with anything you say, telling you that you give him too much “drama” and points out your faults.

-He plays dumb. (And maybe he’s not even playing!)

-He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting.

-He’s so wrapped up or stressed by his work or projects in his life that when you do spend time together, he’s still not really there with you. And he seems even more irritated when you try to get him to relax and open up.

-He tries to appease you by acting like he “gets” what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t really listen or take what you have to say to heart. It’s back to the same old guy behavior a few days or weeks later.

-He has no idea what to do or how to start communicating with you on the subject, so he changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking about it.

Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?

You might even recognize several.

You might even have one or two of these that seem to happen over and over.

I want you to realize that these are the withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want you to become aware of how they work.

STEP TWO:

Now, there’s another reason for doing all this that relates just to YOU…

I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the thoughts that came to mind as you read this.

First write down, in detail, what it is that the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past to withdraw.

Then, once you’ve done this, describe how the distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.

I’ll give you a minute.

Ok, now that you’ve got your thoughts down, there’s a second step after identifying how withdrawal takes place…

Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit that leads us to make faulty and negative associations between what happens in the world around us and the personal meaning we give them inside.

Let me give you an example…

You probably know people who are convinced that they have terrible luck, so when anything happens they think, “Of course, I’m such an unlucky person…”

These kind of people have a very negative view of everything that happens to them because they see themselves as someone to whom only bad things happen.

I call this “Limiting Beliefs”, and we all have some version of this that fits our own fears and life experiences.

Right now you’re going to identify some of your own Limiting Beliefs around what it means about YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.

That way, you can better understand and make good choices if it happens with a man again.

Following me?

Good.

So what is the feeling you had when you think back to when a man withdrew from you?

Picture it in your mind.

Now, take that negative feeling and find the “internal state” that it created inside you, which is the general emotional state that you felt.

Realize that the feelings you had, and the state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN BELIEFS about what the man’s behavior meant.

But here’s the thing…

Our beliefs are NOT often the “reality” of the situations we’re in.

In other words, a man’s behavior DOES NOT have to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside YOU.

Read that line above again.

Good. Now…think about the negative belief inside your own head that created the negative feeling or reaction inside you.

What was that belief?

There might be more than one.

Take several minutes and write it down.

I’ll give you another minute…

So here’s the whole point. It SOUNDS simple, but it isn’t. It’s very powerful…

I want you to try and remain AWARE of the Limiting Belief that you have, that you have identified, so you can start to “un-link” the faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.

And once that happens you’ll start to have your mind “freed up” to make new, productive choices that will naturally bring a man closer to you and make him start connecting with you.

THE CRITICAL “NEXT STEP” TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR LOVE LIFE…FOR GOOD

We just did a quick exercise that can bring a lot of real, positive change to you and any relationship you have…including a relationship with a man.

But that’s just the first step…the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

There’s a TON more where that came from, and that’s why I want you to take the next step.

KEEP LEARNING.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Do you know what it is that makes a man fall in love with a woman?

And I mean really and truly fall in love and want to stay with her for good?

I’m asking because I’ve got something important to share with you.

Tell me something honestly…

Do you feel like you’re really and truly ready for love with a man?

If you’re like many women I’ve met and talked with, then your answer is yes, you are ready.

You’re ready to finally give yourself to a man who can share and appreciate all the amazing gifts you have to give.

You’re ready for a man to give himself to you in a way that will commit his mind, body, and heart to you and your relationship.

You’re ready for a man to finally “get” you and respect your feelings and emotions, instead of trying to fix or solve them.

You look forward to being able to have a man you can truly depend on who will be there and support you no matter what.

And you picture how it’s going to be when you can finally open up and heal the pain of your past breakups… knowing that you’re in a safe and secure place now.

Ahh… so you must be ready, right?

Wrong.

The truth is, if you followed all of what I said and this is how you think you’re ready… then you’re actually NOT READY.

I’ll explain.

If you followed me through all of this, and felt like I was talking to YOU, and about YOUR life… then the reality is that the things that you’re probably doing in your love life are more than likely taking you FARTHER AWAY from the LOVE that you want.

That’s right.

If you believe you’re ready because you know and feel and these things… then it’s time you see that you’re doing the EXACT things that are going to push away the man you’re with and keep you both from ever getting close enough to experiencing true love.

Sure, all these things above might be true in your mind, and how a relationship SHOULD WORK.

But these ARE NOT the things that you need to know for yourself if you want true love and a lasting relationship with a man to ACTUALLY WORK.

Here’s the thing…

I don’t know if you’ve ever really asked a man about HIS ideal relationship, but you might want to try.

Because you’re going to get a VERY different kind of response than the things I talked about above.

Very different.

In other words, women and men have different ideas of what a relationship is, and how love really works.

Hmmmm… (this is where you should be putting your thinking cap on, by the way)

So does that make men and women just plain different and INCOMPATIBLE?

Is true love just a myth?

Obviously not. There are TONS of happy couples out there who share real and lasting love.

So how do they do it?

How do other WOMEN do it?

Well, the difference is, both partners in these relationships were really and truly “ready” not just for love themselves, but for how love will work with THE OTHER PERSON.

In your case, that would mean that you would need to be both ready to deal with how love is going to affect you as a woman… AND be ready to deal with how A MAN is going to act and affect you mentally and emotionally.

Are you going to get overwhelmed, angry, sad, and frustrated with a man when things aren’t “perfect”?

Or are you going to have the wisdom, confidence and knowledge to stay in control and share your feelings in the way a true lover would?

Here’s the thing.

If you don’t have “your act together” when you’re with a man… and you’re not conscious of how your own fears and insecurities can cause you to act.

Then you’re probably going to STAY STUCK repeating patterns and dead-end relationships that drain you and lead you from one bad relationship to another.

Why?

Because any time things make you feel uncertain or fearful… you’re going to ruin your own chances by letting your negative or fearful emotions take over.

And the man you’re with is going to SEE this and get that bad feeling inside his stomach that makes him want to pull away from you for good.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this happen to good women.

You have the best of intentions…

You want true and lasting love more than anything in the world….

You think you know how a relationship should work…

And you get into relationship after relationship with men, hoping that this time it will be different and that he won’t be like the others.

Unfortunately, things don’t seem to work out in the end for 98% of these women.

Why?

The short answer is because 98% of men don’t fit these women’s picture of how a real and secure relationship is supposed to work.

Of course, this picture is just an ideal, and not how things work with a real man.

And it’s the gap between these women’s ideals and reality that causes the conflict, uncertainty, frustration, and fear that ends up tearing their own relationships apart.

Of course, the other 2% of women actually DO end up having that great guy show up who figures out how to make things work for them, because he “gets it” on such a deep level that he can hold things together and work through everything that comes up in their relationship.

Raise your hand if you want to wait around to be one of the few and “lucky” 2%?

If you’re raising your hand, then you can stop reading right now.

But if you’re not waiting around for luck, and you want to TAKE BACK CONTROL of your love life and guide yourself to somewhere better, then you CAN, right now.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter