If you’ve ever worried about when to become physical or sexual with a man because of how it might change his thinking or affect your relationship… then you don’t want to miss this email.

Now, let me ask you something important about what you know about men first…

Do you ever get MIXED SIGNALS from men?

Like when a man acts caring, affectionate, and tells you he wants to be with you…

But when it comes to sharing MORE than a PHYSICAL CONNECTION, all of the sudden he seems to “change his tune”.

So how do you know what a man is thinking, what he really wants or is ready for, and what you should do about it… when he seems to tell you different things and change his mind all the time?

Well, that’s what I’m here to share with you.

To get us started, check out this great question I got from a woman that spells out a common situation with men, sex, and relationships that I know you can relate to.

I have been broken up with my former boyfriend for about a year. Yes, there is an emotional connection and much attraction. He wants to have sex and be with me again but is not ready for the emotional responsibilities of a relationship. I have stood my ground and have not had any sexual relations with him because the only way I would like to be with him is if he is ready and willing to take a chance on us and explore a relationship. We both continue to date others and I feel proud of my boundaries sexually, but he is always reaching out to say hello every week or so.

– L.C.

I was reading this email and at the beginning thought, “Finally, a woman who gets it with men and can keep herself and her boundaries in line.”

But then you had to go and ruin it all by letting this predictable and common situation with men bother you emotionally and turn it back on yourself.

Still, I’ve got to give you credit for being a mature woman and keeping your physical boundaries when a man seems to have little or none.

And I get that it can really be frustrating and difficult with men when you have your own desires and sexuality… but you feel like
you’re the only one doing any real thinking about whether or not being physical is the right thing.

Here’s something I can’t help but think about…

I’m curious how much having an older brother growing up would have helped you, because you’re still struggling and trying to get comfortable with a plain and simple reality about men.

And that reality is? MEN WILL WANT AND ASK FOR SEX WITH NO INTENTION OF STARTING OR WANTING A RELATIONSHIP.

This reality has some “Duh!” factor to it but you’d be surprised how many women simply don’t “get this”, even though they know it on an intellectual level.

Anyway…

I also mention this, because when I talk to women who had older brothers growing up they often have a radically different view about how men, sex, and relationships go together than women who haven’t had the opportunity to hang around a lot of guys they felt comfortable with as friends, or friends of brothers.

And what they learned and now know from growing up with men makes all the difference when it comes to feeling comfortable and being able to successfully “negotiate” sex in their dating lives and relationships.

*Quick Tip- See if you can find a female friend who is close with a lot of men, or comes from a family with lots of brothers, and pick her brain about how men really think and act with women when it comes to sex.

Better yet, see if she’ll meet you for lunch with her brother and pick HIS brain.

You’ll learn a TON and get a lot of clarity you wouldn’t ever have figured out on your own.

I promise.

Anyways…

There’s something that is actually more important than knowing that men can and do want sex without being in a committed relationship.(And I know this isn’t necessarily news to you)

What’s more important is knowing exactly WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

If a man wants to be with you… and is constantly trying to get close to you physically, and you feel uncomfortable about it… then odds are he’s going to pick up on your tension and anxiety, and probably not know what it’s about, and he’s going to pull away from you.

(Yeah, I know. I know. Us men can sure act in ways that are frustrating and immature.)

But the truth is, even if a man is wrong to do this, and he’s acting immature by not seeing or understanding what’s going on…

No matter how much you might see it as being HIS FAULT… if you don’t know how to move from this point to the next, and the next… then you’ll never move forward and grow with a man in a relationship where there actually is more understanding and security.

So what’s the first step?

Well, first you need to realize that LEADING WITH SEX is NEVER THE ANSWER if your relationship is already having problems, or if you want a real relationship that’s based on something more than a PHYSICAL CONNECTION.

Of course, this is easier said than done because, as you said,it can start to feel like a game if a man wants sex… you don’t give it to him, and then he acts “slighted” or disinterested as a result.

You can’t let this get to you? and don’t EVER start thinking you’ve done something wrong in a situation like this…

EVER.

If you do, it’s going to mess you up BAD each and every time.

And, as strange as it seems, a man is going to be LESS ATTRACTED and INTERESTED in you in the long run if you give in to him or you act frustrated and uncertain about keeping your own boundaries.

Here’s the thing…

If the man in your life is in the mental, physical, or emotional place where he’s going to judge you negatively for NOT having sex with him… then you really need to consider his motivations in the first place.

Now, all this is what I think of as kind of “common sense” when you step back and really think things through about how dating and relationships really and truly work.

But, as if this wasn’t difficult or confusing enough… there’s something else important to be conscious of at the same time. A more “advanced” level to what’s going on that you need to keep in mind if you want to make the most of your love life and relationships.

Here goes…

If you’re in a relationship, and things are difficult between you and a man… what do women most often do to bring attention to the problem or issue?

Exactly… they STOP engaging with a man both sexually and physically.

It’s like a switch gets flipped and the woman’s heart, mind, and body says,

“Shut er’ down!”

If you’ve ever done this before you already know that this is a HUGE MISTAKE that always BACKFIRES.

Sure, I understand that as a woman, you don’t want to share yourself or open up when you’re feeling less certain or less assured with a man.

But did you ever stop to consider that you could actually be BRIBING a man with sex when you do this?

And that by doing this, you were actually teaching him to see sex and affection with you as a “trading” or bargaining tool?

NOT GOOD.

And guess what a man starts to think and feel when he sees the woman in his life acting this way and pulling away from him?

I’ll leave that one for your imagination to run wild with.

Let me land the plane here?

If you want to set yourself up for the best chances for success in your love life and your relationship… then here’s what I’d suggest.

First learn to identify what a MATURE MAN looks and acts like… and then accept nothing less.

Your mind and your heart will thank you for it, I promise.

I can’t tell you how much of a difference being with a mature man can make to the quality of your life and your relationship including your physical and sexual activity.

In a way, it’s EVERYTHING if you want to share something REAL and LASTING.

Have you ever been around a group of people that just had a strange “vibe” about them, and they either weren’t able to communicate or talk with you openly, or they simply DRAINED YOU emotionally just because of the way they were?

Well, dating an IMMATURE MAN is just like that.

If you want to create a secure and COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP? one that includes healthy physical intimacy and the right kind of sexual elements, then you HAVE TO find yourself a MATURE MAN to begin with.

Or show the man that you’re with the things that are going to make him start growing and maturing on his own inside your existing relationship.

There’s something fascinating about relationships that gives me hope…

It’s that relationships truly do have the power to change and transform who we are. Both inside and out.

You could argue that this is the greater and real purpose for relationships in the first place.

And believe it or not, the same goes for a man – he can grow and change as the result of a relationship with a woman.

Of course, he has to be conscious, aware, and not just hoping that a woman will do it all for him.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter