Entries from August 2007 ↓

What if you could date without the worry or fear of rejection?

What if you were the one deciding if there would be a second date… instead of having a great time and then wondering if the guy was ever going to call again?

What if you suddenly found that YOU were calling the shots, instead of waiting on a man?

Right now I’m going to show you where most women go wrong with men on dates… and what to do about it.

Keep reading to learn how to experience the kind of CERTAINTY and CONFIDENCE most women think only a few lucky or “super-model type” women get to enjoy.

Wouldn’t it be great to know for sure that you could keep a man coming back for more after every date if you were interested in him?

Good, then let’s get started…

Tell me if this has ever happened to you…

You meet a man and you hit it off.

You have unbelievable chemistry, as well as that magical “connection” you just can’t explain.

He’s funny, sexy, successful, and sure of himself.

He’s the “real deal”.

You go out on a first date… and everything seems PERFECT.

You laugh, the conversation flows freely… and at the end of the night you share a passionate goodnight kiss.

As he pulls away from you to leave, he’s looking at you straight in the eyes and he says, “I’ll call you.”

You can’t wait to hear from him and see him again.

When you get home, you’re fantasizing about him and enjoying the moments you just shared in your mind.

You can’t wait to connect with him again, and you feel the urge to talk to him and be close to him again already.

So you’re about to call him, but then you stop and ask yourself?

“Is it weird if I call or email him to let him know what a great time I had… and that I’m thinking of him? Or should I wait to hear from him?”

Your mind races… but you decide to wait ? you don’t want to seem to anxious or into him too soon, or mess things up.

But then those little voices start in your head about what might happen, how he feels, and what he’s thinking?

And you start to wonder… is he really going to call?

And when?

Is he really interested in you, or is this going to just be another disappointment.

Your mind starts filling with all kinds of thoughts about him and what might happen as a day or so passes.

Your heart jumps with anticipation every time the phone rings.

You check your caller I.D. and email every ten minutes.

You can’t stop thinking, “why hasn’t he called me!?”

As one day of waiting turns into a couple of days? you realize, with a sinking feeling, that he isn’t going to call.

What happened from the time you shared your kiss and he said “I’ll call you tomorrow” until now?

Was he lying?

Did he not feel what you felt?

Or was it something else?

Did he not call because of something about YOU?

Let’s talk about what’s going on here? and what you need to do about it for a more successful single life or relationship when it comes to men.

The truth is, there are literally 100 million different reasons a man might not call a woman back.

But THE ONLY REASON that actually matters is the reason that has to do with what YOU DID.

In other words? you can’t control the rest of the world when it comes to men and dating.

You can’t control what men think, how they think, or what they choose to do.

But you can control what YOU DO.

Here’s the point to this?

If you know the right way to be around a man on a first date, or into a committed relationship? then you’re no longer going to have to play the neurotic mental “guessing game” of trying to figure out what’s going to happen, and why he’s acting the way he is.

Instead, you’ll get to literally AVOID the stressful, unsure, anxious situations TONS of other women struggle with their entire lives.

And you’ll KNOW how to get a guy to call back because he’s wanting to be with you.

On the other hand…

If you DON’T KNOW how to be with a man, and how to make him feel an intense level of ATTRACTION when he’s with you…then you’re going to have to experience these same disappointments with men over and over… and keep wondering what it is you’re doing wrong.

Don’t get stuck there in your life.

The road to change is in creating a shift in the way you think… and therefore in the way you approach men, dating, and relationships.

Let’s start moving you down that road by asking an important question…

If you’ve ever had a dating situation like the one I described above… what was it that the man was picking up on or “reading” about you that made him not call you again?

Here’s the deal…

During the course of a date, the way you talk, the way you move and hold your body, and the way that you think and talk about yourself leads a man to very clear conclusions about who you are.

If you do some things early on that signal “danger” to him,then he’s going to very quickly make up his mind about not wanting to spend his time with you.

And once he has his mind made up… it’s almost like concrete drying. The way he thinks about you, and the way he FEELS when he’s around you is basically set in stone.

I know this doesn’t sound “nice” or fair… but it’s the way our minds work.

The good news here is that if you do just a few important things RIGHT from the get go… anything that might go wrong will become an unimportant detail.

Translation: If you get the few key “elements” down of what makes a man respond in a positive way to a woman both physically and EMOTIONALLY… then almost no amount of “negative” stuff that would turn him off otherwise is going to change the way he feels about you.

The flip side of this is… if you do a few of the critical things WRONG from the start with a man… then almost no amount of “positive” experiences, making up for it, or trying to do nice things and getting him to like you will help.

He just won’t “feel it” for you… and he won’t want to be with you.

If you’re ready to learn how to avoid these critical mistakes most women make early on that virtually guarantee a man won’t feel a deeper level of ATTRACTION for them…

Ok, now I’m going to share 3 secrets with you that are sure to make the man in your life, or a man you go out on a date with, think about you all the time and want to be with you.

Let me ask you… have you ever stopped to think about how a man approaches dating with a woman?

I mean, really stopped and thought about it and put yourself inside his head?

One of the first obvious things that stands out about men around dating is how they like to “keep it light”.

But let me put it this way…

Have you ever met a man who wanted to know your intentions for a relationship on your first date… because he didn’t want to wake up five years later in another dead end relationship that didn’t fulfill him emotionally?

Have you ever dated a man who was so emotional on a first date that he had to apologize for telling you too much about his ex? It’s just that he felt so comfortable with you…

Or have you ever had a man drink too much on a first date and start putting down other men around you who were good looking?

“Look at him… What a slut.”

Or… “I bet his pecks are fake.”

I know this sounds ridiculous because men don’t talk this way about other men, but you get the point.

These are the typical mistakes women make on first dates.

And they are all “danger” signs for a man.

Now, maybe you haven’t made these particular mistakes, but I’m willing to bet you have had a few special ones of your own.

And when you made them, odds are you didn’t even realize you were making a mistake in the first place… and that what you were doing was being picked up on a man’s finely tuned “escape!” radar.

The more you can understand how a man thinks, and why he feels interested and attracted to one woman and not another… then the better off you’re going to be.

Have you ever had a friend who just couldn’t miss with a guy?

It was almost like no matter what, she had a flock of men after her, and could pick and choose from all the greatest guys around?

She could even do or say things that if other women did them, the man would be sure to leave.

The weirdest part about women like this is that they are rarely “nicer” or “prettier” than you ? but they always seem to be able to get what they want.

So what do women like this have that other women don’t?

Below are 6 of the most important traits that make women effortlessly ATTRACTIVE and IRRESISTIBLE to a man…to where men can’t stop thinking about them.

As you read these, try and picture a woman you know who has an easy time with men and dating ? and how these 6 traits relate to her.

And then take each one and see how it relates to you and the way you think, feel, and interact with men.

Here they are:

1) Confidence & Status

I’ll explain this by showing you how it works in men, since it’s a little complex to understand at first…

Have you ever been out with a man and he was warm, smart, successful, and even handsome?

But the more you talked, the more started to realize that there was this part of him that was a little too “nice”,and a little too accommodating?

Each time a question came up like “Where should we go?”… or “What should we order?”… he’d kind of shy away and say something like, “Ummm, I don’t know really. What do YOU want?”… and he’d wait to see how you were going to react or respond before doing anything.

He couldn’t have been a sweeter guy. The kind of guy you know for sure would be a loyal, loving companion.

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to FEEL ATTRACTED to him. There was something about him that was constantly seeking your approval and wanted you to like him and accept him just a little too much.

And ultimately, this completely turned you off… even though you knew a “nice” guy would be the best thing for you.

You almost felt sorry for him as he tried passively to give you a kiss at the end of your date. But there was nothing there for you inside with him.

Like always, he went home frustrated and upset that you didn’t like him after all the nice things he did and said for you… and he became further convinced that women just don’t like guys who are thoughtful and generous and polite.

But what’s REALLY going on here?

Do women not like men who are thoughtful and polite?

Of course not.

Women don’t feel attracted to men BECAUSE a man is thoughtful and polite.

Women feel attracted to a man because he has a certain confidence and well-being about him. An “energy”. And something in the way he carries himself and interacts with the world.

And if a man is thoughtful and polite on top of this, it’s a fantastic “bonus” quality about him.

So how does all this work? And apply to you?

At the root of all of this is the level of confidence and personal “status” a man or a woman holds for themselves.

Women have a similar kind of “internal status” that they carry.And a woman’s beliefs about herself and about how men see her, make up the level of “status” she projects.

And it’s all this that speaks LOUD AND CLEAR to a man in every word a woman says. Even when she doesn’t know it.

If the way you think and feel about yourself says “low status” to men… then odds are men aren’t going to get that strong gut-level FEELING and ATTRACTION when they’re around you ? no matter what you try to do or say.

A man’s just going to think you’re “sweet” or “nice”…and feel kind of sorry for you for trying so hard.

2) Emotional “Fitness” & Control

What do you think men talk and gossip and joke about most when it comes to women and dating?

Women who act “hysterical” and emotionally OUT OF CONTROL.

But why is this such a popular subject for men? (it’s also a negative stereotype)

There are 2 reasons here:

1) Because most men have no idea how to deal with and handle a woman and her most intense emotions.

2) Men literally feel frustrated, irritated, and overwhelmed around intense emotions that don’t seem to have a clear solution, or a way to get resolved… and they want to avoid these situations and feelings as much as humanly possible.

Now… knowing this, how do you think a man will react when he’s on a date with a woman, things are going great, and then she opens up and a flood of intense emotions she’s been wanting to share with someone and get off her chest comes out?

For her, it’s like she’s finally found a real, mature, open man that she feels comfortable with and can talk to.

For him, he’s already getting that uncomfortable feeling that getting closer to this woman will open a flood-gate of intense emotions and “drama” that feel “negative” to him.

Let’s apply this kind of thinking to the dating story I told earlier.

So you’re sitting there waiting for this man to call after your first date… and he doesn’t get back to you very soon.

A few days pass and you’ve been “stewing” on why he hasn’t called, and what it means.

And then he calls… you pick up the phone, and the second he hears your voice he can tell something is just not right.

There’s this subtle resistance in your voice. Like you’re holding something back. It’s intense, and he can sense it… but to him it only means one thing ? “warning, emotional drama ahead”.

And that’s all it takes for him to see you in a way that makes him not want to be around you again.

Now, of course it’s not “wrong” for you to feel what you feel if a guy hasn’t called you.

But if you’re at all concerned with moving past that “casual” early dating stage where you and a man don’t know each other well, and it’s easy for you to misunderstand each other… then you’ll need to learn how to use your emotions to CONNECT with a man…

Instead of driving him away.

I think of this as what I call “emotional fitness” ? being in the right emotional shape so that it’s easy for you to have a real, healthy, natural, honest relationship with a man.

If you often times find yourself driving men away with the emotions, thoughts, and feelings you have… and you wish you knew of a way to help “center” yourself and get more of a handle on the way you respond with a man…

3) Never “Sacrificing Yourself” For A Man Or A Relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship that was so consuming that you sacrificed some of your interests and passions?

Only to regret it later after things fell apart?

If you’re like lots of women, you swore you wouldn’t
ever “trade” part of your life for a man ever again.

You don’t ever want to feel “small” and unappreciated in that same way ever again.

But of course… you did the same thing with the very next guy.

Why?

Because somewhere inside, you trick yourself into thinking that in order to make a man happy and for your relationship to work… you have to be the one to make the things work, since he’s not going to.

But somewhere inside you know better.

You know that sacrificing ultimately isn’t going to end up making you feel the way you want to feel, or living the way you want to live with a man.

Now let’s shift gears for a second…

Remember your friend who is a dating “natural”.

I bet she has a full life with interests and events, and all kinds of people she sees and who want to be around her.

And as a result, the man she’s with is LUCKY if she can fit him in… and he finds the challenge of being with her and getting her attention VERY ATTRACTIVE.

She’s her own person… and she isn’t waiting for a man to help her live a great life on any level.

When she’s with a man… she doesn’t stop living the life she knows fulfills her and makes her happy, loving, and DESIRABLE to a man.

If you’d like to learn how a man really and truly thinks when he’s on a date… and how to communicate and connect with him on a deep emotional level… then I strongly suggest you check out my latest CD/DVD program “Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship”.

In this program, I not only show you how and why men react and respond to you when you share your true feelings and emotions… but I show you exactly how to get him to truly LISTEN and RESPOND to you in a positive and supportive way.

Most women never learn how and why the men that they date close off and shut them out when it comes time to connect on a real emotional level.

Don’t continue the frustrating cycle in your life with men of trying to share your thoughts and feelings… only to end up frustrated and upset that he withdraws and stops wanting to communicate with you at all.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I wouldn’t bother reading this unless you’re:

A) Single

B) Tired or fed up with dating and men who don’t know what they want

C) Even the smallest bit uncertain about when, where, and how you’ll meet the “right guy” in your life

If any of this at all describes you, then I’d like to talk to you for a minute and share a few things that could be more valuable to you than anything you’ve learned about men and dating in the last several years.

First, let me ask you…

Do you ever feel frustrated that there just aren’t many good men out there?

At least not men who are looking for a real woman like you. And a real relationship.

Sure - there seems to be lots of men who would love a fling, or to spend their time with a younger woman who will tell them how terrific they are and inflate their ego for a while.

But I’m talking about men who are looking and capable of something better.

Men of SUBSTANCE.

Do you ever get the feeling that at this stage of your life, you might never find a real man like this you can really connect and share yourself with?

If so, then let me also ask you…

Do you ever meet other women who seem to have a kind of natural ability to meet and attract great men… and who seem to have “the pick of the litter” when it comes to guys who actually are the kind of men you could share something meaningful with?

If you know a woman like this, then you know that it’s almost like she’s luckier than other women… as she seems to effortlessly attract men to her without even trying.

If you don’t know a woman like this, then let me strongly suggest that you meet one, because there are women are out there like this… and you could learn a TON from them.

I’m talking about the kind of women who not only don’t have to worry about if they’re going to have a fun date on Friday night…

I’m talking about the kind of women who know how, when, and where to find great guys who are fun, charming, successful, attractive, etc.

And more importantly… I’m talking about the kind of women who know how to actually talk to, connect with, and EMOTIONALLY ENGAGE a great guy any time and any place she happens to run across him.

How many times have you seen or met a guy who seemed like a real “catch”, but you had no idea what to do or say in order to get his attention?

You didn’t even know where to start.

And since he didn’t “make a move” or do anything to start things off, nothing happened.

You might have even had times in your life where there was one special guy you kept seeing and being around… but you were NEVER able to break the ice and take things out of the “friend zone” and into an intimate connection.

Moments like these can be telling.

The thing is, if you’re single and you want to meet a great guy…

Either you know how to talk to a man and get his attention and interest if he doesn’t pursue you on his own… or you don’t.

And if you don’t, guess what?

It’s time you did 2 things:

1) Stop avoiding the fact that you DON’T know how to make things come together and happen with a real man once you find him

2) Start looking for ways to find and meet a great guy instead of feeling frustrated or upset that you don’t know any right now

And now it’s time for a some tough love-

Here’s what I believe is going on with you right now…

I believe that part of the time that you feel like your love life isn’t going anywhere, there really might not be any great guys around for you to meet and get to know.

But I also believe that, if you’re honest with yourself, then what’s more important than there not being lots of great men around is the fact that YOU don’t know how to identify, meet, date, and truly connect with men in order to create something that can be hard to come by in the first place-

Real and lasting LOVE.

Sure, you could wait around and hope that love finds you… and that a great guy is going to come along and everything is going to be easy and fall into place.

But if you’ve been waiting a while for this to happen (maybe even years and years) … you might not realize that for 99.8% of women out there, true love doesn’t just fall into their laps.

In other words, you might actually have to DO SOMETHING about your love life and your situation for yourself.

I know it sounds EASIER for things to come to you and work out the way you want them to…but I can promise you that life is a whole lot HARDER if you wait around and things never happen for you.

You know this somewhere inside.

So tell me something…

You’ve probably had the experience where you’ve met a guy and at first you felt kind of indifferent to him, or hardly interested.

But as you got to know him “accidentally”, or because of some specific circumstance such as work or friends in common, you got to know him and started to see was an amazing guy.

Not only that… but you started to see that he was really ATTRACTIVE and interesting.

But by then it was too late, and you were either stuck being his “friend”, or he was dating another woman.

To make a long story short, you missed out and you knew it.

The point is… if you don’t know how to recognize a great guy when you first meet him, then your odds of bringing a great guy like this into your life go down DRAMATICALLY.

First impressions are important.

For some men they’re EVERYTHING.

And if you don’t make the right first impression, it’s as though a door swings shuts in their mind that will never open again.

Nothing is going to make up for the reality that you’re likely to stay alone and unloved if you can’t get a man to take notice, open up to you, and become interested and attracted to you for the right reasons.

The good news is… a couple of my more successful women friends and I can help you.

But if, and only if, you’re willing to take the time to learn what really works.

(Of course, if you want to keep doing what you’ve been doing, and keep getting the same outcomes with men… go right ahead)

Speaking of which… what if I told you I knew a woman who had more of that “natural ability” to meet, attract, and connect with great guys than almost any other woman I had ever met?

And what if I told you that she has spent hundreds of hours helping and coaching women one on one and successfully teaching them exactly how to make their love lives come true - from scratch.

And what if I also told you that I had spent several hours with her getting all of her very best real-world tips and secrets that other women had paid thousands of dollars over days and weeks to hear and understand?

And that these were truly the things you needed to know if you wanted to literally jump-start your love life and identify, meet and attract great guys from today forward?

Would you be interested in knowing about it?

Would you be interested in learning how to feel 100% confident in your ability to talk to and connect with a great guy? And to know what he was thinking and what he said or did around you really meant?

And would being able to capture a man’s interest in just a few moments of conversation sound like something you’d want to know about?

And how about being able to do this anywhere you were, and at any time… with any man you were interested in?

Do I have your attention?

Good - because I want you to learn all of these amazing things that tons of women never learn in their lives… and so they go on living in a world of UNCERTAINTY and INSECURITY when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

Don’t let that be you for another day.

I can help you jump-start your love life TODAY… and here’s how:

I’ve just interviewed this amazing woman I’ve been talking about - Lauren Frances.

And she just shared with me all of her very best secrets to what she calls “Dating, Mating, And Manhandling…”

In fact, let me tell you a few of the details about my Interview with Lauren and what you will learn by listening to it:

-How to know if a man is single and interested in you in the FIRST TEN SECONDS of talking to him

-How to flirt effectively without seeming aggresive, too obvious, or desperate

-The SINGLE MOST COMMON FEAR that keeps good men from approaching women

-What to say to a man that lets him know you’re interested but doesn’t sound canned or cheesy

-The best LOW-RISK way to ask a man on a date that doesn’t seem pushy or desperate

-What animal most closely resembles men in behavior, and how using and understanding this can instantly help you understand why men get DISTANT - and what to do about it

-When men fall in love… and when and why they don’t

-A super effective way to find out on a FIRST DATE whether or not the man is relationship and commitment-ready

-The biggest misperception a women can have about a man on a first date that could cause you to let a GOOD GUY slip by

-The BEST question to ask a man to learn if he has “issues” that would prevent him from wanting a meaningful, committed relationship with you - while building the level of interest and attraction he feels for you

-The little known secret to sparking incredible CHEMISTRY on the first date that lasts

-Specific moves you can do with your body that will make a man feel you UNDERSTAND him and have a connection with him

-A fun and flirtatious “game” you can play with a man on a date that he’ll love to play and will tell you almost all the IMPORTANT things you need to know about a his character

-Why a man will reveal his DARKEST SECRETS before he even gets to know you… and how to listen so you don’t miss out on this valuable information

-The actual QUALITIES in a woman that men fall in love with

-The key difference between the “hardened bachelor” and the “marrying type”, and how to spot one from the other immediately

-What it means when a man starts PULLING AWAY after he’s been “romancing” you for weeks

-The ULTIMATE heartache prevention question every woman should ask every man on the first date

-What sex REALLY means to a man, and how to use that knowledge to create the kind of LASTING and NATURAL attraction that will lead to a more fulfilling love life

-Specific TIPS and things to say to a man to allow a natural flow toward an EXCLUSIVE, long-term relationship.

-Why casually dating more than one man changes everything about how the man you might really like sees you… and when to become exclusive with that one man

-Why so many women SETTLE for a guy who’s never going to want what they want… and how to avoid this trap in the first place before you fall for a guy who isn’t ready

-The KEY SIGNS that tell you he’s serious about you… and what to do next when you see these signs

-A great technique to SLOWING things down without seeming like a “prude”, and actually intensifying his feelings for you as a result.

And I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

This email is going teach you more in the next 5 minutes about how to talk to a man than anything you’ve learned in the last several years.

Seriously.

If you’ve ever found yourself on a date and unable to break through all the “surface” conversation to get to know a man…

Or you’ve ever been “stuck in a rut” in your relationship and couldn’t talk to a man to change things for the better…

This could be one of the most important emails you ever read.

Now, let’s talk about how you can start communicating with a man in a way that gets him to quickly open up emotionally.

Wouldn’t it be great if the man in your life was not only less difficult to talk to about emotional or “relationship” topics…

But he actually asked you about your feelings and wanted to know what you were thinking?

What if you could share more of what you thought and felt with a man without him RESISTING or RESENTING YOU for having your feelings in the first place?

What if doing this and being even more honest in your relationship could bring you closer?

It can.

I want you to picture something for me that’s going to help you understand how to communicate with a man and create that magical “connection”…

I want you to think back to a recent time where you were trying to talk to a man and you just couldn’t get through to him.

Maybe it was an argument.

Maybe it was when you were trying to tell him something about your feelings or what you saw going on in your relationship.

Try to pick one of the more recent and intense situations or conversations.

I’ll give you a second to think back and pick one.

..

..

Ok.

Now that you’ve got the situation in your mind, I want you to remember what happened.

I want you to remember the way you FELT.

And now as you remember the feelings you had, I want you to go one step further.

I want you to think back to how that feeling made you ACT.

What did you DO or SAY?

There were generally two things you could have done:

1) You could have done or said something contructive that eased the tension and brought you back together in understanding

Or…

2) You could have done or said something IN RESPONSE that led to more frustration, negative feelings and distance between you

If you’re like lots of women who have trouble communicating with men, then what you did or said was more along the lines of option #2.

On the other hand, if you know any women who have an easy time communicating and talking with the man in their life… and who have open, honest, secure and loving relationships, then they do things more like #1.

Obviously, this isn’t rocket science…

Do things that are constructive and lead to understanding and you’ll get more positive RESULTS.

But then why can doing this seem so impossible for so many women with men.

Great question.

One reason is because they don’t know about the common mistakes women make with men in conversations that can quickly make a man shut down and stop communicating or sharing all together.

Luckily these mistakes are easily avoided.

Here are the 4 most common mistakes women make communicating with men:

Communication Mistake #1: Trying To “Fix” Your Relationship In A Single Conversation

How many times have you heard a woman you know try and figure out what’s wrong with her relationship and what she needs to do or say with a man to fix it?

If I had a nickel for every time…

The reality is that even though women most often have the best of intentions with wanting to talk through what’s wrong in their relationship… men simply don’t respond to the way most women go about it.

My favorite example to use is how men try and use pick-up lines.

Now tell me… as a woman, can a man who you don’t “feel it” for come up to you and say a pick-up line to you and make you feel suddenly into him?

I didn’t think so.

So why then do so many women try and do the same thing in their relationships?

Why do they try and use “relationship pick-up lines” to get a man to instantly think or feel something different?

This isn’t how human beings work.

Sure, you can persuade and influence and cause someone to FEEL an EMOTION… but most of the time this takes some thought and some kind of “build-up”.

When a woman approaches a conversation with a man about their relationship, and she has been thinking about it for hours or days… and then she tries her “relationship pick-up line” on him… and then becomes upset with him because he doesn’t get it and it doesn’t work, it’s like she’s beating her head against a brick wall.

Mistake #2: Starting Conversations With A Negative “Context”

Even though men are supposed to be so tough and masculine… they’re actually pretty sensitive.

When a woman brings up an intense situation or expresses a strong emotion, most men are usually deeply affected by it.

Of course, lots of women don’t recognize that the man is affected by them at all because they don’t see that a man becoming intensely closed off or “stoic” as a strong emotional response.

But for a man it is.

If you want to talk to a man, and you want him to stay open and supportive in the way he responds to you… then you need to keep in mind two important things:

1) When men sense emotions or situations they think are overly “negative”, they will often try and be strong by becoming less “sensitive”.

This doesn’t mean that a man isn’t listening, or doesn’t care… it’s his way of trying to help.

A key role for a man is the strong “provider” or protector. So when an intense situation comes up, it’s often a man’s instinctual or biological response to “toughen up”.

In other words, you need to avoid triggering this emotional response of a man “closing off” if you want to talk and share things on a more emotional level.

2) If you tell a man a negative feeling that you have, or a negative situation you don’t like, what’s he immediately going to start doing?

Right. He’ll start solving the “problem” for you. And when you don’t take his “solution” and quickly feel better and move on, he’s likely to feel irritated by you.

Arggh!

When you “frame” your thoughts or feelings in a way that a man will hear as a “problem”, then you’re not going to encourage him to lend you his listening and understanding.

You’ll be creating the very situation that could be bothering you - that he doesn’t really listen to you and becomes frustrated with you easily.

Mistake #3: Expecting A Negative Response

Have you ever approached a man to talk to him about something and you were almost certian that we wasn’t going to listen or care?

Well, guess what?

You might as well have just yelled at him first to start the inevitable misunderstanding.

If you either consciously or UNCONSCIOUSLY expect or anticipate a negative response from a man… it will show.

And he’ll respond in a negative way, not because he was going to anyways, but because of the strange negative feeling he got from you the second you opened your mouth to talk to him.

I’ve had to learn this lesson again and again in my life and in my own relationships.

There is a tremendous amount of power to the expectations, judgments, or roles that you carry in your mind for other people.

And as strange as it seems, these actually shape the way people respond to you.

Communication is deeper than the words you speak.

Lots of women spend years and years trying to see and understand the subtle things going on beneath the surface in everyday communication with men in relationships…

Only they don’t arrive at what they need to know soon enough to avoid the conflict and the misunderstandings that led to heartache and pain from failed relationships.

I touched on a couple of the important concepts in communication, and the mistakes lots of women make by not understanding them.

Unfortunately, most women will never learn the secrets of communication that are the only way to ever create a truly SECURE RELATIONSHIP.

If you don’t know what’s going on inside a man’s mind, and you don’t know how to talk to him to get him to open up and find out…then you’ll never have the CERTAINTY and the KNOWING that can create a truly SECURE situation for you with a man.

I know you’re probably already frustrated that you don’t have the kind of connection and understanding with a man you know is possible in a real relationship.

The “missing key” is learning how to COMMUNICATE with a man once and for all.

That way, you can save yourself any more years wasted in distant relationships that never allow you and a man to truly connect, get to know each other, and develop a SECURE RELATIONSHIP based on honesty and understanding.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year and a half and we have a great relationship on all levels (intellectually, physically, etc).However unfortunately we have been ‘head-bashing’ over a certain problem that keeps resurfacing in our relationship and now it has literally come to a point where he wants “time out”. I have a problem trusting him and want to always control situations. I have constantly been giving him nonsense when he socialises with his female friends, and have an insecurity that he will leave me. It has been very strenuous on him and he actually told me this morning that he wants to be with me but he no longer knows what to do and wants time out of this relationship…

I finally did something right this morning when speaking to him(after reading your last email on control), I just listened and said that I understood. He said we will discuss it further this evening. I am SO LOST! I don’t know what to do to fix this now, and am not sure if this is ‘fixable’. I REALLY LOVE him and he loves me, but it has been carrying on for so long he doesn’t want to hear excuses anymore.

PLEASE HELP me. What can I do to make this work?

I will be forever grateful for your response!

- L.J.

Ok, I’m going to have to pull out the hammer here because you’re doing the worst of all things-

Using your fear and neediness to justify hurting yourself and pushing your guy away.

Here’s what I want you to do…

Please go to the nearest mirror, look yourself dead in the eyes, and then slap yourself hard across the cheek.

Oh, and make sure your boyfriend is watching too, so you can then turn to him, freak out and cry, and then blame him for “making you do it”.

And when he responds by saying, “But you just slapped yourself”…

I want you to freak out even more until he starts to think that something is going really and truly wrong with you in the head.

AND THEN… I want you to get even more upset because now he thinks you’re crazy… and act even more crazy and emotional as you wonder, “What did I ever do to make him not want to be around me and doubt our future together?”

Once you do all this, then you should be able to recognize that this has roughly the same effect with your boyfriend as your current thinking and behavior.

Follow me here?

Good. Now let’s get down to it.

I want you to understand that your fear and jealousy is NOT going to go away, EVER, until you decide to get this part of your life handled.

The reality right now is that no matter how good your relationship with a man might be, or how much reassurance you scream and cry to try and get him to give you… it will NEVER be enough for you because your mind will find a way to freak you out and ruin things for you.

These same insecure, needy, negative feelings that drive men away are going to keep coming up over and over in place after place until you are ALONE again.

Here are a few important questions you need to consider right now:

How do you think all your negative emotional fears and frustrations are affecting the man in your life?

And how do these make him think and feel about you and your relationship?

And what would he tell you and ask you for if he wasn’t afraid of freaking you out, and was open and honest?

*Hint- learning to listen and understand a man’s feelings is also a huge part of creating a strong relationship that meets BOTH of your needs.

The good news is that your situation isn’t hopeless or “unfixable”.

But first, I want you to realize a few important truths about men and the common reasons why they leave relationships with women they like or love…

Reason #1: The “Pleasure Principle”

Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in their lives.

And they want to have the people around them be a source of pleasure and comfort and support.

Yourself included.

When you are constantly freaking out on a man for what it is about him that freaks you out, you quickly turn into one of the people that it DOESN’T FEEL GOOD to be around.

And this has a huge impact on whether or not he wants to invest more time, effort and energy in you and your relationship.

Or if he will decide to give up on trying to fix what’s going on with you so you can both feel good together.

Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future

For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman acts in the “little” situations become indicators of how she’s going to respond when things really are tough in the future.

So if a woman is consistently negative and emotional… and can’t get herself together even when a man tries to explain things and comfort her… then a man isn’t going to think that things could be any better in the future together.

Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction

Love can be important to a man.

But just like a woman, if he doesn’t also keep experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he loves… then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to not matter.

When a man doesn’t FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at least every so often to remind him of why he’s with her, then he’ll forget why… and the relationship will become just a whole bunch of “work” to him.

Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he’ll think of all the problems, frustrations, and negative emotions and experiences… and he’ll see a future and a commitment as something that will make him LESS SATISFIED in his life.

Often times when women are feeling distance or trouble in a relationship, they’ll try to “talk” to a man and work on “the relationship”.

Big mistake if you want to turn things around.

For a man, he wants to do things together (not talk) to know his relationship is working.

Creating a deep level of connection and sharing the attraction you have is one of the most powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no matter what.

Reason #4: The “Neediness” of Codependence

A man wants to be with a woman that brings something better to his life, not take away his time, energy, and emotional “stability”.

So when a woman doesn’t have much going on for herself in her own life a few things happen.

First, she focuses on her relationship too much as her source of happiness or unhappiness.

You can tell when you’ve done this in your relationships in the past when you’ve said things like:

“I can’t believe how I didn’t hardly ever see any of my friends while we were together.”

…or

“I can’t believe I let him control me that way.”

…or

“I feel so stupid for wasting so much relationship, when I could have been doing things for me and my life.”

The reality is that no man and no relationship is capable of being everything to a woman.

And no relationship requires that you sacrifice all your time, life, and energy for it… no matter how much it seems that way.

But our relationships can “trick” us into believing that they need all of our time and attention just to survive.

Not true.

In fact, the way this works is completely COUNTERINTUITIVE.

Often times men leave women because they see that she depends too much on him and has lost her own sources of happiness… and this not only looks and feels “needy” to a man, but it keeps the woman from having much to bring into the relationship and add to their lives together.

Reason #5: “She’s Trying To Fix Me…”

Every few weeks or months I come across someone who says or alludes to the idea that “people don’t change.”

Wrong.

People often change their state of mind in an instant.

Especially from happy to sad.

Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or beliefs can take a bit longer… but these change quickly too.

A man can and will “change” and compromise for a woman.

It’s a fact.

I see it all the time where men let go of their “bachelor lifestyles” for one special woman, and change a ton about their social lives.

But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN REASONS to change.

It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries to change for a woman, or for the sake of the relationship.

There’s a rule I like to use in my life when ever I come to a situation where I’m trying to align my own desires or goals with someone elses-

“All motivation is self-interest”

In other words, if you’re trying to create a great situation with a man, you’re going to need to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for doing the work on his end to make it happen.

But lots of women try and get a man to change by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.

This is the exact opposite of understanding that people are motivated by the things that THEY WANT, and not what others feel and want.

It takes some maturity to accept that other people (men) have their own unique way of seeing things and wanting what they want. (to stay and work things out, or not)

But once you learn to accept these things and start to work with them instead of against them, life gets a whole lot easier.

And a whole lot more fun.

So those are 5 of the most common reasons band situations about why men leave women and relationships.

One of the most important things underlying all these 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE that you create with a man.

I think of the emotional experience that you share with a man in your relationship as the door through which your relationship will either open up and move forward…

Or on the other hand, as the barrier that causes a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.

And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a woman agreeing to open the door together and walk through it.

But the truth is that men don’t COMMIT for the same reasons most women do.

They don’t think about, talk about, or want to walk through the door the same way most women do.

That’s why the “process” by which most men commit is different.

For most women, there’s often a kind of tension and resistance built into moving forward in a relationship with a man.

And I’m not just talking about the spoken words that make a commitment… but about the “emotional commitment” a man has inside with you.

If a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship on an emotional level, then any “issues” you run into are just going to be “bumps in the road” to him. And he’ll be confident, comfortable, open, and secure with you in working them out.

But if a man ISN’T “emotionally committed” to you, then each and every little problem is going to cause him to get irritated, frustrated, and have him wanting to blame you and withdraw.

Which is, in turn, going to make things much less CERTAIN for you in your relationship.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Get ready to learn why most men don’t call women back, even when they seem interested and say they’re going to.

If you keep reading, you’re going to learn…

WHY this happens.

WHAT it means.

And HOW to go about changing the situation so that when a man says he’s going to call, he means it and won’t be able to wait to see you again.

Here we go…

This week I wanted to share an email I got from a reader that’s exactly about this “we had a great conversation, he got my number, but then he never called me back” scenario.

Check it out and learn where she went wrong, what in the world is going on with men like this, and what to do about it…

I have been reading your newsletters and getting really good insights. Especially what you’ve said about being unpredictable.

I have a question for you that you might have gotten before a thousand times and if you give me a practical answer on how to deal with it, you’re a genius and you’ll officially become my guru forever!

Why do men not call when they say they’re going to? And most importantly, is there any way to avoid this? Or is there any kind of teaser, or challenge I can throw into the conversation, when
he says he’s going to call, so it can cause him to really call?

It has happened twice with me in the past week with two different guys I was interested in

The first one said he was going to call so we could go out and talk about his itinerary to Europe.

The second one said he was going to call about a whether he’d be in town (a nearby town) so I could go visit.

I feel so frustrated! How can I avoid being in these situations and feeling like such a loser? Should I just not accept that he tells me he’s going to call? Like just make an excuse so I have
to call back myself? Of course I’d do that without letting him realize that I’m actually unsure he’s going to call.

I guess this is another typical thing of guys (especially where I live) Let’s see if you have a great theory on this one as well - one that works!!!

Regards, L.

Let’s get right to it.

Why do men not call when they say they’re going to?

Let’s go over the possible reasons for this, as I know how men’s minds’ often work.

There’s a lot to learn from each, so let’s see which ones ring true for you…

And while you’re reading each of these, see if you can figure out what each one of these situations has in common.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #1

Some men are too immature to be honest and straight forward with a woman

Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they’d call.

But they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it “just in case” they got some random urge or reason to call you in the future.

Plus, getting a woman’s number is a kind of “trophy” to show to other immature men.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #2

They were just looking for a hook-up and you weren’t “fling” material (which is a good thing, unless that’s all you’re looking for).

Often times men think they just want a woman to be “physical” with.

If you’re out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often times he’ll have “hooking up” on his mind.

Duh, right!?

If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes, you’re the girl he’d bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he’ll want to spend his time with… at least for the near future.

But in spite of this, he takes your number, in case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head that he’d actually want a great girl for a real relationship.

And guess what?

He doesn’t come to that realization for a very long time - so he doesn’t call.

I’m not saying it makes sense, but that’s how some men operate.

And in a strange way, men who do this are doing you a favor at that time in their life.

The timing wasn’t right.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #3

They thought they were being “polite” by getting your number, even though they never felt like calling

Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading his call and wishing inside that you had given him a fake number?

Exactly…

And I know it sucks to think about this, but have you ever thought that the tables could be turned?

See… if men enjoy their conversations with you but aren’t that interested, they sometimes feel a polite “obligation” to get your number.

It’s a kind of way to end the interaction on a positive note… even though they never really thought about if they intended to call you.

I know it sucks, but men aren’t often up front and assertive either when it comes to the opposite sex.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #4

They were interested in you at first, but after a little while they started to feel like something was “off”… maybe even after they got your number.

And while you were trying so hard to create random reasons for you to see each other again and to not have a guy get your number and not call again, they could sense your subtle fear and discomfort.

And so the attraction and connection they had just started feeling with you changed and was “broken.”

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #5

They lost your number or forgot to call.

Ok, now let me ask you…

Did you figure out what each of these situations has in common?

I’ll give you a hint:

It has something to do with your feelings.

Give up?

There are 2 things actually.

First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do with you being a “loser”, like you mentioned.

See, the fascinating thing is that in each of these situations, it’s YOUR CHOICE to make the MEANING out of them that you want.

Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you’ve chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.

In other words, you’ve actually started to criticize yourself and think even more negatively because two guys didn’t pick up the phone and punch in your number.

Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing up and feeling bad about your love life.

And worse, men can actually sense these things when you meet them and will instantly categorize you as a woman that they don’t want to be around if you’ve got that freaked out, negative, over-attachment to the casual conversation you’re having with them.

Here’s the second thing each of these situations has in common…

Of the ones that don’t involve men just being weird or “unavailable” for more than a casual fling, there’s a common theme going on.

They weren’t FEELING ATTRACTION.

See, there’s something I don’t think you see you’re doing here…

You seem to know about an important concept when it comes to men - teasing and throwing in certain kinds of “challenges” to attract their interest and attention.

But… there’s a huge difference between KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING them.

The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his interest.

But when it comes to actually doing these things in a fun, consistent, and exciting way,they fall short.

Why?

Because who wants to bother?

And isn’t it better for someone to just like you for you?

Maybe.

But what if there’s a real and genuine “you” that men just need some help to see with so much other stuff going on?

And what if you’re hiding that away because of your frustrations from the past or fears about what might happen in the present?

Here’s a radical thought…

With things not going exactly how you want them to go with your love life-imagine if you actually changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns of behavior with men to try and get a few different results.

What are the odds that part of the common denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have the exact same problem or issue with calling back?

Would it be too much to ask that you at least try a few different things that were outside of your “natural” comfort zone of what you’ve always done or what makes sense to you?

I don’t think so.

So let’s talk about what those patterns are that you need to break, and what to try instead that WORKS with men.

And if you want the absolute QUICKEST WAY to learn what works with men, what makes them FEEL INTENSELY ATTRACTED to a woman… and how to use these feelings to make a man want to move your relationship forward, then here’s what you should do-

You should learn how to create that more intense, deep, lasting attraction that involves not just a man’s physical desires, but his EMOTIONS as well.

Now, let’s get back to how to make sure great dates with a man turns into second dates, phone calls, and more connection and growth…

CREATING “REASONS” FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK

Your email lets me know that you already “get” some of what to do, like teasing and challenging, but that you don’t quite know yet how to put it to work in your dating life.

Let’s change that.

Here’s how…

You need to start creating exciting reasons for a man to want to see you again.

I’ll repeat that so you hear it again and take the time to let it sink in…

You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for a man to WANT to see you again.

I’ll give you a minute to think about what that means.

..

..

Ok, now here’s the thing…

There’s something lots of single women do when they meet guys and want to see them again.

And it makes it so that the man isn’t very interested or excited to reconnect with the woman afterwards.

It’s when a woman tries to come up with any old reason under the sun to “reconnect” with a man, not realizing how important the “reason” actually is.

It usually goes something like this…

Woman meets man.

Man and woman start to connect.

They talk about “interesting” stuff and the woman becomes interested in the man.

The man enjoys the conversation and talking to the woman, who’s a great person and seems attractive.

The woman feels a connection and assumes that he must feel it too since it’s there.

The man asks for her number and she kind of “lets down her guard” and becomes very friendly with him and feels comfortable.

The woman then starts talking about the things that they can do together when they see each other next, based on the conversational topics they had.

The man’s attraction, intrigue and interest in the woman suddenly drops off.

End of story.

So what happened here?

In short, the woman stopped doing the things she was “naturally” and subconsciously doing at first that made the man feel attracted to her and instead, started treating him like a sort of “bestfriend.”

A friend of mine has a name for this…

The “super-sized friend approach.”

This approach is usually followed up by offers to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.

Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.

And it’s further destroyed by trying any excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future plans together.

See what’s happening here?

And yeah, there’s always exceptions to the rules.

Women who are so naturally attractive to men, physically and “socially”, can and do take the more casual and friendly approach… and it works great for them.

But we’re not talking about those situations.

We’re talking about the situations where things unfortunately don’t fall into place so effortlessly.

Ok, so back to creating “reasons” that actually get men to call back.

Let’s start by talking about why the “reason” is so important… and then we’ll get into a specific example.

The “reason” you create for a man to reconnect with you is important because it builds the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a man’s mind of how he thinks about you after he leaves…

That reason you give is a large part of what determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling (or not calling).

So here’s how to create great “reasons” with a man…

First off, stop making future plans with men for first dates around things that are BORING, everyday, and PREDICTABLE.

Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool, sophisticated, cultural and all kinds of great things.

And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites, art history, etc. can interest a man intellectually.

And I have to admit that traveling to Europe has involved some of the most romantic moments of my life.

These are great things to talk about with a man in random conversations.

But guess what?

Planning a man’s trip with a man is NOT going to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you just because you’ve become his travel guide.

Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of chore for some people… especially men.

In other words, you could hope that the romance of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow through some magic “transference” as you talk about them…

Or…

You could start doing the things that will make him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in YOU.

With me here?

Good.

You’ve got to remember…

Attraction isn’t created by “logic.”

A man doesn’t talk to a woman about Europe and become fascinated and sexually charged by her knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel or the fine wines of France’s Bordeaux region.

**NEWSFLASH**

Attraction doesn’t take place when a man thinks inside his mind, “Gee, she’s smart, cultured, well traveled, etc., I think I’m going to feel attracted to her.”

That’s not how it works at all… just like that’s not how you become interested and attracted in men.

It’s MUCH more subconscious.

Think chemistry.

Can a man “reason” with you so that you feel ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?

Didn’t think so.

But he can DO things that will make you FEEL ATTRACTION, even if you’re not really “choosing” to be attracted to him.

Well, the same is true for a man who’s just meeting you…

And sure, the things that are “logically attractive” like travel in Europe don’t hurt… but they’re really just window-dressing for the things that are going on underneath the surface in our minds and emotions.

What makes a man feel attracted is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates with him or guides him to.

Attraction is a largely SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING that comes in response to the unexpected, the unpredictable, and the things that can’t help but draw us in to connect in an emotional way.

So let’s land the plane here…

If you want a man to call back, give him a “reason” that’s interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.

But most importantly, it’s got to be a reason that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

If you do something less predictable, like tell him,

“Hey, since you’re going to Europe, if you’re good I’ll tell you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers… or great cooks…whichever you’re more curious about…”

Now that’s sure to get a man’s attention… and keep it so that he’ll call you back.

Notice that this still says everything you want to say to a man about wanting to connect with him again.

But it does it in a fun, interesting, teasing, challenging and unpredictable way that keeps him thinking about you and guessing.

And it does it WITHOUT making him feel that you’re desperate to make sure that he’s going to call you - or that you’re just trying the “super- sized friend approach.”

There’s one other thing that’s important that you asked too…

“Should I just not accept that he tells me he’s going to call?”

Great question.

Here’s the thing…

It’s important for you to have “boundaries” with men.

It’s important for your own good, to help him know what’s fair game and what isn’t and to lay some constructive framework for a future relationship.

A key step in every growing relationship is to communicate what your personal boundaries are so that the other person can learn to respect them.

But, in situations where you don’t even know the person very well, it’s not as simple as just laying it out there.

So… it’s also important that you don’t communicate these boundaries in a pushy, weird, needy, overly-sensitive way where men will instantly pull away from you.

I know, I know… for lots of women this sounds like a contradiction.

When they hear it they’ll think…

“You mean I’m supposed to be “unpredictable” and create attraction, but I’m also supposed to be assertive enough to communicate my boundaries.”

“This is too much hassle… I just want to be me, and if a guy doesn’t like it, then tough!”

It’s no surprise that a lot of the women with this attitude (and men) are single and home alone on Friday nights watching David Letterman.

And wonder why their relationships just seem to fall apart after a while… over and over.

The truth is, communicating boundaries and creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually exclusive activities.

AND… if you know how, these kinds of situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to create attraction and GROWTH between you and a man.

If you know how to communicate with a man in the right way, you can get the response that you want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.

Which in your case might be for him to respect your boundaries by calling if he says he’s going to call.

But if you don’t get the subtle specifics of how to communicate with a man this way, then often times you’ll come off as pushy or “bitchy” like lots of other women do when they try to assert boundaries early on with men.

Try saying something like this in a semi- serious way but with a smirk on your face…

“You know, I might just decide to give you my number, but I’m not sure if you’re the right kind of guy yet - because I’m VERY PICKY and I only give my number out to guys that A) have their act together and B) are smart enough to know what they’re missing if they don’t call.”

And then write down your number and hold it out for him to grab.

But when he reaches for it, pull it away from his hand a little bit so he misses it…

Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a wry smile on your face…

“Well, do you have your act together? Because I really don’t have time for boys that don’t call…”

This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and triggers a deep level attraction response - that’s not just a “physical” thing.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter