There’s a huge dating mistake you are probably making right now with men.
And you are probably making it within the first five minutes.
What’s worse is that most men will see and recognize this mistake from a woman INSTANTLY.
Don’t believe me? Read on and find out how to transform “dating” into the fun, exciting, and successful process of truly connecting with a man it’s meant to be.
Now, let me ask you something…
When you start talking to a man that you’re “interested” in or dating, what is your attitude toward him?
How do you treat him?
And what are you THINKING ABOUT?
Do you start the interaction by trying to figure out if he’s single and if he’d be into you… or how to get him to be MORE into you?
Do you assume that if he’s anything close to a good guy, then he probably has a girlfriend?
And if he does have a girlfriend, do you secretly hope that he isn’t too into her and that he’ll take notice of you?
Do you try to pretend like you’re not so interested in him “in that way”, and instead try to be casual about it until you get signals from him?
Or do you even THINK about how to talk to a man in a way that will spark his interest and move your situation from you “chasing” him to having him “court” YOU instead?
The fact is, most women make the same mistake when trying to spark interest in a man?
They leave it up to men, or to “fate”, to decide what happens in their situation? and are UNAWARE of what they’re doing.
Or, if they are aware of what they’re doing… they’re not aware of what OTHER people (particularly men) think of them and their behaviors.
Now, most women won’t ADMIT that they will try to do or say whatever they think will please a man.
And they won’t ADMIT that they’re even mentally anticipating what a man is going to think or do so they can respond to it in the “right” way.
But the reality for lots of women is that this is happening.
And it’s happening ALL THE TIME.
Let me explain…
Out of a random sample of 100 handsome guys, you’d probably find that only 20 of them (or so) are:
- Single
- Emotionally stable and at least semi-mature
- Able to carry on an interesting conversation
- Open to a relationship, should the right woman come along
- Not a player, or looking for just “fun”
This is just an estimate from my own personal experience, but I think you get the point.
Now, here’s the important part of this concept…
Let’s say that you started talking to all of these 100 men, one after the other, and you had to use the same basic attitude and conversational style with each of them.
What would you do?
If you treated all of them like they were probably NOT single, interesting, stable, open, mature, etc, (which is the case for most of them), then you’d probably scare off the single ones who actually were the good ones, because they’d think YOU were acting strange, or that something was “off” with you.
For instance, let’s say you started a conversation with a very attractive guy who was open-minded and funny. But let’s say that you were “playing it cool”, not saying anything that might offend or appear “too forward”, and generally treating him and talking to him like he might be a good “friend”.
You’d probably be trying to figure out if he was single, what his “story” was, and ask him some questions to get to know a bit about him.
“So what do you do?”
“Where are you from?”
“How did you get so funny?”
And you wouldn’t really be paying attention to what you were saying as you listened to him and asked him questions. And you might end the conversation as you left and he hadn’t taken your number or asked you out by saying, “So, why don’t you call me sometime?”
And what is this hot, smart, desirable man thinking while you say this?
Right… Unless he’s purely physically attracted to you, he’s thinking that you and he didn’t really “hit it off” and that you must be kind of desperate to ask him out when you didn’t share any real “chemistry” or connection.
(Remember, you were playing it cool the whole time… and you were asking him a bunch of questions about his everyday life. BORING!)
Now, let’s take the flip side of talking to these 100 men.
Stay with me here.
Let’s say that you treated ALL of the 100 attractive men like they were fun, open, smart, available, interesting, etc.
What would happen?
Well, you’d probably start flirting with them all right from the beginning, or you’d communicate very quickly that you weren’t just another friendly gal who wanted to talk about the weather.
And what would happen?
Well, as you can imagine, a lot of the men who were either unavailable or unable to have a normal conversation would “reject” you. Especially if you were obviously open, available, but not a push-over at the same time. (Letting them know that you were the one doing the “choosing”, and that only “real men” would be considered)
Well, for most women, the THOUGHT of being “rejected” by a man they’re interested in is worse than slow water torture or electric shock.
So what do women do?
They don’t even try.
And they miss the opportunities with all of those wonderful, single, open, emotionally available men who are out looking for a woman who has the confidence to find them.
So what’s the solution?
The solution is to use a little “strategy” or “technique” called behaving AS IF he’s single, available, and interesting.
You must learn to overcome your initial self- doubt and your doubts about a man, and behave AS IF every man you start talking to is SINGLE and AS IF he’s going to be a great guy.
And then you must do some things that will attract THAT man, and forget about what might happen with the other 80% of guys who can’t make the grade.
And you must learn to NOT take the things that happen in between meeting the wonderful ones PERSONALLY.
There’s an old principle when it comes to marketing and advertising that really applies here in the real world.
It basically says that out of 100 people reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe ONE of them is someone who would buy your product anyway.
SO QUIT TALKING TO ALL OF THE 100 PEOPLE, AND SIMPLY TALK TO THE ONE.
To put it another way: “Don’t worry about the DOGS, concentrate on selling the FOXES”.
This is a great metaphor I borrowed from a smart writer I know named Gary Halbert.
The point is… talk to the men you meet AS IF they’re single, open, interesting, and wonderful.
And then don’t worry about the ones that don’t turn out to actually BE single, open, interesting, available, and wonderful.
Use the things you’re learning from me, and KEEP USING THEM… even if they don’t work every time, and in every situation.
There are all kinds of reasons why men aren’t “ready” or interested… or stop being interested… or whatever.
But this doesn’t mean that you should stop doing what works!
…which leads me to my next point.
You’re probably wondering… “Christian, so how do I behave AS IF the man I am meeting will likely turn out to be a good guy… or even be my “Mr. Right”?
Good question. I’ll tell you how…
When you first start talking to a man, your BELIEFS about men, dating, and relationships are CRITICAL.
If you don’t know how to communicate in a way that INSTANTLY shows a man that you’re one of the women who “gets it”, has confidence, and is attractive both inside and out… then you’ll probably be overlooked and mentally discounted by a man within SECONDS.
Or a man will want to be with you for the WRONG REASONS, or for only a short and uncertain amount of time.
Of course, in order to PROJECT the correct beliefs that are attractive to men, you must KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, and UNDERSTAND THEM.
In other words, you can’t just “fake” them. You actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how men think, and what makes them feel a POWERFUL, gut-level emotional ATTRACTION for a woman.
It’s taken me YEARS to figure out this critical point in dating and relationships…and several more years to observe and study so I could help women do this quickly and easily.
And without doing all kinds of “kooky” and out there stuff, or stuff that doesn’t feel “real”.
No one likes to play “games”, or have games played with them.
There is a way to completely AVOID PLAYING GAMES and get straight to the kind of connection and indirect communication that brings a man and a woman closer than simply using words can.
You can’t learn to be a professional dancer or an expert in martial arts just by learning a few “techniques”.
It takes a DEEPER, more profound understanding.
And you can’t learn how to be become more successful in your single life, or in your relationship by learning a few of the right things to say.
It just doesn’t work this way.
(Think of men who believe in and try to use “pick-up lines” on women)
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
If you’ve ever had great “chemistry” with a guy, or meteyesacross the room, but he didn’t come over and approach you… and you’d like to learn how to quickly and easily draw a man in and get his interest…
Then you don’t want to miss all the easy to use tips in this email.
Below I’m going to show you the 4 reasons why men DON’T approach women they’re interested in, and what you can do about this to kick start your love life.
And I’m also going to give you the 3 tips you need to know about if a guy doesn’t make the first move and you’d like to move things along yourself.
There’s a way to make a man feel the kind of attraction in your first meeting or intimate moment that will start things off on the right foot.
Keep reading to learn all this and more…
Christian,
What do you do when you like a guy and you’ve been told that the guy likes you, but he has never approached you? I understand that men can be just as nervous as women when it comes to revealing their feelings. I’m a shy person too. Last week I revealed my feelings for a guy to a friend of his (it’s a long story ) and he told me I should tell him how I feel. Is this kind of thing covered in your book? I don’t know if I should just give up because I haven’t seen this guy in over a week.
Thank you.
L.
Ok, let’s get something straight first.
You asked if you should give up because you haven’t seen this guy in over a week.
Ummmm… hello. Anything that’s going to change in a week’s time was never anything to take seriously to begin with.
Got it?
Good.
You need to relax for a second and stop worrying that a week without seeing a man is going to ruin things.
This is the kind of TEXTBOOK thinking and behavior that can make you look hopelessly “needy”, nervous, and UNATTRACTIVE when you finally do see the man you’ve been thinking all about.
So stop thinking so much about how to make your life work to get his attention, and start actually being the kind of woman he would want to be around.
See, a few things in your email tell me that you’re either young and haven’t had much experience with men, or you just aren’t getting much about the subtle social interactions that lead a man and a woman to truly “connect”.
Here’s the thing…
As long as you know WHAT TO DO when you do see a man, then WHEN it happens really isn’t going to matter.
Now, you asked if my ebook covers this kind of thing.
Absolutely.
Now, back to it.
You pointed out something important and significant here…and I don’t think you’re appreciating what it really means.
You said that you understand that men can be just as nervous as women when it comes to revealing their feelings.
You’re right.
But to give you an even better appreciation for what’s going on with men here… I’d take it one step further and say that men can often be MORE NERVOUS than women when it comes to revealing their feelings.
I’m going to spend a second or two giving you some insights about men and their emotional experience… and show you how this relates to you as a woman dating and communicating with men.
Think about this for a second…
Most men don’t have much of what I’ll call “practice” or experience sharing their deeper emotions and feelings.
In fact, men aren’t taught by most of the people around them to be terribly VULNERABLE when it comes to their feelings.
Often times men get that “oh, you’ll be ok” or “don’t worry about it” or “pull it together” kind of feedback when they do share anything too emotional, or show signs of vulnerability with their feelings.
And this kind of feedback comes not just from their friends and peer group, but even from their family as they’re growing up.
In the past it’s often been men who have needed to protect the people around them from danger (physically), provide for their loved ones (resources, financial), and even be ready to go off and fight or protect in conflicts and war.
This means that over decades and even centuries, men have been raised to be INVULNERABLE, rather than being open and emotionally vulnerable.
In other words, most men are taught that being INVULNERABLE is a virtue they should strive for if they want to be a strong and mature man.
But there’s a catch.
Men aren’t the sole providers or protectors in the world today. But the powerful social ROLES that men have taken on and adapted to throughout history are still going on.
To land the plane, there are lots of reasons why a man won’t approach a woman - even if he’s interested in her.
Here’s a few common examples of why men don’t approach women they’re interested in:
1. He Doesn’t Know What To Say
You’d be amazed to know how crazy and nervous men can get when they are attracted to a woman and need to make the first move. The most common hang up men have here is simply not knowing what to say to a woman.
Of course, as a woman, you know WHAT a man says doesn’t matter much, if at all. It’s HOW he says it. But men forget all about this in the moment and get all tied up and nervous. So they end up backing away and removing themselves from the situation that’s making them nervous.
Sometimes all a man needs is a little more “inviting” or coaxing by you to get him over his hesitance. A smile can be all you need in this case to work magic.
2. Men Know That Connecting With A Woman Is Much Harder Than Telling Her You Like Her
I don’t know if you recognize this, but as approachable as you might think you are, a man may see you VERY DIFFERENTLY.
It’s widely known among men that you can’t simply walk up to a woman and say “Hey, I really like you” and a woman will respond.
Trust me when I tell you… if you’re a man and you walk around doing this to women you are interested in, it’s RARELY, if ever, going to work for you. Unless you look like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp.
This isn’t how women respond, and it’s not how men talk to women.
But it sounds like you’re wondering why a man just doesn’t share his feelings and interest with you like this anyways.
The truth is, this isn’t how it works. You’ve got to learn how to start communicating with a man first and “open up” the conversation to this kind of communication and sharing from him.
Luckily, all it takes is knowing a little bit about how to connect with a man in the right way.
3. He’s Afraid Of REJECTION Too
You might think that men are used to being the ones who make the “first move” with women and initiate conversations, flirting, etc. with women they’re interested in.
Sometimes it can seem like men have all the power and the “upper hand” in dating.
The reality is that TONS of GREAT GUYS have little to NO confidence in their ability to walk up to a woman, tell her how he feels, and have her respond positively.
The fear of approaching a woman and having her turn you down is intense, pervasive, and for some men completely consuming.
If you can hint or show a man that you aren’t going to reject him, he’s much more likely to “make the first move”. Because very few men know how to read your more subtle hints and body language.
4. He Doesn’t Want To Be “Creepy”
Here’s something really interesting about being a man that you might not have considered.
Most men, and I mean 99.9% of them, were never taught how to meet and approach and talk to a woman that they like. In fact, most men base their “approach tactics” on stuff they’ve seen OTHER guys do. It’s like the blind leading the blind here.
And what do they see happen the most often?
Usually they see the woman get totally “creeped out” by the guy who’s just trying to meet her.
In other words, for a “good guy”, the last thing he wants to do is be another “creep” who seems just like all the rest.
Ok, now that we’ve covered some of what’s going to give you a better understanding of men, let’s get to what YOU CAN DO to create the situation where you and a man will CONNECT.
Here’s three easy tips for approaching a man or connecting with a guy you know and like:
Tip #1. Don’t psych yourself out by fearing that the WORST will happen
I mentioned this earlier in relation to a chapter in my ebook, but it’s so important that it’s worth saying again.
When you let your fears start to run your thoughts and beliefs about what’s going to happen in the future, whether you see it or not, you bring those fears to life.
I don’t know a whole lot of men who say, “Wow, I met this great woman who was worried about what was going to happen between us and if I would like her. Man, it was such a turn on to see her worrying and analyzing everything when we were together. I have to see her again.”
If you psych yourself out you’ll send out such bad “vibes” just with your BODY LANGUAGE that you won’t even get the chance to draw a man to you to say “hello”.
Tip #2. When you approach a man, make sure the impression he’s getting is one that make him FEEL ATTRACTION.
This sounds so obvious it almost seems silly. But the reality is that TONS of women get so caught up in their head about yesterday, about tomorrow, about their hair, their outfit, etc. that they forget the single most important thing that will make a man want to be with them - ATTRACTION.
And instead of thinking and figuring out a way to make a man feel ATTRACTION, lots of women try and wait for a man to do or say something that will lead to flirting, laughter, etc.
Or they try and get right to the details about what his views are about relationships… hoping that somehow the conversation about relationships will “rub off” on them and make a man want a relationship with them.
Talking about relationship preferences, past relationships, etc. does not make a man want to be with you or figure his way into being with you.
Instead, it makes him feel like you’re trying to force a relationship, and what you want, too soon.
Try instead to do, say, or hint at things that will interest HIM about you, or that are fun or interesting about the world. And keep it light on the first few dates until you know each other a little better.
When in doubt, choose to do things that are likely to make a man feel ATTRACTION for you, rather than trying to talk “logically” and make the connection.
The logical stuff isn’t where the “magic” happens. It happens with the fun, the new, and the UNPREDIACTABLE stuff that a man can’t forget about you.
Tip #3. Avoid using the common failed approach that says to a man “I want you to think that I’m a nice, sweet, caring, considerate woman… and I would do almost anything to make you like and want a relationship with me”.
Tons of women seem to think that if they are sweet, polite, and show how nice and considerate they can be that a man will want to be with them for these qualities.
And some women even believe that if they show a man that they will take care of him, it will make him feel like the “man” and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Here’s what you need to know…
Sure, a man CAN fall for a woman who has these qualities. But he doesn’t fall for a woman like this BECAUSE she has these qualities.
Instead, it teaches him to see you as someone he doesn’t need to value or respect in the same way that he respects himself or others.
The opposite of this “nice” attitude that doesn’t make men feel attraction is what I call the “cool girl” or cool woman attitude.
When men talk about women, they have an almost universal “slang” term that they use when they’re talking about a woman who is what they think of as great dating or relationship material.
Men say “she’s a cool girl”.
In my ebook I explain exactly what it is that men are talking about that makes a woman a “cool girl” in their eyes. And I list out the most important and critical Do’s and Don’ts that every woman needs to know about if she wants a man (along with his influential group of friends) to know she’s truly a “catch”.
Part of the frustration and challenge with dating and relationships isn’t BEING the woman who’s a catch, but making it easy for a man to RECOGNIZE that you are one and treating you and your relationship accordingly.
My ebook is THE GUIDE to doing exactly that.
If you are interested in a man, or want to meet a great guy and have him fall for you, then it’s not going to matter how amazing you really and truly are inside if HE NEVER SEES YOU and recognizes how amazing you are for himself.
Go here now and start learning how and why men see women as “relationship material” and want to be with one woman and not another.
The entire first section of my book is called “Inside The Mind Of A Man” and uncovers exactly what you need to know in order to communicate and connect with a man on a deeper level and show him you are “the one”.
In my ebook, I also talk about what you need to know about how men experience ATTRACTION with women in order to be successful at having more than just a fling with a man.
On page 105 of my book I talk about the 2 types of attraction men can feel, Physical and Intellectual Attraction.
As you know, if a man only feels the more physical attraction for you, then he’s not always going to want to stay with you very long. (at least not for much past the first few dates)
But… if you know how to make a man feel that deeper, more emotional and lasting attraction that tells him you’re the kind of woman he wants to be with and stay with… then it’s going to be EASY to move into a more serious relationship when the time is right.
I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
