Entries from October 2007 ↓

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Is there a man in your life who you’re just “friends” with rightnow, but you’d like to get closer to?

Or maybe you’re looking to meet a great guy but you just don’t know how to make it happen?

If you’re like lots of women I’ve met and talked with, then just the idea of telling a man how you feel can make your stomach turn with the fear that he won’t respond, that he’ll pull away, or that he’ll completely REJECT you.

And besides, isn’t a man supposed to approach YOU and make things happen if he feels something for you too?

Well, there’s something important I want you to remember as a woman that will help make you successful in almost any “early” situation with a man… whether you’re just meeting, dating, or creating a deep level of ATTRACTION between you and him.

There is something I find FASCINATING that women often forget about men…

That is, that MOST men are just plain nervous or scared when it comes to approaching attractive women, talking, and getting things started.

I’ve seen it all my life. No matter where I go or with who, most of the men around me are scared stiff of approaching women.

And sure, guys do their best to project confidence once they finally do build up the courage to talk to a woman… that’s part of the reason men often use some dumb “opener” or cutsie pick-up line that their friends told them works
with women.

But trust me when I say that most men were born nervous and afraid to approach women they are interested in.

You might not see it right now, but deep down men see women as the one’s with the “control” and the “power” when it comes to dating situations.

Especially when it comes to meeting up and the “courtship” stage early on.

But lots of women don’t really “get” this, or seem to forget it in the moment, when they meet a guy they’re interested in, and so they end up giving away some of the advantages that other women, who know what’s going on in these situations, naturally enjoy with men.

You’ve probably seen this with a girlfriend in your life, where she is always fun, cool, calm, and collected out in the world.

At least until “HE” walks into the room.

(”He” is usually some guy a woman has seen, and maybe even talked to before, who she finds VERY ATTRACTIVE, but she doesn’t know how to go about moving forward and getting to know him and connect with him on a deeper level.)

So what does your girlfriend do when “He” shows up?

First off, she changes very quickly from the cool and socially intelligent woman you know, into a different woman who’s anxious, uncertain, and self-conscious.

And then, like most women do in this situation when they feel a deep level of “connection” and attraction for a man that they aren’t close with yet, she instantly assumes that the strong physical chemistry and emotional connection must be something that HE feels too.

And that’s when things start to go wrong…

She starts to compliment him endlessly -

“Wow, you must be really smart to know that.”

She laughs at everything he says (even when they’re not that funny) -

“Ha Ha! You are so funny!”

And she offers and tries to do “nice” things for him to show how much she really cares about him and how she wants to see him again -

“Oh, that’s too bad your car broke down. I have a car and I could drive across town to pick you up and give you a ride tomorrow!?”

If you’ve ever watched one of your girlfriends do this kind of thing with a guy they just met, or if you’ve ever done this yourself, then you probably already know the frustration that comes from being sweet, complimentary, and “real” with a man, and then having it get you NOWHERE.

Or worse, having it lead to REJECTION where the man isn’t interested in you at all.

And you might also add to that the pain of watching other women have MORE SUCCESS with men than you do, while they DON’T do the generous things you do, and they don’t have great conversations with men about real things in life, and they aren’t the good person you are.

So, what’s going on here?

Do men not like women who are “real”?

Why is it that being straightforward with a man doesn’t make him “feel it” for you?

And why is it that men play “games” when it comes to meeting, dating, and attraction?

Let me spell out a few common elements in play when it comes to men and dating:

1. Men don’t like women because they can be “nice”. Nice can be a “bonus”, kind of like toppings on a cake, but it’s not the nice, sweet, and genuine behavior that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTION for a woman.

2. When you try to get a man’s interest or attention by appealing to his personal interests like a good friend would, he not only won’t “feel it” for you, but he’ll actually lose interest in you when he sees you trying win his “approval”.

3. Attraction isn’t something that takes place on a logical or “rational” level. Casual conversation won’t create it. Instead, attraction is an EMOTION that has it’s own set of rules, and is something going on outside the everyday communication “channel” of words and meaning.

If you want to make a man notice you and experience the feelings of desire and attraction that will drive him to approach and “court” you, then you need to stop all the APPROVAL SEEKING behaviors, and start learning how to create an EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE with him. .

But let’s keep learning…

I’d like to get back to the topic of “He”, the guy that women become intensely attracted to without having connected or talked much with, if at all.

There’s something fascinating I see happen when women experience this kind of instant attraction for a man that takes what could be a great relationship in the future and ruins it from the start.

When HE shows up, HE quickly becomes more of an IDEAL than the man he really is. And this is where women often go wrong in dating situations, and with getting into relationships with men they don’t truly see and understand for who they are.

Let me explain this by showing how men do the same thing with women… and do it in the worst way.

If a man feels a strong desire for a woman, then without even getting to know who she really is, he will dote on her, buy her inappropriate gifts he can barely afford, and treat her like she is God’s gift to the Earth.

Some of this is “cute”, and some of it can be temporarily appealing for a woman, but the truth is that none of this spoiling and appeasing is going to truly win a woman’s affection.

At least, not for long.

If a man was to come along who truly understood this woman for who she was, what she truly wanted, and could create and share the emotional experiences that made her feel closely connected and intimate, then it’s obvious who the woman would want to spend her time with - the man who gives her the intense emotional feelings of attraction and chemistry.

In other words, it’s the way a man makes a woman FEEL inside that makes all the difference. And not how he can compliment her or the gifts he can share.

Of course, lots of people try to argue that you can have great chemistry and attraction while you praise, compliment, etc., thinking this disproves the idea of ATTRACTION being something else that has nothing to do with acts of kindness, etc.

The reality is that you can compliment, you can praise, and you can shower someone with generosity if they already feel a deep level of attraction for you. (As long as you still do the OTHER THINGS that make them feel it for you.)

But the ATTRACTION and the EMOTIONS have to be there first.

Let me land the plane on this one…

It’s critical to remember that an attractive man who makes you feel the most amazing chemistry is still just like any other man when it comes to human behavior and how attraction works.

“He”, no matter how good looking, funny, successful, or brilliant he might be, he still has his own set of feelings, experiences, desires, fears, frustrations, etc. just like any other
person.

And just like an attractive woman, a man has to find a way to quickly know for CERTAIN when he meets you whether you are the kind of woman who will be a healthy addition to his life, or if you’re going to be “trouble” in his world.

So how does a man go about this?

Well, he doesn’t do it by simply asking a woman, “Hey, are you healthy and in a good place? Because I want to make sure that you’re going to bring mostly positive experiences and emotions to my life?”

Not even close.

Instead, a man is looking for direct and indirect signals to tell him what he needs to know about a woman before he even gets involved with her.

And in case you didn’t know… men look for, find, and make meaning out of the signals they get from women almost INSTANTLY.

I’m sure you already know about the “Fight or Flight Response” and how this is an important part of human behavior for SURVIVAL.

But did it ever occur to you that the same “machinery” in the mind can make lightning-fast interpretations and decisions when it comes to other areas of social life?

What about areas like dating, sex, and REPRODUCTION?

If you want to understand how a man can become attracted to one woman, and how this can happen so quickly to where a man knows that a woman can be “The One” before he ever really talks to her, then it’s time to start paying attention to what’s going on “behind the scenes” in our fast-moving subconscious minds.

So along these lines, let’s look at a few of the things a man is looking for in a woman and making near instant judgments, after getting just a tiny amount of information about her.

1. Physical Health

2. Emotional Well Being

3. Sense of Humor

Now, I want you to think about this for a second.

If men can make up their minds about a woman in just a few short instants after seeing and communicating with her, then what are the things that women are doing that lead to these judgments?

I’ll give you the short answers here.

1. Physical Health - You know that men are often attracted to women of a certain physical size, shape, etc. in general. But do you know exactly why this is? It’s not because these sizes and shapes “look better”. It’s because men are wired to identify signs of Fertility and Youth in women. And the good news here is that a perfect hip to waist ratio is NOT the only way to indicate to a man that you are “Youthful” and “Fertile”. Personal “energy”, attitude, body language, and fashion can all act as indirect indicators of these things as well.

2. Emotional Well-Being - It’s no secret that men like to make fun of women for being too “emotional”. And while this is in part fun, this common male habit shows the existence of something deeper - that among men there is a strong belief in the importance of an emotionally “stable” woman. Men who are interested in relationships are EXTREMELY critical of how a woman handles herself and her emotions, because to them it says everything about how a woman will be when they’re close and connected and what’s in store for him.

3. Sense of Humor - This is the most subtle determinant of how a man will see a woman. When a woman is funny, laughing, or making jokes, it’s an indication of her high level of self-esteem and social status. When a man sees a woman smiling or laughing, or when a woman is funny and playful with a man, it lets a man know on an subconscious level that she is someone he can respect. An equal. And this can make a woman VERY desirable.

So I’ve given you a few specific tips and ideas to think about and apply the next time you’re going out.

But I want to share something else important with you…

Did you know that lots of men are often MORE COMFORTABLE having a woman “lead” the interactions early on, such as meeting and first dates?

If you’ve ever had to approach a man yourself, or let him know what you’d like to do, and how things “work” on a first date for you, then you know what I’m talking about.

But there’s a lot more to this. Let me explain…

In case you don’t see it, men are constantly seeking the approval of women in one way or another. (Don’t worry, I’m going to avoid the topic of “Mommy Issues” for now.. lol)

When men are single and dating, they look to women for non verbal “cues” as to when it’s OK for them to approach, talk, flirt, touch, and if it’s “going anywhere”.

But lots of women seem to forget this.

They forget that most men are seeking THEIR approval on a deeper level, and that a man will generally follow the example and tone they set with their behavior, attitude, body language, etc.

**Here’s a big direct hint around this. Some theory and technique for you…..

If you want a man to respond to you by pursuing you (and not the other way around where you have to pursue him) then you need to use the power of a woman’s role and LEAD him by letting him know that he has to win your approval.

Instead of trying so hard to win his approval.

In other words, a man needs to understand that YOU are the one who’s doing the “choosing”, and that you are selective with your time and attention.

But, exactly, how do you “lead”?

How do you approach a man but have him think he is approaching you, or get him to want to approach you in the first place?

Well, for lots of women, they’re not sure exactly what to say to a man when they first meet, when to say it, and are unsure how a man will respond and what to do about it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to start a conversation with a man you’re interested in and take his attraction and interest for you to the next level so that he’d ask you out?

And wouldn’t it be great to have the confidence that comes from KNOWING how and why a man will become attracted to you? And that it’s not just for all the wrong reasons!?

In the meantime, let’s think about what most women do in these situations with men.

Here’s a short list of usual things women do when they’re interested in a guy.

I call these the “doing what makes sense” courtship behaviors, because they all center around the idea of doing what makes sense to you instead of what works for the other person.

- Pursuing a man by trying to arrange ways to “accidentally” be around him and starting “safe” and casual conversations, hoping that something will spark.

- Telling a man how much you like him early on.

- Trying to hint to a guy that you want to be taken out or trying to convince him to go out with you.

- Becoming the “super-friend” and doing favors for the guy without him asking, or buying gifts to try to win over his affection.

If you’ve seen or done any of these before, then I don’t have to tell you that they don’t often lead to great results with a man.

It might seem incredible that people can act so similar, but these really are common and predictable things that women (and men) do to try and attract someone.

Here’s where I’d like to make a fascinating conclusion about these predictable and common behaviors as it relates to women approaching men and conversations.

Think about what it’s like to be a very attractive man.

You know, a man that has women approaching him all the time.

Attractive men usually have lots of experience and options interacting with women.

Which means that they’re approached by women all the time, and as a result, they see a lot of these “what makes sense” courtship behaviors from women.

In other words, lots of women do the same old thing that other women do.

See where I’m going with this?

Well, I’m saying that these common behaviors are BORING and PREDICTABLE ways of interacting with a man.

And BORING and PREDICTABLE are the enemies of ATTRACTION.

So what can you do or say to a man when approaching him to not be boring?

There’s an attitude I’ve seen that does wonders to create attraction and interest in men just through conversation.

I call it the “Playful & Independent” attitude.

Let me give you a very specific example and tell you a quick story…

The other day my friend Rob was in the market shopping for some ingredients for a dinner he was cooking.

Rob is a great single guy who likes to throw fun dinner and cocktail parties just for fun.

And from what I hear from most women who meet him, he’s quite the catch too.

Anyway, he was in the produce section at the market and a woman was next to him that he could kind of sense was interested and wanted to talk.

She had picked out a head of lettuce right before him, and he put his hand out to pick up some too.

Then as he grabbed the lettuce, the woman looked over at him quickly and said, “Copycat”, flashed a wry grin at him, then kept on doing her shopping like she wasn’t waiting for him to do
anything.

Rob loved it. He took the playful comment and immediately fired back in his own playful way.

Then as the conversation went on, she put similar playful and flirtatious comments out there and then backed off and waited for Rob to pick up the slack and take the ball and hit it back to her.

Next thing you know, Rob turned the conversation to the party he was having and invited the woman over and it turned out to be a great date.

Weeks later now they’re dating and growing closer.

So what went on there? It didn’t sound like that much, right?

Well first, the woman didn’t use the “what makes sense” stuff that lots of women use.

She could have made eye contact with Rob, waited for him to talk to her, and then asked him questions like, “What’s your name?”, or “What do you do?”

Boring!!

Instead, the woman decided to take a playful approach that intrigued him and didn’t have any of the common, boring, predictable conversational stuff.

And it was so different that it made him curious, compelled him to take an interest in her and he couldn’t help but respond and engage in the playful conversation.

Nice.

And once they started talking she kept the attraction and playful tension alive and built more of it by taking one step ahead with playful comments, and then waiting and taking a step back so that Rob would be drawn in and involve himself.

So in very subtle psychological ways, the woman was indicating to Rob several things:

- She wanted to have fun with him but didn’t just come out and say it by being too predictable with the way she showed it.

- She was different than other women in a good way.

- She wasn’t scared, nervous or dependent on the outcome or what Rob was going to say. She was having a good time personally, no matter what.

- She wasn’t going to just pursue Rob. She made sure that he was drawn in and interested by his own choices and decisions by leaving space for him to talk and be playful back so that there was a “back and forth” to the playful conversation and flirting.

I see this as a kind of magic mix that is extremely attractive to men:

Playful & Independent

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Get ready to learn why most men don’t call women back, even when they seem interested and say they’re going to.

If you keep reading, you’re going to learn:

WHY this happens…

WHAT it means…

And HOW to go about changing the situation so that when a man says he’s going to call, he means it and won’t be able to wait to see you again.

Here we go…

This week I wanted to share an email I got from a reader, that’s exactly about this “we had a great conversation, he got my number, but then he never called me back” scenario.

Check it out and learn where she went wrong, what in the world is going on with men like this, and what to do about it…

I have been reading your newsletters and getting really good insights. Especially what you’ve said about being unpredictable.

I have a question for you that you might have gotten before a thousand times and if you give me a practical answer on how to deal with it, you´re a genius and you´ll officially become my guru forever!

Why do men not call when they say they´re going to? And, most importantly, is there any way tomavoid this? Or is there any kind of teaser, or challenge I can throw into the conversation, when he says he´s going to call, so it can cause him to really call?

It has happened twice with me in the past week with two different guys I was interested in

The first one said he was going to call so we could go out and talk about his itinerary to Europe.

The second one said he was going to call about a whether he´d be in town (a nearby town) so I could go visit.

I feel so frustrated? How can I avoid being in these situations and feeling like such a loser? Should I just not accept that he tells me he´s going to call? Like just make an excuse so I have to call back myself? Of course I´d do that without letting him realize that I´m actually unsure he´s going to call.

I guess this is another typical thing of guys (especially where I live) Let´s see if you have a great theory on this one as well - one that works!!! Regards, L.

You need to understand why men don’t call when they say they’re going to in the first place.

So… let’s go over the different reasons men think and behave this way. There’s a lot to learn from each one.

And while you’re reading each one… see if you can figure out what each situation and reason has in common.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #1

Some men are too immature to be honest and straight-forward with a woman.

Sometimes men are just being dumb and giving themselves ego strokes by flirting with you, even though they never really thought they’d call.

But, they get your number anyway to feel good and to have it “just in case” they get some random urge or reason to call you in the future.

Plus, getting a woman’s number is a kind of “trophy” to show to other immature men.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #2

They were just looking for a hook-up, and you weren’t “fling” material (which is a good thing, unless that’s all you’re looking for).

Often times, men think they just want a woman to be “physical” with.

If you’re out at a club or a bar and you meet a man, often he’ll have “hooking up” on his mind.

Duh, right!?

If you meet a guy like this and, in his eyes, you’re the girl he’d bring home to mom, then you might not be the girl he’ll want to spend his time with… at least for the near future.

But in spite of this, he takes your number, in case he gets the crazy foreign idea in his head that he’d actually want a great girl for a real relationship.

And guess what?

He doesn’t come to that realization for a very long time - so he doesn’t call.

I’m not saying it makes sense, but that’s how some men operate.

And in a strange way, men who do this are doing you a favor at that time in their life.

The timing wasn’t right.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #3

They thought they were being “polite” by getting your number, even though they never felt like calling.

Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, meanwhile you were already dreading his call and wishing inside that you had given him a fake number?

Exactly…

And I know it sucks to think about this, but have you ever thought that the tables could be turned?

See… if men enjoy their conversations with you but aren’t that interested, they sometimes feel a polite “obligation” to get your number.

It’s a kind of way to end the interaction on a positive note… even though they never really thought about if they intended to call you.

I know it sucks, but men aren’t often up front and assertive when it comes to the opposite sex.

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #4

They were interested in you at first, but after a little while they started to feel like something was “off”… maybe even after they got your number.

And, while you were trying so hard to create random reasons for you to see each other again, and to not have a guy get your number and not call again, they could sense your subtle fear and discomfort.

So the attraction and connection they had just started feeling for you and had tuned into with you, changed and was “broken.”

Why Men Don’t Call: Situation #5

They lost your number or forgot to call. Plain and simple and that’s it.

Ok, now let me ask you…

Did you figure out what each of these situations has in common?

I’ll give you a hint:

It has something to do with your feelings.

Give up?

There are 2 things actually.

First off, none of them have ANYTHING to do with you being a “loser”, like you mentioned.

See, the fascinating thing is that in each of these situations, it’s YOUR CHOICE to make the MEANING out of them that you want.

Unfortunately, it seems like the meaning you’ve chosen to make has been NEGATIVE.

In other words, you’ve actually started to criticize yourself and think even more negatively because two guys didn’t pick up the phone and punch in your number.

Talk about a way to make sure you keep screwing up and feeling bad about your love life…

And worse, men can actually sense these things when you meet them and will instantly categorize you as a woman that they don’t want to be around if you’ve got that freaked out, negative, over-attachment to the casual conversation you’re having with them.

Here’s the second thing each of these situations has in common…

Of the ones that don’t involve men just being weird or “unavailable” for more than a casual fling, there’s a common theme going on.

They weren’t FEELING ATTRACTION.

See, there’s something I don’t think you know you’re doing here…

You seem to know about an important concept when it comes to men - teasing and throwing in certain kinds of “challenges” to attract their interest and attention.

But… there’s a huge difference between KNOWING what these things are and actually DOING them.

The thing is, almost all women KNOW that they SHOULD tease and excite a man to dial up his interest.

But when it comes to actually doing these things in a fun, consistent, and exciting ways, they fall short.

Why?

Because who wants to bother?

And isn’t it better for someone to just like you for you?

Maybe.

But what if there’s a real and genuine “you” that men just need some help to see with so much other stuff going on?

And what if you’re hiding that away because of your frustrations from the past or fears about what might happen in the present?

Here’s a radical thought…

With things not going exactly how you want them to go in your live life - imagine if you actually changed a few of YOUR everyday patterns of behavior with men to try and get a few different results.

What are the odds that part of the common denominator here is YOU, and not that all men have the exact same problem or issue with calling back?

Would it be too much to ask that you at least try a few different things that were outside of your “natural” comfort zone of what you’ve always done or what makes sense to you?

I don’t think so… and you sound more than open to it and have a positive attitude.

So, let’s talk about what those patterns are for you to break, and what to try instead that WORKS with men.

CREATING “REASONS” FOR A MAN TO CALL YOU BACK

Your email lets me know that you already “get” some of what to do, like teasing and being challenging, but that you don’t quite know yet how to put it to work in your dating life.

Let’s change that.

Here’s how…

You need to start creating exciting reasons for a man to want to see you again.

I’ll repeat that so you hear it again and take the time to let it sink in…

You need to start creating EXCITING REASONS for a man to WANT to see you again.

I’ll give you a minute to think about what that means…

Ok, come back.

There’s something lots of single women do when they meet guys and want to see them again.

And, it makes it so that the man isn’t very interested or excited to re-connect with the woman afterwards.

It’s when a woman tries to come up with any old reason under the sun to “re-connect” with a man, not realizing how important the “reason” actually is.

It usually goes something like this…

Woman meets man.

Man and woman start to connect.

They talk about “interesting” stuff and the woman becomes interested in the man.

The man enjoys the conversation and talking to the woman, who’s a great person and seems attractive.

The woman feels a connection and assumes that he must feel it too since it’s there for her.

The man asks for her number and she kind of “lets down her guard” and becomes very friendly with him and feels comfortable.

The woman then starts talking about the things that they can do together when they see each other next, based on the conversational topics they’ve had.

The man’s attraction, intrigue, and interest in the woman suddenly drops off.

End of story.

So, what happened here?

In short, the woman stopped doing the things she was “naturally” and subconsciously doing at first that made the man feel attracted to her, and instead started treating him like a sort of “best friend.”

A friend of mine has a name for this…

The “super-sized friend approach.”

This approach is usually followed up by offers to do favors, run errands, or give gifts.

Translation - ZERO ATTRACTION.

And it’s further destroyed by trying any excuse, no matter how mundane, to make future plans together.

See what’s happening here?

And yeah, there are always exceptions to the rules.

Women who are so naturally attractive to men, physically and “socially”, can and do take the more casual and friendly approach… and it works great for them.

But we’re not talking about those situations.

We’re talking about the situations where things, unfortunately, don’t fall into place so effortlessly.

Ok, so back to creating “reasons” that actually get men to call back.

Let’s start by talking about why the “reason” is so important… and then we’ll get into a specific example.

The “reason” that you create, for a man to reconnect with you, is important because it builds the entire CONTEXT and MEANING in a man’s mind of how he thinks about you after he leaves…

That reason you give is a large part of what determines, in his mind, HIS reason for calling, or not calling.

So here’s how to create great “reasons” with a man…

First off, stop making future plans with men for first dates around things that are BORING, everyday, and PREDICTABLE.

Yes, trips to Europe can be fascinating, cool, sophisticated, cultural, and all kinds of great things.

And yeah, talking about Europe, travel, sites, art history, etc. can interest a man intellectually.

And I have to admit that traveling to Europe has involved some of the most romantic moments of my life.

These are great things to talk about with a man in random conversations.

But guess what?

Planning a man’s trip with a man is NOT going to make him FEEL those romantic feelings with you just because you’ve become his travel guide.

Planning travel can be looked at as a kind of chore for some people… especially men.

In other words, you could hope that the romance of Venice or Florence rubs off on you somehow through some magic “transference” as you talk about them…

Or…

You could start doing the things that will make him FEEL ATTRACTED and romantically interested in YOU.

With me here?

Good.

You’ve got to remember…

Attraction isn’t created by “logic.”

A man doesn’t talk to a woman about Europe and become fascinated and sexually charged by her knowledge of the Duomo, the Sistine Chapel, or the fine wines of France’s Bordeaux region.

**NEWSFLASH**

Attraction doesn’t take place when a man thinks inside his mind, “Gee, she’s smart, cultured, well travelled, etc., I think I’m going to feel attracted to her.”

That’s not how it works at all… just like that’s not how you become interested and attracted in men.

It’s MUCH more in your subconscious.

Think chemistry.

So, can a man “reason” with you so that you feel ATTRACTION or CHEMISTRY with him?

Didn’t think so.

But he can DO things that will make you FEEL ATTRACTION, even if you’re not really “choosing” to be attracted to him.

Well, it works the same way for men becoming attracted to women.

And sure, the things that are “logically attractive” like travel in Europe don’t hurt… but they’re really just window-dressing for the things that are going on underneath the surface in our minds and emotions.

What makes a man feel attracted is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE he has that a woman creates with him or guides him to.

Attraction is a largely a SUBCONSCIOUS FEELING that comes in response to the unexpected, the unpredictable, and the things that can’t help but draw us in to connect in an emotional way.

So let’s land the plane here…

If you want a man to call back, give him a “reason” that’s interesting, unpredictable, fun, etc.

But most importantly, it’s got to be a reason that will make him FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

If you do something less predictable, like tell him…

“Hey, since you’re going to Europe, if you’re good I’ll tell you a few secrets about what makes the French such great lovers… or great cooks…whichever you’re more curious about…”

Now that’s sure to get a man’s attention… and keep it so that he’ll call you back.

Notice that this still says everything you want to say to a man about wanting to connect with him again.

But it does so in a fun, interesting, teasing, challenging, and unpredictable way that keeps him thinking about you and guessing.

And, it does it without making him feel that you’re desperate to make sure that he’s going to call you - or that you’re just trying the “super-sized friend approach.”

So, let me say it again…

YOU NEED TO BUILD ATTRACTION TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.. whether it’s a phone call, a second date, or more.

But, I digress…

There’s one other thing that’s important you asked too…

“Should I just not accept that he’s not going to call?”

Great question.

Here’s the thing…

It’s important for you to have “boundaries” with men.

It’s important for your own good, to help him know what’s fair game and what isn’t, and to lay some constructive framework for a future relationship.

A key step in every growing relationship is to communicate what your personal boundaries are so that the other person can learn to respect them.

But in situations where you don’t even know the person very well, it’s not as simple as just laying it out there.

It’s also important that you don’t communicate these boundaries in a pushy, weird, needy, overly-sensitive way where men will instantly pull away from you.

I know, I know… to lots of women this sounds like a contradiction.

When they hear it they’ll think…

“You mean I’m supposed to be “unpredictable” and create attraction, but I’m also supposed to be assertive enough to communicate my boundaries.”

“This is too much hassle… I just want to be me, and if a guy doesn’t like it, then tough!”

It’s no surprise that a lot of the women with this attitude (and men) are single and home alone on Friday nights watching Dave Letterman…

And wonder why their relationships just seem to fall apart after a while… over and over.

The truth is, communicating boundaries and creating attraction with a man are NOT mutually exclusive activities.

AND… if you know how, these kinds of situations can become AMAZING OPPORTUNITIES to create attraction and GROWTH between you and a man.

If you know how to communicate with a man in the right way, you can get the response that you want (attraction) AND communicate a clear message.

Which in your case might be for him to respect your boundaries by calling if he says he’s going to call.

But if you don’t get the subtle specifics of how to communicate with a man this way, then often times you’ll come off as pushy or “bitchy” like lots of other women do when they try to assert boundaries early on with men.

Try saying something like this in a semi-serious way but with a smirk on your face…

“You know, I might just decide to give you my number, but I’m not sure if you’re the right kind of guy yet - because I’m VERY PICKY and I only give my number out to guys that A) have their act together and B) are smart enough to know what they’re missing if they don’t call.”

And then write down your number and hold it out for him to grab.

But when he reaches for it, pull it away from his hand a little bit so he misses it…

Then keep teasing him and ask him again with a wry smile on your face…

“Well, do you have your act together? Because I really don’t have time for boys that don’t call…”

This kind of thing will drive a man CRAZY and triggers a deep level attraction response - that’s not just a “physical” thing.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck
in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man.

At first, he was just another attractive man…but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So, she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all…. (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times, the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up…but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END….

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know… I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels….

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs as a result of the powerful negative experiences it brings back.

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND the puzzles about men, women and how we behave with each other.

In this particular situation, I think there is something important for a woman to know…

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share love, will BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK, they can actually make things WORSE.

The very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER… make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

But, it’s a strangely common dynamic that most men and women really aren’t aware of and don’t understand, even though they’re playing it out.

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

You know, when a guy asks for your number and maybe you feel awkward turning him down, so you relent.

And then he calls…

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and effort just seems to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you.

CHOICES AND THE PARADOX OF ATTRACTION

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message, that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over- the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he’s not in the right place/right time to hear it, or most importantly - he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

Yep… It’s actually going to trigger a feeling of discomfort and disinterest in the man.

And this is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off, withdraw, or even disappear.

So what causes this?

And why would a man react this way towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him her time, compliments, attention, or telling him how she feels affection for him?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman and can sense it.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve passively posed several questions that can create NEGATIVE TENSION:

“How do you feel about me?”

And…

“Do you want to be with me?”

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually REPEL a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or change how he feels about you by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the feeling that you’re trying to bribe him because you don’t think he would just like you for you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life, because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

If you have any guy friends, brothers, etc. in your life who are clueless when it comes to women, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

When they’re really “into” a woman and they want things to go somewhere or progress, and maybe the woman is not feeling it for him so much, what does he do?

Usually a lot of things that communicate, “Hey, I think you’re way more valuable, important and higher status than I am… Maybe one day if I give you enough compliments and gifts you’ll start to like me.”

But let me clarify here so you really get it…

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him, because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him ->Tell him you like him ->He likes you.

If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then it’s probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend ->You tell him you like him ->He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him, or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels…and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

This may sound odd at first, but if you think about what the man is perceiving (that you NEED this romantic relationship) you understand that what seems like a logical question to you translates to “neediness” or “clinginess” to him.

In my ebook I share with you the top list of things that many woman do that KILL attraction instantly. These are the UNIVERSAL things that are sure to change they way a man sees and perceive you (and not for the better).

When you read these universal “attraction killers”, like most women, you’re going to recognize some of the behaviors and quickly realize different ways you’ve been sabotaging your own relationships before they even get started.

Now to get back to our situation with the above particular guy — The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

I’ve spent several years studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals” and effortlessly attract and connect in great relationships communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

Just like the people who seem to have it easy, ANY WOMAN has the power to be MAGNETIC.

You probably already know what I’m talking about if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”… where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

I’ll tell you…. it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

But what you DO have to do is LEARN.

Creating the kind of attraction and connection that makes a man undeniably “into” a woman is actually a skill. And I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn how to create this and have this kind of “success” in her love life if she wants.

But the truth is… you’re not likely to figure all this out by “trial and error”.

Some women spend their ENTIRE LIVES looking for the love, connection, and attraction that they want in their lives… and NEVER come across how to create it and experience.

Their only hope is for it to “fall into their lap” in the form of a great guy who gets it and can make it all work.

Don’t waste your time waiting…

Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION, and driving them to want a real relationship with you long term aren’t “obvious” at all.

In fact, some of them make no sense and are the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, IF you didn’t know the SECRETS.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Are you looking to experience more love, happiness and fulfillment in your love life?

Does there seem to be “something missing” from the way you and a man interact that’s either keeping you from connecting on a deeper personal and emotional level…

Or is he being RESISTANT when it comes to getting closer with you?

Then you’ve got to read the real-life story about a woman’s failures, growth, and successes with the “unavailable” man in her life.

She shares how she went from feeling frustrated and confused to learning how to feel empowered and confident… and describes exactly how she made this change.

You can use the ideas and techniques that she shares NOW to improve your love life.

First, let me ask you…

What if you could find just one good real-world idea that brought you close to that great guy that for some reason seems “unavailable” or withdraws from you?

Or what if you found a great way to turn your situation around and get back to that amazing love-filled connection you used to have when you were first together?

How is that going to happen for you?

Well, there’s a few ways in this email for you.

If you read this reader’s email, you’re likely to recognize and identify with what this woman has gone through with men in the past… and what she is dealing with right now.

And hearing about her experiences dealing with men and relationships straight “from the horse’s mouth” can help you to put the things she’s used to improve her love life to use in your own.

You’re also likely to simply FEEL BETTER about where things are for you after you read what’s going on for this woman.

PLUS, I’ll share what I see as the “deeper” psychological process behind her increased success, her new feeling of well being and her new attitude of confidence and empowerment.

So enough of my blabbering, let’s check her email out.

Dear Christian,

Well it’s about time somebody coughed up the secrets of the mind of man…LOL

I can’t tell you what a pleasure, and with great amusement, it was to read your ebook. I have been trying to ferret out for years why I get into the same situations with males I am attracted to and attract. Let me tell you it has been no easy task to make these kinds of discoveries.

I went from being entirely dismayed and at the point of giving up, thinking I was too complex for any male to understand, to the excited extreme “Aha!” zone where now I get things that are happening.

Being the dominant Aries woman with a perpetual desire for the chase, I thought men to be lame and overly freaked out by my presence and too frightened to do anything about it… they watch from afar but never approach. Begging internally for a man who could keep up, I couldn’t figure it out and was on an endless path of what does that mean, why did they do that, etc.

So this little goldmine of yours has put much straight for me, and has my head spinning with ideas.

I’ve come from the space of hating the whole dating game place to understanding that it’s not foo-foo games but rather intelligent strategy combined with proper pacing and non attachment empowered by my choices.

I recently started dating this man who after several dates suggested I find a book on rules..he was very tongue in cheek about it telling me I was way too easy and I could be taken advantage of (nice girl syndrome) - you should know I am 43 years old was married for 20 years and after 5 years of being divorced entirely clueless on how to proceed. anyway… he at first mentioned he liked having me on his priority list. But 5 days later he brought up “the talk” because he was wondering if he should have one basket or several. (women) And 3 days after that he stated he was into monogamy, but not with me in this case. This blew me away entirely. But he still called each day! He left me wondering what had taken place with us that would make him suddenly stick me into the lover category and not a long term one. (i.e. verbatim he said, “We can have lots of great sex and massages, you just don’t get papers on me.”)

I then did a search online and found your book. I immediately put into play what I read - with instant changes on his end I might add.

Now I see that what he’s done and said has been to help him stay emotionally protected, and that he sees me just as a “lover” like you talked about.

Now the fun for me here is to implement these things and see if it changes his perspective or not. In the meantime, I’m open to practicing on others I’m interested in until I get this right!

Thank you!!

D.B.

You go girl!

OK, back to the matter at hand.

There are so many AWESOME things going on in this email that I want to talk about, and that I know are going to start happening for this woman in the near future…

One of the most important things here is what I think of as your “mindset”.

I know it sounds a little silly and “new agey”, but the truth is that your attitude or mindset can help you naturally become more successful with experiencing connection, fulfillment, and building something that’s meaningful and lasting with a man… WITHOUT having to do more “work” just to get there.

If you haven’t recognized it in the people and the world around you yet, ATTITUDE is EVERYTHING.

This woman who wrote to me and the transformation she’s going through touches on this idea and how it works…

But she didn’t share a lot about how she got to this new place she’s in, what the process is like, and what she’s specifically doing differently now.

In other words, the “How-To’s” and the techniques.

That’s where I want to fill in some gaps for you right now…

The Fatal Mistake Of Handing Over The Responsibility of Creating Your Perfect Love Life To A Clueless Man…

I’m going to get “geeky” with you for a second.

I’ve realized something important recently.

After spending tons of time thinking about how men and women experience love and relationships differently, and reading hundreds of books and articles on how the human mind works and our “inner-psychology”, I’ve come across something fascinating.

Each of us has a system of beliefs or “maps” of the world that we use to organize our experience and make meaning out of what happens around us.

I believe that lots of women have a unique set of these beliefs that I call their “Emotional Love Map”.

It’s really just a fancy name for the pictures and expectations in your mind that create the beliefs about how your love life and relationship should look and FEEL.

Here’s where it gets really interesting…

Men and their natural or default “emotional states” can quickly make women feel frustrated and hopeless about finding true and lasting love in their life.

Why?

Because a lot of the behavior, communication and beliefs that men have don’t match up with the “Emotional Love Map” of the woman that they’re with.

Seeing this has helped me see something I never understood before as a man.

There’s something I know tons of women are probably dying to scream out from inside.

If I were them, I’d want to stand on the tallest mountain and yell it out.

That’s probably why I hear it from tons of women I meet and talk to.

I heard it again just 4 nights ago when I was out to dinner at a great restaurant here in Los Angeles and I struck up a conversation with a woman at the bar as I was waiting for my friend.

It goes something like this…

“I’m tired of doing all the work! Shouldn’t the man take responsibility for his issues and fix them himself? We women are doing all the heavy lifting since we’re the ones who are emotionally together.”

Let’s get the logical answer to this out of the way so we can move on to things that actually matter and will actually do real things to improve your love life.

YES.

Men SHOULD take responsibility, learn and grow like most women do.

But if you’re reading this, then odds are that the men in your life haven’t, don’t, and have no immediate plans to get it together anytime soon.

Our strong Aries reader who wrote in really “gets” this concept now and it’s doing all kinds of great things for her attitude, her feelings, and the results she’s getting with the unavailable guy in her life.

But she probably wouldn’t be open to learning and trying new things she’s learning and observing if she hadn’t had the “psychological shift” of taking responsibility for her own love life.

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever been in a relationship where as time went on, instead of you and a man becoming closer and more certain about your relationship and each other… he seemed to be LESS CERTAIN and more distant with you?

Which, of course, only made things worse as tensions grew and you disagreed and fought more.

I recently got a question from a woman in a similar situation, and I wanted to share the email and what you can do about this kind of situation to “turn things around”.

I know you’ll want to hear about this one…

Especially if you’ve ever been in that “uncertain” place with a man in your relationship.

Hi Christian,

Just bought your e-book and am finding it quite useful…. My fiance proposed to me last Feb, and I was so ecstatic, I moved town’s to live with him and changed jobs and left most of my friends behind. (still visit the friends regularly though). After four months of living together, the intimacy and newness has died down (with a few arguments along the way). We are both trying to adjust to living together, and some hurtful things have been said and happened, namely my fiance has insisted we postpone the wedding (after many arrangements have been made), and has mentioned more than once that he’s not sure if he’s up for all the committment that goes with being married, and having a family (acutally has said he is now unsure if he wants all that…) I’m trying to deal with the hurt (actually devistated) feelings of the things I thought we both wanted not happening, and also the fact that what we once had has changed and I now feel like I’m in limbo. I know I have made some mistakes with this situation, but am trying to see if we can turn it around, or if I should just move on. He says he still loves me very much, he’s just not sure if he is up for it all now. He is also a workaholic and is extremely busy with his business (he owns a business)…and I must say has a lot of self-centered tendencies. Anyway… If you have any suggestions regarding which particular sections I should focus on more, it would be appreciated, or if you have heard a similar situation and have any suggestions…
Regards,

V.

Wow… thanks for sharing

Sorry to hear about the painful things you’re going through, but as hard as it might be to believe, there’s good news here…

You’re not alone.

In fact, what you’re going though is so unbelievably common (unfortunately) that I want you to make sure you don’t go into “panic mode”.

Or the other COUNTERPRODUCTIVE mode women in your situation commonly go into:

“Fix-it” mode - where you start to try and change anything and everything, making it impossible to keep the things that are still working going.

This only makes things worse for you AND makes a man feel less confident and comfortable in the relationship with you.

But there are several specific things that can quickly take your situation from frustrating and disconnected to CLOSE and INTIMATE again… and I’ll share these in just a minute.

But first thing’s first…

Let me be VERY DIRECT and HONEST with you -

My ebook isn’t going to help you.

That’s right, I said it.

It’s a waste of your time right now.

Seriously.

Here’s why…

I can hear that you’re looking for direction with what exactly it is you need to focus on among all the ideas, concepts and “strategies” in the book.

But I’ve got to be real with you here…

Just buying my eBook and browsing through it once or twice ISN’T going to help you create a real and lasting change in your relationship.

I wish I could tell you it was that simple.

But you know, it isn’t that simple right now when it comes to your relationship.

And if I did tell you it was that easy, I’d be lying.

But the truth is that NOT FINDING THE RIGHT ANSWERS right now, even if they take a little time for you to recognize and more importantly APPLY in your love life, represents a much, much more difficult potential situation in the future…

Having your relationship continue to get worse and worse, more and more distant, and less committed and loving, until the special connection you used to have seems to have completely disappeared.

But the upside is that once you do start to “get” more of the concepts and strategies in my ebook, and how they apply to your situation specifically, something MAGICAL will happen…

Great things will start to happen for you in your relationship, and with the way you act and communicate with him (and him with you), out of nowhere.

Actually, there will be several magic moments where you see things “shift” from difficult and resistant to open and understanding…

And very quickly you will start connecting and feeling close to each other again.

But right now the challenge is to help you get into LEARNING so that these magic moments start to come into your life sooner rather than later.

So let me tell you a few, simple, but profound, TRUTHS about learning and life I’ve come across as I’ve helped and worked with literally thousands of women.

And stick with me here… I know these will help you with where you’re at right now and quickly redirect you and your relationship towards POSITIVE GROWTH.

Truth #1. MORE Information Isn’t Always BETTER

I don’t know if you recognize it right now, but you’ve got most of the answers you’re seeking in front of you right now… inside my eBook.

But like a lot of us do, you’ve most likely looked at the ideas and information, passed it through your usual “filters” in your busy mind, and you’ve kept right on doing what it is that you’ve been doing for what I bet is quite some time in your relationship now…

Looking for “that thing” that will jump into your life and magically change EVERYTHING for you right away.

All the while, YOU are still thinking the same way and you’re still caught up in the same emotional and behavioral “patterns” within yourself and with your fiancé.

In other words, here’s what I’m trying to let you in on…

More information on what to specifically do in your situation isn’t what you need right now at all.

You need to first get a hold of your own experience and your own head and have a shift in PERSPECTIVE.

Let me explain it to you this way…

Have you ever seen how some men think that they need to learn great “pick-up lines” in order to meet and attract women?

Ridiculous right?

But TONS of men think this way.

In fact, men seek out other men to watch and learn from, some read pick-up “manuals”, and others ask their friends what it is that they should SAY in order to make women interested in them.

I’m talking about men looking for the exact set of words and phrases that they think they can use to attract, interest or “seduce” a woman.

And then going out there trying these “lines” with women in the hopes that the women will respond by being physically attracted to them.

You can guess how it goes for these guys most of the time.

But what’s fascinating is how the men respond and interpret the “failures” they have, using the lines they’ve learned.

When the “lines” don’t work for them, lots of men immediately think to themselves…

“Oh, I must not have found the right pick-up line yet. I better keep searching until I find the right one that makes the woman I say it to feel an instant surge of attraction for me.”

I’m serious here by the way… Lots of men really do think this way about what it takes to meet a woman and get her interest.

And I think you know, as a woman, that finding better pick-up lines is NOT the answer for a man who hasn’t had success with the first few “lines” he has tried.

In fact, it’s PAINFULLY OBVIOUS to you that these men are looking in all the wrong places for answers.

But I can’t tell you how many rational and intelligent men make this stupid mistake.

So what’s going on here?

How can intelligent people draw such dumb conclusions about people and life?

Well, men who want to learn “pick-up lines” all have something in common (besides not intuitively or “naturally” understanding what can make a woman feel interested and attracted).

These men are all looking for answers in a place where they’ll never be able to find “the answer.”

You, being a woman, know that it really doesn’t matter WHAT a man says (unless it’s vulgar or ridiculous, in which case a woman will actually feel repelled by a man).

Instead, it’s WHO he is and HOW he says things that makes all the difference.

And you know this because you have the PERSPECTIVE to see how things actually work personally and emotionally for you and for other women.

But the men who are looking for the “perfect pick-up line” don’t have the benefit or value of seeing things from your perspective.

These guys are COMPLETELY CONVINCED that if they just found the right thing to say to a woman, she would see him in a different way.

And they have what they think is “proof” of this because they’ve seen men TALK to women and get the outcome they’re looking for.

But what they can’t see from their perspective is that it isn’t THE WORDS being exchanged that create interest and attraction.

A man who still thinks pick-up lines are the solution is blind to the truth that most of the significant communication and decision making between a man and a woman is happening on deeper and less direct, emotional, social and psychological level.

So even if you tried to tell one of these guys what was REALLY going on when men and women interact, and that it wasn’t pick-up lines which can make a woman interested in them, they wouldn’t be able to believe you.

The human mind is a fascinating and strange thing.

Anyway, here’s the FASCINATING thing I recognized a few years back about women…

Lots of women do the SAME THING.

They have their own version of the “perfect pick-up line.”

Seriously.

Except a woman’s “perfect line” is about creating the instant relationship “breakthrough”, instead of the quick sexual experience men are often seeking.

Let me explain…

Lots of women tirelessly analyze their relationship over and over, often times creating more negative emotional distance through the fear and anxiety they experience.

I mean, how many times have you asked yourself in your mind…

“What does it mean since he did [enter whatever behavior he did here]?”

And how many times have you spent hours or days thinking about talking about exactly what it is you need to say or do with a man to fix or change things?

The truth is, the answer often isn’t in YOUR HEAD, and isn’t available from the level of AWARENESS and CONSCIOUSNESS you have at the time.

In other words, the answer for you right now is NOT to find more answers for your specific situation that you haven’t found yet.

You already have a solid system to start with laid out in front of you inside my ebook.

But instead, the answer right now is YOU.

YOU need to take what you’ve got in front of you and DO THE WORK to change your awareness and perspective.

There are no “magic pick-up lines” to instantly transform a man, or deepen the level of depth and understanding in a relationship just by saying them, or having read them in a book IF you don’t understand the HOW and WHY of it all.

But there are things in my book that bring consistent POSITIVE RESULTS if you work to develop your skills and AWARENESS.

Stop looking for more “relationship pick-up lines.”

Truth #2: Change, Awareness, Consciousness and Growth Are All PROCESSES.

Here’s something I see happen all the time with women who read a bit of my stuff…

They take an idea, a concept, or a “technique” that I’ve shown or explained and then say to themselves…

“Hey, that’s cool… I think I’ll try this once or twice to see if it works.”

And then, when things don’t go their way at first, they get frustrated and give up… BEFORE they’ve even had the time to become AWARE of what it is that they’re actually doing.

Sorry, I wish I could bring you instant gratification into your life and relationships, but it just doesn’t work that way.

And deep inside your mind, you know it.

A relationship is a PROCESS, not a thing you can buy, have and hold.

That’s why the ball is in YOUR court right now.

I’ve done my part here, and now it’s your turn.

It’s time to make the COMMITMENT to learn and try NEW WAYS of thinking in your life.

THE TRUTH ABOUT INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS

What if I told you that the fact that your fiancé was experiencing doubts and fears could be HEALTHY and exactly what you need to experience and deal with BEFORE you spend the rest of your lives together?

Would you be willing to accept that and find a way to understand how you BOTH can learn and grow as REAL PEOPLE from that?

Or would you RESIST it?

Hint: I’m working on your PERSPECTIVE right now.

As much as it FEELS awful, I know from experience that ALL men and women HAVE to deal with their own fears, discomforts and challenges when they begin to weave their lives closer together.

Especially when they make huge changes in their lives together like engagement and living together.

Here’s the thing…

Most men and women like to think that in a relationship, it SHOULD feel comfortable and safe and “easy” most of the time.

And most men and women have the strong SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that the people who have good long-term committed relationships were just lucky enough to find that magic person who eliminates all the resistance, obstacles and challenges other couples experience.

But the OPPOSITE is true.

Open, honest, “real” relationships still have LOTS of challenges, doubts, “phases” and fears in them.

In fact, in a way, they have MORE CHALLENGES because both people are truly open and honest about who they are and what they’re feeling.

The difference is how both people in the relationship accept, understand, and deal with these “realities.”

Do you panic, creating more emotional uncertainty, and negative disconnected feelings?

Or are you calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a man know things aren’t going to be difficult and tiresome with you in the future?

Here’s something I want you to do right now…

I want you to start thinking of all the things that are coming up right now that you see as new problems in the relationship as “road signs” guiding your future relationship.

You’re engaged and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. And whether you see it right now or not, that’s a REALLY BIG thing for our subconscious minds, let alone our conscious minds, to grasp.

You owe it to yourself and your fiancé to get things handled and understood between you two, on a deep, real, lasting level, BEFORE you jump into “FOREVER.”

The marriage or engagement doesn’t make the relationship.

The relationship makes the marriage.

And here’s something that’s COUNTERINTUITIVE about the common problems men bring into relationships with women…

These things coming up actually give YOU the opportunity to become more AWARE and help create a better level of communication and understanding in the future.

But here’s what is more important for you in the short term -

What you’re going through can be EASILY OVERCOME with what really are small changes in how you think and communicate.

But ONLY IF you can keep from playing “connect-the-dots” game with each thing that has happened, turning it all into one big negative nightmare scenario in your mind.

AND…

Only if you KNOW what to do in each one of these critical things going on, and you can address them in a way that brings a man closer, and lets him know that dealing with these things that come up in the future, will be simple and easy for you both to deal with together, and stay connected.

Remember, the way you’ve responded and reacted in the past, and the way you are now, tells a man everything about how he thinks you’ll be in the future together.

So what are your emotions, reactions, and words telling him?

If he’s scared, non-committal and uncertain, and he has the courage to share that with you while still letting you know that he loves you and not just leaving, but then you freak out and don’t know what to do or say - what kind of story does that create about you in his mind?

A man’s emotions, fears, behaviors, etc. are all part of the road signs in your relationship…like them or not.

They SUCK, but they are REAL EXPERIENCES a man is having.

The good news is that these experiences and thoughts are driven largely by FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

And, as you probably already know, feelings and emotions can change almost instantly.

My favorite example of this is when a child is tired or unhappy and something happens to them physically, like being lightly bumped, etc.

The child will fall down, pretending to be terribly hurt and start crying.

But if you put a new toy or a piece of candy in front of them EVERYTHING changes in an instant.

What if there was a way to KNOW what to do in each situation with a man that would change his feelings and emotions?

And therefore affect how he sees EVERYTHING about you and your relationship?

What if there was a way to keep him from worrying about these things and feeling this way in the first place?

And instead of trying to convince him or argue with him about how he should think and act in your relationship…

Make him FEEL physically and EMOTIONALLY drawn to you as a woman and as a partner.

To where his experience would tell him that you were the only woman who could makes him feel so amazing and that he has to be around you.

That’s where I come in.

The reality is that ALL men have their own set of fears about being truly close to a woman - as much as they ALSO want to love and be loved…

Even AFTER they make a commitment and start to feel and share true love with a woman.

And here’s something else you should know…

Believe it or not, I have learned after years of research and study that every man is capable of seeing the special woman in his life as “long term relationship or marriage material”… but not every woman knows HOW to create the experiences and feelings with a man that help make this happen.

The reality is that most men date women and end up in short term relationships that only last until things start to become challenging. And this is when they withdraw, resist, and pull away instead of COMMITTING to work on things and make the love and connection even deeper and stronger.

And again, not every woman knows how to keep things growing through the good and the bad so that when things become more “challenging” in the relationship, the man doesn’t go to that place of withdrawal and isloation.

Of course, a man has his own part and responsibility for his behavior in your relationship… but there is something you can do to keep this from happening (by creating a different EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE between you two so that he won’t feel like withdrawing from you in the first place)

And learning how to create this kind of deep connection and the emotional experience that goes along with it is part of the secret to making love and commitment LAST with a man.

Until next time - best of luck in life and love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter