Entries from October 2007 ↓

If you’ve ever wondered about what draws a man in to connect deeply with a woman early so he can’t help but want to see her again (for more than just a fling) then keep reading…

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and ATTRACTING great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly work for men, and what to do about it.

Here we go…

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game?”

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game…if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love,connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So how can YOU change your ideas and “strategies” to find and create a strong love connection that really LASTS?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected,loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

- “I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

- “I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

- “I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

- “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

NOT finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that women make because they invest a TON of their precious time and energy with a guy that has noplans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship.

So… you may want to read that last sentence again — it’s ESSENTIAL to achieving success in the next relationship you start with a man.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with - plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication.(Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because up to 90 percent of the things we learn and identify about each other happens throughsilent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely ATTRACTED to you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

Asking this question in a playful way sets the right tone for a man to respond in a way that creates attraction without putting a man “on the spot”. This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly -CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

The way that YOU answer questions in that initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER attraction. A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction - “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other - if you want to be JUST FRIENDS.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing…Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

In case you didn’t realize it, men will have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away.

If you think about the animal kingdom, the female of the species usually selects her mate by either accepting or rejecting the male’s advances and courtship behaviors.

The same pattern has gone on with humans for hundreds and thousands of years. By “playing the courtship game” with a man, you are appealing to deeply ingrained patterns within him -things that he is not even consciously aware of.

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and JUMP into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

Now back to it…

I’d like to answer the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.

I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won’t just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he’ll be leading you both forward.

Thanks and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

You’re about to learn secrets to meeting and attracting men that most women will never know.

But first, let’s get something out of the way.

Have you ever talked to your friends or family about what you should do in your love-life?

Ok, so you know about all that lame “common sense” dating advice everyone has to offer.

Here’s something you might not know about it…

Most of that advice has nothing to do with how things ACTUALLY work with men, dating and relationships.

That’s right. Nothing.

Especially when it comes to how men become attracted and interested in long term relationships with women.

So if you’ve been listening to your mom, your girlfriends, guy friends, etc., then odds are you’re not having a lot of success, right?

But tons of women (and men) still follow that everyday “common sense” advice and try things that just don’t really help.

Here are a few examples of the advice you’ll hear from the people around you:

- Act a little “bitchy” because men secretly like it

- Go hang out where “good men” are likely to be and you’ll meet a great guy

- Be active, have fun and keep a busy and interesting life of your own

- Don’t act clingy or needy

- Don’t expect to meet any good men in bars, clubs, party places, etc.

- Meet men while doing things you like to do so you have similar interests

- Let him initiate… wait for him to call you or ask you out

- Play a little bit “hard to get”

Sound familiar?

Well, if you’re like lots of women I know, then one of the following probably describes your experience with this advice:

1. The ideas just didn’t “click” with you when you went to put them to use in your REAL LIFE… so you never even got around to doing anything at all

2. You put the advice to use and had some “success”, but when push came to shove, the same obstacles came up in your love-life and you were back to where you started

3. You put it to use and it got you NOWHERE

So what does this mean?

First things first - all of these basically lead to the same outcome in the real world.

You end up QUITTING them because they don’t really do anything radical to improve your love- life.

And guess what?

There’s a “statistical certainty” that applies to quitting…

It gets you NOWHERE.

So what should you do instead?

I’m glad you asked.

You need to find the right information and tools in your life that will WORK and create results.

The truth is, you only get one shot at living your love-life, so now’s the time to get it right.

So let’s get right to what works…

TWO TYPES OF ATTRACTION, TWO WAYS TO ATTRACT A MAN…

After years of study, reading, observation and thinking about what “ATTRACTION” is and how it works, I’ve found something that most people who study the subject have seemed to miss…

There’s more than one type of attraction.

I know… it seems simple and straightforward, right?

I’m sure you’ve experienced different types of attraction in your life.

But the truth is that no one in the “scientific world” of psychology, biology, sociology, etc. has bothered to, or been able to look at these things and separate them out into their parts.

Let alone actually describe how to go about creating these kinds of attraction and what they’re made up of.

Well…

I figured out something FASCINATING a few years ago while I was thinking about attraction.

There are two types of attraction a man can feel for a woman:

I call these “Physical Attraction” and “Intellectual Attraction”.

Here’s a secret about these two types of attraction:

ANY WOMAN can learn about these and go about creating one or both kinds of attraction with a man if she wants to.

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Let’s talk about the more “common” type of attraction first and how it’s created.

It’s the easiest and most understood.

We all know what Physical Attraction is and what it feels like.

And as a woman, I’m sure you’ve experienced and recognized how Physical Attraction can be triggered in a man.

Here’s a quick list of things that most women use to trigger Physical Attraction in a man:

- “Speaking” with your body language in a way that gets him looking at you physically - smiles, flipping your hair, laughing, etc.

- Wearing certain cool or seductive fashions, styles and ornamentation that attract attention

- Initiating and maintaining eye contact with men

- Wearing enticing perfumes or scents

- Being really “nice” to a guy and complimenting him

- Creating subtle or “accidental” touches on the man’s arm or leg

- Talking and flirting

- Teasing

- Getting physically close to a man

These are pretty obvious for most women, and sometimes they can create Physical Attraction with a man.

But here’s where it gets interesting.

If you want to get close to a man…

And if you want to create the kind of attraction that has him pining away just see you or hear your voice…

And if you want him to crave a deeper level of involvement, intimacy and commitment with you…

Then Physical Attraction alone is NOT going to get you there.

Never.

And here’s where I see tons of women make a huge mistake when it comes to understanding men and their “dating psychology”.

They believe that by creating an intense amount of Physical Attraction, a man will feel emotionally attached, involved, committed, intimate, etc.

WRONG.

If you haven’t seen or heard about the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”, this end result about men is what the author is talking about.

But in my opinion, he doesn’t explain the how and why… and more importantly, what to do about it if you don’t just want to accept that a man isn’t “into you”.

That’s where I come in.

The answer is - he’s just not that “attracted” to you.

But there IS something you can do about it that I’ve discovered after years of studying situations like this.

Here’s the catch.

A man CAN experience “connection”, involvement and a stronger level of attachment when he’s “physical” with a woman (Physical Attraction)…

But, unfortunately, the situation where a man is feeling Physical Attraction and becomes deeply connected and emotionally committed to a woman is RARE.

In other words, with most men, even if they’re feeling an intense amount of Physical Attraction, it doesn’t mean he wants anything but to continue the physical connection.

I know it would be easier if it were different.

But it’s not, so get over it.

And now that you know, here’s what to do about
it.

First, don’t make the painfully common mistake of assuming that if a man is physically attracted to you, that he also feels the desire to have more than just a physically driven relationship in the long term.

Next, start learning about what to do and what actually works to change the situation…

And now back to creating a deep level of attraction right now…

HOW TO THINK ABOUT “INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION”

Instead of giving you the “techniques” and “tactics” for creating Intellectual Attraction, there’s something a thousand times more important that I want to talk with you about first.

It’s about creating the right MINDSET so that you can start to create Intellectual Attraction naturally on your own and avoid all kinds of resistance with men, dating and relationships.

Like the old “emotionally unavailable” guy trap.

Then you can go through all the steps and ideas I’ve got to create and AMPLIFY Intellectual Attraction.

Sound good?

Good.

Let me ask you something to help you get into the Intellectual Attraction “Mindset”…

Have you ever been in a situation with a man where you had been dating and physical together, but quickly you started to notice that he didn’t do much to initiate conversations or connect with you anymore?

He was withdrawing physically and emotionally and you could feel it and sense it, even if nothing had really been said.

And so you brought it up with him… and instead of him listening, opening up and seeing how he was acting and how it affected you both, he actually got IRRITATED with you.

Which freaked you out even more.

And at some point in the arguing, frustration, irritation, etc. did you deep down wish that he would just ACCEPT you and be OPEN to how great things really were when you were together?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!?

Think about it…

Do you think a man should just accept or “tolerate” the person who is supposed to be the love of his life!?

Absolutely not.

No, instead he shouldn’t be able to keep his mind and his hands off of you.

I’ll bet that you’d rather feel this way with the person you spend your life and time with too, right?

What if you were with someone and instead of finding a way to make you FEEL love, lust and a deeper sense of ATTRACTION to them, they wanted to CONVINCE you to feel these things.

And when you didn’t feel how they wanted you to feel, they got upset with you and it hurt and frustrated them to the point of being upset with you.

How do you think you’d react?

Would it MAKE you feel how they wanted you to feel?

It probably wouldn’t feel very comfortable with them.

And it definitely wouldn’t make you feel more ATTRACTED to them.

Get where I’m going with this?

If you want to make a man feel that deep burning desire to be with you both physically and emotionally, then “convincing” him or trying to use Physical Attraction to get close to him won’t work in the long run.

HOW TO TAKE YOUR CONNECTION AND RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL

So here’s where I give you the simplest piece of information you’ll ever be able to put to use in your life that will have DRAMATIC POSITIVE EFFECTS.

Remember when we were talking about the “common sense” advice that lots of women follow?

Well, even if you’re having a terrible time and getting advice that doesn’t work, DON’T QUIT.

Not even if the ideas or advice you’re working with aren’t helping you.

Huh?

Why in the world would I recommend using advice that I know isn’t likely to help you too much in the long run?

Here’s the “elusive obvious” thing going on here -

You’ll LEARN a thousand times more by not quitting and trying new things in your life…even if they don’t get you exactly where you’d like to be or seem like they aren’t working at the time.

There’s no substitute in the world for KNOWLEDGE and learning.

But learning doesn’t take place if you quit and don’t find the lessons inside what you’re experiencing.

The trouble is that NOBODY wants to go through the process and learn all the lessons.

We ALL want INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

I sure do.

Unfortunately, that’s not how things usually work in the world.

But there is a shortcut here.

There are THREE CRITICAL STEPS that will help get you to a better place in your love-life…FAST

1. Finding the right information

2. Start learning

3. Stick with it and stay AWARE

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

A MISTAKE ALMOST ALL WOMEN MAKE WITH MEN… AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT…

There’s one mistake that almost all women make with men they’re interested in.

The mistake is allowing yourself to become OVERLY EMOTIONAL around the person you’re dating in a negative and self-destructive way.

You know… when you kind lose your cool and know, after the fact, that the way you acted and what you said did nothing to bring you and your guy closer.

Instead, it seemed to make him LESS OPEN to listening to you and MORE DISTANT and frustrated with you.

But that’s not all…

In the days after this happens, you start to see how this short-lived emotional “venting” or outpour that wasn’t really a big deal after you got things off your chest starts finding it’s way to screw up the entire good situation you have going with the man in your life.

And you start to wonder…

Is this really because of me, or is he making too big of a deal out of this and not listening and respecting my feelings?

Part of you knows you went over the edge a little bit emotionally, but another part of you knows that a man should be able to listen and deal with these kinds of things and not get scared away if you’re going to make things work together.

Now, here’s the question you’ve got to ask yourself in these kinds of situations with men…

What’s going on here with how men react?

Why do some men make such a big deal out of wanting to talk and share your feelings?

And why do they often “scare men off”?

The truth is, doing these things shows a man that you’re EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

And nothing says “RUN” to a guy more clearly early on than these intense negative emotional “episodes” and an out of control partner.

Let me remind you of something important…

When most women start dating a great guy, they have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and BELIEFS about where things are going and how they might work out.

These are common, satisfying and exciting thoughts.

And often times, it’s the power of these positive feelings that are the catalyst in helping women look past the FEARS and NEGATIVE FEELINGS from past situations and move into something new.

In other words, these POSITIVE FEELINGS and BELIEFS become the driving forces to “try it again”.

In this situation, lots of women tell themselves in the back of their minds:

“I’m smarter now.”

“This time it’s different.”

“I’m over that bad period of my life where I let jerks and immature ‘boys’ mess up my life.”

“This guy wouldn’t hurt me the way that other jerk did.”

But the reality is that lots of women who tell themselves this aren’t actually “different” or “smarter” at all.

The only thing that’s changed is the scenery.

Instead, they still carry the FEARS and NEGATIVE BELIEFS that hold them back from creating new situations and experiences in their lives.

But then it happens…

In the new situation, with the new guy, things suddenly stop being so easy, so new and so “perfect”.

And eventually something seems “off” or goes wrong here too with the new guy, even if it’s something small.

And “WHAM!”

All the old fears and negative beliefs come rushing back out of nowhere.

That familiar sick feeling in the stomach is back.

The guy problems they thought they had left behind followed them here too.

So they FREAK OUT.

They become anxious and those voices start playing in their head again.

“There must be something wrong with me.”

“There are no good men… they’re all selfish jerks and I’ll never find one who gets me and can really love me for who I am.”

“I’ll never find true love, so I should just give up and stop putting myself through so much pain.”

I bet you’ve got a few of your own here to add to the list from that negative voice in your head.

We all do.

And you know what?

All of these are utter and total CRAP.

Here’s what I’ve learned about these voices…

When these negative voices start getting louder, most women leave behind the confidence, “positivity” and optimism they had with a man that helped create the great situation in the first place.

And they literally become DRIVEN by fear.

All the goodwill disappears and is replaced by defensiveness and negative sensitivity.

This is what it’s like having ZERO control of your emotions.

And guess what?

This is 100% “GRADE A” MAN REPELLENT.

Men do not want to get involved or committed to women who act emotionally dependent from the start and “lose it” at the first sign of difficulty.

When most women see the first signs of trouble or that a man is acting “non-committal” after becoming close and “invested” in the situation, they FREAK OUT inside.

When a man doesn’t call back or starts to withdraw, they get upset and afraid and act in fear.

When a man doesn’t share the same feelings at the same time in the same way, they become nervous and unsure in everything they do with a man.

The point I’m making here is that if you allow yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in situations with men, and dependent on their behavior for your emotional state, it will screw you up.

Guaranteed.

And even worse than letting your emotions control you and your behavior is trying to TALK men through all of the emotions and fears.

This is a nail in the coffin.

Think about it for a second…

Most men don’t even talk through their feelings or fears with their BEST FRIENDS.

Men prefer to confront, challenge, ignore or break through fear in some kind of masculine way.

Anything but observe or share fear. It’s not part of their make-up.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but it’s the truth.

Get where I’m going with this?

But hold on a second…

Emotions are GOOD, right?

Shouldn’t we listen to them and respect what they’re telling us?

Doesn’t a man need to be there for his woman if she’s going through something?

Aren’t emotions the thing that allow us to really EXPERIENCE life in a deep, rich and meaningful way?

And isn’t it wrong and harmful to try and “control how you feel?”

Isn’t it better to just “be who you are” and not beat yourself up because you feel or think about things in a certain way?

And wouldn’t ignoring or avoiding your feelings turn you into someone you’re not?

Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say “I can’t help the way I feel”…?

We all have.

We even have TERMS that we use to describe when we’re overly upset and just need to “get it out”.

We call it “venting” or “dumping”.

I call it the “drama vomit”. lol

So here’s the question I’m getting at…

Is it “OK” it to be upset, to get emotional, and to show EXACTLY how you feel inside with men?

YOU CREATE WHAT YOU SHARE

To make things simple, let’s put emotions into two categories…

There are those that you could consider “positive” emotions or those based in “joy”.

And then there are “negative” emotions. or those based in “fear”.

In other words, there are the emotions that make you “feel good” and emotions that make you “feel bad”.

We all know that emotions aren’t “self- contained”.

Isn’t it frustrating when you feel angry or down and you just want a man to hear you and listen to you - but then they get all wrapped up and intense just because you wanted to share?

Well, if you’ve ever had this happen to you and you got frustrated or angry about it, then you’ve got something important to learn.

Emotions are CONTAGIOUS.

In other words, when you feel an emotion, you can very easily pass what you’re feeling on to the person you’re sharing it with.

And the stronger you feel the emotion, the more it will “over-ride” the other person and get them on your emotional level.

Even if their level is CONSTRUCTIVE and POSITIVE and yours is DESTRUCTIVE and NEGATIVE.

And when an emotion starts to become too strong, it literally TAKES OVER your mind and body.

Then you’re driven with your body language and your words to share that feeling.

In some situations, this can be a very powerful POSITIVE thing for a person.

Imagine your favorite actor or singer giving a world-class performance… you can literally FEEL the emotions they’re feeling.

Or how about when a man surprises you with a romantic night with candle-light and he’s open, connected and sharing himself with you.

It can be an amazing experience when they allow their emotions to take over. And you get to go there with them.

But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE thing as well.

Have you ever been spending time with a guy and he became LESS CONNECTED to you as you were becoming MORE CONNECTED to him.

It probably made you so nervous, anxious and out of control that you made yourself sick.

When an emotion becomes so strong that it actually “becomes you”, your behavior and your sole motivation… then you’re out of control.

Emotions can actually trick you into trying to CONTROL others, just to get back to where you feel comfortable.

And instead of simply communicating what it is that you’re going through and what you want, you actually try and make the other person FEEL the bad things that YOU FEEL.

Ouch.

And sure, the short-term payoff for this is usually some sense of immediate relief or resolution.

You get your feelings off your chest and get to release them, which can feel great at the time.

But the long-term effects aren’t so sunny.

So let me ask you…

What if your quality of life and your relationships could be BETTER than the negative emotions and fears that hi-jack your mind?

What if you made a man feel a deep sense of LOVE instead of sharing the contagious NEGATIVE EMOTIONS that come from your fears?

And what if you broke out of those same old patterns that keep happening again and again?

If you really want to break these patterns that are preventing you from being in a close and fulfilling relationship, then I highly recommend you check out my program, “From Casual To Committed”.

I created this program to help you bridge the “gap” from where a man is not physically and emotionally committed to a lasting long term relationship with you… to where he is deeply committed to being with you, creating a life with you, and making things work.

Translation - he doesn’t get fearful, scared, and RESIST and WITHDRAW from you to try and avoid the emotions that could bring you closer.

This program helps you understand how and why a man will COMMITS to you, and why once he does in his own mind, EVERYTHING will become easier for you both together.

Go here to watch some free video clips from this amazing program that has already helped tons of women like you grow what seemed like a forever “casual” or dead-end relationship into the emotionally fulfilling partnership that a great, lasting, committed relationship can be.

Go here to learn more:

http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/main/FCTC/

Anyway, back to the issue at hand…

FEAR AND THE UNCONSCIOUS POWER OF EMOTIONS

There’s something important I want you to think about and remember…

Strong emotions create strong MEMORIES.

We tend to remember things better if we were feeling a strong emotion at the time.

Especially if the memory came during or after an intense emotion.

I can remember so many situations in my life where I was too nervous and afraid to share myself completely with a woman or to “be myself”.

So I kept one foot out the door and I’d never say much about what I really wanted and needed in a relationship.

It was my secret excuse and my way of staying unhappy so that I didn’t have to fully commit to creating a great life with the woman and take any responsibility for my own experience or the woman’s.

I can remember situations TEN YEARS AGO vividly where I was so nervous and uncomfortable when relationships became serious that the emotion burned the image into my mind.

When this kind of thing happens a lot (like it has with me), it starts to make a “feedback loop”.

In other words, most of the strong memories I had about relationships with women were situations where I SCREWED UP and made myself feel unhappy, unheard and uncomfortable… so I had less and less comfort and confidence as the years went by that I could never feel happy in a long-term relationship.

Give me a nod here if you know what I’m talking about.

THE “EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION” THAT WILL MAKE A MAN ADDICTED TO BEING CLOSE TO YOU

I’m sure you’ve already figured out that I’m going to suggest that you learn how to “own” your emotions in situations with men.

Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY it’s important to do this.

Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of the “logic” changes.

You have to stop thinking about what you’ve learned about being “in touch” with ALL of your emotions and realize that a man’s ATTRACTION isn’t triggered by you being EVERYTHING that you feel.

That’s a nice fairy tale, but it’s a lie.

Your friends, your parents and your girlfriends might give you “unconditional love” and understanding in this way, but men won’t start to feel love, passion and connection with you if you’re playing out ALL the things you feel with him.

So I have TWO good reasons why you need to learn how to own your emotions around men:

1) If your emotions “own you” early on, you probably won’t even be able to talk to him or date in a fun and spontaneous way that men crave.You’ll just be too FREAKED OUT to even get to the good stuff with him - and God forbid, help him see his way through all his potential hang-ups. (Not that you want to…lol)

2) Men aren’t ATTRACTED to women who let their emotions control them all the time and drive their interactions. This is ESPECIALLY true when women act needy or overly-sensitive to anything the guy does or says. Overly needy women will never figure out how to get to that fun, playful, risky, passionate state with a man that brings him close and spells “long-term girlfriend material” in his mind.

We talked about the first reason already.

Let’s talk about the second one.

Why don’t men like women who are overly- emotional?

Because men NEVER feel ATTRACTION for women that they can CONTROL.

The more control a man has over you, the less ATTRACTION he feels for you.

The less of a CHALLENGE you are, and the more PREDICTABLE you become, the less ATTRACTION he feels. It’s very simple.

To put it another way; if you’re the type of woman who lets her emotions TAKE OVER, then you need to learn how to “own” them.

If you don’t, you’re going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with men after a date or two.

THE FIRST STEP…

I think that the first step in learning how to own your STRONG emotions is to realize how they’re created or “triggered”.

Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED.

Something happens that “pushes a button” inside of you and BAM!… the emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it.

But the fact is that these “triggers” have a structure to them.

There are all kinds of little things that happen during that “trigger”.

One of the biggest insights that I’ve had about these “triggers” is that they’re usually caused by making something that happens MEAN something negative.

In other words, it’s not the actual situation itself that “pulls the trigger” or “pushes the button”… it’s what you think it MEANS.

For instance, let’s say that you’ve met a great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then he wasn’t as quick to call you and make plans as he was at the very start.

You wait a day or two, and he doesn’t even call.

What do you usually think?

“Maybe he doesn’t like me. Maybe he has a another woman. Maybe he’s trying to avoid me. Maybe he’s withdrawing like those other guys did in the past.”

In other words, we make the fact that he didn’t call back MEAN all these different things.

Another HUGE insight I’ve had in this area is that women allow their imaginations to take over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes.

Then they get nervous about that outcome happening and FREAK OUT.

The point is that most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the WORST possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations… and it pushes all the wrong buttons, and gets us all nervous and upset… which, of course, makes us screw everything up.

When it comes to men, it’s important that you lose the need to make everything MEAN something… and STOP imagining the worst.

Think about those situations when a man doesn’t call you back… or plays hard to get.

Yeah, thinking that someone is playing games sucks, but the belief that there’s a “game” going on is exactly the kind of negative meaning I’m talking about.

If you immediately start to wonder where he is… what he’s doing… and who he’s with, you create the game in your mind.

Then you make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc. and it’s really upsetting.

Bad idea.

This is the kind of thing that makes us do all KINDS of stupid things that scare the other person away… like calling 100 times a day, asking where he was and what he was doing, etc.

Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:

1) Visualize your ideal outcome.

2) Make POSITIVE meaning out of the experience for yourself.

If he doesn’t call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally DOES talk to you, he’s going to be even MORE interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.

If he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, realize that he’s first of all feeling that way because he REALLY likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong.

He’s scared of his deep feelings for you and doesn’t know how to deal with that yet.

And that once he figures it out for himself, he’ll miss you and want you… and you don’t have to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

There’s nothing wrong with you or how you are.

And it’s great that you got to see this problem of his early on, and that it’s his to deal with.

Does this stuff sound strange?

Well, I’ll tell you something…

All of the women I know who end up in great long-term relationships, with great attractive men think this way.

This is their mindset.

Have you ever noticed that confident people seem to get more confident.

That optimistic people tend to get more optimistic.

That people who believe in luck seem to get more and more lucky.

And that people who are negative seem to become more and more negative.

It’s almost like a universal magic. The more we expect things to go well, the better they go. Try it, it works.

Also, start noticing those particular things and situations that trigger your strong “negative” emotions.

Learn to spot the signs that it’s about to happen, and then learn how to keep yourself centered.

If you can learn how to do this, the quality of ALL your relationships in your life will improve DRAMATICALLY.

Especially with men.

Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

It’s also important to learn how to improve your self-image, overcome FEAR, maintain your emotional and physical attractiveness, and communicate using your “truest” indicator of desirability to a man - your body language…

Then you can learn how to learn, grow and stay connected with a man in each and every situation that comes up.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever had a man break up with you and you felt it was because he was “afraid of commitment”, or that he just wasn’t “ready”?

Or maybe you’ve been in a relationship with a man who didn’t leave… but inside you knew he wasn’t really as committed or involved as you were and it caused all kinds of tension and worry?

If you’ve ever been in this kind of situation with a man, then you know how it feels to become less and less certain and satisfied as you spend more and more time and energy on your relationship.

I’m about to share with you how you can completely AVOID this painful and frustrating situation in the future… and turn around any current relationship with this same kind of dynamic going on.

First, let me ask you something important-

Do men really just not like being in open, loving, committed relationships with women?

And are men really and truly afraid of commitment?

Well, here’s something fascinating I want you to think about…

Like most women, I’m sure you’ve seen the situation where a man was totally convinced that he was happy being a single bachelor…

But when the right woman came along, it’s as though EVERYTHING changed in an instant.

All the old beliefs the guy had about being single simply went out the window.

And all of a sudden he was completely taken with the idea of being with this one woman.

It was HIM who was the one “courting” and pursuing HER, when he had sworn to remain single and “free” days or weeks ago.

Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve seen this happen.

It seems certifiably crazy, right?

Why is it that men change their minds so quickly and so radically?

And why can’t they be more consistent, more honest, and know what they want?

The reality is that when most men are acting “unavailable” or not “ready” for a relationship it’s often NOT because they are afraid of a real relationship or COMMITMENT.

I know, I know. I can just see you rolling your eyes in frustration right now because you’ve seen so much “proof” in your life that men really are afraid of love and real relationships.

I want you to suspend your disbelief here for a second in order to see things from a new and improved perspective.

I’m about to show you why this is true AND let you in on exactly what you can do about it to change your love life for the better forever.

Here’s the thing…

The fact that a man can be CERTAIN that he doesn’t want a relationship or a commitment with one woman… and then weeks or months later turn 180 degrees and become deeply committed with another woman proves that there’s something else going on here.

Give me another nod if you know what I’m talking about here and you’ve seen this common situation with men as well.

Exactly.

And now I’m going to give it to you straight as a man…

Could it be that when a man acts completely uninterested in a real relationship, or doesn’t want to commit, that maybe… just maybe… it has NOTHING to do with his fear of commitment?

What if is SOMETHING ELSE entirely?

Think about it for a second…

When a man physically leaves or emotionally withdraws from a relationship, the common response most women have is to think of all the reasons why he did this and what it means about HIM.

Here’s a few common examples of this kind of thinking:

“He’s got commitment issues.”

“He’s just not emotionally mature.”

“He’s not ready.”

“He was intimidated by me and afraid of the real love we have.”

“He still needs to go out and play with other women before he’ll be able to be with one woman.”

If you’re like LOTS of women I’ve known and talked to, then you’ve have had these same thoughts when one of YOUR relationships was in jeopardy or ended.

The REAL TRUTH is that when someone pulls away from or leaves a relationship, BOTH partners play a role.

And sure… guys can and do ACT afraid of commitment, pull away emotionally, and do things to make a more committed relationship difficult.

But this doesn’t mean that the way they ACT is the whole truth.

Just like how you can be fighting mad with a man or upset with him, even though you love himn so much and actually want you two to be closer.

In other words, a man’s emotional responses and behaviors, such as being distant, afraid of the future, or acting indifferent is just one part of how a man FEELS when he’s around you.

Men are emotional too - just in different ways and at different times.

So where am I going with all this?

Here’s where I land the plane…

I’m about to reveal a surprising truth that might sting.

It’s like a shot from the doctor - it’ll hurt for a few seconds, but it’s good for your health.

Here’s the “shot”…

Most women play a huge part in DRIVING MEN AWAY from perfectly good relationships.

Of course, if you are one of the women who does this, you usually have little or no idea that you’re doing this.

In fact, you’re COMPLETELY UNCONSCIOUS of your part in pushing a man away because you’re too busy thinking that all your words, emotions, and actions are supposed to be bringing a man closer to you.

And you behave in sublte ways that, little by little, push the man farther and farther away.

One of the most common ways that women do this is by constantly identifying MISTAKES a man is making, or ways that a man makes them UNHAPPY, and pointing these out all the time, over and over, without prompting or warning.

Think for a minute about what this makes a man THINK and FEEL about you, your relationship, and about himself…

I’ll give you a few minutes to think about this and the impact of it in your relationships.

..

..

See anything important going on?

Anything that might make a man feel MORE AFRAID of your relationship, or MORE FEARFUL of his ability to make you feel good, and thus feel good about himself as your partner?

Well, what if there were just a few simple steps, FIVE to be exact, that if you followed would act like an INSURANCE POLICY against ever driving a man away from you and making him less interested in a future with you?

And what if you could actually share MORE of your thoughts, feelings, and emotions within these 5 simple steps… and as a result bring the man in your life closer to you?

What if you could double or even triple the likelihood of a quality man “sticking around” long enough to create a solid, exciting, authentic, secure relationship full of passion and connection?

I’m here to tell you that there REALLY IS a simple 5 step process for allowing an amazing relationship to blossom in your life.

There is a process that will keep men from pulling away from you and instead invite them in naturally and almost effortlessly by use of the power of your emotions and the attraction that a man feels for you.

You’ve seen other women enjoy fulfilling relationships… and now it’s YOUR turn.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever become frustrated wondering when to become “physical” and intimate with a new man in your life?

You don’t want to move too fast, and you don’t want to move too slow… but no matter what you decide, it often feels like you made the wrong choice and things are going to get off track.

If you’re like TONS of women I’ve met and talked to, you’ve thought or worried about this.

Get ready to learn when and why you should become physical with a man and consider sex.

If you’re interested in a future relationship, and not just a fling with a man… then how you approach and talk about and become physical with him can mean the difference between him feeling and acting emotionally “engaged” with you to where he is asking YOU to commit… or if he’s going to be distant and uncertain about everything.

If you keep reading, you’re going to learn…

The mistakes that most women make when it comes to sex and getting physical with men that leaves them feeling unappreciated and afraid.

WHY this happens.

WHAT it means.

And HOW to go about changing the situation, even if you’ve already slept with a man and you’re worried because you’re not in a committed relationship… so that when a man says he’s going to call, he means it and won’t be able to wait to see you again.

Here we go…

I first want to start off by thanking you. I read your book front to cover in three days and it may just be the most powerful and inspirational tool I have ever encountered! You truly opened up my eyes to a completely new way of dealing with men and helped me see what it was that I was doing wrong.

I also read, “He’s Just Not That Into You” before I read “Catch Him and Keep Him.” I must say, although it was a good book, I strongly believe that yours was much more informative on an objective level. You explain it in a way that doesn’t criticize or put women down. Instead you literally show us how we can make some changes in the way we perceive situations with men. Your book was a much more constructive learning tool for me. Thank you!

So to my question…

In your book, you talk about how it is much better to make a man that you really care about, wait for sex. In the long run, men enjoy the chase and even though most people LOVE sex, its best not to rush into an intimate relationship too soon… and plus, it keeps them guessing and more in tune to YOU and not the physical relationship.

Ok, with that said and understood, I unfortunately slept with the “object of my affection” before I read that part of the book. It was entirely too soon… basically the result of a very intoxicated evening. We both agreed to take things slow with this relationship and then I totally contradicted myself and slept with him. He has recently backed off a little bit. I can still tell he’s interested, but i think that “premature sex” has him thinking a little bit about where this is really going and why, after I said we should take things slow, we did inevitably end up having sex.

So ultimately I need your opinion. Once you have had sex too soon, is this a “point of no return” for the relationship? Is it doomed to not happen? I have thought about it a lot and even though the sex was great and I would do it again if the opportunity presented itself, I think it’s best for me to tell him that we had sex too soon and that I want to back off and slow down a bit. Not that it wont ever happen again, but right now its just too soon. Do you think I will get a positive reaction by doing that? Even though it isn’t really what I want (b/c I like sex), I know its what’s best right now. Will he respect me more if I tell him that? I want to apologize to him as well… for confusing things and contradicting the foundation that we BOTH originally laid. I was the one that initiated the sex, not him.

What do you think? Or is this relationship just totally doomed at this point?

Looking forward to your response,

C.

Ok, let me get this straight.

You want to apologize for having sex with him!?

Lol! Sorry, but I have to have call you out since I think a shift in your mindset could do you some good personally and in your situation.

You should be telling him how LUCKY he is, not apologizing to him.

I guess he must be some kind of all powerful and deserving God, right?

For crying out loud! He’s just a man.

Don’t worry so much. Worrying is probably starting to become your actual problem.

Now that we’ve given you some tough love, let’s get down to brass tacks.

I’m glad you asked this question and layed it all out there because I get similar questions from women all the time when they’ve been “physical” with a man early on and now they’re scared that they might have ruined things and any hope for a real relationship to start.

Let me break it down for you when it comes to men and relationships in regards to sex.

Before I get into exactly what’s going on in a man’s mind, I have to say that what you choose to do with your body and sexuality is a beautiful and private thing, so I’d never pretend to know what you should or shouldn’t do as a woman.

Every woman has her own personal boundaries and beliefs when it comes to love and sex.

But what I am going to talk about is how sex and being physical with a woman plays out in most men’s minds, how this relates to love and relationships, and what you can do about it.

THE BIG MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE WHEN IT COMES TO DATING, SEX, AND BECOMING COMMITTED WITH A MAN

Here’s the first and probably the biggest mistake that most women make when it comes to sex - thinking that the chemistry, connection, physical intimacy, and SEX that they have with a man are what is going to make him want to commit.

Let me explain…

You’ve asked a question that basically states that you are worried that since you had sex with a man that he’s not going to want to commit to you anymore.

That’s not how it works.

There is no “point of no return” when you have sex with a man where it becomes too late to turn things into a great committed relationship.

It’s HOW YOU GO ABOUT becoming committed that’s going to make all the difference here.

The most common mistake I see women make with sex happens because they’re not sure what “stage” their relationship is in, or where the guy they are with is in his heart and mind, so they use physical intimacy or sex to try and push things along.

Yes this makes a man more “interested” in you in the moment.

And NO, it doesn’t make him want a relationship.

Of course lots of women expect physical intimacy or sex to bring their relationship together anyways - even though they know inside that sex isn’t what really bonds a man to a woman.

And when their efforts to use sex don’t work the magic that they would hope, they become embarassed, ashamed, or frustrated that they shared themselves and didn’t get back what they thought they should.

And it’s here that they say things to a man such as,

“I never do this so quickly with men.”

Or…

“This was a mistake.”

Or…

“I swear I’m not like this.”

All the while the guilt, the worry, and the fear you’re feeling is visible just looking at you.

If you think about how a man sees this, it doesn’t make it better and convince him to think or feel what you might want him to feel.

Instead it shows a high level of stress and self-consciousness that’s often mistaken as “neediness” by men.

And it’s here that most women start to panic even more and start doing all kinds of things to compensate, hide their fear, and hold on even tighter to a man for fear of losing him.

Of course, all this is completely COUNTERPRODUCTIVE and actually makes a man start to feel and do the things that most women fear-

WITHDRAWAL.

And don’t forget the various forms of RESISTANCE to becoming closer and thinking or talking about your feelings and a relationship that come up as well.

Next thing you know, the door seems to have shut as quickly as it opened with a man, all because you decided to share yourself with him.

But now you don’t even know how to get back to where you started.

There’s a reason why a man commits to one good woman and not another. And it often has to do with whether or not a woman understands how and when commitment works for him, and what it REALLY is that makes him want to commit.

(Hint - it’s NOT the same things that let you know that you’d like to commit to a man, and it doesn’t happen in the same order and “tempo” as it does for most women)

Ok, back to our conversation…

I know that you read the section in my eBook that talks about when to think about sex with a man and how having or not having sex can change how he sees you and your relationship.

Again, this is in the section called “Thinking In Time Frames” on page 137, which comes right after the great section on “Speaking His Language” which is all about the secret “guy code” language that men speak.

Remember that if you can learn to see and understand this “guy talk”, you’ll start to have an easier time with men and find all the answers you’ll need to know about where he’s at and how he’s feeling about you and your relationship.

And “Thinking In Time Frames” is both about getting in sync with how and when a man likes to move toward a committed relationship with you… and making everything move ahead and grow smoothly and easily both for you AND for him.

Of course, it’s no coincidence that I followed up this section on when to have sex and time frames with a man with some critical insights on setting what I call “Relationship Standards” with a man.

You know the old saying about how you teach people how to treat you?

When you’re a woman moving towards a new relationship with a man, this couldn’t be more important.

Sex is one of the ways that you help set certain “standards” with a man in your relationship.

Of course, I don’t mean that you should use sex as a bartering tool or as a “weapon” to get what you want.

That’s a whole different thing.

What I mean is that letting a man know that you respect yourself, and what could be a great relationship between you two, enough to wait and see if it comes together before you dive in to the relationship will help you AND him.

Here’s how.

It’s great that you are in touch with your sexuality and that you can enjoy yourself.

But I can tell from what you’re saying and feeling that even if you try to deny it, by having sex you’re going to run headlong into “relationship mode”.

Being in relationship mode isn’t the problem for you.

The problem comes when you realize that you are NOT in a relationship.

But physically, emotionally, and mentally you’ve already “gone there”.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

You know that when you’re in this situation, you’re not going to be your “best self”.

In fact, you’re probably going to be anxious,uncertain, worried, etc. and bring a lot of negative things to the great connection you both are having right now, and you’re VERY VERY likely to change the entire way that you guys are interacting and sabotage things for yourself.

This isn’t going to serve you OR him.

Following me here?

Good.

It’s not that having sex before a relationship means that you’ve ruined hopes for more…

It’s that sex doesn’t mean you’re going to grow into more with a man, even though you’re going to be committing a part of yourself to something that isn’t “there” yet… and you’re going to feel in ways that are going to make you actually STOP DOING the things that ARE WORKING to bring your relationship closer.

Now, I want to point out something else that’s very important…

You’re mistaking one thing for another in thinking that you’ve made a mistake by sleeping with a man who finds you very attractive.

Yes, by NOT having sex with a man, you make him more likely to look at you on a personal and emotional level, and connect with you this way.

Which can have a more lasting “bonding” effect when it comes to creating a lasting relationship.

But that DOESN’T mean that by having sex you “take away” the thing that’s going to make a man want to commit to you.

Men don’t truly commit to real relationships because they want sex and are willing to commit to get it.

Actually, I’d argue that lots of men stay away from commitments with women if they are looking for more sex in their lives.

Strange and interesting to look at it this way, huh?

I know. I know. We men are strange animals sometimes.

Anyways… the reason men commit is because they want sex, but more importantly, because they FEEL so amazing around one woman and find a deeper level of connection, respect, and affection for a woman that goes BEYOND just PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

In other words, if you have sex with a man before you are committed, it doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your one “bargaining chip”.

Although I think it feels this ways for lots of women after they are physical with a man and then they start to see that he isn’t committed to them.

Here’s what you need to understand.

Making a man wait for sex can GREATLY INCREASE the odds of him staying around to figure out if he wants to have a real relationship with you…and get to know you on a deeper level. (And thus share more of himself in the process an become more emotionally “invested” on his own)

But making a man wait for sex isn’t going to make him want to commit on it’s own.

There are LOTS of couples out there who start off with a first night of intense passion… and their relationships start off with a bang and are the better for it.

If you sleep with a man and you are not committed, you haven’t made a “mistake”.

Instead you’ve got to understand that for most men, having sex with a woman doesn’t mean that he’s “ready” or passively/indirectly committing.

TONS of women make the mistake of thinking that if a man sleeps with them, that he’s subtly “agreeing” to a monogamous and committed relationship by default.

When you do this as a woman with a man, and then the signs start to show up after sex that indicate he’s NOT COMMITTED, it’s THEN that it seems like you’ve done something wrong.

And it’s THEN that you start to feel more and more vulnerable, as you’ve given or shared yourself with a man, and he hasn’t seemed to recognize or appreciate that gift in the way you would have hoped he would.

This is when FEAR starts to take over and you resort to what I call your “Negative Relationship Strategy”.

You know what this is already.

I want you to think of a woman you know who’s constantly worried, troubled, or having “failure” in her efforts to have a relationship.

Picture her in your mind right now and start to remember the emotional state that she gets in when you see her going through uncertain situations where she becomes fearful and worried.

Now I want you to think of her and how she must communicate to the man that she’s dating.

Picture in your mind how she communicates with him, the emotions she shares and projects, and how the man only withdraws and resists her the harder she tries and more she worries.

The way that she is being is what I could call her “Negative Relationship Strategy”.

Her way of trying get what she thinks she wants in the face of fear and uncertainty.

Now that you’ve got this picture in your mind and you know what this is… I want you to recognize that you too have your own way of communicating fear and anxiety with a man and trying to get what you want in a relationship.

Do you know what your Negative Relationship Strategy is?

Identifying your “weak” strategy that you fall back on in tense, emotional, uncertain situations with a man is one of THE KEYS to learning how to communicate with a man and grow into a more committed and open relationship together.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter