- Attracting Men
- Keeping Men Around
- Understanding Men
- Common Dating Problems
- Christian CarterChristian Carter at a Seminar Christian Carter is the author of the best-selling book Catch Him and Keep Him. Christian Carter, is a leading advisor to women on the subjects of dating, relationships, connection and love. An expert in psychology, communication and behavior, Christian Carter has developed foundational concepts that help women understand men, dating and relationships. Christian Carter’s theories of “Emotional Attraction”, “The Danger of a Connection”, and “The Relationship Balance” teach women how to create truly lasting attraction with a man and show them how to move effortlessly into a deeper, open, and more loving relationship all the while avoiding resistance, withdrawal or rejection. Christian Carter’s book, live seminars, and audio/video programs have helped thousands of women create amazing love-lives, overcome their fears and negative beliefs, and become more fulfilled in their relationships with men. (and all their relationships). Christian Carter Video Receive Christian Carter’s exclusive free dating advice email newsletter, at his website. After years of research into the dating habits of men, he decided to write a reference guide for women who are looking for understanding and power in her dating and relationships. Christian Carter eliminates the confusion that the majority of women feel when they…
- Catch Him And Keep HimCatch Him and Keep Him is guru Christian Carter‘s first book for women to improve their dating and relationships. Catch Him and Keep Him delves into the male mind and how it reacts when it’s involved with the dating world. It’s an inside look into how men think, from the perspective of a guy who’s been there – and done that. I find the masculinity of the book refreshing. This isn’t written by a counselor or a gay guy friend of yours: Christian Carter is very much in touch with his masculinity, and he doesn’t pull punches. He tells you what guys are really thinking and doing: the bare bald facts that most of us women don’t want to hear. In our hearts, I think many of us wish that men could be more like women. We wish that men could enjoy talking about their feelings more, could give up their addictions to gadgets and start getting hooked on having a family, kids, and even enjoy shopping with us more than just at Christmas time. According to Christian Carter, that sort of thinking has to stop. Men live in a different reality, and it is our job as women to…
What To Do When He Is Emotionally Distant
Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart, and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?
I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?
The answer is NO….
However, the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way. But, guess what?
It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.
But first, let me ask you…
Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly?
And, forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts.
These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?
What’s with men?
Are we completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too?
If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice” inside your relationship with a man…
Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open, thoughtful and direct, then you won’t want to miss this email.
THE COMMON WAYS “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” MEN WITHDRAW…AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.
If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”
Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk.”
Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve experienced the negative effects of “emotional withdrawal” with a man before.
Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you…
It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.
It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is.
And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.
Ok, let me repeat that.
Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.
Now, why am I telling you this?
Because lots of women get upset when a man withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it personally…as though the man is consciously doing something to ruin the relationship or to REJECT her.
The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.
So, when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to…
And, she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…
Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way), she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.
How many men do you know who get together with their friends to talk about their feelings and discuss the details and meaning of the relationships in their lives?
That’s why it’s FASCINATING to recognize that lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these things (feelings, emotions, meaning behind relationships).
Men who are this way often say or think things like:
“It’s better if we don’t talk about it…”
Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?!”
So, what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?
Dump him and move on?
Ok, I can’t make that decision for you, but a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship.
Translation – if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.
So, how open to learning and growth is your guy?
And how open to learning and growth are you?
Or is all this talk about learning to understand more about men feeling like too much “work?”
THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GROW
Since men aren’t going to magically change their biological make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any time soon, let me ask you an important question…
Have you ever thought about how a man’s “emotional withdrawal” actually works, and what brings it about?
I’m asking because I’ve noticed something crazy and fascinating…
Lots of women don’t take the time to think through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.
(Just like lots of men don’t think through how or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)
Instead, they jump to immediately feeling frustrated that it’s happening… AGAIN. (Which usually leads to things getting worse, not better.)
And hey…I get that this would be frustrating for a woman, who’s putting so much of herself into the relationship, to try and make things better for him and her.
But, there’s a better way than becoming emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts like this…
So, what can a woman do to avoid a man’s “withdrawal response” in the first place to save them both the trouble?
And, how can a woman deal with this, unfortunately, common situation with men, in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place quickly?
I thought you’d never ask…
The first step for a woman is to identify how the man withdraws.
So she can understand what’s going on when it happens, and not be caught off guard or get carried away with the fear of not knowing what’s happening.
As strange as it might sound, just knowing more about how a man withdraws will keep you in a better emotional and mental state.
Below are a few of the ways men can withdraw and avoid emotional connection. See if you can identify with any of these:
- He doesn’t listen at all or dismisses what you’re saying because he’s distracted, focused on, or more interested in, something else.
- He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to argue and turns the table with anything you say, telling you that you give him too much “drama” and points out your faults.
- He plays dumb. (And maybe he’s not even playing!)
- He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting.
- He’s so wrapped up or stressed by his work or projects in his life that when you do spend time together, he’s still not really there with you. And he seems even more irritated when you try to get him to relax and open up.
- He tries to appease you by acting like he “gets” what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t really listen or take what you have to say to heart. It’s back to the same old guy behavior a few days or weeks later.
- He has no idea what to do or how to start communicating with you on the subject, so he changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking about it.
Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?
You might even recognize several.
You might even have one or two of these that seem to happen over and over.
I want you to realize that these are the withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want you to become aware of how they work.
Now, there’s another reason for doing all this that relates just to YOU…
I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the thoughts that came to mind as you read this.
First write down, in detail, what it is that the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past to withdraw.
Then, once you’ve done this, describe how the distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.
I’ll give you a minute.
Ok, now that you’ve got your thoughts down, there’s a second step after identifying how withdrawal takes place…
Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit that leads us to make faulty and negative associations between what happens in the world around us and the personal meaning we give them inside.
Let me give you an example…
You probably know people who are convinced that they have terrible luck, so when anything happens they think, “Of course, I’m such an unlucky person…”
These kind of people have a very negative view of everything that happens to them because they see themselves as someone to whom only bad things happen.
I call this “Limiting Beliefs”, and we all have some version of this that fits our own fears and life experiences.
Right now you’re going to identify some of your own Limiting Beliefs around what it means about YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.
That way, you can better understand and make good choices if it happens with a man again.
So what is the feeling you had when you think back to when a man withdrew from you?
Picture it in your mind.
Now, take that negative feeling and find the “internal state” that it created inside you, which is the general emotional state that you felt.
Realize that the feelings you had, and the state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN BELIEFS about what the man’s behavior meant.
But, here’s the thing…
Our beliefs are NOT often the “reality” of the situations we’re in.
In other words, a man’s behavior DOES NOT have to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside YOU.
Read that line above again.
Good. Now…think about the negative belief inside your own head that created the negative feeling or reaction inside you.
What was that belief?
There might be more than one.
Take several minutes and write it down.
I’ll give you another minute…
So, here’s the whole point. It SOUNDS simple, but it isn’t. It’s very powerful…
I want you to try and remain AWARE of the Limiting Belief that you have, that you have identified, so you can start to “un-link” the faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.
And, once that happens, you’ll start to have your mind “freed up” to make new, productive choices that will naturally bring a man closer to you and make him start connecting with you.
THE CRITICAL “NEXT STEP” TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR LOVE LIFE…FOR GOOD
We just did a quick exercise that can bring a lot of real, positive change to you and any relationship you have…including a relationship with a man.
But, that’s just the first step…the tip of the iceberg so to speak.
There’s a TON more where that came from, and that’s why I want you to take the next step.
I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!