Entries from November 2007 ↓

WHAT MEN ARE REALLY SAYING…

I hope you’re sitting down… because what I’m about to share with you will change how you view men, dating, and relationships.

I’m about to take you “behind the scenes” in the male mind.

I’m going to give you a perspective that most women never see or realize.

Unfortunately for most women, not seeing things the way I’m about to share with you keeps them trapped in patterns of misunderstanding and unfulfilling relationships with men.

If you pay careful attention to what I’m about to share with you, you’re going to start having more success with men right away, whether you’re single and looking for that right guy… or you’re in a relationship and you’d like to start connecting on a deeper level.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

Have you ever heard a man say something like:

“I’m not ready for a serious relationship.”

Or how about this one -

“I want my freedom.”

If you’ve been close in a relationship with a man and he pulled away, then of course you’ve heard this before.

Men say this stuff all the time.

Do you know what a man “really” means when he says these things?

And, do you know WHAT TO DO that can instantly change a man’s predictable behavior of WITHDRAWAL or RESISTANCE?

If not, then it’s time you stop listening to what a man will SAY TO YOU about himself and his feelings… and start paying attention to what’s going on inside his heart and mind.

In the past, when I’d hear my friends, other men, and even myself say, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”, I knew that there was something more to it than a just a man who didn’t want a relationship with a woman.

In fact, I found that most of the men who said this quickly ended up in relationships with OTHER WOMEN soon after.

Men I knew well would be telling women they had been dating or in a relationship with, that they weren’t ready for all that came with a “real” relationship…

But what did they do as soon as they were single again?

They would start meeting new women, go on dates, and once they found a woman they liked and were very attracted to, they’d spend most of their time with this one woman.

And they would do something else…

They’d stop dating any other women they might have met and move into another relationship, even though they had just ended a relationship with another women they felt strongly for because they didn’t want a “serious relationship”.

It almost didn’t make sense when I first started to recognize this pattern.

But keep in mind, even though these things don’t always make sense to women, they make PERFECT sense to the men going through them.

Does this situation with men ever frustrate you or leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE what they’re doing?

Here’s the problem…

When a man says one of these things, he actually MEANS something that is different from what a woman would mean if she said the same words.

Let me explain.

If a woman says, “I’m going to stay home and relax today”, she probably means that he’s going to stay home, make sure that her house and life is in order, catch up on chores and bills, and then maybe watch some shows on tv.

If a MAN says that he’s going to stay home and relax, he’s probably going to watch some sports, drink beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order take out food.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this right now and you are a woman who watches sports, drinks beer, looks at pictures of women on the internet, and orders take out to relax, then contact me immediately at the email address below.

Ok, enough kidding around.

Back to our topic…

Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the words they use often don’t mean what they SOUND like they mean.

So, the FIRST thing that you have to get through your head is that just because a man SAYS
something to you, it doesn’t always mean what you THINK it means.

Catch my meaning?

THE BIG SECRET HE ISN’T TELLING YOU

There’s a secret that men never happen to mention about what they want with a woman, why they date, and what it means for them to have a relationship.

Unfortunately, for the good women who are trying to create a great relationship with a man… and hoping that if they try hard enough to make him happy with them so he’ll stay… this little secret is causing a LOT of pain and frustration.

The SECRET is that most men DO want a relationship with an amazing woman.

BUT… (and this is an important insight - it might take you a few hours, days, or even weeks to start to understand it for yourself)

Men only want a relationship with a woman who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention and could probably never list or describe even if they were asked to.

And they’ll only end up emotionally involved and not RESISTING a long term relationship if they experience for themselves a woman who proves she has these qualities over time.

In other words, if a man says, “I need to be alone right now”, what he REALLY means is:

I want a woman who will make me FEEL better when I’m with her than I do in my everyday life as a single man.

The REALITY is that when a man says one of these “I want my freedom” statements, he actually has an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who he is and won’t make it feel like “work” when he’s with her.

A man wants a woman who knows how to have and enjoy a relationship… instead of one who spends her time and energy trying to analyze, worry, and “fix” things.

The reality of this situation is that what a man REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feel MORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I like to call ATTRACTION… and LESS of the worry and confusion that men don’t often like, or know how to deal with, what comes from “working” on a serious relationship.

For most men, feeling and sharing attraction on a physical and emotional level IS the defintion of a good relationship.

Of course, I’m not just talking about the common “short term” kind of attraction that’s mostly physical…

You already know that a relationship takes a whole lot more than just this kind of thing to really work and LAST.

I’m also talking about the more “long term” kind of attraction that comes from a deeper EMOTIONAL connection and understanding.

A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great, both when he’s with her… AND when he’s alone.

In other words, they want a woman who knows how to be loving and affectionate, but independent at the same time.

But most men either can’t describe the things that actually make them feel this kind of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or they don’t WANT to have to describe it to a woman, because they want a woman who already IS those things… without having to learn them.

Think about it.

If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you want one that said, “Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Just give me some time to learn…” or would you want one that already KNEW how to protect and defend at anytime, anywhere without having to “learn”?

Duh.

Well, the same goes with men.

They don’t WANT a woman they have to train.

The last thing a man wants to do, is to take a woman who DOESN’T “naturally” understand these things, and show her what they are and how they work.

If you don’t already know how to relate to a man in a way that appeals to him and shows him that you “get” all these things, then no amount of “talking things through” or trying to improve things together is going to help you or make him start seeing you as the woman he wants to stay with.

WHAT IS A “COOL GIRL”?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of a “Cool Girl”.

You hear most men using the term, and some women.

Men everywhere, without ever having talked to each other, share a common idea about women and use the term “Cool Girl” universally.

In some places the actual words are different, but the idea is the same.

But what does it actually MEAN?

And is it important that men all have this common belief about women?

Well, after thinking about this particular topic for a long time, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a VERY important topic.

At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL is this “ideal” that men imagine when they’re saying “I want my freedom”.

They’re thinking of the COOL GIRL, and then they’re imagining themselves with a woman who is this way.

There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.

Here are a few that are important:

- Lack of Insecurities

- Easygoing

- Humor

- Unpredictability

- Independent

- Emotionally “balanced”

…and the list goes on.

It’s actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRL in a few sentences… but the truth is that a man can recognize one INSTANTLY.

For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, how they naturally communicate with men in a way that makes men think, “This is the kind of woman that I can see myself committing and staying with”…

THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE

Now, there’s a common and often irreversible mistake that women make with men when they’re dating and in relationships.

Let me ask you…

If you wanted to get closer to a man, have him see you as a great person, develop a strong connection, and get him to “open up” with you, then it would makes sense to do and say the things that you know work to create more love and affection, right?

This is the first inclination most women have with men - to do the things that THEY think create love and connection.

What if a man did this with you?

What if he decided that you worked the way he did, and so he decided to come up to you and start talking about sex, sports, and quickly get close to you physically?

A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman who did these things (not for all the right reasons, of course), but that doesn’t mean he should be trying them with a woman if he wants any kind of success.

In other words, the things that work FOR YOU as a woman are NOT what work for a MAN.

Thinking this way couldn’t lead to worse results in dating situations and relationships.

But TONS of women use this tactic of what I call “Selfish Love”. They treat a man the way they would want to be treated if they were going to share love and connection with a man.

Another common mistake women make is taking something that a man SAYS he wants and doing it TOO MUCH, thinking that if “A little bit is good, then more must be better”.

For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likes women who are physical and affectionate”. So, you start touching him all the time, grab his hand and hold it everywhere you go, and always stay right next to him.

Then what happens?

He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend after telling you he feels like you’re too “needy”.

Huh? What’s going on here?

This would be kind of like a woman saying, “My favorite food is chocolate” and a man thinking it would be good to feed her chocolate for every meal just because it’s her favorite… or adding chocolate to every single dish he makes for her from now on… and forgetting that 97% of what she eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.

Let me land the plane for you.

Men don’t MEAN what you THINK they mean when they talk about what they want and don’t want.

And if you take the things men say too literally, you’re going to wind up shooting yourself in the foot.

WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN…

So, let me “decode” what men “really” mean when they say common things.

Consider this your own personal “male language translator”. Refer to it often.

WHEN A MAN SAYS…

“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who already has her act together, is attractive, healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and who is emotionally in control of herself and her own life. When we’re together I want her to share her feelings and challenge and inspire me to keep her love and interest, and to be a great man… but I also want her to know how to do this without trying to change me or turning our relationship into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own.”

Does this make sense?

Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is trying to get him to connect with her and sharing her feelings because she’s so worried about things “working out”.

Big difference.

WHEN A MAN SAYS…

“I want an indepedent woman.”

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I want a woman who doesn’t get upset about petty things and who knows how to keep her head when things get tough or confusing. But, I also want her to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1. She doesn’t repress her emotions and end up more frustrated and resentful of me, and… 2. When she’s alone and intimate with me, she’s open and “present”… and she’ll share her love and affection freely.”

What a man is NOT doing is making a picture of a passive woman whose entire mood and state of mind is dependent on what she thinks is the state of her relationship and what it means that a man did or said something.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:

“I want a guy who’s a good communicator.”

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I want a guy who doesn’t talk all the time, because he knows how to let me know what’s on his mind without using words. I want the kind of guy that can touch me in a certain way and I feel tingles all over my body. And I want the kind of guy that can say things in a way that I understand… not crudely and man-like.”

WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH A WOMAN

You might not see this right now, but for most men, there’s nothing more important than knowing that he makes a woman feel great when she’s with him.

Seriously.

Think “ego”.

If you think this truth about men through, you’ll start to have a shift in perspective and see something you’ve probably never seen before.

When a woman comes to a man and wants to talk about something she thinks is wrong in their relationship, often times a man gets upset not because he doesn’t want to listen to the woman or talk…

But because it’s difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the woman could be unhappy with him.

A man thinks, “It makes me feel like less of a man since I don’t make her happy. If she’s unhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be good enough.”

Imagine if a man was constantly expressing his feelings about your relationship to you that seemed disappointed and frustrated.

How would it make you feel?

Sure, as a woman you might think to yourself that you’d talk to him about it and try and make things better…

But really you’d start to have one of 2 things come into your mind either consciously or subconsciously:

1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the way you are in the relationship, and he’s trying to tell you…

2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinks and feels that has nothing to do with you, and it’s his own “bad thinking” about HIMSELF that’s making him obsessively unhappy…

Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE is created between you two.

Now, lots of women draw the conclusion that this means you should try and pretend things are ok when they’re not.

That when you’re not having the physical and emotional connection with a man you know is possible, that you can’t communicate how you feel with a man.

WRONG.

My point: If you want to learn how to connect with a man on a deeper level, then what you say isn’t the most IMPORTANT thing.

It’s HOW and WHEN you say it.

I’ll tell you something -

Learning the secrets of communicating with a man and creating a deep level of Physical and “Emotional Attraction” can be very rewarding.

A lot of women know EXACTLY what it’s like to be in a relationship with a man who has NO INTENTION of committing to something more serious.

In other words, he’s not feeling that powerful gut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all the fear and excuses for NOT being with you and building a great life and partnership go away without RESISTANCE.

Do you know how to make a man FEEL this way when he’s with you.

Or are you still trying to “CONVINCE” him with words and your own knowledge and “logic” that a close, loving, lasting relationship with him will make him and you happy together?

Well, let me tell you…

Just like all the other things that a man “says” that he wants and doesn’t want with a woman… that most women don’t ever “get”, being the woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on a deep level is one of the BIG ONES.

This kind of attraction is THE thing that will make a man who “says” he doesn’t want a serious relationship beg a woman for a real commitment and a future together.

If you understand the secrets of how attraction works for a man, you will notice that men will start to behave VERY differently around you.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Curious about what makes a man see a woman as “relationship material”… and why some women always seem to be the ones to have fun with, but never the one to end up with?

Keep reading and find out what seperates the two… and learn the strange truth behind why men can actually be LESS INTERESTED in a woman who is MORE AFFECTIONATE.

Here we go…

Hi Christian I think your book and emails are truly fantastic, so keep it coming Now that that’s out of the way, can you please tell me an idea for this: I am an affectionate person. I like holding hands in public, cuddling up in private, being playful, not withdrawn (the challenge) and restrained. I like to smile a lot, laugh more and have a lot of fun. I find it very hard to keep my hands to myself! I get the sense that your advice is to play it cool, calm and collected, and to keep my hands to myself as much as possible. For me that is like telling an Italian to sit on her hands and have a conversation - very difficult to do. How do you work an energetic, robust personality into your system? Kind regards.

S.G.

Good question. Let’s get straight to it…

You’re confusing one thing for another here.

Let me ask you something real quick -

Can you walk right up to a man, meet him for a brief second and exchange “niceties”, flirt, touch him a bit, start making out, and then give him your number and expect that you’ve set the best foundation for a great connection and a potential relationship in the future?

Obviously not.

This question is an extreme example meant to make a point.

The thing is… the question you’re asking let’s me see that you don’t understand WHY doing this with a man wouldn’t work, if you were interested in a real relationship.

Even though you KNOW it wouldn’t work in a logical sense.

Let’s try this…

I want you to stop thinking of flirting and creating ATTRACTION with a man like a physical or psychological “game”.

And I want you to start thinking of it more like cooking a great dish.

Most chefs, who know what they’re doing, use a few favorite ingredients and spices.

Let’s say a chef wants to prepare a great dish for a special guest.

To make the dish amazing, the chef isn’t going to just add a ton of their favorite thing.

Too much of even the best ingredient will drown out the other flavors and ruin the entire dish.

I want you to start thinking of flirting, physical contact and physical playfulness in the same way.

These things create “Physical Attraction” in a man.

Start thinking of Physical Attraction with a man as a SPICE you want to use… and not as the main ingredient.

So, let’s land the plane…

Obviously you have a fantastic, fun, natural style for playfulness, touch, and physical contact.

Being this way couldn’t be a bigger asset when it comes to ATTRACTING a man on a physical level and starting the connection.

It’s a great “spice” of yours.

If you’ve NEVER had a problem in your relationships with men, then I don’t think you need to worry about your physical and playful nature one bit.

Don’t worry. Have fun. Let loose.

But…

I take it you’re single right now.

What else are you looking for other than having a great time with a man PHYSICALLY?

Have you ever run up against RESISTANCE with a man where he WITHDREW from you after you were together physically?

You’ve probably been physical, connected, and close with a man before.

But, have you been this way with a man before and then things quickly started to change, just as you were about to get closer on an emotional level?

If so, it probably seemed like the guy got “scared off” all of a sudden.

And maybe it was then that he said something like, “It’s not that it’s you… you’re great. I’m just not looking for something so serious right now.”

And that was it… The End.

If this has happened to you, then it’s time you started becoming more CONSCIOUS of why just being physical and “free” with a man might not always lead to the relationship you want with a man.

Is it my advice to “keep your hands to yourself” and to “act withdrawn, like a challenge”?

NO.

It’s obvious being energetic and playful can work with a man… at least at first when things are all about having fun.

But maybe, just maybe, a man has a different experience when he starts becoming physically AND EMOTIONALLY “close” to a woman.

For some men, when they become close with a woman on a physical level, everything is PERFECT.

The connection he feels is great.

He’ll laugh with her, enjoy being playful, and share affection, even in public.

But then, as more emotions start to come into play, things subtly start to change.

And here’s where a few specific FEARS can start to show up that change a man’s entire perspective and the meaning he makes out of being with you and everything you say and do.

Do you think a man sees a woman’s affection and desire for intimacy in public and at home differently when he first meets her versus when he starts to think about what kind of partner he would want if he had a relationhip?

I’ll answer for you here.

Unless the guy is 100% CERTAIN that you’re “the one” and he wants a serious committed relationship from the moment he meets you… then the answer is that a man sees a woman’s affections differently at different times.

If a man is at all UNCERTAIN about whether or not he wants to be with a woman and she is very affectionate, touchy, and playful with him all the time, even in public… then her actions are going to seem “needy”, desperate to win him over, and create an awkward feeling inside him.

Of course, some less desirables are also known to “play along” with affectionate women for the purposes of… you guessed it - sex.

On the other hand, if a man has become CERTAIN that he wants to be with a woman and she is touchy, playful, and intimate with him, then she will seem all the more lovely and magical to be around.

In other words, one action can have many different meanings… all depending on the mental and emotional state of the observer.

And here’s something to think about…

Our minds and bodies have an amazing ability to adjust to our environment and the things around us and make even the most intense things become “everyday” things.

If you’ve ever had to spend time near a bad smell, or worked somewhere where there’s been loud noise, you know what I mean.

Pain often works the same way too. Eventually your mind and body will find a way to adjust and help you forget about it.

When you touch a man all the time, it can start to become a “regular” thing.

By definition, the things that we get a lot of or experience often become “normal”.

Touch and affection with a man can work in a similar way.

But, if you leave a man alone for even just a few minutes when you’re out somewhere and go do your own thing for a little while…

Maybe you go talk to a few other people… and then you come back around and share affection again… you’ll be amazed to see that the same affection can get a much different response from a man.

Ok, so you’re starting to become more aware of why being affectionate can have different meanings to a man at different times.

But, there’s a whole other “angle” here I want you to see as well…

For most men, in order to become “serious” about dating and getting to know a woman, they need to know that the woman they’re going to choose is worth their “effort”.

In the context of a serious, long term relationship, a man’s “effort” might mean spending the time, energy and taking the risk of approaching and courting a woman.

And there’s the social, emotional and financial cost of “courting” a woman.

In a man’s mind, even if he isn’t fully conscious of these things, or given the fact that men and women are more of equals on these levels than they have ever been… it’s part of a man’s “wiring” for all these things to affect his mind just at the thought of a serious relationship with a woman.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because one of the quickest ways that a man determines if a woman is worth his “effort” is by WHAT SHE TELLS HIM she’s worth.

Of course, a woman can’t just tell a man that she’s worth his “effort” by telling him in words.

Just like a man can’t walk up to you and say, “I’m great boyfriend material”.

So as with most other things in the “courtship process”… these things happen through indirect signals in a woman’s actions, body language, and of course… with her looks. (Looks happen to be an indicator of fertility to men on a deep subconscious level which lets them know that their “efforts” will be more easily rewarded with a healthy child.)

Don’t get freaked out just yet since we’re going into some of the “biology” here.

Stick with me.

So what’s one of the strongest indirect indicators of woman who is worth a man’s “effort”?

Well, think it through.

Men have come to recognize that women who are worth their effort are RARE.

And accordingly, men compete for these women.

All this gives these women a kind of high social status.

And it’s this high social status that allows a woman to be SELECTIVE about the men they choose to be with.

Follow me?

Good.

Then you recognize that SELECTIVITY is one of the strongest indicators to a man that a woman is worth his “effort” (the kind of woman that he wants to have a real relationship with).

So what does this have to do with being affectionate often with a man… and not being a “challenge” as you called it?

When a man is around a woman who seems to share her love and affection very easily, on a SUBCONSCIOUS level, a man doesn’t see this woman as very “special” or valuable.

You might be thinking right now, “I just want to be able to be playful and affectionate and not worry about all this other crap”.

Hey, I get it.

Truth be told… men feel the exact same way about meeting, approaching, dating and being in long term relationships with women.

So why is something that could be so simple like love, affection, and connection seem to always get so complex.

Well, a lot of what’s going on between men and women is “encoded” in a kind of unspoken language that isn’t visible to the naked eye.

If you don’t know what to look for, you’re likely to never knoq what’s really going on underneath the surface.

A lot of what I’ve shared here is what is happening on an SUBCONSCIOUS level in a man’s mind.

In other words, a man isn’t going to tell you all of these things if you ask him.

A man does not have these answers about himself for you… and he can’t help you.

A man is NOT going to say to you:

“I like to feel masculine and manly… and it feeds my self-esteem… so could you please let me court you and and resist a little bit and keep me guessing so I can feel like I “win” you…that way it will help me see that I’m special and lucky and significant as a man, and let me appreciate that I’m the one guy who gets to be with you.”

Of course, if you asked a man about this, he’d probably deny it and say that he likes a woman to be fun, easy, and laid back.

If you’re ready to take your AWARENESS and KNOWLEDGE to the next level when it comes to men, communication, and UNDERSTANDING the powerful SUBCONSCIOUS triggers and mechanisms at work in men while dating and in relationships, then I suggest you do yourself a favor.

Don’t wait for a man to come along who has enough of the answers figured out to make a relationship easy for you.

In fact, you might have already met the right guy, but you just didn’t know how to make it work between you.

What if it really didn’t work out because of bad timing?

What if there was something that you’re just not “getting” about men, dating, and relationships?

It’s time you took control of your life and gave yourself the CERTAINTY that comes from KNOWING what you need to create the kind of connection with a man that is going to keep you both happy and together.

In my program “Natural & Lasting Attraction” I talk about this exactly -

How to create the kind of deep, intense, lasting, emotional connection with a man that will carry you both into an amazing relationship and get you through all the challenges and RESISTANCE together.

I also list for you, in detail, the BELIEFS you MUST communicate directly and indirectly to a man if you want him to see you as the kind of woman he could be serious with over the long run (not just for a few months or so)… and I take you through exactly how to do this.

Then I show you how lots of women, even though they intuitively know what these BELIEFS are… end up using the negative and counterproductive common attraction “strategies” to do this that not only don’t work… but actually make a man less and less interested in being with you in the future.

You might already be using one of the 4 most common negative “strategies” to try and have a closer connection with a man.

Don’t let what you don’t yet know and could quickly learn keep you from having the amazing relationship that’s out there for you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

If you read this email and answer just one simple question below, you will have the ability to improve your relationship with a man IMMEDIATELY.

Here goes…

Ever notice how a man will “court” you, pursue you, and do all kinds of amazing and romantic things to win your heart as you’re getting to know each other…

But, after a little while, the romance, passion, and intimacy that he used to be so excited about and create, starts to “fizzle out” once you’re into a committed relationship?

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation with a man who you knew was a great guy but he started acting immature, depended on you for too many things (and didn’t appreciate you for them) and all the while you kept giving more and more to try and make things work better and keep you closer… then you don’t want to miss this email.

I’m about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way… and what to do about it.

I’m also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who “TAKE TAKE TAKE”, and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.

First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar…

You meet a great guy and you start dating.

The “chemistry” is simply AMAZING and you can’t believe how into connecting and sharing he is… even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.

You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you’ve finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.

He’s so open and caring… and listens and pays attention to you and what’s going with you in a way that few men you’ve met can.

Your connection is unbelievable.

You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you’re closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.

Since you’re both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life… and you’re happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.

But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly “shift”.

It starts with small things…

He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.

Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and “connected” with you.

And then you notice…

There’s something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your “radar”.

You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.

You start to feel “drained” with him and with the relationship more and more… but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.

More time passes and you start to notice something else…

You see that he isn’t becoming more appreciative of all the things you’re doing for him and your relationship.

In fact, it feels like he’s starting to take more and more of it for granted.

Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.

He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.

The more he does this, the more you sense that there’s a kind of needy “childishness” inside him that’s becoming clearer.

You want to be there for him and be a great partner… but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.

With all this going on, you’re not exactly sure of what to do about it or what’s going on for him that’s making him act this way.

He doesn’t seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it’s starting to feel unfair and bother you.

Your relationship is starting to feel like it’s all about making sure “he’s” happy.

Which of course doesn’t leave much room for what’s going on for YOU.

You know things can’t go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and “real”.

He’s got to see what’s going on and stop being so self-involved.

You know that he’s had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn’t see what’s going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change… soon.

So, you finally decide to talk to him about what’s going on.

You go over in your head again and again what you’re going to say to him and what’s been going on for the last several months.

You’re sure that he’ll see what’s been happening and all the things you’ve been doing for him and the relationship, and he’ll give you some understanding.

But when you talk to him, it doesn’t work out this way… AT ALL.

Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and DEFENSIVE with you.

Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you’re “nagging” him and creating “drama”.

He even acts like you’re the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This situation where you know you’re giving and getting less than nothing back SUCKS.

And unfortunately, it’s a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.

Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.

But the reality is that you’ve already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about this.

That is partially why I’m NOT going to talk about what’s going on with men here and what to do about it.

At least not yet.

Right now we’re going to talk about YOU.

Why?

Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.

You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.

But if you want to be smart…

And you want relationships to start “working” for you, instead of seeming like a neverending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work…

Then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.

And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.

THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN INSTANTLY

If you’re at the most basic levels of what I call “emotional maturity” in your life, then you’ve started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself…

You’ve recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.

Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.

But the reality is these aren’t the only kind of patterns you have in your life.

You also have a special group of “negative patterns”.

Patterns that you save just for MEN.

So, let me ask you a very simple question.

It’s a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.

Here’s the question -

Do you know your “negative patterns” in relationships with men?

You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.

THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I’M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.

You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn’t seem to be helping you if you’re running into the same issues and situations again and again.

Which is why it’s obvious that “what” you already know isn’t going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.

You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.

That’s why I’m looking for the patterns that you DON’T see right now, and that you aren’t CONSCIOUS of.

Here’s where we’re going to take ACTION…

Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.

And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.

By the way, if you don’t have time to do this now, then you probably never will.

And, I know it’s a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what’s going to change your love life immediately.

So now that you’ve made the time, I want you to think about the following -

I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.

And I don’t just mean patterns that are really about men… such as “I always pick men that are clueless about loving relationships.”

This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.

I mean something like “I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I’ve “lost myself” and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself.”

That’s one common example lots of women have experienced.

Now, it’s your turn.

I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.

I’m going to give you a few minutes to do it now.

…

…

…

I’m going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.

OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.

Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.

Do it now, I’ll wait.

…

…

Good.

I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.

It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.

DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF DEFEATING “PATTERNS” IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

Now that you’ve got your two negative patterns, here’s where things are going to start coming together for you…

First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

I call it “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure…

And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?

What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?

What kind of relationship and communication “skills” does a woman like this have?

And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior… and what does it say to him about a woman?

Of course, this is an extreme example of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Unfortunately, the more common “All or Nothing Thinking” is subtle and difficult to recognize.

Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.

So, let me ask you…

When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?

I’m certain there is.

I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.

I’ll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead.

…

…

OK. Now there’s something I want you to think about…

It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that’s associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man… right?

It’s caused a lot of these problems… right?

If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better… right?

WRONG.

What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?

And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn’t represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?

What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?

If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that’s involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future… then you’re going to that place of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Over the years I’ve recognized that there’s a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life…

When something isn’t working and they want to fix a problem, they don’t look at the entire “system” around them.

Instead, they focus their attention on the “symptoms” they see, in isolation.

Some people complain about “Western Medicine” having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a “holistic” approach to how everything works together.

Anyway… when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire “system” going on around them, they can’t see how all the elements are inter-connected.

So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what’s related to the symptoms and everything will work better.

This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.

What’s worse, often times the things that people change not only don’t work to fix the problem…

Often times the change they make ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.

Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Don’t start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the “symptoms”.

There’s a better way.

You need to start looking at the whole “system” of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.

You need to develop your own “holistic” approach.

Then you’ll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life with a man.

So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the “system” that it is?

And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the “symptoms”?

Here’s a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW…

I’m going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive “All or Nothing Thinking”.

I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.

Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.

I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.

I’ll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.

I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead. I’ll give you a few minutes.

…

…

…

OK, good.

There’s a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it… IF you stay aware of this when you’re interacting with a man in your relationship.

When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS… things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.

Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you…

And you’ll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what’s the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.

A “STRANGE TRUTH” ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE

You’ve got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what’s going on with you and your relationship with a man.

But it really only starts here.

Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?

Do you know how to avoid “All or Nothing Thinking” the next time it comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man.

Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?

Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don’t have to try and convince him of what’s going on that he can’t see or isn’t paying attention to?

Most women who aren’t in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don’t have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.

The strange truth is, patterns aren’t just coincidences in your life.

They keep repeating in your life for a reason.

What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can’t learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?

The reality is that you have a choice…

You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again…

This is the “easy” choice that doesn’t ask or require you to learn and grow at all.

OR…

You can create a “shift” in your life.

You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH… which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.

The choice is yours right now.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian C.

Ever wonder how in the world you’re supposed to get closer to a man and connect with him, let alone have a real relationship, when he won’t even open up, listen or share what’s going on inside?

Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart, and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?

Where did all the conversation, connection, attraction and passion go to?

I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?

The answer is NO….

However, the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way.

But, guess what?

It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.

Keep reading and you’ll LEARN how men can go from “emotionally unavailable” and withdrawn with a woman, to intimate and connected, WITHOUT you having to do all the work.

But first, let me ask you…

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly?

And, forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts.

These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?

What’s with men?

Are we completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too?

Good question.

If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice” inside your relationship with a man…

Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open, thoughtful and direct, then you won’t want to miss this email.

THE COMMON WAYS “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” MEN WITHDRAW…AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”

Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk.”

Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve experienced the negative effects of “emotional withdrawal” with a man before.

Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you…

It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is.

And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.

Ok, let me repeat that.

Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Because lots of women get upset when a man withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it personally…as though the man is consciously doing something to ruin the relationship or to REJECT her.

Wrong.

The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So, when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to…

And, she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…

Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way), she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.

How many men do you know who get together with their friends to talk about their feelings and discuss the details and meaning of the relationships in their lives?

Exactly.

That’s why it’s FASCINATING to recognize that lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these things (feelings, emotions, meaning behind relationships).

Men who are this way often say or think things like:

“It’s better if we don’t talk about it…”

Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?!”

Sound familiar?

So, what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?

Dump him and move on?

Ok, I can’t make that decision for you, but a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship.

Translation - if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

So, how open to learning and growth is your guy?

And how open to learning and growth are you?

Or is all this talk about learning to understand more about men feeling like too much “work?”

THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GROW

Since men aren’t going to magically change their biological make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any time soon, let me ask you an important question…

Have you ever thought about how a man’s “emotional withdrawal” actually works, and what brings it about?

I’m asking because I’ve noticed something crazy and fascinating…

Lots of women don’t take the time to think through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.

(Just like lots of men don’t think through how or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)

Instead, they jump to immediately feeling frustrated that it’s happening… AGAIN. (Which usually leads to things getting worse, not better.)

And hey…I get that this would be frustrating for a woman, who’s putting so much of herself into the relationship, to try and make things better for him and her.

But, there’s a better way than becoming emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts like this…

So, what can a woman do to avoid a man’s “withdrawal response” in the first place to save them both the trouble?

And, how can a woman deal with this, unfortunately, common situation with men, in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place quickly?

I thought you’d never ask…

STEP ONE:

The first step for a woman is to identify how the man withdraws.

Why?

So she can understand what’s going on when it happens, and not be caught off guard or get carried away with the fear of not knowing what’s happening.

As strange as it might sound, just knowing more about how a man withdraws will keep you in a better emotional and mental state.

Below are a few of the ways men can withdraw and avoid emotional connection. See if you can identify with any of these:

- He doesn’t listen at all or dismisses what you’re saying because he’s distracted, focused on, or more interested in, something else.

- He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to argue and turns the table with anything you say, telling you that you give him too much “drama” and points out your faults.

- He plays dumb. (And maybe he’s not even playing!)

- He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting.

- He’s so wrapped up or stressed by his work or projects in his life that when you do spend time together, he’s still not really there with you. And he seems even more irritated when you try to get him to relax and open up.

- He tries to appease you by acting like he “gets” what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t really listen or take what you have to say to heart. It’s back to the same old guy behavior a few days or weeks later.

- He has no idea what to do or how to start communicating with you on the subject, so he changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking about it.

Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?

You might even recognize several.

You might even have one or two of these that seem to happen over and over.

I want you to realize that these are the withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want you to become aware of how they work.

STEP TWO:

Now, there’s another reason for doing all this that relates just to YOU…

I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the thoughts that came to mind as you read this.

First write down, in detail, what it is that the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past to withdraw.

Then, once you’ve done this, describe how the distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.

I’ll give you a minute.

Ok, now that you’ve got your thoughts down, there’s a second step after identifying how withdrawal takes place…

Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit that leads us to make faulty and negative associations between what happens in the world around us and the personal meaning we give them inside.

Let me give you an example…

You probably know people who are convinced that they have terrible luck, so when anything happens they think, “Of course, I’m such an unlucky person…”

These kind of people have a very negative view of everything that happens to them because they see themselves as someone to whom only bad things happen.

I call this “Limiting Beliefs”, and we all have some version of this that fits our own fears and life experiences.

Right now you’re going to identify some of your own Limiting Beliefs around what it means about YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.

That way, you can better understand and make good choices if it happens with a man again.

Following me?

Good.

So what is the feeling you had when you think back to when a man withdrew from you?

Picture it in your mind.

Now, take that negative feeling and find the “internal state” that it created inside you, which is the general emotional state that you felt.

Realize that the feelings you had, and the state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN BELIEFS about what the man’s behavior meant.

But, here’s the thing…

Our beliefs are NOT often the “reality” of the situations we’re in.

In other words, a man’s behavior DOES NOT have to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside YOU.

Read that line above again.

Good. Now…think about the negative belief inside your own head that created the negative feeling or reaction inside you.

What was that belief?

There might be more than one.

Take several minutes and write it down.

I’ll give you another minute…

So, here’s the whole point. It SOUNDS simple, but it isn’t. It’s very powerful…

I want you to try and remain AWARE of the Limiting Belief that you have, that you have identified, so you can start to “un-link” the faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.

And, once that happens, you’ll start to have your mind “freed up” to make new, productive choices that will naturally bring a man closer to you and make him start connecting with you.

THE CRITICAL “NEXT STEP” TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR LOVE LIFE…FOR GOOD

We just did a quick exercise that can bring a lot of real, positive change to you and any relationship you have…including a relationship with a man.

But, that’s just the first step…the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

There’s a TON more where that came from, and that’s why I want you to take the next step.

KEEP LEARNING.

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Ever feel like you’d have less real “connection” or intimacy with a man if you didn’t try so hard to keep your relationship “alive”?

And, that the man you’re with might not even notice, let alone know how to help you both grow and change together when something is “off” in your relationship?

Are men really so different that they don’t think about or notice problems in your relationship?

Or is something worse going on here where a man doesn’t want the relationship to go anywhere and has given up on it and you?

And…

Have you ever had the sudden realization that if it wasn’t for YOUR patience, caring and the attention you pay to him and your relationship, that you’d just be drifting apart from each other?

That you’d never grow closer… never get to know each other on a deeper level… and never become MORE COMMITTED if it wasn’t for what YOU insist on and struggle to create?

Do you ever wonder why it can seem like a man just doesn’t care about your relationship and where it’s headed… even though you know that somewhere deep down he does love and care about you?

Well, there’s a reason why these things are so common with men in relationships… and why they can be so frustrating to deal with and get past as a woman.

The truth is, if you’re like most women who are UNSUCCESSFUL in their long term relationships, then your “approach” to your relationship often depends on a man figuring out how to have a great relationship FOR YOU.

You know, all that knight in shining armor stuff where a man’s love and unrelenting commitment to you will make it all work out.

Good luck with that.

There’s a better way…

If you’ve had a few relationships in the past, then you’ve already learned that putting the fate of your love life and relationship in the hands of a man to save is NOT the perfect or ideal situation.

You’ve figured out that if you’re going to have a REAL relationship, that a man isn’t going to have all the answers when things get difficult or uncertain.

Don’t wait for a man to figure out how love and a relationship works.

And sure… a man has to do HIS part and learn and grow too.

A man needs to know how to love and be loved too.

But wouldn’t it be great if you had the CONFIDENCE that comes from KNOWING that you could create what YOU WANT in your relationship?

What if you never had to wait for a man to “figure it out” to have the love and connection you want in your life?

It’s likely that you’ve already got a head start growing up as a woman… which is why it’s time to put your knowledge and intuition to good use.

You’re about to learn 3 of the most important ways that men are different when it comes to relationships… and what to do about it.

And, by the way, if you’ve got a man in your life who knows how to keep you both close and connected in your relationship at all times and you KNOW it’s going to LAST… then you don’t need to read this email.

Go enjoy your love life with confidence, and give and share all of yourself freely.

But, if you aren’t 100% CERTAIN that you’re going to be able to keep a loving relationship with a man… and you’ve had problems with this in the past… then it’s time to recognize and learn how to get past those UNCERTAIN and UNCOMMITTED places with men and relationships.

Keep reading and you’ll be on your way to finding the confidence and understanding in your relationship that only a deep, close, emotional connection with a man can bring.

“GETTING CLEAR” ON WHAT’S GOING ON WITH MEN WHEN THEY’RE DISTANT OR UNINVOLVED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Let me tell you a quick story…

A man and a woman meet and they have an AMAZING connection from the start.

She quickly falls for him, as he does for her, and they instantly grow close and start spending almost all of their time together.

When they’re apart, most of the time they’re thinking about one another.

A few weeks or months pass and things are going great… but as it happens in life, a few difficult situations come up in each others lives.

Stress and tension starts to build, and as more issues and situations come up, the closeness, affection anbd communication starts to change.

The woman begins to notice how the man has changed and tries to talk to him to bridge the gap and stay close.

But what used to work to bring them together now only seems to make things worse as he pulls away when she wants to talk.

And now she’s getting worried.

She asks herself…

“Why is he acting this way?”

“What happened to what we had?”

“Did his feelings for me change?”

“Did I do something that pushed him away?”

And… “Why doesn’t he seem to notice or care and do anything about it!?”

The man just seems to want to pretend that everything is fine and ignore what’s happening.

When he does talk, he’s short with his words and unexpressive… not sharing his thoughts or feelings about much at all.

He seems “detached” somehow.

And now she feels like if she didn’t do anything to keep the relationship going, that they’d simply drift apart and he wouldn’t do anything about it or even really care.

Ok, end of story.

This story is basically a collection of common situations and feelings that lots of women experience.

Let’s talk about it.

The things going on in the story bring up an important idea - the ways in which men are “naturally” different from women when it comes to communicating and interacting in relationships.

And sure, men are the same in lots of ways.

They want love.

They want respect.

And they want to be heard.

But, men are also very different…

They’re different in how they think.

They’re different in how they feel.

They’re different in their beliefs about what makes for a “good relationship”.

And, they’re different in how they approach and try to “resolve” relationship issues (Sometimes by not trying at all!)

If you want to learn about what’s going on in the UNCERTAIN situations with men… and how to think and respond in POSITIVE, HEALTHY, CONSTRUCTIVE ways for the sake of growing and improving your long term relationship…

Then you need to take a deeper look at what men are REALLY thinking and feeling.

You probably already know from experience that men will often tell you one thing about how they’re thinking or feeling… but actually think and feel another way.

Frustrating, right!?

And, you probably already know from experience that becoming frustrated or overly “emotional” with a man doesn’t often get you very far in becoming closer and growing together in your relationship.

But, isn’t it important to share and express your true feelings in any “real” relationship?

Absolutely.

Which leads us to a frustrating PARADOX.

How do you stay “true” to your own feelings and emotions… while ALSO communicating in a way that keeps you close and avoids the common male withdrawal response?

Part of the secret here is to communicate with a man in a way that speaks HIS language and helps him have a better understanding of YOU.

Some women end up analyzing themselves to death over every little thing that happens… what it means, what they should say, and how the guy is going to respond.

The strange truth is that part of the problem here IS analyzing things too much… so, when they show up to talk to the man in their life, she overwhelms him.

Give me a little nod if you’ve watched your friends do this… or you can relate in your own life.

It’s time to stop worrying so much and start doing things that WORK to create the love life you know you can have.

It’s time for it to finally be easy to communicate and share love with the man in your life in the long run.

It’s time for CLARITY.

Let’s talk about what’s going on here and turn what can seem impossible and complex into something SIMPLE and CLEAR.

THE TRUTHS ABOUT HOW MEN ARE DIFFERENT - THAT ANY WOMAN WHO WANTS A LASTING, COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT…

Before we get to some real in-depth specifics about men and relationships here, there’s something important I want to share…

I have a good friend who has taught me more in a few years than I would have learned living 20 years not knowing her.

She’s one of the smartest and insightful people I’ve ever met when it comes to her unique understanding of HUMAN BEHAVIOR and PSYCHOLOGY… and how it relates to building long term relationships in all areas of life.

Including romantic relationships.

I’ve learned a lot of what I know, or been led to, in one way or another, by her.

Anyway… many years back she shared something with me. Something that has taken me years to come to know and understand for myself.

(As you know, someone can tell you something again and again … but it can take you days, months or even years to come to understand and know what THEY mean by it. Or in other words, it often takes more time that we expect or would like it to, to raise our own level of CONSCIOUSNESS.)

Let me share what she said with you…

She said that when it comes to people and relationships, there’s a big secret EVERYONE uses who are able to build and keep close, fulfilling, trusting relationships in their lives through thick and thin.

That secret is -

“First, seek to understand.”

“Then, seek to be understood.”

When I first heard this, it sounded like a “new-agey” kind of thing.

I thought I “got” what this meant and what it was all about.

My mind quickly went to thinking about how much I already tried to understand others… and how what came from this wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

In my experience I had been a “giver”, and I often felt at the mercy of others because of it. ESPECIALLY in relationships.

I bet you can relate.

So, the idea of becoming MORE UNDERSTANDING and listening to others more, made me feel like things would just be less satisfying and more difficult in my relationships.

As much as I could see the benefit of listening and understanding first, it just didn’t seem to work out so well in real life for me.

Actually… the people who were a bit more “selfish” seemed to be the ones who more often got what they wanted and had it easy in life.

The reality was that I wasn’t able to see that the world could work any differently from my perspective at the time.

It was only after years or living, studying, observing, learning from others and thinking about my life and the relationships in it that I started to see things differently.

And one day something “snapped” into place.

I had an AMAZING EXPERIENCE as I was going back through an old journal of mine and came across what my friend had said about seeking to understand first.

I hadn’t thought about this idea in a long time… and it hit me in different way now that I was in a different place in my life.

To make a long story short, once you start down your own path of growth in your life and relationships… you’re going to find new meaning and depth in things that didn’t used to be so significant.

And this means you’re becoming more AWARE and CONSCIOUS of the world around you - which is one of the first steps to creating amazing and lasting change.

Of course, I’m talking about life more in general here… but the exact same principles apply to men, dating and relationships.

And, by the way, if you’re getting that anxious or frustrated feeling right now where giving a man more of your understanding is the last thing you want to do… then I’ve got some unfortunate news for you…

YOU are creating your very own RESISTANCE.

That’s right.

YOU are adding to the distance and lack of understanding that’s taking place.

As much as a man might be wrong, acting distant or unfair, or hurting your feelings… if YOU are putting your energy into the negative patterns of fear, or doing the all too common “demand and withdraw” behaviors tons of women slip into in these situations…

Then you’re only adding to the problems and creating more of the “disconnect” between you two.

Ok, so what can you do instead!?

Good question.

First, seek to understand.

So, let’s get right to how this works.

Let’s look at the ways men are different when it comes to relationships, and learn to understand more and put it to work for you…

I promise everything with a man will instantly start to become clearer and easier once you do.

Difference #1: With A Man, Improving Your Relationship Is Often As Easy As Improving “The Now”.

There’s a kind of relationship “shortcut” some women know about and others don’t.

And women who know what it is and how it works often have the men they’re with feeling deeply connected… and ASKING THEM to become more committed… and share more love.

But there’s a catch to this “trick”.

YOU, as a woman, have to be in the right mental and emotional state to make these kinds of “breakthroughs” in your relationship and the way that you interact with a man.

Why?

Because if you’re not, you’re going to do all kinds of things to sabotage yourself and get in the way of your own success here.

You’ll start feeling needy or unappreciated and want the man to take over and make things happen for you.

Don’t make this mistake and miss out on the love and connection that’s possible for you in your relationship.

So, here’s the shortcut you can use with any man at almost anytime. (I’ve seen this work with men who were so distant that I would have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it happen myself.)

When a man is acting distant with a woman in a relationship, it’s often because he’s “off in his head” thinking about something else he needs to do or has to take care of.

And, in case you didn’t know… for most men it’s so extremely important to be a strong successful “provider” with a woman, that the closer he is with a woman… the more his mind will try and turn to the outside world, work, etc. in order to make sure he can protect and provide for a woman.

For most men, whether or not they are an “attractive” person relies heavily on if he’s financially successful and has a high level of “social status”.

Of course, a man isn’t often CONSCIOUS that he’s thinking or behaving this way.

These things are part of our “inner biology”.

They are “wired” deep in our brains and affect us on deep SUBCONSCIOUS levels.

So, why am I telling you all of this?

Because you can use it to your advantage and move straight past the detached, withdrawn, work- focused man.

You can learn how to “invite” a man into love and affection with you.

And here is where the shortcut comes in.

See, as much as I hate to admit it, and you might already know this about men… well, we can be simple-minded.

If we have a woman that we are close with, like a girlfriend, the reality is that she has the power change our mood INSTANTLY.

Especially if she triggers the feeling of ATTRACTION.

Let me explain how this works…

When a man is detached, unemotional, etc., often it’s because his mind is focused on “things” and not on people or relationships.

Things like sports, work, cars, or whatever hobby a man happens to be into.

And, it’s this “Focus” that often makes a man seem withdrawn, disinterested or unattentive.

But, there IS something a woman can do to easily get him out of this “Focus” mode to where a man will be more present, “connected” and emotionally responsive.

A woman can help a man move his thinking and attention out of his “mind” and into his body (Don’t worry, feelings and emotions will naturally follow… and if this isn’t making much sense right now, it will in a second.)

It can start with a soft touch, a playful tap, or even just a smile.

It doesn’t take much, other than attention and a little patience.

What’s probably the easiest way to do this is to do what men naturally do to get out of their heads and into the present moment.

They become more physical.

Have you ever watched couples play-fight or wrestle?

For lots of men this is the easiest way they know to become close and connected with a woman… as they aren’t even conscious what they’re doing.

They just naturally become more affectionate and in-tune with a woman than they could have ever figured out how to be trying to talk to a woman about how this all works.

Of course, if you watch a woman do this with a man and you don’t know what she’s up to… it can look like she’s just trying to get his attention in a physical and sexual way.

And some women do this too.

There’s a type of attraction that goes BEYOND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION and gets a man’s attention on an emotional and intellectual level.

This is the kind of attraction I’m talking about creating with a man… where he will move “out of his head” and become open and attentive in the present moment with you.

Lots of women try to TALK with a man in order to get him to be present, loving, affection, etc. with them.

But often times, this completely BACKFIRES.

The reason why is because these women don’t know this “other” kind of attraction works for a man.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking that attraction works the same way for you as it does for a man…

Or that you can try and use Physical Attraction with a man to get an EMOTIONAL response.

You need to learn how to get the EMOTIONAL response from a man that you’re looking for… without demanding it of him in a way that will only encourage him to WITHDRAW.

Inviting a man out of his Focus, or out of his “head”, is a simple first step.

Difference #2: Instead Of Discussing, Exploring And FEELING The Problems In Your Relationship, A Man Will Often Want To “Starve” Them… Or Try To Give You The “Logical Solution” As His Way Of Making Things Better

I’ve got to ask you something. Be honest when you answer -

Do you think men, or more to the point, the men you’ve dated in your life, enjoy talking about their feelings and your relationship as much as you do?

Or that they enjoy it much at all really?

I’m guessing the answer is, “No”.

If so, then this is a vital piece of information for you in your relationship.

But, what have you done with this knowledge?

Have you tried to MAKE A MAN better at talking about his feelings in your relationship, and then become frustrated and upset when it hasn’t gone the way you had hoped?

And, have you ever wanted to talk about something important in your relationship with a man, and brought it up… and then he gave you a short “detached” answer… or he became angry with you and started telling you what to do?

Is this really the best approach?

Think about this for a second…

What if, without knowing it, you’ve been asking a man for the exact thing you DON’T want?

What if, accidentally, the way you were communicating with him was telling him, in his own “language”, to STOP SHARING, to CLOSE OFF, and to be LESS EXPRESSIVE?

Is this possible?

What if there was another way to be with a man that would get you the result you wanted (him opening up to you more) AND… it made everything a whole lot easier for YOU?

Think about it for a minute.

How do men “typically” react when a woman comes to them with intense emotions and feelings and wants to talk about them?

One of two things usually happens.

1. He gives you a short answer that often seems cold and uninterested. Kind of like he isn’t paying attention to you and your FEELINGS.

2. He gets anxious or irritated and instead of responding with caring and understanding, he seems angry. In effect, he starts telling you what to do and to stop bothering him.

Both of these responses have something in common.

Can you guess what it is?

They both show how men tend to want to remove themselves from any situations they see or experience as unnecessarily intense or “emotional”.

I’m not saying that this is a good thing or a bad thing about men, by the way.

But, it is THE REALITY of how most men think and behave.

Which leaves YOU with a choice.

You can either learn to work WITH the way things are…

Or you can keep fighting AGAINST the way things are and continue the negative, self defeating patterns in your love life.

And here’s something else to think about -

Given the two different ways that men often respond that I mentioned above…

Does a man reacting in one of these ways have to mean that he doesn’t care for a woman or her feelings?

And, does a man reacting this way mean he doesn’t care about his relationship?

In a man’s mind, the answer is NO.

But, what do lots of women do when they are confronted with a man’s anxious or irritated response that comes from not knowing what to do with a woman’s feelings?

Instead of trying a different approach, they simply take what is NOT working and dial up the intensity about 20 notches…

Hello!

Duh! (A scientific term that means you’re acting like a jack-ass)

Stop making your life so difficult for yourself.

Becoming more intense and “emotionally demanding” with others rarely builds strong relationships or gets you what you want.

There is a way to communicate and move to a more committed and “connected” place with a man that does NOT involve asking him to do so, trying to convince him to listen, or demanding that your relationship grow.

If you’ve tried any of these things with a man, then you know that they can just turn into an uphill battle… and trigger the DISTANCE and RESISTANCE you’re trying to avoid.

These two differences I’ve shared with you here are just the beginning.

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter