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I found your book to be incredibly interesting and quite insightful. Lots of moments of clarity on a subject that is, at least for me, fairly foggy. While I’m not exactly new to the dating game, each experience I have had with dating, boyfriends and even a fiancée has turned up new and exciting horror stories. And then all of a sudden, I think I see the light. In reading your notes about women who subconsciously send signals of essentially being too interested and men’s responses to them, I totally saw myself. While I am more than a little reserved about an outright appearance of “needy” (I’m a very attractive, well educated, highly successful woman and I don’t NEED anyone…right??) I suddenly realize, after reading your book, that my inner emotional state is actually very high-pressure, even if I try (probably unsuccessfully) to hide it. It’s my inner control freak taking over. I find myself dressing a little nicer when I think I might run into the boy-du-jour. Positioning myself in places where I might “run into” him (I swear I’m not a stalker, but I think most women actually engage in this kind of ridiculousness). Fantasizing about my life with him in it. And all of a sudden, there I am, trying to take control and ensure the proper development of this “relationship”. (of course- I’m always in control, right? That’s how i’ve gotten so far in my career and other areas of life…) And then, inexplicably, the more I try to control the situation by impatiently interfering with the natural flow of things, the more I lose my patience and emotional cool. My long-winded point is, that prior to reading your book, I had not been able to step back from my own issues enough to realize that my “control” was actually making me lose control. Amazingly, this explains not only my own relationship breakdowns, but those of most of my gorgeous, successful girlfriends who also seem to have no luck with men. We have successfully built careers (and great figures) with hard work, persistence, and ultimately achieving control of our situations. It’s a pattern that has worked in careers where competition and winning is key. However, sometimes I think we view romantic interactions with men, not as an interpersonal communication in which we must evaluate the other person’s point of view, but as just another part of the life scheme that has been set forth for every good superwoman- the significant other that we are expected and expect to have. The problem is that. you never “have” another person. Nor should you. Your book made me step back and reevaluate how I have been going about dating- as though it was a means to an end. And I firmly believe that this was the point of breakdown for me (and probably for lots of other women). Dating must be viewed as a means to a relationship with another person, not as a means to HAVE that other person. Thus, that person’s needs must be objectively evaluated as very much separate from my own. If men can be happy and even have a need to pursue and compete, then why be readily available? It just doesn’t make sense when you put it that way. And you did. As a result of your book, I truly believe I will be able to reevaluate the way I look at the men I date- as PEOPLE. With individual interests, needs, wants, beliefs and expectations. Not as extensions of myself (like MY career and MY home) that I build based on my expectations, interests, etc. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of a fresh perspective, no doubt based upon plenty of extensive research. I really think this will change dating for me.

Sincerely, A.W. in Missouri

Wow.

I love hearing from smart, analytical and thoughtful women like you.

Thanks for being so open and sharing your personal experiences… and for the feedback about my book.

There’s something really FASCINATING about what you’ve brought up.

Over the last several 20 or 30 years, as women have started to enjoy a more “equal” place in society with careers, opportunity, etc., something strange has happened.

Have you noticed that women are often no longer considered “womanly” or “feminine” once they’ve become independent and successful in their own right?

I have.

And not coincidentally, everywhere I go I hear women talk about how much it sucks that men are intimidated by successful women and don’t want to be with women who are on an “equal” or higher standing.

Well, with so many women talking about this phenomenon, I’ve thought a lot about how and why this is happening to women.

And why men are responding the way they are.

How can being smarter, more independent, talented, etc. than other women and other men actually become something negative?

After lots of research, observation, and personal experience, here’s what I realized about the “plight” of the successful and independent woman…

I’m about to tell you the reasons why successful women often have a HARDER TIME than other women finding love.

REASON #1: INDEPENDENT AND SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE SMART ENOUGH TO BE DANGEROUS

Have you ever noticed that other smart and successful women around you are often the ones alone or in the least fulfilling relationships?

And have you ever noticed that no matter how intellectually educated a woman is, it doesn’t make her immune to the problems of love that a broke or uneducated woman might face?

How can that be?

Does that mean an education and success is worthless?

No. But it does mean that one doesn’t have ANYTHING to do with the other.

Lots of women assume that since they’re intelligent that they can FIGURE OUT or solve any dumb little dating or relationship dilemma.

They think that all it takes is enough focus and determination and they’ll work everything out.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

You can’t “think” a man into feeling something for you.

Just like you can’t get a man to treat you differently just because you logically figured out what’s wrong with him and you let him know.

In fact, doing the latter is more likely to have you standing alone in the cold than being held tightly in his arms.

Being “right” doesn’t mean you’ll be loved.

REASON #2: BELIEVING IN THE “MEN DON’T LIKE SUCCESSFUL WOMEN” MYTH

I can’t tell you how many women I talk to that tell me how men are scared, afraid, turned off by or intimidated by successful or independent women.

I get where they’re coming from, but they’ve confused one thing for another.

The truth is, men DON’T DISLIKE successful women. But they DON’T LIKE them either.

Let me explain…

It’s obvious in this day in age that being successful and independent aren’t “male” qualities that exclude women from being attractive if they have them.

But here’s the thing…

Most men DON’T CARE how successful a woman is.

I mean that literally. They don’t care.

Here’s why -

No matter what a woman does for a living, and no matter how much money she makes, none of that is going to make a man FEEL anything for a woman.

Following me here?

Are you attracted to a man JUST because he’s rich or successful or can buy whatever he wants?

Obviously not. A man’s success can add to his appeal, but it doesn’t create it.

Men aren’t any different in how they feel about women.

But lots of women who are successful secretly believe that their success should change how men act around them.

And some women, just like men often do, start to rely on their success to attract men.

The truth is, success isn’t going to turn a man on or create a great situation.

If a woman doesn’t UNDERSTAND how to attract a man and create a great relationship, becoming successful isn’t going to change that.

But being a woman who LEARNS to ATTRACT men and create the right situation for love AND also happens to be successful is.

REASON #3: SUCCESS ITSELF WON’T GET YOU THERE

Being successful can be a nice quality or a “bonus” about a woman, but inside a man’s mind, success has nothing to do with whether or not he feels ATTRACTION or LOVE.

But, lots of successful women seem to be disappointed by this.

Understandably, they’re frustrated that the respect and status that they’ve earned at the office or in life hasn’t translated over to their love life.

Even though in the back of their minds they keep thinking that becoming successful has worked for men all these years.

WRONG.

This isn’t how it works for men either. So, let me use that as an example.

Just because a man is successful or rich, a genuine and open woman doesn’t care anything about that.

She only cares about how he makes her FEEL.

Most women just want to know that a man makes her FEEL ATTRACTED to him, and that he’s open and loving and he’ll always be the strong and solid person that he is today.

So, even if a man is rich and handsome, if he doesn’t LEARN to become a good partner who makes a woman EXPERIENCE LOVE and FEEL ATTRACTION, then the women isn’t going to respond.

Like it or not, it works the same way for successful women.

Success won’t buy you love, affection or get you shortcuts to a great situation with a man.

It just might help get you in the door.

REASON #4: ASSUMING THAT SUCCESS “STRATEGIES” CROSS OVER TO MEN AND RELATIONSHIPS

Successful women have obviously found and used smart “strategies” to get where they are with the people around them.

They try and test all kinds of new ideas, approaches, attitudes, etc., until they find what works and then they stick with what’s best.

And things go great. It’s like they’ve got the world and everyone around them all figured out.

That is, until they run into a “guy problem” and somehow everything seems to instantly go whacko and stop working.

So, they just take their best strategy and try harder and harder at it, so sure that it will work since they’ve seen the world open up to them with
it.

But, there are no results this time and it’s a total shock to the system.

Men are the WORST at doing this, by the way.

Tons of husbands come home each night and try to run their family and marriage with the logic and efficiency that they use to make things work in business.

How do you think that works out?

REASON #5: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN OFTEN “ACCIDENTALLY” PREVENT MEN FROM NATURALLY FEELING ATTRACTION WITH THEM

Have you ever thought about how a man falls in love with a woman?

One of the most important and central elements of love that takes a man from just “interested” to “in love” with a woman is experiencing a LOSS of CONTROL and the absence of PREDICTABILITY with the woman.

And no, this doesn’t mean that he gives control over to the woman and she has it.

I’ll explain…

When a man is experiencing ATTRACTION and CHEMISTRY with a woman and he DOESN’T know exactly what’s going to happen next, then everything becomes terribly exciting.

And if the woman isn’t acting controlling or manipulative, then there’s a “space” or “void” that’s created between the man and woman.

It’s this natural “psychological space” that moves the man closer and closer to the woman as he’s trying to close the “emotional gap” between them.

Then the man begins to wonder what he can do to win over more of the woman’s affections and attention.

And it’s this out-of-control feeling and the desire to fill in the gap between himself and the woman that starts the classic patterns of love.

Unfortunately, lots of successful women get in THEIR OWN WAY and prevent the natural patterns that lead to love from taking place.

The most common way that successful women get in their own way is when they starting doing things to control each and every aspect of what’s going on between her and the man.

*Cue the semi-obsessive behaviors like those that the reader mentioned in her email.

Like plotting to be where a man will be or and pretend to have “run into him”.

I think a lot of us can identify with that kind of behavior in one way or another.

The problem with these kinds of behaviors is that they do something damaging to us when we use them.

These are self-manipulations that stir up all kinds of anxiety and distance in your own mind.

AVOID THESE kinds of things because they only lead to more obsessive worrying and more plotting.

It’s part of what’s called a negative feedback loop.

What’s most important here is that these behaviors do an almost perfect job of destroying the “tension” a man and a woman both feel when there’s a “natural” flow of energy between them.

REASON #6: SUCCESSFUL WOMEN ARE USED TO BEING IN CONTROL

Most mature women want to have a great relationship and continually experience deep love and intimacy once they’ve found a worthwhile and attractive guy.

But often times their desire to have their ideal situation is so strong that it can actually drive them to try and CONTROL the situations they’re in and the man they’re with.

Successful women have an uncanny ability to pull together every aspect of their life and make it work.

But, what happens when successful women who have been gracefully in control of their lives get into a situation where they can’t CONTROL the outcome and the other people involved?

What happens when there is NO LOGICAL SOLUTION or straightforward answer that will make things work out the way they’re used to?

What happens when they get involved with a man and things are no longer within their ability to control?

In these situations, successful women often end up feeling completely OUT OF CONTROL and begin to panic.

And then FEAR kicks in because they’re not used to not having total control of their environment.

So, they start doing whatever they can think of or what works for them in other situations in order to try and get CONTROL back in their lives.

Of course, what they often do to try and regain control is negative, fear driven, and doesn’t take into account the feelings and desires of the man… and so it backfires.

The man freaks out, he sees her as “crazy” and then he withdraws.

You might, unfortunately, already know that story.

What’s fascinating here is that the woman’s attempts to CONTROL are often more DESTRUCTIVE than they are productive.

Trying to CONTROL how a man feels, what he thinks, and how he acts around them not only doesn’t usually work for women - it often works AGAINST them and repels the man.

REASON #7: THEY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF USING “MASCULINE ENERGY” TO SHAPE THEIR LOVE LIFE

The energy, drive, focus and discipline that can push women to success in their work can be a potent force to create the outcomes they want.

Unfortunately, this same attitude and approach DOESN’T translate over to getting outcomes women might want with men, love and relationships.

In fact, this attitude often becomes an obstacle to creating an intimate and loving situation with a man.

Successful women often make the mistake of approaching men and relationships with the same kind of intensity and energy that they seek to influence or control things at work.

They start to lead their interactions, conversations and decisions with men with what I call “masculine energy”.

This energy is very direct and purposeful and it has an amazing ability to motivate and push us to overcome and break through barriers.

But, it isn’t the energy that creates an intense and LASTING CONNECTION with a man.

The “feminine energy” is the energy that attracts a man, and can lead and TEACH him how and why to stay open to a woman.

The “feminine energy” is what shows even the most clueless and reckless of men how to become a great and loyal partner - just like it’s the “masculine energy” that ATTRACTS women, and shows them a man’s strength, love and character.

Now, I’m not saying that women don’t and shouldn’t have masculine energy. Lots of attractive and interesting women are full of masculine energy.

But, I’ve learned that women can be VERY SUCCESSFUL and have AMAZING LOVE LIVES by knowing when to use masculine and feminine energy.

The key is awareness.

So, let me ask you….

When a woman uses or leads her interactions with a man with her more “masculine” energy, what happens?

Most men aren’t able to open up or attach and connect with a woman who’s meeting them with their “masculine energy”.

It doesn’t make a man FEEL close, comfortable, and trusting, and it doesn’t draw him in to connect with her.

In fact, lots of men react NEGATIVELY to women who present them with a lot of masculine energy.

When some women talk about men not liking successful women, this is what they’re talking about.

Men don’t like a woman’s masculine energy in place of something WAY MORE IMPORTANT to him -

How ATTRACTED he is to her and how she makes him FEEL.

So, let’s wrap this up for now…

One of the most critical things that I see successful women “missing” in their interactions with men, dating and relationships is the idea of creating “Intellectual Attraction” - and using their natural “feminine energy” to do so.

A man might enjoy the idea of a woman being successful, but it isn’t going to make him think about her like he might a woman who pushes all his male buttons.

A man doesn’t think, “Gee, she’s got a great job, makes good money and doesn’t depend on anyone else to support her, I think I’ll be into her.”

Actually, it’s the exact opposite.

A man sees or meets a woman and Wham!

He instantly falls for her, and he can’t exactly explain why.

And that’s because there is no reason or logic to why it happens - it happens inside a man’s mind.

When a man becomes attracted and interested in a woman, it’s because his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS were TRIGGERED by something about the woman.

And no amount of logic, analyzing, convincing or “success” in a woman’s life can control this.

If a man doesn’t FEEL IT for a woman, nothing else will do the trick.

But if a woman CAN make a man feel attraction for her, then it doesn’t matter how successful, gorgeous or shapely she is.

After years of research and observations, I’ve finally “cracked the code” on what actually works to trigger ATTRACTION in men.

And you’d be surprised to learn that ANY WOMAN can learn what these triggers are and how to start learning to use them in her own life and relationship.

Of course, I’m not just talking about that “one night stand” male kind of attraction.

That’s easy. Seduce a man.

I’m talking about the “long-term-he-stays-up- all-night-thinks-about-her-all-the-time-and-does- crazy-romantic-boyish-things-just-because-he-has- to” attraction.

That deeper and more intimate “relationship material” attraction.

I call this “Intellectual Attraction”.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Why is it that a man can be so amazing, affectionate, and share a strong “connection” with you at first…

But then turn out to be unable to stay close and loving with you when it comes to a real, lasting, committed relationship?

I’m sure you have some of your own ideas about why this is… but I want to share some FASCINATING new insights into why men behave this way.

Let me ask you a question…

And try to be as honest about this as you can.

Have you ever met a man who you felt a strong connection with, but something else inside told you he wouldn’t be “good” for you in the long run?

But you moved forward with him in spite of the clear signs of danger you saw in him?

Maybe you opened up anyway and fell into a relationship with him… perhaps for months, or even years… but eventually everything fell apart the way you thought it would, and that’s when it dawned on you that your very first gut reaction to him and where he was at in his life was RIGHT.

And as much as you tried to learn the “lesson” that was there for you, you went on to meet ANOTHER man, and again your sixth sense told you he was great but that not everything was “right” when it came to having a real, lasting, loving relationship with him.

That’s where your mind becomes torn between two different choices:

Choice #1. Should you know better from your last situation and “nip it in the bud” with this guy so that you could avoid the pain, frustration, and wasted time and energy of what happened to you before with a guy who wasn’t “ready”?

Choice #2. Or should you throw caution to the wind, knowing that you can’t carry around “baggage” and that to make love work you have to take chances and let things grow before there can be true love and the kind of CERTAINTY in a relationship you know is possible?

Sound familiar?

Well, the strange and painful truth here is that there is no right choice in this situation.

If you’ve been in enough situations like this, then you know from experience that either choice can lead you to what you’re NOT looking for -

Being ALONE… and NOT having a fun, loving, carefree and “effortlessly committed” relationship with a man.

But if both of these choices can lead you down the path of loneliness and lovelessness, then what in the world is going on here?

And what is the right thing to do in these kinds of situations with men?

Well… what if I told you there was an easy way to QUICKLY and ACCURATELY get a true reading of what a man was about and what he REALLY wanted, and was ready for, with you from the very first date?

And what if I told you that there was a way for you to intuitively know what the right choices were with a man in your life to help grow a deep and lasting connection?

Would this save you from the painful situation of giving your heart to a man who wouldn’t be able to care for and appreciate it?

There is a way…

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

WHAT MEN ARE REALLY SAYING…

I hope you’re sitting down… because what I’m about to share with you will change how you view men, dating, and relationships.

I’m about to take you “behind the scenes” in the male mind.

I’m going to give you a perspective that most women never see or realize.

Unfortunately for most women, not seeing things the way I’m about to share with you keeps them trapped in patterns of misunderstanding and unfulfilling relationships with men.

If you pay careful attention to what I’m about to share with you, you’re going to start having more success with men right away, whether you’re single and looking for that right guy… or you’re in a relationship and you’d like to start connecting on a deeper level.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT MEN SAY AND WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN

Have you ever heard a man say something like:

“I’m not ready for a serious relationship.”

Or how about this one -

“I want my freedom.”

If you’ve been close in a relationship with a man and he pulled away, then of course you’ve heard this before.

Men say this stuff all the time.

Do you know what a man “really” means when he says these things?

And, do you know WHAT TO DO that can instantly change a man’s predictable behavior of WITHDRAWAL or RESISTANCE?

If not, then it’s time you stop listening to what a man will SAY TO YOU about himself and his feelings… and start paying attention to what’s going on inside his heart and mind.

In the past, when I’d hear my friends, other men, and even myself say, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”, I knew that there was something more to it than a just a man who didn’t want a relationship with a woman.

In fact, I found that most of the men who said this quickly ended up in relationships with OTHER WOMEN soon after.

Men I knew well would be telling women they had been dating or in a relationship with, that they weren’t ready for all that came with a “real” relationship…

But what did they do as soon as they were single again?

They would start meeting new women, go on dates, and once they found a woman they liked and were very attracted to, they’d spend most of their time with this one woman.

And they would do something else…

They’d stop dating any other women they might have met and move into another relationship, even though they had just ended a relationship with another women they felt strongly for because they didn’t want a “serious relationship”.

It almost didn’t make sense when I first started to recognize this pattern.

But keep in mind, even though these things don’t always make sense to women, they make PERFECT sense to the men going through them.

Does this situation with men ever frustrate you or leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE what they’re doing?

Here’s the problem…

When a man says one of these things, he actually MEANS something that is different from what a woman would mean if she said the same words.

Let me explain.

If a woman says, “I’m going to stay home and relax today”, she probably means that he’s going to stay home, make sure that her house and life is in order, catch up on chores and bills, and then maybe watch some shows on tv.

If a MAN says that he’s going to stay home and relax, he’s probably going to watch some sports, drink beer, look at pictures of women on the internet, and order take out food.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this right now and you are a woman who watches sports, drinks beer, looks at pictures of women on the internet, and orders take out to relax, then contact me immediately at the email address below.

Ok, enough kidding around.

Back to our topic…

Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the words they use often don’t mean what they SOUND like they mean.

So, the FIRST thing that you have to get through your head is that just because a man SAYS
something to you, it doesn’t always mean what you THINK it means.

Catch my meaning?

THE BIG SECRET HE ISN’T TELLING YOU

There’s a secret that men never happen to mention about what they want with a woman, why they date, and what it means for them to have a relationship.

Unfortunately, for the good women who are trying to create a great relationship with a man… and hoping that if they try hard enough to make him happy with them so he’ll stay… this little secret is causing a LOT of pain and frustration.

The SECRET is that most men DO want a relationship with an amazing woman.

BUT… (and this is an important insight - it might take you a few hours, days, or even weeks to start to understand it for yourself)

Men only want a relationship with a woman who already has about 100 other qualities that they never mention and could probably never list or describe even if they were asked to.

And they’ll only end up emotionally involved and not RESISTING a long term relationship if they experience for themselves a woman who proves she has these qualities over time.

In other words, if a man says, “I need to be alone right now”, what he REALLY means is:

I want a woman who will make me FEEL better when I’m with her than I do in my everyday life as a single man.

The REALITY is that when a man says one of these “I want my freedom” statements, he actually has an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who he is and won’t make it feel like “work” when he’s with her.

A man wants a woman who knows how to have and enjoy a relationship… instead of one who spends her time and energy trying to analyze, worry, and “fix” things.

The reality of this situation is that what a man REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feel MORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I like to call ATTRACTION… and LESS of the worry and confusion that men don’t often like, or know how to deal with, what comes from “working” on a serious relationship.

For most men, feeling and sharing attraction on a physical and emotional level IS the defintion of a good relationship.

Of course, I’m not just talking about the common “short term” kind of attraction that’s mostly physical…

You already know that a relationship takes a whole lot more than just this kind of thing to really work and LAST.

I’m also talking about the more “long term” kind of attraction that comes from a deeper EMOTIONAL connection and understanding.

A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great, both when he’s with her… AND when he’s alone.

In other words, they want a woman who knows how to be loving and affectionate, but independent at the same time.

But most men either can’t describe the things that actually make them feel this kind of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or they don’t WANT to have to describe it to a woman, because they want a woman who already IS those things… without having to learn them.

Think about it.

If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you want one that said, “Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Just give me some time to learn…” or would you want one that already KNEW how to protect and defend at anytime, anywhere without having to “learn”?

Duh.

Well, the same goes with men.

They don’t WANT a woman they have to train.

The last thing a man wants to do, is to take a woman who DOESN’T “naturally” understand these things, and show her what they are and how they work.

If you don’t already know how to relate to a man in a way that appeals to him and shows him that you “get” all these things, then no amount of “talking things through” or trying to improve things together is going to help you or make him start seeing you as the woman he wants to stay with.

WHAT IS A “COOL GIRL”?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the idea of a “Cool Girl”.

You hear most men using the term, and some women.

Men everywhere, without ever having talked to each other, share a common idea about women and use the term “Cool Girl” universally.

In some places the actual words are different, but the idea is the same.

But what does it actually MEAN?

And is it important that men all have this common belief about women?

Well, after thinking about this particular topic for a long time, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is a VERY important topic.

At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL is this “ideal” that men imagine when they’re saying “I want my freedom”.

They’re thinking of the COOL GIRL, and then they’re imagining themselves with a woman who is this way.

There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.

Here are a few that are important:

- Lack of Insecurities

- Easygoing

- Humor

- Unpredictability

- Independent

- Emotionally “balanced”

…and the list goes on.

It’s actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRL in a few sentences… but the truth is that a man can recognize one INSTANTLY.

For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, how they naturally communicate with men in a way that makes men think, “This is the kind of woman that I can see myself committing and staying with”…

THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE

Now, there’s a common and often irreversible mistake that women make with men when they’re dating and in relationships.

Let me ask you…

If you wanted to get closer to a man, have him see you as a great person, develop a strong connection, and get him to “open up” with you, then it would makes sense to do and say the things that you know work to create more love and affection, right?

This is the first inclination most women have with men - to do the things that THEY think create love and connection.

What if a man did this with you?

What if he decided that you worked the way he did, and so he decided to come up to you and start talking about sex, sports, and quickly get close to you physically?

A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman who did these things (not for all the right reasons, of course), but that doesn’t mean he should be trying them with a woman if he wants any kind of success.

In other words, the things that work FOR YOU as a woman are NOT what work for a MAN.

Thinking this way couldn’t lead to worse results in dating situations and relationships.

But TONS of women use this tactic of what I call “Selfish Love”. They treat a man the way they would want to be treated if they were going to share love and connection with a man.

Another common mistake women make is taking something that a man SAYS he wants and doing it TOO MUCH, thinking that if “A little bit is good, then more must be better”.

For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likes women who are physical and affectionate”. So, you start touching him all the time, grab his hand and hold it everywhere you go, and always stay right next to him.

Then what happens?

He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend after telling you he feels like you’re too “needy”.

Huh? What’s going on here?

This would be kind of like a woman saying, “My favorite food is chocolate” and a man thinking it would be good to feed her chocolate for every meal just because it’s her favorite… or adding chocolate to every single dish he makes for her from now on… and forgetting that 97% of what she eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.

Let me land the plane for you.

Men don’t MEAN what you THINK they mean when they talk about what they want and don’t want.

And if you take the things men say too literally, you’re going to wind up shooting yourself in the foot.

WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN…

So, let me “decode” what men “really” mean when they say common things.

Consider this your own personal “male language translator”. Refer to it often.

WHEN A MAN SAYS…

“I don’t want a serious relationship right now.”

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman who already has her act together, is attractive, healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, and who is emotionally in control of herself and her own life. When we’re together I want her to share her feelings and challenge and inspire me to keep her love and interest, and to be a great man… but I also want her to know how to do this without trying to change me or turning our relationship into MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on my own.”

Does this make sense?

Again, he’s NOT imagining a picture of an overly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who is trying to get him to connect with her and sharing her feelings because she’s so worried about things “working out”.

Big difference.

WHEN A MAN SAYS…

“I want an indepedent woman.”

WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I want a woman who doesn’t get upset about petty things and who knows how to keep her head when things get tough or confusing. But, I also want her to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1. She doesn’t repress her emotions and end up more frustrated and resentful of me, and… 2. When she’s alone and intimate with me, she’s open and “present”… and she’ll share her love and affection freely.”

What a man is NOT doing is making a picture of a passive woman whose entire mood and state of mind is dependent on what she thinks is the state of her relationship and what it means that a man did or said something.

WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:

“I want a guy who’s a good communicator.”

WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS…

“I want a guy who doesn’t talk all the time, because he knows how to let me know what’s on his mind without using words. I want the kind of guy that can touch me in a certain way and I feel tingles all over my body. And I want the kind of guy that can say things in a way that I understand… not crudely and man-like.”

WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH A WOMAN

You might not see this right now, but for most men, there’s nothing more important than knowing that he makes a woman feel great when she’s with him.

Seriously.

Think “ego”.

If you think this truth about men through, you’ll start to have a shift in perspective and see something you’ve probably never seen before.

When a woman comes to a man and wants to talk about something she thinks is wrong in their relationship, often times a man gets upset not because he doesn’t want to listen to the woman or talk…

But because it’s difficult for him to come to terms with the idea that the woman could be unhappy with him.

A man thinks, “It makes me feel like less of a man since I don’t make her happy. If she’s unhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be good enough.”

Imagine if a man was constantly expressing his feelings about your relationship to you that seemed disappointed and frustrated.

How would it make you feel?

Sure, as a woman you might think to yourself that you’d talk to him about it and try and make things better…

But really you’d start to have one of 2 things come into your mind either consciously or subconsciously:

1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the way you are in the relationship, and he’s trying to tell you…

2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinks and feels that has nothing to do with you, and it’s his own “bad thinking” about HIMSELF that’s making him obsessively unhappy…

Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE is created between you two.

Now, lots of women draw the conclusion that this means you should try and pretend things are ok when they’re not.

That when you’re not having the physical and emotional connection with a man you know is possible, that you can’t communicate how you feel with a man.

WRONG.

My point: If you want to learn how to connect with a man on a deeper level, then what you say isn’t the most IMPORTANT thing.

It’s HOW and WHEN you say it.

I’ll tell you something -

Learning the secrets of communicating with a man and creating a deep level of Physical and “Emotional Attraction” can be very rewarding.

A lot of women know EXACTLY what it’s like to be in a relationship with a man who has NO INTENTION of committing to something more serious.

In other words, he’s not feeling that powerful gut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all the fear and excuses for NOT being with you and building a great life and partnership go away without RESISTANCE.

Do you know how to make a man FEEL this way when he’s with you.

Or are you still trying to “CONVINCE” him with words and your own knowledge and “logic” that a close, loving, lasting relationship with him will make him and you happy together?

Well, let me tell you…

Just like all the other things that a man “says” that he wants and doesn’t want with a woman… that most women don’t ever “get”, being the woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on a deep level is one of the BIG ONES.

This kind of attraction is THE thing that will make a man who “says” he doesn’t want a serious relationship beg a woman for a real commitment and a future together.

If you understand the secrets of how attraction works for a man, you will notice that men will start to behave VERY differently around you.

I’ll talk to you again soon and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Curious about what makes a man see a woman as “relationship material”… and why some women always seem to be the ones to have fun with, but never the one to end up with?

Keep reading and find out what seperates the two… and learn the strange truth behind why men can actually be LESS INTERESTED in a woman who is MORE AFFECTIONATE.

Here we go…

Hi Christian I think your book and emails are truly fantastic, so keep it coming Now that that’s out of the way, can you please tell me an idea for this: I am an affectionate person. I like holding hands in public, cuddling up in private, being playful, not withdrawn (the challenge) and restrained. I like to smile a lot, laugh more and have a lot of fun. I find it very hard to keep my hands to myself! I get the sense that your advice is to play it cool, calm and collected, and to keep my hands to myself as much as possible. For me that is like telling an Italian to sit on her hands and have a conversation - very difficult to do. How do you work an energetic, robust personality into your system? Kind regards.

S.G.

Good question. Let’s get straight to it…

You’re confusing one thing for another here.

Let me ask you something real quick -

Can you walk right up to a man, meet him for a brief second and exchange “niceties”, flirt, touch him a bit, start making out, and then give him your number and expect that you’ve set the best foundation for a great connection and a potential relationship in the future?

Obviously not.

This question is an extreme example meant to make a point.

The thing is… the question you’re asking let’s me see that you don’t understand WHY doing this with a man wouldn’t work, if you were interested in a real relationship.

Even though you KNOW it wouldn’t work in a logical sense.

Let’s try this…

I want you to stop thinking of flirting and creating ATTRACTION with a man like a physical or psychological “game”.

And I want you to start thinking of it more like cooking a great dish.

Most chefs, who know what they’re doing, use a few favorite ingredients and spices.

Let’s say a chef wants to prepare a great dish for a special guest.

To make the dish amazing, the chef isn’t going to just add a ton of their favorite thing.

Too much of even the best ingredient will drown out the other flavors and ruin the entire dish.

I want you to start thinking of flirting, physical contact and physical playfulness in the same way.

These things create “Physical Attraction” in a man.

Start thinking of Physical Attraction with a man as a SPICE you want to use… and not as the main ingredient.

So, let’s land the plane…

Obviously you have a fantastic, fun, natural style for playfulness, touch, and physical contact.

Being this way couldn’t be a bigger asset when it comes to ATTRACTING a man on a physical level and starting the connection.

It’s a great “spice” of yours.

If you’ve NEVER had a problem in your relationships with men, then I don’t think you need to worry about your physical and playful nature one bit.

Don’t worry. Have fun. Let loose.

But…

I take it you’re single right now.

What else are you looking for other than having a great time with a man PHYSICALLY?

Have you ever run up against RESISTANCE with a man where he WITHDREW from you after you were together physically?

You’ve probably been physical, connected, and close with a man before.

But, have you been this way with a man before and then things quickly started to change, just as you were about to get closer on an emotional level?

If so, it probably seemed like the guy got “scared off” all of a sudden.

And maybe it was then that he said something like, “It’s not that it’s you… you’re great. I’m just not looking for something so serious right now.”

And that was it… The End.

If this has happened to you, then it’s time you started becoming more CONSCIOUS of why just being physical and “free” with a man might not always lead to the relationship you want with a man.

Is it my advice to “keep your hands to yourself” and to “act withdrawn, like a challenge”?

NO.

It’s obvious being energetic and playful can work with a man… at least at first when things are all about having fun.

But maybe, just maybe, a man has a different experience when he starts becoming physically AND EMOTIONALLY “close” to a woman.

For some men, when they become close with a woman on a physical level, everything is PERFECT.

The connection he feels is great.

He’ll laugh with her, enjoy being playful, and share affection, even in public.

But then, as more emotions start to come into play, things subtly start to change.

And here’s where a few specific FEARS can start to show up that change a man’s entire perspective and the meaning he makes out of being with you and everything you say and do.

Do you think a man sees a woman’s affection and desire for intimacy in public and at home differently when he first meets her versus when he starts to think about what kind of partner he would want if he had a relationhip?

I’ll answer for you here.

Unless the guy is 100% CERTAIN that you’re “the one” and he wants a serious committed relationship from the moment he meets you… then the answer is that a man sees a woman’s affections differently at different times.

If a man is at all UNCERTAIN about whether or not he wants to be with a woman and she is very affectionate, touchy, and playful with him all the time, even in public… then her actions are going to seem “needy”, desperate to win him over, and create an awkward feeling inside him.

Of course, some less desirables are also known to “play along” with affectionate women for the purposes of… you guessed it - sex.

On the other hand, if a man has become CERTAIN that he wants to be with a woman and she is touchy, playful, and intimate with him, then she will seem all the more lovely and magical to be around.

In other words, one action can have many different meanings… all depending on the mental and emotional state of the observer.

And here’s something to think about…

Our minds and bodies have an amazing ability to adjust to our environment and the things around us and make even the most intense things become “everyday” things.

If you’ve ever had to spend time near a bad smell, or worked somewhere where there’s been loud noise, you know what I mean.

Pain often works the same way too. Eventually your mind and body will find a way to adjust and help you forget about it.

When you touch a man all the time, it can start to become a “regular” thing.

By definition, the things that we get a lot of or experience often become “normal”.

Touch and affection with a man can work in a similar way.

But, if you leave a man alone for even just a few minutes when you’re out somewhere and go do your own thing for a little while…

Maybe you go talk to a few other people… and then you come back around and share affection again… you’ll be amazed to see that the same affection can get a much different response from a man.

Ok, so you’re starting to become more aware of why being affectionate can have different meanings to a man at different times.

But, there’s a whole other “angle” here I want you to see as well…

For most men, in order to become “serious” about dating and getting to know a woman, they need to know that the woman they’re going to choose is worth their “effort”.

In the context of a serious, long term relationship, a man’s “effort” might mean spending the time, energy and taking the risk of approaching and courting a woman.

And there’s the social, emotional and financial cost of “courting” a woman.

In a man’s mind, even if he isn’t fully conscious of these things, or given the fact that men and women are more of equals on these levels than they have ever been… it’s part of a man’s “wiring” for all these things to affect his mind just at the thought of a serious relationship with a woman.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because one of the quickest ways that a man determines if a woman is worth his “effort” is by WHAT SHE TELLS HIM she’s worth.

Of course, a woman can’t just tell a man that she’s worth his “effort” by telling him in words.

Just like a man can’t walk up to you and say, “I’m great boyfriend material”.

So as with most other things in the “courtship process”… these things happen through indirect signals in a woman’s actions, body language, and of course… with her looks. (Looks happen to be an indicator of fertility to men on a deep subconscious level which lets them know that their “efforts” will be more easily rewarded with a healthy child.)

Don’t get freaked out just yet since we’re going into some of the “biology” here.

Stick with me.

So what’s one of the strongest indirect indicators of woman who is worth a man’s “effort”?

Well, think it through.

Men have come to recognize that women who are worth their effort are RARE.

And accordingly, men compete for these women.

All this gives these women a kind of high social status.

And it’s this high social status that allows a woman to be SELECTIVE about the men they choose to be with.

Follow me?

Good.

Then you recognize that SELECTIVITY is one of the strongest indicators to a man that a woman is worth his “effort” (the kind of woman that he wants to have a real relationship with).

So what does this have to do with being affectionate often with a man… and not being a “challenge” as you called it?

When a man is around a woman who seems to share her love and affection very easily, on a SUBCONSCIOUS level, a man doesn’t see this woman as very “special” or valuable.

You might be thinking right now, “I just want to be able to be playful and affectionate and not worry about all this other crap”.

Hey, I get it.

Truth be told… men feel the exact same way about meeting, approaching, dating and being in long term relationships with women.

So why is something that could be so simple like love, affection, and connection seem to always get so complex.

Well, a lot of what’s going on between men and women is “encoded” in a kind of unspoken language that isn’t visible to the naked eye.

If you don’t know what to look for, you’re likely to never knoq what’s really going on underneath the surface.

A lot of what I’ve shared here is what is happening on an SUBCONSCIOUS level in a man’s mind.

In other words, a man isn’t going to tell you all of these things if you ask him.

A man does not have these answers about himself for you… and he can’t help you.

A man is NOT going to say to you:

“I like to feel masculine and manly… and it feeds my self-esteem… so could you please let me court you and and resist a little bit and keep me guessing so I can feel like I “win” you…that way it will help me see that I’m special and lucky and significant as a man, and let me appreciate that I’m the one guy who gets to be with you.”

Of course, if you asked a man about this, he’d probably deny it and say that he likes a woman to be fun, easy, and laid back.

If you’re ready to take your AWARENESS and KNOWLEDGE to the next level when it comes to men, communication, and UNDERSTANDING the powerful SUBCONSCIOUS triggers and mechanisms at work in men while dating and in relationships, then I suggest you do yourself a favor.

Don’t wait for a man to come along who has enough of the answers figured out to make a relationship easy for you.

In fact, you might have already met the right guy, but you just didn’t know how to make it work between you.

What if it really didn’t work out because of bad timing?

What if there was something that you’re just not “getting” about men, dating, and relationships?

It’s time you took control of your life and gave yourself the CERTAINTY that comes from KNOWING what you need to create the kind of connection with a man that is going to keep you both happy and together.

In my program “Natural & Lasting Attraction” I talk about this exactly -

How to create the kind of deep, intense, lasting, emotional connection with a man that will carry you both into an amazing relationship and get you through all the challenges and RESISTANCE together.

I also list for you, in detail, the BELIEFS you MUST communicate directly and indirectly to a man if you want him to see you as the kind of woman he could be serious with over the long run (not just for a few months or so)… and I take you through exactly how to do this.

Then I show you how lots of women, even though they intuitively know what these BELIEFS are… end up using the negative and counterproductive common attraction “strategies” to do this that not only don’t work… but actually make a man less and less interested in being with you in the future.

You might already be using one of the 4 most common negative “strategies” to try and have a closer connection with a man.

Don’t let what you don’t yet know and could quickly learn keep you from having the amazing relationship that’s out there for you.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

If you read this email and answer just one simple question below, you will have the ability to improve your relationship with a man IMMEDIATELY.

Here goes…

Ever notice how a man will “court” you, pursue you, and do all kinds of amazing and romantic things to win your heart as you’re getting to know each other…

But, after a little while, the romance, passion, and intimacy that he used to be so excited about and create, starts to “fizzle out” once you’re into a committed relationship?

If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation with a man who you knew was a great guy but he started acting immature, depended on you for too many things (and didn’t appreciate you for them) and all the while you kept giving more and more to try and make things work better and keep you closer… then you don’t want to miss this email.

I’m about to let you know the real reasons why men in relationships so often act this way… and what to do about it.

I’m also about to explain why so many women end up in unfulfilling relationships with men who “TAKE TAKE TAKE”, and why these women so often end up getting little back for all their efforts.

First off, tell me if this sounds at all familiar…

You meet a great guy and you start dating.

The “chemistry” is simply AMAZING and you can’t believe how into connecting and sharing he is… even on that emotional level where other men often fall flat.

You spend time together and keep growing closer, and you start to believe that maybe you’ve finally found that amazing friend, companion and lover all in one.

He’s so open and caring… and listens and pays attention to you and what’s going with you in a way that few men you’ve met can.

Your connection is unbelievable.

You both know you can count on each other in ways that feel like you’re closer than you have been with a man in a long, long time.

Since you’re both so close, he starts to depend on you for a few things in his life… and you’re happy to help him since you really care about him and are a generous and loving person.

But, as time goes on, something starts to slowly “shift”.

It starts with small things…

He starts acting a little differently, and stops doing a lot of the things he used to do that made you admire and respect him.

Somehow, he seems less confident, present, and “connected” with you.

And then you notice…

There’s something different about how he depends on you, and it sets off your “radar”.

You start to wonder if how he is with you is entirely healthy.

You start to feel “drained” with him and with the relationship more and more… but you know that a relationship is about give and take, so you keep giving and have faith that things are going fine.

More time passes and you start to notice something else…

You see that he isn’t becoming more appreciative of all the things you’re doing for him and your relationship.

In fact, it feels like he’s starting to take more and more of it for granted.

Actually, he seems LESS APPRECIATIVE of you and your relationship in general.

He starts asking and depending on you even more, without any real thanks or reciprocation.

The more he does this, the more you sense that there’s a kind of needy “childishness” inside him that’s becoming clearer.

You want to be there for him and be a great partner… but you also want that fun, strong, playful, loving, confident man back who was there before things changed.

With all this going on, you’re not exactly sure of what to do about it or what’s going on for him that’s making him act this way.

He doesn’t seem to pay you the same attention, give the same affection and support that you give him, and it’s starting to feel unfair and bother you.

Your relationship is starting to feel like it’s all about making sure “he’s” happy.

Which of course doesn’t leave much room for what’s going on for YOU.

You know things can’t go on this way if your relationship is going to work and be something worthwhile and “real”.

He’s got to see what’s going on and stop being so self-involved.

You know that he’s had some challenges in his own life and maybe he just doesn’t see what’s going on. So, you decide to not make a big deal out of it. But, you know that something needs to change… soon.

So, you finally decide to talk to him about what’s going on.

You go over in your head again and again what you’re going to say to him and what’s been going on for the last several months.

You’re sure that he’ll see what’s been happening and all the things you’ve been doing for him and the relationship, and he’ll give you some understanding.

But when you talk to him, it doesn’t work out this way… AT ALL.

Instead of hearing you and your intentions to get things back to a better place between you two, he just becomes frustrated, irritated and DEFENSIVE with you.

Instead of hearing you, he makes you feel like you’re “nagging” him and creating “drama”.

He even acts like you’re the one being ridiculous and withdraws from you.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

This situation where you know you’re giving and getting less than nothing back SUCKS.

And unfortunately, it’s a common experience lots of women have in relationships with men.

Now, there are about 50 things I could tell you about how men are at fault and create these problems for themselves and for you in your relationship.

But the reality is that you’ve already spent hours thinking about this before and have a lot of your own ideas about this.

That is partially why I’m NOT going to talk about what’s going on with men here and what to do about it.

At least not yet.

Right now we’re going to talk about YOU.

Why?

Because thinking about YOURSELF is the first step towards real GROWTH and AWARENESS in EVERY RELATIONSHIP you have in your life.

You could spend days, weeks, months or years worrying about a man, what he thinks, and why he does the things he does.

But if you want to be smart…

And you want relationships to start “working” for you, instead of seeming like a neverending source of frustration and disappointment trying to get a man to make the relationship work…

Then you’ll make sure you have things handled for yourself first.

And that way you’ll have the CERTAINTY that only comes from understanding what’s happening in the relationship around you… and what YOU need to do in each situation that comes up with a man.

THE ONE QUESTION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN INSTANTLY

If you’re at the most basic levels of what I call “emotional maturity” in your life, then you’ve started to recognize something very important and significant about yourself…

You’ve recognized that you have a few PATTERNS coming up in your relationships.

Of course, some of these patterns are positive traits that bring benefits, center around your personal preferences, and involve things you bring into your life CONSCIOUSLY and for good reason.

But the reality is these aren’t the only kind of patterns you have in your life.

You also have a special group of “negative patterns”.

Patterns that you save just for MEN.

So, let me ask you a very simple question.

It’s a question that could very well change the course of your love life IMMEDIATELY once you answer it.

Here’s the question -

Do you know your “negative patterns” in relationships with men?

You might have a few of these that you already know about that you can rattle off in your head right now without really thinking about it.

THESE ARE NOT THE PATTERNS I’M LOOKING FOR TO IMPROVE YOUR LOVE LIFE.

You already know about these patterns and this knowledge still doesn’t seem to be helping you if you’re running into the same issues and situations again and again.

Which is why it’s obvious that “what” you already know isn’t going to help you learn and grow past these situations with men for good.

You need to expand your PERSPECTIVE.

That’s why I’m looking for the patterns that you DON’T see right now, and that you aren’t CONSCIOUS of.

Here’s where we’re going to take ACTION…

Right now, I want you to give yourself the time and space for the next 5 minutes to think about your own patterns in your past or present relationships with men.

And, I want you to put everything else aside just for a few short moments while you focus on YOURSELF.

By the way, if you don’t have time to do this now, then you probably never will.

And, I know it’s a simple question, but the AWARENESS and GROWTH that can come from your answer is what’s going to change your love life immediately.

So now that you’ve made the time, I want you to think about the following -

I want you to come up with at least TWO of your own negative relationship patterns with men.

And I don’t just mean patterns that are really about men… such as “I always pick men that are clueless about loving relationships.”

This is focusing on HIM, not YOU.

I mean something like “I meet men and quickly spend all my time with them. But soon I see that I’ve “lost myself” and I am not able to have a healthy balance. And inevitably, we end up breaking up and I resent all the time I spent on the relationship and him, instead of spending more time on myself.”

That’s one common example lots of women have experienced.

Now, it’s your turn.

I want you to come up with 2 other patterns that have to do with YOU and things that come from YOUR THINKING or BEHAVIOR.

I’m going to give you a few minutes to do it now.

…

…

…

I’m going to give you another minute to make sure you have your two patterns.

OK. So now you have two clear patterns of your own in your head.

Take out a pen and a piece of paper right now and write down the patterns you identified.

Do it now, I’ll wait.

…

…

Good.

I want you to keep this piece of paper somewhere you can look at it again in a few days or weeks.

It will be important to look at what you wrote down again at least once in the next few days.

DEVELOPING CONSCIOUSNESS TO MOVE PAST YOUR NEGATIVE AND SELF DEFEATING “PATTERNS” IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH MEN

Now that you’ve got your two negative patterns, here’s where things are going to start coming together for you…

First, I need you to get away from a dangerous kind of thinking that ALL WOMEN engage in when it comes to men, dating and relationships.

I call it “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Do you know any women who talk about how their relationship is hopeless and a complete failure…

And then a few hours or days later they have shifted 180 degrees to where EVERYTHING is great?

What does this say about the woman who thinks and feels this way?

What kind of relationship and communication “skills” does a woman like this have?

And how do you think a man experiences this kind of thinking and behavior… and what does it say to him about a woman?

Of course, this is an extreme example of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Unfortunately, the more common “All or Nothing Thinking” is subtle and difficult to recognize.

Especially when YOU are the one having the thoughts.

So, let me ask you…

When you look at your pattern, is there a negative trait or habit of yours that stands out as the one that gets you into trouble the most?

I’m certain there is.

I want you to identify at least one of your greatest WEAKNESSES that shows up in your life through your negative patterns.

I’ll give you a minute to write this down next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead.

…

…

OK. Now there’s something I want you to think about…

It makes sense to cut this negative trait or habit that’s associated with your pattern out of your relationship and behavior with a man… right?

It’s caused a lot of these problems… right?

If you cut these traits or qualities out of the way you are in a relationship with a man, then things will be better… right?

WRONG.

What if the problems that come up in your negative pattern are caused by these traits?

And what if the traits in your negative pattern didn’t represent just your personal WEAKNESSES?

What if they ALSO represented your personal STRENGTHS at the same time?

If you were thinking that you should get rid of the trait or quality entirely that’s involved in your negative pattern so that things will work better in the future… then you’re going to that place of “All or Nothing Thinking”.

Talk about throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Over the years I’ve recognized that there’s a fascinating mistake TONS of people make in relationships, in business, and in every aspect of life…

When something isn’t working and they want to fix a problem, they don’t look at the entire “system” around them.

Instead, they focus their attention on the “symptoms” they see, in isolation.

Some people complain about “Western Medicine” having the same shortcoming. That it only addresses symptoms, instead of taking a “holistic” approach to how everything works together.

Anyway… when a person is trying to fix a problem in a relationship, by not seeing the entire “system” going on around them, they can’t see how all the elements are inter-connected.

So, when they go to make a change, they think they can change what’s related to the symptoms and everything will work better.

This is like thinking blowing your nose will cure a cold.

What’s worse, often times the things that people change not only don’t work to fix the problem…

Often times the change they make ends up making things WORSE by affecting all the other related and inter-connected things that WERE WORKING.

Talk about COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

Don’t start solving problems and changing your relationship when you can only see the “symptoms”.

There’s a better way.

You need to start looking at the whole “system” of how you and a man connect and communicate in your relationship.

You need to develop your own “holistic” approach.

Then you’ll have the PERSPECTIVE to make choices and take action that will bring more connection and understanding into your life with a man.

So how can you start to see your own relationship with a man as the “system” that it is?

And how can you avoid the dead end strategy of trying to cover up the “symptoms”?

Here’s a step towards this that you can take RIGHT NOW…

I’m going to get you out of the habit of using your destructive “All or Nothing Thinking”.

I want you to look at your trait or traits again that were your own WEAKNESSES in your negative relationship pattern.

Now I want you to try something that might seem strange at first.

I want you to identify at least one way in which your trait or habit in your negative relationship pattern is also a STRENGTH.

I’ll give you a minute to see how the very trait that you just identified as a WEAKNESS is also a STRENGTH.

I want you to write the STRENGTH down right now next to the pattern it’s associated with.

Go ahead. I’ll give you a few minutes.

…

…

…

OK, good.

There’s a lot of power and AWARENESS created in what you just did when you think about it… IF you stay aware of this when you’re interacting with a man in your relationship.

When you see how your WEAKNESSES, that you’ve been giving yourself a hard time about and trying to figure out how to get rid of, are also part of your STRENGTHS… things you never could have understood will start to become clear to you.

Challenges, issues, attitudes and hurtful things that a man brings to you that relate to your patterns, and these traits will start to look differently to you…

And you’ll start to have an amazing sense of CLARITY about what’s the best thing to do for you, for him, and for your relationship.

A “STRANGE TRUTH” ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND RELATIONSHIPS YOU ATTRACT IN LIFE AND LOVE

You’ve got some basic tools to work with now to understand more about what’s going on with you and your relationship with a man.

But it really only starts here.

Are you CLEAR on how these 2 patterns come up in your life?

Do you know how to avoid “All or Nothing Thinking” the next time it comes up and tries to create DISTANCE between you and a man.

Do you know where these thoughts come from and what to do to stay conscious and overcome the negative aspects of your other destructive relationship patterns?

Do you know how to guide a man to start doing these same things to improve HIMSELF and the way he is in your relationship, so you don’t have to try and convince him of what’s going on that he can’t see or isn’t paying attention to?

Most women who aren’t in a happy, healthy, loving, lasting relationship don’t have this knowledge and the ability to stay connected with a man that comes along with it.

The strange truth is, patterns aren’t just coincidences in your life.

They keep repeating in your life for a reason.

What are the lessons that keep coming up for you in your love life that you can’t learn from where you are today, but keep coming at you?

The reality is that you have a choice…

You can keep repeating these patterns, and experiencing the pain and frustration that comes with them again and again…

This is the “easy” choice that doesn’t ask or require you to learn and grow at all.

OR…

You can create a “shift” in your life.

You can choose to have more AWARENESS and more GROWTH… which will of course bring new ways of seeing things, and best of all, NEW RESULTS in your relationship.

The choice is yours right now.

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian C.