Entries Tagged 'Understanding Men' ↓

I’d like to tell you a story…

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man, he had the Adonis Effect.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END….

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know… I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels….

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs as a result of the powerful negative experiences it brings back.

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND the puzzles about men, women and how we behave with each other.

In this particular situation, I think there is something important for a woman to know…

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share love, will BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK- they can actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

But it’s a strangely common dynamic that most men and women really aren’t aware of and don’t understand, even though they’re playing it out.

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

You know, when a guy asks for your number and maybe you feel awkward turning him down, so you relent.

And then he calls…

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and efforts just seem to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you.

He just wants a deeper connection too.

But does it make you feel the same way that he does, just because he feels it and knows it’s so “real?”

Strange and interesting….

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over- the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he’s not in the right place/right time to hear it, or most importantly - he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

Yep… It’s actually going to trigger a feeling of discomfort and disinterest in the man.

And this is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off, withdraw, or even disappear.

So what causes this?

And why would a man react this way towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him her time, compliments, attention, or telling him how she feels affection for him?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman and can sense it.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve passively posed
several questions that can create NEGATIVE
TENSION:

“How do you feel about me?”

And…

“Do you want to be with me?”

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or change how he feels about you by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the feeling that you’re trying to bribe him because you don’t think he would just like you for you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

If you have any guy friends, brothers, etc. in your life who are clueless when it comes to women, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

When they’re really “into” a woman and they want things to go somewhere or progress, and maybe the woman’s not feeling it for him so much, what does he do?

Usually a lot of things that communicate, “Hey, I think you’re way more valuable, important and higher status than I am… Maybe one day if I give you enough compliments and gifts you’ll start to like me.”

But let me clarify here so you really get it…

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them, they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then it’s probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him, or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my program, I talk about the very best ways to learn EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Notice that I said FEEL attraction for, not talk about attraction with you.

There’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

But there’s more to men and dating than just attraction and chemistry, right?

Well, above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, in my ebook I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” to create a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew exactly how to attract a man for a REAL and LASTING connection and relationship from the start?

Then you could save yourself from those wasted months and years that you might have already spent with guys who don’t really get emotionally involved, invested and connected with you.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of men to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about how to create lasting attraction and have him LEADING YOU into a committed relationship.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him“.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term, aren’t “obvious” at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, IF you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/main/eBook

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Want to know a secret about men?

Later in this email I share a “secret” formula for communicating with a man in a way that will draw him out of that defensive and disconnected shell, and instead create a deeply connected long-term attraction between you both.

Learning about it could mean the difference between a guy withdrawing from you and never getting close, or creating that lasting and fulfilling attraction and love that

Here’s the thing…

I realized something this week that gave me goosebumps - in that wierd kind of good and bad way.

It’s that men who pay attention and think about the FEELINGS and EMOTIONS they have, why they have them, what they mean and how to share them are RARE.

And it’s even more unique and special for a man to pay attention to his feelings and emotions inside a relationship with women AND to talk openly about them.

I know this might sound simple and obvious to you as a woman since you’ve probably been around the block with men like this before, but it’s still unfortunately very true.

Here’s why this is important and what I really want to talk to you about-

Let me ask you a simple question…

Why can’t men talk about their feelings?

It’s like they’re helpless morons when it comes to knowing and sharing how they feel.

But mix in a woman and her more natural awareness and ability/desire to communicate about these things and it’s the perfect storm that can make a man withdraw, close off or worse.

So why do men react so weird when you want to talk about things like feelings, emotions, meanings, relationships, commitment, etc?

Why is it that an “emotional connection” for a man can be like kryptonite to Superman?

The answer is pretty fascinating.

Here’s how I see it.

Have you ever asked a man how he feels about you or your situation.

What happens next?

Exactly - he starts acting all freaked out and turns into a deer in headlights.

Or even worse, he starts getting angry and frustrated and turns the conversation back on you with unrelated problems or issues.

Ahhh… spitefulness and contempt.

What’s going on here?

Well, you’ve run into the BRICK WALL guys have with relationships and communication.

And guess what?

It’s YOUR fault.

Yep. It’s all you.

I’m not letting you shift the blame to someone else for what matters most to you in your life.

Why?

Because it’s in your best interest.

As one of my more psychologically enlightened friends like to say:

“Don’t go to victim.”

Here’s the deal-

If you repeatedly discover that someone you’re close to in your life can’t communicate the way you’d like them to, you’ve got 2 choices:

Stop communicating with that person, because you don’t want to try and take on the “project” of getting them to change. I think of this way as working towards ISOLATION in your life.

Provide a solution or alternative. Here you modify the way YOU communicate to start to lead and guide them towards communicating with you the way you want them to. I think of this second way as working towards INTIMACY in your life.

So what’s your choice?

Remember, you have the power to CHOOSE.

So are you one of those women that doesn’t make a conscious choice to do something about how she’s wants to effect change in her love life and her communication/sharing with a man.

And you continue to bang your head against the man’s “emotional brick wall”?

Then shame on you, because it’s your choice.

You’ve probably heard it before, and I don’t like using tired old sayings, but this one is worth repeating:

Wrong me once, shame on you.

Wrong me twice, shame on me.

But lots of women are wronged over and over in relationships until they’ve become convinced that men are idiots and that things can’t ever be different or better.

Quit it for cryin out loud!

Yes, men are often idiots with feelings, emotions and communication “stuff”.

But you know that.

Deal with it and recognize that now it’s your choice and up to you.

You can try the same things that haven’t been working…

Or you can start learning and eventually provide your own “bridges” and solutions for yourself to a more intimate connection with a man.

Trust me, there’s a better way.

But you’ll never figure things out by trying to do things that simply “make sense”.

Planning and approaching complex situations in your life just by what “makes sense” is not only naive, it’s honestly pretty stupid.

Even the smartest people around who run schools, businesses, foundations, etc. have a team of smart advisors they listen to.

They rely on these advisors for outside perspectives - all so that they don’t just act on their own quick instincts, but take a more “integrated” approach.

And it makes their decisions MUCH more likely to work and be successful.

That’s why these people go to school, college, and training.

They study and read, and THEN they go out and make a go of it with everything they’ve learned.

So how much thinking, planning, reading and learning have you done around your communication with others (and more specifically, with men)?

Maybe you picked up the latest best-seller by some publishers daughter on something like how swans mate and are monogamous and you and your guy can be beautiful and happy like swans in love too….

Hey, not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll write a book about that.

Not!

Seriously though….

Are you going to keep banging your head against the emotional brick wall?

Or are you looking to learn?

Good, then let’s get started.

THE “SECRET COMMUNICATION BUTTON” IN A MAN THAT WILL INSTANTLY GET HIM TO OPEN UP… AND HOW TO PUSH IT

Here something fascinating…

Did you know that men have a kind of “SECRET BUTTON” you can push that will make communicating with them almost effortless.

And if you learn what it is and how to use it you’ll be able to get to what he really thinks and feels.

So let me take you through a situation I guarantee you’ve either been in before or you’ll be in with a man….

HELLO!

That means pay attention because this is one of those “universal situations” that can mean priceless knowledge for you.

Let’s say your talking with a man you’re interested in and you want to take things to “the next level” but you don’t know how.

And you’ve been waiting on him to talk to you or express his interest or love for a while.

But he hasn’t done that, and you get a little disappointed and frustrated with things.

You’ve tried being patient and talking with your friends but you’ve got to know how he feels and you need things to move forward.

So what do you do?

Well, most women build up everything they’re thinking inside until they have to let it out in one big emotional release.

And guess what men see when this happens?

No, they don’t see how much you care or love them and how amazing it is that you want to be with them.

Somehow instead of seeing the good and the positive intentions you have, they see intense negative emotions that they can’t understand.

And men get scared of emotions that are really intense or that they don’t understand.

Most of all, they just aren’t used to them.

So when you share your feelings and want to know his feelings for you, he freaks out.

He either becomes the “deer-in-headlights” guy or the “angry-frustrated-scared” guy.

Most women do what makes sense in this situation - they push and encourage the man to talk, to get in touch with his feelings and to share HER feelings.

But men don’t see it as positive encouragement.

They see it as you being “over-emotional” and pushy about the issue.

(Yeah, I know… Men are freakish emotional creatures!)

When you resist or react negatively in any conversation, everything becomes more difficult.

And the WORST mistakes you can make here with a man I call the 4 Deadly Sins:

-Assuming - that he knows what you want or expect
-Begging - for him to “give you” what you want
-Convincing - trying to make him feel the way you do
-Bullying - bullying him into your way of thinking or feeling.

You will never have any long term success with a man if you keep doing these.

You’ll be beating yourself against the “BRICK WALL”.

So what’s the “SECRET BUTTON”?

Well, remember that there’s a catch to all improvements in your life, right?

So the same goes for this button thing.

You’ve got to make it happen by changing YOUR communication first in order to push his communication button.

It’s up to you to get a man’s fears and defenses out of the way so you can get to the bottom of things.

And getting past the masks men can wear with women out of fear is the essence of “pushing the button”.

Here’s the 5 basic steps I’ve recognized that you can use to push his “secret button”.

I’ve given some brief explanations and examples or specifics along with to give you a general idea of what these are.

But I can’t into all the details here in a short newsletter. Like anything that can have a lasting positive effect on a person, it’s a process, not a short trick.

So Here’s His “Secret Communication Button”:

Step 1) The Primer

This is the “starter” for the conversation that will build an entirely positive context - and it might seem like something you could skip, but it’s actually the most important step. To do this, you might do something like starting off talking with positive comments about the time you’ve been spending together and some of the great times you’ve had. The idea is ALL about setting the right context so a guy becomes positive, comfortable and opens up.

And I’m sure you know how guys get when you start talking about issues, problems, intense emotions, etc…Men become babies and shut down. Don’t make that happen here, it’s too important. Even if you’re having a tough time because he’s done something to hurt you lately, you’re interested in him for a reason, so try to remember those things.

You can’t drive this conversation with all the “negative” things - it will never work that way.

Not with men, not with anybody.

Step 2) Casual Introduction

This is the first step into “where things are going”. But instead of springing “the talk” on him like most women can’t help but do, keep talking about positives, the good things, the things you want to continue that are WORKING. If you don’t have too many of these things, think harder. You’re interested in a future with this guy for some reason, right? But don’t just compliment him. Make sure it’s about BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just about him.

You’re goal here in this step is to get HIM to think and start communicating about the relationship and the good things ahead in the future.

You’re helping him build the bridge.

*Important Word of Caution Here….

If you can’t come up with too much positive stuff that you’ve done recently or that you’ve both enjoyed, you might want to think about that and the timing of your “talk”.

Is this the right time and the right place?

Maybe you already know something about the guy and “where things are at”, but you aren’t acknowledging it to yourself. Remember that you’re not here to try and “convince” a man to want of feel something. That’s a losing battle with almost certain failure and heartbreak ahead for you. Make sure you’ve thought things all the way through about what YOU want and if he’ll really make you happy, or if you’re wanting to change him somehow with this talk.

Trying to change or convince in ANY form is NOT a part of this conversation.

If you find yourself doing either, step back, relax and think smart and positive. Stay focused on the REALITY of the situation, not what you want it to be. Think about the positive nature of the ideal relationship you’re looking for and speak from that place and feeling.

Step 3) Applying With Positive Strokes

So now you’re tuning into each other a bit in the conversation and sharing thoughts about the good things you have together.

Then tell him, “Hey, you know what’s great? I bet you and I see things differently, which is OK, but I love spending time with you and we have such a great time together”.

Again, you’re getting into a conversation about relationships that will eventually turn to your situation, but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger any resistance or fear from the man and this is what you’re aiming for.

Step 4) Non-situational Honesty

Tell him, “You know, I’ve known for a long time that I want a relationship that [explain your ideals about what would make a great relationship for you here]”

Of course it’s up to you to talk about the ideal relationship you want. But there’s a HUGE mistake you need to avoid in this step. Do NOT start talking about how what you have now isn’t what you want or that you NEED to have this ideal relationship with him right now. And doing this might seem like just another thing not to do, but if you make this mistake it will change the ENTIRE nature and context of the conversation - and odds are the guy will change his mood and how open he is to share and listen in half a second flat.

Step 5) Active Listening

Active listening isn’t an idea I came up with. There’s all kinds of great ideas and books on it out there. But what’s it’s really about is tuning into the OTHER PERSON you’re talking to, making them feel heard, and actually LISTENING to the things they’re saying and reading what THEIR emotions and feelings are.

Luckily, I don’t have to teach you much about this since you’re a woman.

It’s the guys we have to worry about here.

But the reality is that the more you listen, the more you’ll be heard. And if you don’t believe me, start trying it with your friends and family.

Once someone gets things off their chest, they’re 50 times more open and available to listen and care about what’s going on with you.

But sometimes it’s tough - you have to be the bigger person and listen first, not be heard first.

If you follow these steps, it will blow a man away.

AND even better….

it will create massive ATTRACTION!

Yeah, imagine that.

By talking about serious relationship “stuff” you won’t scare a guy off.

No, you’ll actually make his attraction for you STRONGER.

How?

Well, men secretly wish that they had women that they felt completely open and comfortable with.

As hard as it might be to believe, they actually like sharing their feelings, thoughts and desires on subjects they usually have a hard time with.

It feels REALLY good to talk about things, especially if they’ve been bottled up!

I bet you’ve felt that too.

When you push the button for a man, he experiences a kind of open and honest communication “release”.

And the more intense the topic or issue is, the more amazing and “freeing” the experience is.

For men, there’s nothing tougher and more foreign than getting really in touch with their emotions and sharing them with someone.

When you’re then one to do this, men almost can’t believe it…

They instantly see you as someone unique, rare and “cool”.

When you can talk about tough issues in a way that makes them easy and fun AND you have the right amount of positivity and “detachment” from the outcome, it makes men EXTREMELY attracted to you.

AND it has the even more elusive and magical benefit of making a man more interested in the future with you.

I call this more “long term” kind of attraction that’s created when you do these things with a man “Intellectual Attraction”.

Do you want to create unforgettable connections with quality men? Check out Christian Carter’s new program “Natural and Lasting Attraction” click here to learn more.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I recently got a few questions in an email from a reader, and I wanted to share the email and my response.

I know you’ll want to hear about this one…

Especially if you’ve ever been in that “uncertain” place with a man in your relationship.

Just bought your e-book and am finding it quite useful…. My fiance proposed to me last Feb, and I was so ecstatic, I moved towns to live with him and changed jobs and left most of my friends behind. (still visit the friends regularly though). After four months of living together, the intimacy and newness has died down (with a few arguments along the way). We are both trying to adjust to living together, and some hurtful things have been said and happened, namely my fiance has insisted we postpone the wedding (after many arrangements have been made), and has mentioned more than once that he’s not sure if he’s up for all the committment that goes with being married, and having a family (acutally has said he is now unsure if he wants all that…) I’m trying to deal with the hurt (actually devistated) feelings of the things I thought we both wanted not happening, and also the fact that what we once had has changed and I now feel like I’m in limbo. I know I have made some mistakes with this situation, but am trying to see if we can turn it around, or if I should just move on. He says he still loves me very much, he’s just not sure if he is up for it all now. He is also a workaholic and is extremely busy with his business (he owns a business)…and I must say has a lot of self-centered tendencies. Anyway… If you have any suggestions regarding which particular sections I should focus on more, it would be appreciated, or if you have heard a similar situation and have any suggestions…

V.

Wow… thanks for sharing.

Sorry to hear about the painful things you’re going through, but as hard as it might be to believe, there’s good news here…

You’re not alone.

In fact, what you’re going though is so unbelievably common (unfortunately) that I want you to make sure you don’t go into “panic mode”.

Or the other COUNTERPRODUCTIVE mode women in your situation commonly go into:

“Fix-it” mode - where you start to try and change anything and everything, making it impossible to keep the things that are still working going.

This only makes things worse for you AND makes a man feel less confident and comfortable in the relationship with you.

But there are several specific things that can quickly take your situation from frustrating and disconnected to CLOSE and INTIMATE again… and I’ll share these in just a minute.

But first thing’s first…

Let me be VERY DIRECT and HONEST with you -

My ebook isn’t going to help you.

That’s right, I said it.

It’s a waste of your time right now.

Seriously.

Here’s why…

I can hear that you’re looking for direction with what exactly it is you need to focus on among all the ideas, concepts and “strategies” in the book.

But I’ve got to be real with you here…

Just buying my eBook and browsing through it once or twice ISN’T going to help you create a real and lasting change in your relationship.

I wish I could tell you it was that simple.

But you know, it isn’t that simple right now when it comes to your relationship.

And if I did tell you it was that easy, I’d be lying.

But the truth is that NOT FINDING THE RIGHT ANSWERS right now, even if they take a little time for you to recognize and more importantly APPLY in your love life, represents a much, much more difficult potential situation in the future…

Having your relationship continue to get worse and worse, more and more distant, and less committed and loving, until the special connection you used to have seems to have completely disappeared.

But the upside is that once you do start to “get” more of the concepts and strategies in my ebook, and how they apply to your situation specifically, something MAGICAL will happen…

Great things will start to happen for you in your relationship, and with the way you act and communicate with him (and him with you), out of nowhere.

Actually, there will be several magic moments where you see things “shift” from difficult and resistant to open and understanding…

And very quickly you will start connecting and feeling close to each other again.

But right now the challenge is to help you get into LEARNING so that these magic moments start to come into your life sooner rather than later.

So let me tell you a few simple but profound TRUTHS about learning and life I’ve come across as I’ve helped and worked with literally thousands of women.

And stick with me here… I know these will help you with where you’re at right now and quickly redirect you and your relationship towards POSITIVE GROWTH.

Truth #1. MORE Information Isn’t Always BETTER

I don’t know if you recognize it right now, but you’ve got most of the answers you’re seeking in front of you right now… inside my eBook.

But like a lot of us do, you’ve most likely looked at the ideas and information, passed it through your usual “filters” in your busy mind, and you’ve kept right on doing what it is that you’ve been doing for what I bet is quite some time in your relationship now…

Looking for “that thing” that will jump into your life and magically change EVERYTHING for you right away.

All the while, YOU are still thinking the same1 way and you’re still caught up in the same emotional and behavioral “patterns” within yourself and with your fiancé.

In other words, here’s what I’m trying to let you in on…

More information on what to specifically do in your situation isn’t what you need right now at all.

You need to first get a hold of your own experience and your own head and have a shift in PERSPECTIVE.

Let me explain it to you this way…

Have you ever seen how some men think that they need to learn great “pick-up lines” in order to meet and attract women?

Ridiculous right?

But TONS of men think this way.

In fact, men seek out other men to watch and learn from, some read pick-up “manuals”, and others ask their friends what it is that they should SAY in order to make women interested in them.

I’m talking about men looking for the exact set of words and phrases that they think they can use to attract, interest or “seduce” a woman.

And then going out there trying these “lines” with women in the hopes that the women will respond by being physically attracted to them.

You can guess how it goes for these guys most of the time.

But what’s fascinating is how the men respond and interpret the “failures” they have, using the lines they’ve learned.

When the “lines” don’t work for them, lots of men immediately think to themselves…

“Oh, I must not have found the right pick-up line yet. I better keep searching until I find the right one that makes the woman I say it to feel an instant surge of attraction for me.”

I’m serious here by the way… Lots of men really do think this way about what it takes to meet a woman and get her interest.

And I think you know, as a woman, that finding better pick-up lines is NOT the answer for a man who hasn’t had success with the first few “lines” he has tried.

In fact, it’s PAINFULLY OBVIOUS to you that these men are looking in all the wrong places for answers.

But I can’t tell you how many rational and intelligent men make this stupid mistake.

So what’s going on here?

How can intelligent people draw such dumb conclusions about people and life?

Well, men who want to learn “pick-up lines” all have something in common (besides not intuitively or “naturally” understanding what can make a woman feel interested and attracted).

These men are all looking for answers in a place where they’ll never be able to find “the answer”.

You, being a woman, know that it really doesn’t matter WHAT a man says (unless it’s vulgar or ridiculous, in which case a woman will actually feel repelled by a man).

Instead, it’s WHO he is and HOW he says things that makes all the difference.

And you know this because you have the PERSPECTIVE to see how things actually work personally and emotionally for you and for other women.

But the men who are looking for the “perfect pick-up line” don’t have the benefit or value of seeing things from your perspective.

These guys are COMPLETELY CONVINCED that if they just found the right thing to say to a woman, she would see him in a different way.

And they have what they think is “proof” of this because they’ve seen men TALK to women and get the outcome they’re looking for.

But what they can’t see from their perspective is that it isn’t THE WORDS being exchanged that create interest and attraction.

A man who still thinks pick-up lines are the solution is blind to the truth that most of the significant communication and decision making between a man and a woman is happening on deeper and less direct, emotional, social and psychological level.

So even if you tried to tell one of these guys what was REALLY going on when men and women interact, and that it wasn’t pick-up lines which can make a woman interested in them, they wouldn’t be able to believe you.

The human mind is a fascinating and strange thing.

Anyway, here’s the FASCINATING thing I recognized a few years back about women…

Lots of women do the SAME THING.

They have their own version of the “perfect pick-up line”.

Seriously.

Except a woman’s “perfect line” is about creating the instant relationship “breakthrough”, instead of the quick sexual experience men are often seeking.

Let me explain…

Lots of women tirelessly analyze their relationship over and over - often times creating more negative emotional distance through the fear and anxiety they experience.

I mean, how many times have you asked yourself in your mind…

“What does it mean since he did [enter whatever behavior he did here]?”

And how many times have you spent hours or days thinking about talking about exactly what it is you need to say or do with a man to fix or change things?

The truth is, the answer often isn’t in YOUR HEAD, and isn’t available from the level of AWARENESS and CONSCIOUSNESS you have at the time.

In other words, the answer for you right now is NOT to find more answers for your specific situation that you haven’t found yet.

You already have a solid system to start with laid out in front of you inside my ebook.

But instead, the answer right now is YOU.

YOU need to take what you’ve got in front of you and DO THE WORK to change your awareness and perspective.

There are no “magic pick-up lines” to instantly transform a man, or deepen the level of depth and understanding in a relationship just by saying them, or having read them in a book IF you don’t understand the HOW and WHY of it all.

But there are things in my book that bring consistent POSITIVE RESULTS if you work to develop your skills and AWARENESS.

Stop looking for more “relationship pick-up lines”.

Truth #2: Change, Awareness, Consciousness and Growth Are All PROCESSES.

Here’s something I see happen all the time with women who read a bit of my stuff…

They take an idea, a concept, or a “technique” that I’ve shown or explained and then say to themselves…

“Hey, that’s cool… I think I’ll try this once or twice to see if it works.”

And then, when things don’t go their way at first, they get frustrated and give up… BEFORE they’ve even had the time to become AWARE of what it is that they’re actually doing.

Sorry, I wish I could bring you instant gratification into your life and relationships, but it just doesn’t work that way.

And deep inside your mind, you know it.

A relationship is a PROCESS, not a thing you can buy, have and hold.

That’s why the ball is in YOUR court right now.

I’ve done my part here, and now it’s your turn.

It’s time to make the COMMITMENT to learn and try NEW WAYS of thinking in your life.

THE TRUTH ABOUT INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS

What if I told you that the fact that your fiancé was experiencing doubts and fears could be HEALTHY and exactly what you need to experience and deal with BEFORE you spend the rest of your lives together?

Would you be willing to accept that and find a way to understand how you BOTH can learn and grow as REAL PEOPLE from that?

Or would you RESIST it?

Hint: I’m working on your PERSPECTIVE right now.

As much as it FEELS awful, I know from experience that ALL men and women HAVE to deal with their own fears, discomforts and challenges when they begin to weave their lives closer together.

Especially when they make huge changes in their lives together like engagement and living together.

Here’s the thing…

Most men and women like to think that in a relationship, it SHOULD feel comfortable and safe and “easy” most of the time.

And most men and women have the strong SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that the people who have good long-term committed relationships were just lucky enough to find that magic person who eliminates all the resistance, obstacles and challenges other couples experience.

But the OPPOSITE is true.

Open, honest, “real” relationships still have LOTS of challenges, doubts, “phases” and fears in them.

In fact, in a way, they have MORE CHALLENGES because both people are truly open and honest about who they are and what they’re feeling. The difference is how both people in the relationship accept, understand, and deal with these “realities”.

Do you panic, creating more emotional uncertainty, and negative disconnected feelings?

Or are you calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a man know things aren’t going to be difficult and tiresome with you in the future?

Here’s something I want you to do right now…

I want you to start thinking of all the things that are coming up right now that you see as new problems in the relationship as “road signs” guiding your future relationship.

You’re engaged and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. And whether you see it right now or not, that’s a REALLY BIG thing for our subconscious minds, let alone our conscious minds, to grasp.

You owe it to yourself and your fiancé to get things handled and understood between you two, on a deep, real, lasting level, BEFORE you jump into “FOREVER”.

The marriage or engagement doesn’t make the relationship.

The relationship makes the marriage.

And here’s something that’s COUNTERINTUITIVE about the common problems men bring into relationships with women…

These things coming up actually give YOU the opportunity to become more AWARE and help create a better level of communication and understanding in the future.

But here’s what is more important for you in the short term -

What you’re going through can be EASILY OVERCOME with what really are small changes in how you think and communicate.

But ONLY IF you can keep from playing “connect- the-dots” game with each thing that has happened, turning it all into one big negative nightmare scenario in your mind.

AND…

Only if you KNOW what to do in each one of these critical things going on, and you can address them in a way that brings a man closer, and lets him know that dealing with these things that come up in the future, will be simple and easy for you both to deal with together, and stay connected.

Remember, the way you’ve responded and reacted in the past, and the way you are now, tells a man everything about how he thinks you’ll be in the future together.

So what are your emotions, reactions, and words telling him?

If he’s scared, non-committal and uncertain, and he has the courage to share that with you while still letting you know that he loves you and not just leaving, but then you freak out and don’t know what to do or say - what kind of story does that create about you in his mind?

A man’s emotions, fears, behaviors, etc. are all part of the road signs in your relationship… like them or not.

They SUCK, but they are REAL EXPERIENCES a man is having.

The good news is that these experiences and thoughts are driven largely by FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

And, as you probably already know, feelings and emotions can change almost instantly.

My favorite example of this is when a child is tired or unhappy and something happens to them physically, like being lightly bumped, etc.

The child will fall down, pretending to be terribly hurt and start crying.

But if you put a new toy or a piece of candy in front of them EVERYTHING changes in an instant.

What if there was a way to KNOW what to do in each situation with a man that would change his feelings and emotions?

And therefore affect how he sees EVERYTHING about you and your relationship?

What if there was a way to keep him from worrying about these things and feeling this way in the first place?

And instead of trying to convince him or argue with him about how he should think and act in your relationship…

Make him FEEL physically and EMOTIONALLY drawn to you as a woman and as a partner.

To where his experience would tell him that you were the only woman who could makes him feel so amazing and that he has to be around you.

That’s where I come in.

The reality is that ALL men have their own set of fears about being truly close to a woman - as much as they ALSO want to love and be loved…

Even AFTER they make a commitment and start to feel and share true love with a woman.

Best of luck in life and love and I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Hey there,

I recently got a few questions in an email from a reader, and I wanted to share the email and my response.

I know you’ll want to hear about this one…

Especially if you’ve ever been in that “uncertain” place with a man in your relationship.

>>>Question From A Reader

Hi Christian,

Just bought your e-book and am finding it quite useful…. My fiance proposed to me last Feb, and I was so ecstatic, I moved towns to live with him and changed jobs and left most of my friends behind. (still visit the friends regularly though). After four months of living together, the intimacy and newness has died down (with a few arguments along the way). We are both trying to adjust to living together, and some hurtful things have been said and happened, namely my fiance has insisted we postpone the wedding (after many arrangements have been made), and has mentioned more than once that he’s not sure if he’s up for all the committment that goes with being married, and having a family (acutally has said he is now unsure if he wants all that…) I’m trying to deal with the hurt (actually devistated) feelings of the things I thought we both wanted not happening, and also the fact that what we once had has changed and I now feel like I’m in limbo. I know I have made some mistakes with this situation, but am trying to see if we can turn it around, or if I should just move on. He says he still loves me very much, he’s just not sure if he is up for it all now. He is also a workaholic and is extremely busy with his business (he owns a business)…and I must say has a lot of self-centered tendencies. Anyway… If you have any suggestions regarding which particular sections I should focus on more, it would be appreciated, or if you have heard a similar situation and have any suggestions…

Regards,

V.

>>>> My Comments

Wow… thanks for sharing.

Sorry to hear about the painful things you’re going through, but as hard as it might be to believe, there’s good news here…

You’re not alone.

In fact, what you’re going though is so unbelievably common (unfortunately) that I want you to make sure you don’t go into “panic mode”.

Or the other COUNTERPRODUCTIVE mode women in your situation commonly go into:

“Fix-it” mode - where you start to try and change anything and everything, making it impossible to keep the things that are still working going.

This only makes things worse for you AND makes a man feel less confident and comfortable in the relationship with you.

But there are several specific things that can quickly take your situation from frustrating and disconnected to CLOSE and INTIMATE again… and I’ll share these in just a minute.

But first thing’s first…

Let me be VERY DIRECT and HONEST with you -

My ebook isn’t going to help you.

That’s right, I said it.

It’s a waste of your time right now.

Seriously.

Here’s why…

I can hear that you’re looking for direction with what exactly it is you need to focus on among all the ideas, concepts and “strategies” in the book.

But I’ve got to be real with you here…

Just buying my eBook and browsing through it once or twice ISN’T going to help you create a real and lasting change in your relationship.

I wish I could tell you it was that simple.

But you know, it isn’t that simple right now when it comes to your relationship.

And if I did tell you it was that easy, I’d be lying.

But the truth is that NOT FINDING THE RIGHT ANSWERS right now, even if they take a little time for you to recognize and more importantly APPLY in your love life, represents a much, much more difficult potential situation in the future…

Having your relationship continue to get worse and worse, more and more distant, and less committed and loving, until the special connection you used to have seems to have completely disappeared.

But the upside is that once you do start to “get” more of the concepts and strategies in my ebook, and how they apply to your situation specifically, something MAGICAL will happen…

Great things will start to happen for you in your relationship, and with the way you act and communicate with him (and him with you), out of nowhere.

Actually, there will be several magic moments where you see things “shift” from difficult and resistant to open and understanding…

And very quickly you will start connecting and feeling close to each other again.

But right now the challenge is to help you get into LEARNING so that these magic moments start to come into your life sooner rather than later.

So let me tell you a few simple but profound TRUTHS about learning and life I’ve come across as I’ve helped and worked with literally thousands of women.

And stick with me here… I know these will help you with where you’re at right now and quickly redirect you and your relationship towards POSITIVE GROWTH.

Truth #1. MORE Information Isn’t Always BETTER

I don’t know if you recognize it right now, but you’ve got most of the answers you’re seeking in front of you right now… inside my eBook.

But like a lot of us do, you’ve most likely looked at the ideas and information, passed it through your usual “filters” in your busy mind, and you’ve kept right on doing what it is that you’ve been doing for what I bet is quite some time in your relationship now…

Looking for “that thing” that will jump into your life and magically change EVERYTHING for you right away.

All the while, YOU are still thinking the same1 way and you’re still caught up in the same emotional and behavioral “patterns” within yourself and with your fiancé.

In other words, here’s what I’m trying to let you in on…

More information on what to specifically do in your situation isn’t what you need right now at all.

You need to first get a hold of your own experience and your own head and have a shift in PERSPECTIVE.

Let me explain it to you this way…

Have you ever seen how some men think that they need to learn great “pick-up lines” in order to meet and attract women?

Ridiculous right?

But TONS of men think this way.

In fact, men seek out other men to watch and learn from, some read pick-up “manuals”, and others ask their friends what it is that they should SAY in order to make women interested in them.

I’m talking about men looking for the exact set of words and phrases that they think they can use to attract, interest or “seduce” a woman.

And then going out there trying these “lines” with women in the hopes that the women will respond by being physically attracted to them.

You can guess how it goes for these guys most of the time.

But what’s fascinating is how the men respond and interpret the “failures” they have, using the lines they’ve learned.

When the “lines” don’t work for them, lots of men immediately think to themselves…

“Oh, I must not have found the right pick-up line yet. I better keep searching until I find the right one that makes the woman I say it to feel an instant surge of attraction for me.”

I’m serious here by the way… Lots of men really do think this way about what it takes to meet a woman and get her interest.

And I think you know, as a woman, that finding better pick-up lines is NOT the answer for a man who hasn’t had success with the first few “lines” he has tried.

In fact, it’s PAINFULLY OBVIOUS to you that these men are looking in all the wrong places for answers.

But I can’t tell you how many rational and intelligent men make this stupid mistake.

So what’s going on here?

How can intelligent people draw such dumb conclusions about people and life?

Well, men who want to learn “pick-up lines” all have something in common (besides not intuitively or “naturally” understanding what can make a woman feel interested and attracted).

These men are all looking for answers in a place where they’ll never be able to find “the answer”.

You, being a woman, know that it really doesn’t matter WHAT a man says (unless it’s vulgar or ridiculous, in which case a woman will actually feel repelled by a man).

Instead, it’s WHO he is and HOW he says things that makes all the difference.

And you know this because you have the PERSPECTIVE to see how things actually work personally and emotionally for you and for other women.

But the men who are looking for the “perfect pick-up line” don’t have the benefit or value of seeing things from your perspective.

These guys are COMPLETELY CONVINCED that if they just found the right thing to say to a woman, she would see him in a different way.

And they have what they think is “proof” of this because they’ve seen men TALK to women and get the outcome they’re looking for.

But what they can’t see from their perspective is that it isn’t THE WORDS being exchanged that create interest and attraction.

A man who still thinks pick-up lines are the solution is blind to the truth that most of the significant communication and decision making between a man and a woman is happening on deeper and less direct, emotional, social and psychological level.

So even if you tried to tell one of these guys what was REALLY going on when men and women interact, and that it wasn’t pick-up lines which can make a woman interested in them, they wouldn’t be able to believe you.

The human mind is a fascinating and strange thing.

Anyway, here’s the FASCINATING thing I recognized a few years back about women…

Lots of women do the SAME THING.

They have their own version of the “perfect pick-up line”.

Seriously.

Except a woman’s “perfect line” is about creating the instant relationship “breakthrough”, instead of the quick sexual experience men are often seeking.

Let me explain…

Lots of women tirelessly analyze their relationship over and over - often times creating more negative emotional distance through the fear and anxiety they experience.

I mean, how many times have you asked yourself in your mind…

“What does it mean since he did [enter whatever behavior he did here]?”

And how many times have you spent hours or days thinking about talking about exactly what it is you need to say or do with a man to fix or change things?

The truth is, the answer often isn’t in YOUR HEAD, and isn’t available from the level of AWARENESS and CONSCIOUSNESS you have at the time.

In other words, the answer for you right now is NOT to find more answers for your specific situation that you haven’t found yet.

You already have a solid system to start with laid out in front of you inside my ebook.

But instead, the answer right now is YOU.

YOU need to take what you’ve got in front of you and DO THE WORK to change your awareness and perspective.

There are no “magic pick-up lines” to instantly transform a man, or deepen the level of depth and understanding in a relationship just by saying them, or having read them in a book IF you don’t understand the HOW and WHY of it all.

But there are things in my book that bring consistent POSITIVE RESULTS if you work to develop your skills and AWARENESS.

Stop looking for more “relationship pick-up lines”.

Truth #2: Change, Awareness, Consciousness and Growth Are All PROCESSES.

Here’s something I see happen all the time with women who read a bit of my stuff…

They take an idea, a concept, or a “technique” that I’ve shown or explained and then say to themselves…

“Hey, that’s cool… I think I’ll try this once or twice to see if it works.”

And then, when things don’t go their way at first, they get frustrated and give up… BEFORE they’ve even had the time to become AWARE of what it is that they’re actually doing.

Sorry, I wish I could bring you instant gratification into your life and relationships, but it just doesn’t work that way.

And deep inside your mind, you know it.

A relationship is a PROCESS, not a thing you can buy, have and hold.

That’s why the ball is in YOUR court right now.

I’ve done my part here, and now it’s your turn.

It’s time to make the COMMITMENT to learn and try NEW WAYS of thinking in your life.

Stop RIGHT NOW, open your ebook, go to the section in Chapter 3 called “How To Think About A Relationship With A Man” and read that again.

And then read it one more time.

You’re missing what’s there for you.

Then pay special attention to the 2 sections that come after that.

“The Convincer” and “The Relationship Balance”.

These sections explain, in psychological and behavioral details, some of the most common challenges that come up for women in long term relationships when men start to “doubt” or withdraw.

Don’t make the common mistake of trying to logically CONVINCE him through your words that he should think or FEEL differently.

That’s not how men or women work emotionally.

See more on this topic in Chapter 5 about “Emotional Display Rules” and also the section on what to do instead of “forcing your feelings and desires on a man”.

If you want to get him experiencing the level of CONNECTION with you that you know is possible, then you need to plug into what will trigger his desire for this EMOTIONALLY.

And the best way to do that is to do more of the things that CREATE ATTRACTION.

And I’m not just talking about Physical Attraction here, I’m talking about a deeper kind of attraction - Intellectual Attraction.

The kind of attraction that engages a man’s EMOTIONS and reminds him why it is he wants to be with you and only you.

So go to Chapter 7, page 105 and start reading some more and start to become AWARE of the things that can get you back to that close connected place.

And stop doing all the things that get in the way of the connection and attraction that is there for you but you’ve gotten away from.

A great place to read more about this and to help you start to shift your perspective is in Chapter 6, on page 94, about “Taking Emotional Ownership”.

If you read this section and work the ideas, you can quickly start to recapture and create new things that have been missing from your relationship.

And the best part is, he’ll sense the positive change and new sense of effortless connection, and then he’ll naturally start doing his part to create these things with you too.

THE TRUTH ABOUT INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS

What if I told you that the fact that your fiancé was experiencing doubts and fears could be HEALTHY and exactly what you need to experience and deal with BEFORE you spend the rest of your lives together?

Would you be willing to accept that and find a way to understand how you BOTH can learn and grow as REAL PEOPLE from that?

Or would you RESIST it?

Hint: I’m working on your PERSPECTIVE right now.

As much as it FEELS awful, I know from experience that ALL men and women HAVE to deal with their own fears, discomforts and challenges when they begin to weave their lives closer together.

Especially when they make huge changes in their lives together like engagement and living together.

Here’s the thing…

Most men and women like to think that in a relationship, it SHOULD feel comfortable and safe and “easy” most of the time.

And most men and women have the strong SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that the people who have good long-term committed relationships were just lucky enough to find that magic person who eliminates all the resistance, obstacles and challenges other couples experience.

But the OPPOSITE is true.

Open, honest, “real” relationships still have LOTS of challenges, doubts, “phases” and fears in them.

In fact, in a way, they have MORE CHALLENGES because both people are truly open and honest about who they are and what they’re feeling. The difference is how both people in the relationship accept, understand, and deal with these “realities”.

Do you panic, creating more emotional uncertainty, and negative disconnected feelings?

Or are you calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a man know things aren’t going to be difficult and tiresome with you in the future?

Here’s something I want you to do right now…

I want you to start thinking of all the things that are coming up right now that you see as new problems in the relationship as “road signs” guiding your future relationship.

You’re engaged and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. And whether you see it right now or not, that’s a REALLY BIG thing for our subconscious minds, let alone our conscious minds, to grasp.

You owe it to yourself and your fiancé to get things handled and understood between you two, on a deep, real, lasting level, BEFORE you jump into “FOREVER”.

The marriage or engagement doesn’t make the relationship.

The relationship makes the marriage.

And here’s something that’s COUNTERINTUITIVE about the common problems men bring into relationships with women…

These things coming up actually give YOU the opportunity to become more AWARE and help create a better level of communication and understanding in the future.

But here’s what is more important for you in the short term -

What you’re going through can be EASILY OVERCOME with what really are small changes in how you think and communicate.

But ONLY IF you can keep from playing “connect- the-dots” game with each thing that has happened, turning it all into one big negative nightmare scenario in your mind.

AND…

Only if you KNOW what to do in each one of these critical things going on, and you can address them in a way that brings a man closer, and lets him know that dealing with these things that come up in the future, will be simple and easy for you both to deal with together, and stay connected.

Remember, the way you’ve responded and reacted in the past, and the way you are now, tells a man everything about how he thinks you’ll be in the future together.

So what are your emotions, reactions, and words telling him?

If he’s scared, non-committal and uncertain, and he has the courage to share that with you while still letting you know that he loves you and not just leaving, but then you freak out and don’t know what to do or say - what kind of story does that create about you in his mind?

A man’s emotions, fears, behaviors, etc. are all part of the road signs in your relationship… like them or not.

They SUCK, but they are REAL EXPERIENCES a man is having.

The good news is that these experiences and thoughts are driven largely by FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

And, as you probably already know, feelings and emotions can change almost instantly.

My favorite example of this is when a child is tired or unhappy and something happens to them physically, like being lightly bumped, etc.

The child will fall down, pretending to be terribly hurt and start crying.

But if you put a new toy or a piece of candy in front of them EVERYTHING changes in an instant.

What if there was a way to KNOW what to do in each situation with a man that would change his feelings and emotions?

And therefore affect how he sees EVERYTHING about you and your relationship?

What if there was a way to keep him from worrying about these things and feeling this way in the first place?

And instead of trying to convince him or argue with him about how he should think and act in your relationship…

Make him FEEL physically and EMOTIONALLY drawn to you as a woman and as a partner.

To where his experience would tell him that you were the only woman who could makes him feel so amazing and that he has to be around you.

That’s where I come in.

The reality is that ALL men have their own set of fears about being truly close to a woman - as much as they ALSO want to love and be loved…

Even AFTER they make a commitment and start to feel and share true love with a woman.

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Best of luck in life and love and I’ll talk to you again soon.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Here’s a crazy but fascinating idea I want to share with you…

Why are some women naturally attractive to men and make the guy want to stay around them no matter what they do. Even when they act bitchy, hard to deal with, etc…

While other women, no matter how great of a person they are, just can’t seem to attract good men and find great relationships?

No matter how hard they try.

Why is this?

No… It’s NOT that the naturally attractive ones have all the good looks and it gives them an advantage over other women.

There are great looking women who fall into both categories - women who are naturally attractive and interest men long term, and those who just can’t seem to keep a good thing going with a man no matter how hard they try.

Sure, it doesn’t hurt to look good. But the reality is that looks are just one way to attract a man… not the best.

If you think that the attraction a man feels for a woman is all about her looks, think again.

You’re mistaking one thing for another.

Sure, it happens all the time that men see women who are very attractive and become interested.

But looks are NOT what drives things any farther than the “caveman response” for men.

I call it the “caveman response” where a guy sees a woman he finds physically appealing and wants to be with her JUST for that reason.

Then he acts on those feelings and gets involved with the woman without really thinking any farther ahead than his desire to be with her physically.

Men are idiots sometimes. And sometimes we just don’t think about what we’re doing.

So I’ll go out on a limb here and guess that this isn’t what you’re looking for, right?

You don’t want to date a caveman.

Good. So let’s put the idea that looks are really important out of your mind.

Looks really only work to get a man physically interested or entice him to approach you, but they have little to do with WHY a man ends up with a women in a loving and committed relationship.

You might think I’m crazy after everything you’ve seen and done in your love life, but it’s true.

THE SELF-DEFEATING BEHAVIOR OF LIMITING YOUR SUCCESS WITH MEN TO ONLY PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

I’ve noticed something common going on with lots of women who are physically attractive.

Things often come easy to them, especially when it comes to meeting men.

No big discovery there.

But here’s the thing I find fascinating…

The women I know who are physically attractive usually have a HARDER time finding a good guy to settle down with than women I know who don’t have men oogling over them all the time.

In other words, the women I know who aren’t approached by men as often are usually better at identifying good men from bad men.

And they’re better at creating the right environment and situation for a future relationship.

What’s going on here?

It seems kind of backwards.

I’ve been thinking more about this lately and I’ve started to recognize a pattern.

For women who are physically attractive, in a strange way, being attractive becomes the very thing that holds them back from learning how to create the kind of attraction that goes beyond just how good they look to a man.

Let me explain…

Some women are used to getting a man initially interested by triggering what I call his “caveman response”, so they think that this is what works.

Short term, yes, this does work.

If you’re just interested in a one-night stand, then feel free to use your looks, sexuality, etc. to attract a man.

Sure, if you pique a man’s physical interest, it’s a relatively easy way to go about it.

Men, as the predictable animals they often are, usually respond to this on some level.

But here’s the tricky part about lots of men… the kind you’d actually want as a boyfriend or something.

When a man responds to physical attraction, it can lead women into thinking that they’re going about getting close to him in a way that means that there’s a future in it with him.

But then it happens…

The guy ends up saying something like, “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” or “things are getting too serious.”

And instead of falling in love, the guy doesn’t develop any real or deep connection with the woman and doesn’t have a growing desire to be with her in the future.

And here’s what usually happens next-

Tension and trouble starts to build as the it becomes more painful for the woman that she’s shared herself with the man and feels emotionally open to him, but he’s not reciprocating.

And in the woman’s mind, this can be painful and frustrating.

Instead of recognizing that a strong dynamic was set in motion by attracting a man with the “caveman stuff”, the woman thinks that there’s something wrong with the man.

So she goes about trying to fix him or convince him that he should feel or act differently with her.

And here’s where women get a dangerous false belief…

That the connection with the man that was created from the physical attraction meant something else more serious for the man.

Physical attraction alone will NOT make lots of men interested in something more serious, loving or long-term.

But lots of women think that the physical attraction will magically turn the caveman to thoughts of love, nurturing and the future. The thing is… attraction, feelings, and emotions don’t make logical sense, and most men just don’t work this way when it comes to ATTRACTION and LOVE.

So you can’t talk “sense” into a man and expect him to be connected and emotionally engaged the way you as a woman might be from the start, just because there’s a lot of physical attraction and chemistry there.

It’s a losing battle.

But lots of women still try and fight this losing battle by arguing and telling the man that he’s wrong to feel how he feels.

Unfortunately, going about it this way only makes things worse.

Telling a man how he should feel doesn’t work.

Actually, it 1,000 times more likely to push him away or make him withdraw the way men often do.

“INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION” AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD…

Physical attraction will only get you so far with a man - like just getting physical with him.

For lots of women, this is the easy part.

But what about everything else beyond the physical?

What about the emotional connection, the commitment and the longer term bonding?

What about LOVE?

What can a woman do with a man to take things beyond the more basic physical attraction and start to create situation with more of these long term things?

There is a way to actually have HIM thinking about how to have a more closely connected future with you… and even talking to you about COMMITMENT.

Imagine that.

Well, action speaks louder than words with men when it comes to these things.

First off, all men have a bit of caveman in them. Some more than others.

With men, there’s another area that some women know how to naturally attract and connect to.

And it’s not the “inner cave-dude”.

The women who are naturally attractive, who men seem to just fall for, know exactly how to tap into this other area of a man’s mind that makes him instantly more “available” and interested in something more serious.

I call connecting to this other area of a man “Intellectual Attraction”.

And if from the beginning, a woman triggers both physical and “Intellectual” attraction in a man, then going from “Hello” to “I do” can be 100 times simpler and relatively stress free.

But if you’re one of those women who likes to use your good looks or sexuality to get involved with men, or to get quick and easy attention because it feels good to you, then I’ve got some bad news for you…

Just being good looking or seducing men with sexuality isn’t going to cut it long term with any guy who has his act together.

Unless you’re the luckiest of lucky people on earth and you find the rarest of all rare animals - a man who knows what he wants, knows that he wants it with YOU, and is READY for it now.

In that case, you can let him do most of the work and enjoy every minute knowing that everything will work out.

But this isn’t how it is for 99% of women.

There’s got to be “intellectual attraction” along with physical attraction if you want to catch a man, keep him, and avoid all the painful and dangerous trouble spots along the way.

If you don’t know how to attract a man, other than using your sexuality or your looks, then two BAD things are likely to happen:

1. You’ll attract men who are just looking for another pretty face to be with. A “player”.

2. The player will move on to the next pretty face once the novelty of the physical attraction starts to wear off.

I know it SUCKS!

Men can be shallow and heartless.

How does it make sense that a man could be with a woman but not involve much of his heart or feelings?

But this is the frustrating and unfortunate truth LOTS of women out there experience.

And it’s obvious that these kinds of situations don’t happen because women don’t have more to offer.

But men aren’t as emotionally connected with their hearts, minds and bodies like most women.

Physical attraction is the thing that they end up paying the most attention to.

Some men just don’t know much about how to experience love with a woman and open up.

So they get themselves into situations where they hurt women because their heart and mind just weren’t as involved in connecting with a woman as their bodies were.

LEARNING ABOUT INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION… AND AVOIDING THE “DOING WHAT MAKES SENSE” COURTSHIP BEHAVIOR

Here’s good news and a fascinating idea to think about…

For the rest of us in the world who aren’t supermodels, what you know about good looks represents something amazing that some women just don’t get.

You DON’T have to be rich, famous or on the cover of Vogue to attract a man.

But….

You DO have to learn about ATTRACTION and how it works.

And that’s where most women fall painfully short.

Learning what naturally attracts a man could mean the difference between easily connecting with the guy you’re into and taking things to the “next level” quickly and smoothly…

Or getting stuck in that frustrating and lonely love “slump” where you just can’t find any guy you connect with and all the guys you seem to find end up to be nightmares.

Don’t you hate that slump? It can be pretty lonely.

I’ve seen lots of women in this stage of their love life. And inevitably at some point when the frustration of not having the joy and fulfillment of a great partner in their life starts hits the hardest, they go to a pretty negative and pessimistic place.

They say things like, “What’s wrong with men?”

Or they start to believe deep down that there’s something wrong with every man in the world and that they’ll never find the guy for them.

Tough place to be, huh?

Know any women in that place?

Ever been there yourself?

I’m asking because it has a huge affect on everything a woman does around men.

This attitude is like attraction repellent to a man.

And even if you don’t say much, a man can sense this attitude in the way you hold yourself, your tone of voice, how you interact with other men, what you do in your social life, etc.

So then what is naturally attractive to men if it’s not about looks and just being nice and sweet?

Well, I’m glad you asked.

Let me tell you some FASCINATING things about men…

Just like women do, men need to find a way to identify a good potential partner from all the other women out there and all the women he already knows.

So when he a man sees a woman do something that he recognizes as predictable or boring that most women do, it’s like she instantly becomes every other woman he knows that he’s not interested in.

It’s an almost instant and unconscious thing that happens in the man’s mind, and she becomes “just another woman”.

And there’s neither physical or intellectual attraction going on here.

These kinds of attraction come from less predictable behaviors, especially if they’re done or communicated in a way that says that you see yourself as equal or higher STATUS as a man.

You might be asking, “Why does it have to be so complicated with men?”

Well, if it’s any consolation, it’s NO DIFFERENT for men with women.

In fact, that’s where I first started seeing this fascinating process of people using what I call the “doing what makes sense” courtship behavior.

I kept seeing men trying to convince women to like them and having terrible outcomes, even though what they were doing made total sense to them.

Ever had a guy you didn’t really like buy you gifts and flowers and call you all the time?

These are nice predictable things to do, but they sure didn’t change how you FELT, right?

I’ve watched some men shower women with gifts and attention from the start, call them every day and share all of their deepest feelings of love.

And even though the guy was being generous, loving, caring, etc. instead of making the woman attracted and interested in him, it actually worked like “woman-repellent”.

The predictable and boring things the guys did, even though they were being generous and loving, just didn’t work.

It’s kind of a freak show really.

But doing these things makes “sense”, right?

I mean, it makes sense that we should tell someone when we’re interested in them if that’s how we feel, right?

And if we like them, then we should be generous and do nice things for them, right?

Well - yes and no.

Yes, do these things that make “sense” if you want to stifle the attraction that a man could be feeling for you and break that magic “tension” going on between you two at the start.

And no, don’t do what makes sense if you want to find a better way and use the opportunity of the physical attraction that’s going on to actually AMPLIFY the level of attraction the man feels for you.

I know, I know. It doesn’t make sense to us and we’re taught that communicating our feelings is always the healthiest and best thing to do.

I get it. And to do anything else would be “playing games”, right?

But if you’re like lots of women I know, then for one reason or another, when you’ve shared those deep feelings for a man early on, and you’ve asked him to reciprocate your feelings, it seems to have had the exact OPPOSITE effect.

The guy seemed to withdraw, he isn’t as affectionate, he avoids seeing you as much, etc.

In my eBook, I talk in detail about how to trigger more physical AND intellectual attraction in a man - without being one of those manipulative game-players and without feeling like you’re the one doing all “the work”.

I mean, who wants to feel like they’re doing all kinds of things just to get a man’s attention!?

And why should a woman do all the worrying and the work?

Well, you don’t have to try so hard… IF you learn the simple and “natural” ways to attract a man and get close to him.

Then you’ll be triggering the attraction responses in a man that will have him more involved, available, and he’ll start pursuing YOU.

And you’ll get to avoid the difficult place of feeling stuck with an unavailable or non-committal guy.

He’ll be the one chasing you - which I know is a better place to be… and lot more fun too.

Inside my eBook I talk about how men view women and relationships, and how you can learn to use more of the “Intellectual Attraction” to get a man wanting to get closer to you… instead of YOU trying to do all the “heavy-lifting”.

I describe in detail how to build an irresistible level of attraction using your communication, your body language and your “non-verbal” communication.

All these together will send strong but subtle psychological “cues” to a man, and it will consciously and subconsciously work to peak a man’s interest in being with you now and well into the future.

Go here to check out the details:

http://www.dating-advice-for-women.net/catchhimandkeephim

Thanks for reading, and I’ll talk to you next time.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter