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Have these discussions or arguments gotten so “out of control” that it’s caused you to break-up?

If so, then there’s something you need to do right away-

STOP!

In this article I’m going to explain how the way so many women deal with their EMOTIONS causes serious problems in their relationships… and how you can AVOID this kind of thing altogether while making sure to honor and respect your feelings. No, I’m not going to tell you to STOP FEELING or let the man walk all over you. But I will give you 2 great INSIGHTS and TOOLS you can use today to not only bring a man closer to you… but make yourself feel better about your situation right away.

So let’s get started.

THE MISTAKE OF BEING EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL

Why do men freak out when a woman is angry with him, or tells him how much she cares or needs him, or worries about the relationship taking a “wrong” turn?

Are men just unable to “cope” with any kind of REAL FEELINGS?

It may seem that way, but here’s the reality…

By letting yourself get overly emotional and negative early on in the relationship (when you’re dating)… you’re showing the man you’re with that you’re EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

And nothing says RUN! to a guy quicker than a woman who is already having intense negative emotional episodes before things have even gotten close or “serious.”

I know this might sound frustrating, or like men will find any excuse to get out of having a real relationship or dealing with the feelings and situations in front of them, but you’ve got to know this about men-

There’s one quick and easy way to make sure that a man will NEVER consider getting closer to you and committed to a deeper relationship.

And that’s to do any of the following things that men think of as “drama” -

1) Having frequent intense emotional outpourings he considers “negative” or “scary”- the likes of which he regularly AVOIDS in his own life

2) Letting your feelings or emotions TAKE OVER to the point that you lose your composure and cry, scream, yell, etc.

3) Have these emotional meltdowns suddenly, without warning, and with no cause HE CAN UNDERSTAND

4) Accidentally communicating to a man that HE is to BLAME for the intense negative emotions you’re feeling. Or blaming or accusing him deliberately.

5) Giving him the idea that the closer he gets to you, the worse your emotional episodes will be, and the harder it will be on HIM

6) Constantly thinking about and analyzing what’s going on with him and asking him what’s wrong- which only makes you lose your cool more, instead of taking care of and emotionally “balancing” yourself first and coming to him with a cool head

7) Quickly turning on a dime from being a sweet and loving woman who only talks about and wants love… to acting the part of a “wounded” woman who says mean, hurtful, spiteful and negative things about a man and the deepest parts of his character because of your own pain in the moment

Is it possible that you’ve had any of these things going on for you?

And is it possible that the man you’re with has been seeing and experiencing these kinds of things with you?

If so, let me share a couple of insights with you about WHAT DOES WORK with men, and what they’re attracted to in a woman.

Here’s the thing…

Men are attracted to women who “own” their emotions… and who aren’t so PREDICTABLE in a negative way.

If you suddenly erupt in a negative way about how a man is acting, or about how your relationship is going… this is the classic and PREDICTABLE behavior of the kind of woman a man DOES NOT want to be in a relationship with.

You know the kind of woman I’m talking about.

The kind of woman every man has at least met and spent time around.

The kind of woman that gives other real women a bad name.

The kind of woman who really does create “drama” for “drama’s” sake.

Don’t make it easy for a man to confuse you with this kind of woman. Because trust me when I tell you that men meets LOTS of women this way and are CONSTANTLY watching out for the slightest hint of this in any woman they’re dating.

And if they catch a hint or a glimpse, there’s no talking about it, there’s no discussion, and there’s no explanation-

It’s GOODBYE.

Or worse…

He’ll STAY with you, but completely shut out the idea of ever having a truly committed relationship with you and just string you along with no intention of ever having more. But he’ll keep on seeing you because it’s “convenient” for HIM, and he likes the attention and the SEX.

Ouch.

Of course, when men start thinking and acting this way with a woman after they’ve shut the possibility of a real relationship from forming out of their mind… they NEVER come out and say it. It just happens, and it’s never spoken of. Which means… the only way to deal with this kind of thing is to AVOID becoming the kind of woman who will never be “relationship material” for a man in the first place.

THE REASON YOUR FEELINGS AREN’T BEING HEARD, AND KEEP PUSHING HIM AWAY

I’m going to say something here that you might not like hearing, but it’s for your own good. It’s about what’s REALLY behind these emotional “meltdowns” and how they can screw up a potentially great relationship and push the right man away. When most women start dating a great guy, they have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and BELIEFS about where things are going and how they might work out.

Thoughts like:

-”Wow! This guy is so much nicer and more fun than anyone I’ve dated in a long time. This guy is not like the rest”

-”This time it’s different. I’m smarter now.”

-”I won’t let myself be fooled by a jerk or a player like before.”

And often, it’s the power of these positive feelings that are the catalyst in helping you look past the fears and negative beliefs that linger from PAST bad experiences and give you the courage to start fresh and open back up again. You TELL yourself it’s different now, and you’ve learned to not make the same mistakes. But the reality is that even when you tell yourself you’re “smarter” – you aren’t. It’s not because you haven’t seen and learned something new. You have. But that has nothing to do why things won’t change for you in your love life. It’s that you’re still ATTRACTING and CREATING the same wrong situations and patterns because of what’s INSIDE YOU.

In other words, it’s the very things you’re NOT CONSCIOUS OF that are bringing these same hurtful situations into your life again and again. It’s just the scenery that’s changed.

The reality is… when you still carry the same FEARS and NEGATIVE BELIEFS that helped create the patterns and relationships of the PAST… Then you can bet that until you can move past these fears and beliefs that aren’t serving you, you’ll experience more of the same IN THE FUTURE.

So here’s what happens for too many smart women…

They’re “smart”, but dumb when it comes to men and relationships. When they get into a new situation with the new guy, things are always full of hope and fun at first. But somewhere, things suddenly stop being so easy and “perfect”.

Something seems “off” or goes wrong with the new guy too, even if it’s something small. Like he doesn’t call when he says he will, or he does something that reminds you of your ex.

And WHAM!!

All the old fears and negative beliefs come rushing back. You get that familiar sick feeling in your stomach, and you feel obsessive worry or anxiety about what’s going on. You begin running the tape of negative voices in your head:

“There’s must be something wrong with me.”

“There are no good men… they’re all selfish, cheating jerks and I’ll never find one who gets me and can really love me for who I am.”

“I’ll never find true love, so I should just give up and stop putting myself through so much pain.”

You might have a few negative beliefs about men and relationships of your own here to add to the list.

Here’s one of the most important and fascinating things I’ve learned about these voices…

Pay attention here-

When these negative voices start to set in, this is when most women STOP being the confident, positive and playful woman that attracted a great guy in the first place. They stop radiating love, beauty, and the joy of life that makes a woman so IRRESISTIBLE.

All the positive emotions and feelings and the love and goodwill disappears… and it’s suddenly and abruptly replaced by DEFENSIVENESS and negative SENSITIVITY. This is what it’s like having ZERO control of yourself and how you let your emotions speak to the people around you. You can “change faces” in the spur of the moment, without being fully CONSCIOUS or AWARE.

And guess what?

This is 100% GRADE A MAN REPELLENT.

Men do not want to get involved or committed to women who act emotionally dependent from the start and “lose it” at the first sign of difficulty. Some women see the first signs of trouble or that a man is acting “non-committal” after they’ve become invested in the situation, and they FREAK OUT inside. When a man doesn’t share the same feelings at the same time in the same way, they become nervous and unsure in everything they do and say. The point I’m making here is that if you allow yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in situations with men, and dependent on their behavior for your happiness and well being, it will SCREW YOU UP… and send even the right man packing.

And you’ll make things even worse when you try to TALK to your man in order to work out those negative feelings with him. Like when you want him to tell you something that will make you feel better. That’s a nail in the coffin.

Guaranteed.

But hold on a second… Emotions are GOOD, right?

Shouldn’t we listen to them and respect what they’re telling us?

Doesn’t a man need to be there for his woman if she’s going through something?

Aren’t emotions the thing that allow us to really EXPERIENCE life in a deep, rich and meaningful way?

And isn’t it wrong and harmful to try and “control how you feel?”

Isn’t it better to just “be who you are” and not beat yourself up because you feel or think about things in a certain way?

Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say “I can’t help the way I feel”…?

We all have.

We even have TERMS that we use to describe when we’re overly upset and just need to “get it out”.

We call it “venting” or “dumping”.

Here’s the question I’m getting at…

Is it “OK” it to be upset, to get emotional, and to show EXACTLY how you feel inside with men?

The answer: Only if you’re aware of the consequences and what they mean to your relationship.

Here’s where a couple insights come in handy.

INSIGHT #1: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS

Isn’t it frustrating when you feel angry or down and you just want a man to hear you and listen to you – but then he gets all bent out of shape just because you wanted to share? Well, if you’ve ever had this happen to you, you’ve got something important to learn.

Emotions are CONTAGIOUS.

In other words, when you feel an emotion, you can very easily pass what you’re feeling on to the person you’re sharing it with. And the stronger you feel the emotion, the more it will override the other person’s emotional state. If you’re feeling down and your man comes to you excited and happy with big news, you won’t be able to help but feel a shift in YOUR mood and body language too. Or how about when a man surprises you with a romantic night with candle-light and he’s open, connected and sharing himself with you. It literally takes over your mind and body. But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE thing as well. When an emotion becomes so strong that it actually “becomes” you, your behavior and your sole motivation… then you’re out of control.

Emotions can actually trick you into trying to CONTROL others. So instead of simply communicating what it is that you’re going through and what you want, you actually try and make the other person FEEL the bad things that YOU FEEL.

Bad situation.

And sure, you get your feelings off your chest, which can feel great and validating in a way. But the long-term effects aren’t so sunny.

So let me ask you…

What if your quality of life and your relationships could be BETTER than the negative emotions and fears that hi-jack your mind?

What if you made a man feel a deep sense of LOVE and TRUST with you, instead of sharing the contagious NEGATIVE EMOTIONS that come from your fears?

So your man felt POSITIVE, OPEN and RELAXED around you and felt addicted to being with you?

What if you could finally BREAK OUT of your old patterns with men by simply being aware of how your emotions are affecting those closest to you, and CHOOSING to create a good experience?

CREATE INTENSE ATTRACTION BY OWNING YOUR EMOTIONS, INSTEAD OF HAVING YOUR EMOTIONS OWN YOU

I’m sure you’ve already figured out that I’m going to suggest that you learn how to “own” your emotions in situations with men. Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY it’s important to do this. Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of the “logic” changes.

You have to stop thinking about what you’ve learned about being “in touch” with ALL of your emotions and realize that a man’s ATTRACTION isn’t triggered by you being EVERYTHING that you feel.

That’s a nice fairy tale, but it’s a lie.

Your friends, your parents and your girlfriends might give you “unconditional love” and understanding in this way, but men won’t start to feel love, passion and connection with you if you’re playing out ALL the things you feel with him before you’re even in a committed relationship.

So I have TWO good reasons why it’s important to own your emotions around men:

1) Men crave women who are fun and spontaneous.

But how are you going to be this way with a man if you’re always on edge, worried or anxious because your FEARS are running the show, and your head’s off trying to control the FUTURE?

That’s right. You aren’t going to be the fun and spontaneous woman a man really wants and NEEDS to be with.

2) Men aren’t ATTRACTED to women who let their emotions control them.

This is ESPECIALLY true when women act needy or overly-sensitive to anything the guy does or says. Instead, a woman who is fun, playful, and UNPREDICTABLE with the positive things she does is the kind of woman who is “relationship material” in his book.

If you’re venting your emotions as soon as you feel them, just because they are there… you’re going to have a VERY hard time succeeding with men past a few dates.

Men will quickly get the message that you are “trouble”, and they’ll want a woman who brings more JOY and SIMPLICTY to their life. Not more worry, intensity, and what men think of as “drama.” If you’re having a really hard time dealing with how you feel, and “dating” or your relationship is seeming to bring out some of the worst in you…

And you’re having a hard time knowing WHY you’re feeling some of the awful things you feel…

And you’re starting to recognize that there are EMOTIONAL PATTERNS in your relationships that you want to get rid of and never have to live through again…

Then it’s time to make some changes in how you’re approaching your relationship.

INSIGHT #2: THE POWER OF THE MEANING YOU MAKE ABOUT THE THINGS AROUND YOU

There’s something that’s much much more powerful and important than trying to “minimize” your feelings… or change them. And that’s to get to the ROOT of where all your most difficult feelings are coming from.

In other words…

The first step in learning how to “own” your strongest emotions is to realize how they’re created or “triggered”. Something happens that “pushes a button” inside of you and BAM!… the emotion happens before you even have a chance to think about it. One of the biggest insights that I’ve had about these “triggers” is that they’re usually caused because people imagine it MEANS something negative… even when that’s not the case.

For instance, let’s say that you’ve met a great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then he wasn’t as quick to call you and make plans as he was at the very start.

What do you usually think?

“Maybe he doesn’t like me. Maybe he has a another woman. Maybe he’s trying to avoid me. Maybe he’s withdrawing like those other guys did in the past.”

In other words, we make the fact that he didn’t call back MEAN all these different things. Women often allow their imaginations to take over and imagine the WORST possible outcomes. Then they get nervous about that outcome happening and FREAK OUT.

When it comes to men, it’s important that you lose the need to make everything MEAN something… and STOP imagining the worst. Think back to the last time a man said or did something and you asked yourself or your girlfriend, “what do you think it meant that he did/said that?” You start to wonder if the way he’s acting is a “game” of some kind… and if he has a hidden agenda he’s not going to let you in on.

If you immediately start to wonder where he is… what he’s doing… and who he’s with, you CREATE the game in your mind.

If a man doesn’t call you for a day… and you spend that entire day wondering why he HASN’T called you… you made a completely negative meaning out of something that isn’t necessarily negative.

But if you think every moment that passes means that he doesn’t care about you… you’re going to both FEEL MISERABLE…

And… you’ll act miserable and strange and awkward when he finally does call the next day.

And then what, if he was busy with something important in his own life, and there was no “bad” reason he didn’t call?

You are upsetting yourself by imagining all the BAD THINGS that could be happening. Making NEGATIVE MEANING out of situations that you have no proof of negative things going with is a guaranteed way to get NEGATIVE OUTCOMES in your life.

When it comes to men, these include:

-A man not liking the “vibe” you have because you worry or think negatively, and not wanting to be around you

-Acting insecure or needy because you always have the worst of things in mind

-Showing a man you can’t be away from him, or let him have his life and space, without you going to a bad place in your mind (so he’ll either constantly have to appease you, or suffer the consequences)

If you find yourself making a lot of negative meaning out of situations- it’s time you took a good hard look at what this is really creating in your life.

Does all the worry actually help things?

Or is it just your own form of CONTROL, or of trying to defend or protect yourself from things like the other bad things that have happened to you in your life? It’s time you started letting your mind work FOR YOU, instead of AGAINST YOU.

I don’t have a lot more time here, so I’ll get right to something that will help you-

Here’s a simple way you can start doing yourself a favor and set yourself up for more POSITIVE and PRODUCTIVE outcomes.

These also have the great quality of actually improving your own communication and the quality of any relationship you do this in as well.

Here’s all you have to do:

Step 1) Visualize your ideal outcome

Whenever you get into a situation, or approach a new conversation with a man… it’s great to stop for a second before you get too deep into things and make sure you know WHAT YOU WANT out of it. Because if even you do know what you want, it’s VERY VERY UNLIKELY that a man will figure out what that is for you… or be able to give it to you. If you can think or feel what it is you’re wanting or looking for, and imagine that positive result taking place… you are MUCH MUCH more likely to have that exact thing come to fruition.

So imagine what the END RESULT is that you’re looking for with a man.

It might be-

-”I want him to understand what I’m saying and hear me”

-”I want to feel connected to him”

-”I want him to relax and open up”

-”I want him to hold me and be affectionate”

The simple act of getting clear on what you want will help you communicate your feelings in a way that will move you and a man TOWARD the outcome or experience you want.

Don’t waste your time focusing on all the things you don’t want, or the things you’re frustrated about that aren’t working for you. These are a trap that will only lead to more COUNTERPRODUCTIVE interactions between you and your man.

Step 2) Make POSITIVE MEANING out of your experiences, and what men say and do

I’ll break this one down into the simplest example possible.

I have an amazing female friend.

She was in a 2 year relationship with a guy she really loved.

One night her boyfriend came to her and told her that he wasn’t sure he wanted to stay in the relationship. Naturally, she was very upset by this news.

But what did she do?

She didn’t go to the place of telling herself that SHE must not be good enough for him to keep loving and want to stay with.

And she DIDN’T go to the place of tearing him apart and telling him how rude, insensitive, “jerky” or wrong he was.

No. The meaning she made out of what happened was very very different. She came to me a day later with an amazingly clear head and strong heart and said-

“That hurt, but it was great news to know how he really felt, and that he told me now, instead of how ever far into the future. I don’t have to waste my time in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want what I want. What he told me makes it easier for me to know that this wasn’t the right relationship for me.”

I think you can see how different the meaning was that she made out of this than what lots of other women do who end up suffering for weeks or months or years after over what should have been.

Sometimes when relationships work out, they end.

Starting to see the power of the meaning you give things in your life?

I’ll give you another example for if you’re a single woman, or dating and in a new relationship and a man doesn’t call you back. If he doesn’t call you back right away, don’t start to go to all those bad places.

“He’s a player.”

“I said something wrong.”

“I scared him off.”

“Things never work out for me.”

“Men are afraid of real women.”

Instead, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally DOES talk to you, he’s going to be even MORE interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other. That way, when he does call, you’ll genuinely be happy and excited for his call… and you’ll have had a great time in your life in the meantime.

Here’s another…

If he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, figure that he’s feeling that way because he REALLY likes you and has had to THINK about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong.

He’s scared of his deep feelings for you and doesn’t know how to deal with that yet. And that once he figures it out for himself, he’ll miss you and want you… and you don’t have to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

There’s nothing wrong with you or how you are. And it’s great that you got to see this problem of his early on, but it’s his to deal with, not yours.

Let me tell you something honestly…

All of the women I know who end up in great long-term relationships with great attractive men think this way.

All of them.

This is at the very essence of what makes a woman not just physically attractive and desirable, but the kind of woman a man can truly see himself with in a lasting relationship. It’s part of what makes a man think, “Wow, I never thought I’d find one, but this is just the kind of woman for me.”

Confident people seem to get more confident because things seem to work the way they envision. And negative people become more negative because it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It’s almost like a universal magic. The more we expect things to go well, the better they go. Try it, it works. Also, start noticing those particular things and situations that trigger your strong “negative” emotions.

Learn to spot the signs that it’s about to happen, and then learn how to keep yourself CENTERED. If you can learn how to do this, the quality of ALL your relationships in your life will improve DRAMATICALLY.

Especially with men.

Now, this is just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

It’s also important to learn how to share open, HONEST communication with your man in a way that brings you CLOSER together… without turning him off.

It’s not that men don’t like to “talk” or have a hard time listening. In fact, that’s not the case at all.

Most of the time, a man wants to talk and share JUST AS MUCH as you do, if not more. I know it’s hard to believe. So why exactly is it so hard sometimes to let him know how you’re feeling… and in return, find out exactly what’s he’s thinking and feeling too?

It’s because of a barrier all men have from a young age about sharing what they’re feeling. They’ve been taught that wearing their heart on their sleeve was WEAK and “unmanly.”

It’s no wonder why men have such difficulty opening up to women they love.

They don’t want to seem weak. Fortunately, you CAN be the woman who will connect with him on a DEEP and intimate level… if you know the secrets of tapping into all that stuff he’s been bottling up his whole life. And do it in a way that makes him feel comfortable and relaxed. You see, most women don’t do a very good job communicating when they’re upset or hurt in a way that allows their man to HEAR them and understand them.

It doesn’t have to be this way, either.

Part of the myth that most women mistakenly believe is that the longer I’m in a relationship with a man… or the harder I try… then the better our communication can and will be.

As though FAMILIARITY is what makes for good communication.

The strange this is, the opposite is often true- The more you and a man get to know each other, if you don’t know all the communication traps to avoid with each other… than it’s easy to fall into even worse communication habits than two people who don’t know each other very well have.

The short answer to why this happens is because when 2 people know each other really well, they have lots of insights and access into the “faults” or “quirks” of their partner. And if you don’t have a solid and consistent level of connection and a healthy pattern of communication, then things can just grow worse over time.

If you’ve had a relationship with a man where as time went on, things only grew more hostile and less compassionate and supportive… then you know what I’m talking about.

Don’t keep waiting and hoping for that magic pill, or that magic moment where your connection and the way you and the man in your life talk to each other becomes inspiring, supportive, and brings more joy and love into both your lives.

If you care about creating a truly lasting and secure relationship… I can show you exactly how to make sure that deep level of CONNECTION is something that is always there and always strong between you and him.

Remember, good communication goes beyond just the words you use. It’s also about owning your emotions, and choosing to create a positive connection first so that having the experience you want simply flows to you.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter

If you’re like lots of women I’ve met and talked with, then just the idea of telling a man how you feel can make your stomach turn with the fear that he won’t respond, that he’ll pull away, or that he’ll completely REJECT you. And besides, isn’t a man supposed to approach YOU and make things happen if he feels something for you too?

Well, there’s something important I want you to remember as a woman that will help make you successful in almost any “early” situation with a man… whether you’re just meeting, dating, or creating a deep level of ATTRACTION between you and him.

There is something I find FASCINATING that women often forget about men… That is, that MOST men are just plain nervous or scared when it comes to approaching attractive women, talking, and getting things started. I’ve seen it all my life. No matter where I go or with who, most of the men around me are scared stiff of approaching women. And sure, guys do their best to project confidence once they finally do build up the courage to talk to a woman… that’s part of the reason men often use some dumb “opener” or cutsie pick-up line that their friends told them works with women.

But trust me when I say that most men were born nervous and afraid to approach women they are interested in. You might not see it right now, but deep down men see women as the one’s with the “control” and the “power” when it comes to dating situations. Especially when it comes to meeting up and the “courtship” stage early on. But lots of women don’t really “get” this, or seem to forget it in the moment, when they meet a guy they’re interested in, and so they end up giving away some of the advantages that other women, who know what’s going on in these situations, naturally enjoy with men.

You’ve probably seen this with a girlfriend in your life, where she is always fun, cool, calm, and collected out in the world. At least until “HE” walks into the room. “He” is usually some guy a woman has seen, and maybe even talked to before, who she finds VERY ATTRACTIVE, but she doesn’t know how to go about moving forward and getting to know him and connect with him on a deeper level.)

So what does your girlfriend do when “He” shows up?

First off, she changes very quickly from the cool and socially intelligent woman you know, into a different woman who’s anxious, uncertain, and self-conscious.

And then, like most women do in this situation when they feel a deep level of “connection” and attraction for a man that they aren’t close with yet, she instantly assumes that the strong physical chemistry and emotional connection must be something that HE feels too.

And that’s when things start to go wrong…

She starts to compliment him endlessly -

“Wow, you must be really smart to know that.”

She laughs at everything he says (even when they’re not that funny) -

“Ha Ha! You are so funny!”

And she offers and tries to do “nice” things for him to show how much she really cares about him and how she wants to see him again -

“Oh, that’s too bad your car broke down. I have a car and I could drive across town to pick you up and give you a ride tomorrow!?”

If you’ve ever watched one of your girlfriends do this kind of thing with a guy they just met, or if you’ve ever done this yourself, then you probably already know the frustration that comes from being sweet, complimentary, and “real” with a man, and then having it get you NOWHERE.

Or worse, having it lead to REJECTION where the man isn’t interested in you at all.

And you might also add to that the pain of watching other women have MORE SUCCESS with men than you do, while they DON’T do the generous things you do, and they don’t have great conversations with men about real things in life, and they aren’t the good person you are.

So, what’s going on here?

Do men not like women who are “real”?

Why is it that being straightforward with a man doesn’t make him “feel it” for you?

And why is it that men play “games” when it comes to meeting, dating, and attraction?

Let me spell out a few common elements in play when it comes to men and dating:

1. Men don’t like women because they can be “nice”. Nice can be a “bonus”, kind of like toppings on a cake, but it’s not the nice, sweet, and genuine behavior that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTION for a woman.

2. When you try to get a man’s interest or attention by appealing to his personal interests like a good friend would, he not only won’t “feel it” for you, but he’ll actually lose interest in you when he sees you trying win his “approval”.

3. Attraction isn’t something that takes place on a logical or “rational” level. Casual conversation won’t create it. Instead, attraction is an EMOTION that has it’s own set of rules, and is something going on outside the everyday communication “channel” of words and meaning.

If you want to make a man notice you and experience the feelings of desire and attraction that will drive him to approach and “court” you, then you need to stop all the APPROVAL SEEKING behaviors, and start learning how to create an EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE with him. .

But let’s keep learning…

I’d like to get back to the topic of “He”, the guy that women become intensely attracted to without having connected or talked much with, if at all.

There’s something fascinating I see happen when women experience this kind of instant attraction for a man that takes what could be a great relationship in the future and ruins it from the start.

When HE shows up, HE quickly becomes more of an IDEAL than the man he really is. And this is where women often go wrong in dating situations, and with getting into relationships with men they don’t truly see and understand for who they are.

Let me explain this by showing how men do the same thing with women… and do it in the worst way.

If a man feels a strong desire for a woman, then without even getting to know who she really is, he will dote on her, buy her inappropriate gifts he can barely afford, and treat her like she is God’s gift to the Earth.

Some of this is “cute”, and some of it can be temporarily appealing for a woman, but the truth is that none of this spoiling and appeasing is going to truly win a woman’s affection.

At least, not for long.

If a man was to come along who truly understood this woman for who she was, what she truly wanted, and could create and share the emotional experiences that made her feel closely connected and intimate, then it’s obvious who the woman would want to spend her time with – the man who gives her the intense emotional feelings of attraction and chemistry.

In other words, it’s the way a man makes a woman FEEL inside that makes all the difference. And not how he can compliment her or the gifts he can share.

Of course, lots of people try to argue that you can have great chemistry and attraction while you praise, compliment, etc., thinking this disproves the idea of ATTRACTION being something else that has nothing to do with acts of kindness, etc.

The reality is that you can compliment, you can praise, and you can shower someone with generosity if they already feel a deep level of attraction for you. (As long as you still do the OTHER THINGS that make them feel it for you.)

But the ATTRACTION and the EMOTIONS have to be there first.

Let me land the plane on this one…

It’s critical to remember that an attractive man who makes you feel the most amazing chemistry is still just like any other man when it comes to human behavior and how attraction works.

“He”, no matter how good looking, funny, successful, or brilliant he might be, he still has his own set of feelings, experiences, desires, fears, frustrations, etc. just like any other
person.

And just like an attractive woman, a man has to find a way to quickly know for CERTAIN when he meets you whether you are the kind of woman who will be a healthy addition to his life, or if you’re going to be “trouble” in his world.

So how does a man go about this?

Well, he doesn’t do it by simply asking a woman, “Hey, are you healthy and in a good place? Because I want to make sure that you’re going to bring mostly positive experiences and emotions to my life?”

Not even close.

Instead, a man is looking for direct and indirect signals to tell him what he needs to know about a woman before he even gets involved with her.

And in case you didn’t know… men look for, find, and make meaning out of the signals they get from women almost INSTANTLY.

I’m sure you already know about the “Fight or Flight Response” and how this is an important part of human behavior for SURVIVAL.

But did it ever occur to you that the same “machinery” in the mind can make lightning-fast interpretations and decisions when it comes to other areas of social life?

What about areas like dating, sex, and REPRODUCTION?

If you want to understand how a man can become attracted to one woman, and how this can happen so quickly to where a man knows that a woman can be “The One” before he ever really talks to her, then it’s time to start paying attention to what’s going on “behind the scenes” in our fast-moving subconscious minds.

So along these lines, let’s look at a few of the things a man is looking for in a woman and making near instant judgments, after getting just a tiny amount of information about her.

1. Physical Health

2. Emotional Well Being

3. Sense of Humor

Now, I want you to think about this for a second.

If men can make up their minds about a woman in just a few short instants after seeing and communicating with her, then what are the things that women are doing that lead to these judgments?

I’ll give you the short answers here.

1. Physical Health – You know that men are often attracted to women of a certain physical size, shape, etc. in general. But do you know exactly why this is? It’s not because these sizes and shapes “look better”. It’s because men are wired to identify signs of Fertility and Youth in women. And the good news here is that a perfect hip to waist ratio is NOT the only way to indicate to a man that you are “Youthful” and “Fertile”. Personal “energy”, attitude, body language, and fashion can all act as indirect indicators of these things as well.

2. Emotional Well-Being – It’s no secret that men like to make fun of women for being too “emotional”. And while this is in part fun, this common male habit shows the existence of something deeper – that among men there is a strong belief in the importance of an emotionally “stable” woman. Men who are interested in relationships are EXTREMELY critical of how a woman handles herself and her emotions, because to them it says everything about how a woman will be when they’re close and connected and what’s in store for him.

3. Sense of Humor – This is the most subtle determinant of how a man will see a woman. When a woman is funny, laughing, or making jokes, it’s an indication of her high level of self-esteem and social status. When a man sees a woman smiling or laughing, or when a woman is funny and playful with a man, it lets a man know on an subconscious level that she is someone he can respect. An equal. And this can make a woman VERY desirable.

So I’ve given you a few specific tips and ideas to think about and apply the next time you’re going out.

But I want to share something else important with you…

Did you know that lots of men are often MORE COMFORTABLE having a woman “lead” the interactions early on, such as meeting and first dates?

If you’ve ever had to approach a man yourself, or let him know what you’d like to do, and how things “work” on a first date for you, then you know what I’m talking about.

But there’s a lot more to this. Let me explain…

In case you don’t see it, men are constantly seeking the approval of women in one way or another. (Don’t worry, I’m going to avoid the topic of “Mommy Issues” for now.. lol)

When men are single and dating, they look to women for non verbal “cues” as to when it’s OK for them to approach, talk, flirt, touch, and if it’s “going anywhere”.

But lots of women seem to forget this.

They forget that most men are seeking THEIR approval on a deeper level, and that a man will generally follow the example and tone they set with their behavior, attitude, body language, etc.

**Here’s a big direct hint around this. Some theory and technique for you…..

If you want a man to respond to you by pursuing you (and not the other way around where you have to pursue him) then you need to use the power of a woman’s role and LEAD him by letting him know that he has to win your approval.

Instead of trying so hard to win his approval.

In other words, a man needs to understand that YOU are the one who’s doing the “choosing”, and that you are selective with your time and attention.

But, exactly, how do you “lead”?

How do you approach a man but have him think he is approaching you, or get him to want to approach you in the first place?

Well, for lots of women, they’re not sure exactly what to say to a man when they first meet, when to say it, and are unsure how a man will respond and what to do about it.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how to start a conversation with a man you’re interested in and take his attraction and interest for you to the next level so that he’d ask you out?

And wouldn’t it be great to have the confidence that comes from KNOWING how and why a man will become attracted to you? And that it’s not just for all the wrong reasons!?

In the meantime, let’s think about what most women do in these situations with men.

Here’s a short list of usual things women do when they’re interested in a guy.

I call these the “doing what makes sense” courtship behaviors, because they all center around the idea of doing what makes sense to you instead of what works for the other person.

- Pursuing a man by trying to arrange ways to “accidentally” be around him and starting “safe” and casual conversations, hoping that something will spark.

- Telling a man how much you like him early on.

- Trying to hint to a guy that you want to be taken out or trying to convince him to go out with you.

- Becoming the “super-friend” and doing favors for the guy without him asking, or buying gifts to try to win over his affection.

If you’ve seen or done any of these before, then I don’t have to tell you that they don’t often lead to great results with a man.

It might seem incredible that people can act so similar, but these really are common and predictable things that women (and men) do to try and attract someone.

Here’s where I’d like to make a fascinating conclusion about these predictable and common behaviors as it relates to women approaching men and conversations.

Think about what it’s like to be a very attractive man.

You know, a man that has women approaching him all the time.

Attractive men usually have lots of experience and options interacting with women.

Which means that they’re approached by women all the time, and as a result, they see a lot of these “what makes sense” courtship behaviors from women.

In other words, lots of women do the same old thing that other women do.

See where I’m going with this?

Well, I’m saying that these common behaviors are BORING and PREDICTABLE ways of interacting with a man.

And BORING and PREDICTABLE are the enemies of ATTRACTION.

So what can you do or say to a man when approaching him to not be boring?

There’s an attitude I’ve seen that does wonders to create attraction and interest in men just through conversation.

I call it the “Playful & Independent” attitude.

Let me give you a very specific example and tell you a quick story…

The other day my friend Rob was in the market shopping for some ingredients for a dinner he was cooking.

Rob is a great single guy who likes to throw fun dinner and cocktail parties just for fun.

And from what I hear from most women who meet him, he’s quite the catch too.

Anyway, he was in the produce section at the market and a woman was next to him that he could kind of sense was interested and wanted to talk.

She had picked out a head of lettuce right before him, and he put his hand out to pick up some too.

Then as he grabbed the lettuce, the woman looked over at him quickly and said, “Copycat”, flashed a wry grin at him, then kept on doing her shopping like she wasn’t waiting for him to do
anything.

Rob loved it. He took the playful comment and immediately fired back in his own playful way.

Then as the conversation went on, she put similar playful and flirtatious comments out there and then backed off and waited for Rob to pick up the slack and take the ball and hit it back to her.

Next thing you know, Rob turned the conversation to the party he was having and invited the woman over and it turned out to be a great date.

Weeks later now they’re dating and growing closer.

So what went on there? It didn’t sound like that much, right?

Well first, the woman didn’t use the “what makes sense” stuff that lots of women use.

She could have made eye contact with Rob, waited for him to talk to her, and then asked him questions like, “What’s your name?”, or “What do you do?”

Boring!!

Instead, the woman decided to take a playful approach that intrigued him and didn’t have any of the common, boring, predictable conversational stuff.

And it was so different that it made him curious, compelled him to take an interest in her and he couldn’t help but respond and engage in the playful conversation.

Nice.

And once they started talking she kept the attraction and playful tension alive and built more of it by taking one step ahead with playful comments, and then waiting and taking a step back so that Rob would be drawn in and involve himself.

So in very subtle psychological ways, the woman was indicating to Rob several things:

- She wanted to have fun with him but didn’t just come out and say it by being too predictable with the way she showed it.

- She was different than other women in a good way.

- She wasn’t scared, nervous or dependent on the outcome or what Rob was going to say. She was having a good time personally, no matter what.

- She wasn’t going to just pursue Rob. She made sure that he was drawn in and interested by his own choices and decisions by leaving space for him to talk and be playful back so that there was a “back and forth” to the playful conversation and flirting.

I see this as a kind of magic mix that is extremely attractive to men:

Playful & Independent

I’ll talk to you again soon… and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

And is there something you STILL don’t understand about what happened, why it ended, or what his “deal” was… and even though you want to get past it, it keeps coming up in your mind?

Do you still think about what you could have done differently?

Not just so that the next time around your new relationship will work much, much better… But maybe, deep down, you secretly wish that things had worked out differently and you could get back to that loving, connected place with the man you were with before things went “wrong” and he started acting different around you. If you’ve ever felt this way, then keep reading.

There are a few different break-up “scenarios”.

Here are the 3 general ones:

1. You initiate the break up

3. Mutual break up: you both talk, open up and share what hasn’t been working and recognize that it’s time to move on from the relationship for reasons on both sides

Now, rarely are things this cut and dry, but this covers the general and most common situations.

By the way, if you really want to expand your perspective on men, dating and relationships, it’s important to look at each of these 3 situations… as each one creates a very different emotional experience during and after.

But we’re not going to talk about all 3 of these situations right now.

Right now we’re going to look at just one… the situation that’s often the most difficult, and for lots of women, seems the most frequent- when the man initiates the break up.

DEALING WITH THE FEELINGS THAT COME FROM A BREAK- UP

Let’s take a look at the FEELINGS that come from break-ups… and take away some new ideas and lessons for GROWTH so that even if a relationship doesn’t fulfill your desires, it brings you closer to finding the fulfillment and experiences you want in the near future.

Here we go…

When a relationship ends, it’s confusing and it hurts.

But when a relationship ends and you didn’t want it to, that’s a whole other story.

You can start thinking and acting all kinds of crazy when this happens.

And sure, some of this “processing” and being with your feelings is GOOD…. it’s a natural part of experiencing life and your own personal growth.

But think about this…

If you look at it from another perspective, you’ll find that even though there are important aspects of working through your feelings about a break-up… a ton of what follows a break-up takes lots of women EVEN FURTHER AWAY from what they’re looking for in a relationship in the first place – LOVE and CONNECTION.

I mean isn’t it, at the very least, important to take away the LESSONS a relationship has to teach you even if it doesn’t “work out” in the end?

You obviously know the answer to this question.

Of course it’s important to learn… Otherwise, you’re helping turn a relationship into a genuine waste of your time, love and energy… which is what lots of women fear in the first place when they become close and intimate with a man in a relationship and share their love.

But there’s a difference between knowing the answers of what to do… and LIVING it.

Over the years I’ve recognized that tons of women DON’T learn to become more successful at creating the kind of situations they want in the future with a man as a result of the “failed” situations with men.

In fact, instead of taking away positive lessons for themselves from their past relationships, they often use what’s happened “to them” as PROOF or EVIDENCE to support their own negative and limiting beliefs about men and relationships with them.

And the more these beliefs about men and relationships are reinforced, the more their own thinking and behavior in each new situation with a man becomes COUNTERPRODUCTIVE.

In other words, they actually start to push away men on an automatic and subconscious level, even though one of their deepest desires is to be close, comfortable and emotionally connected with a man.

You probably know a few women like this… women who become even more closed off, defensive, fearful, or even bitter the more they live their lives and “learn” from their experiences with men and relationships.

Think about a woman you know like this right now and picture her in your mind.

Now, I want you to think about what her basic “mindset” is when it comes to men.

Reflect on how she’s responded to men in the past… and the meaning she makes of things that men do around her.

And now, can you start to see the perspective she has. The “filter” that everything she sees or experiences with a man is run through?

Can you see how quickly she leads herself to jump to the worst possible scenario each time she interacts with a man and doesn’t get all the assurance, affection or CERTAINTY she wants or thinks she needs?

What’s going on here?

And how does her thinking, behavior and reactions to men affect the way she related to men, and how men see her?

I’m walking you through visualizing a woman you know who’s like this because I want you to step outside these situations and start to OBSERVE what’s going on from a new perspective…

A perspective that will help you more easily create the kinds of experiences with men that lead to deeper levels of UNDERSTANDING (for you and the man you’re with)… and foster a deeper type of EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.

So… the first thing I want to do here as we’re talking about break-ups and our thoughts and feelings around them is to help you think through a few of the most common EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES that come up when a man chooses to break-up with a woman.

That way, you can be more CONSCIOUS and AWARE of what’s going on… avoid the shock, frustration and surprise of not knowing what to expect… and take away the lessons that each dating situation or relationship has to teach you.

So… let’s start with how break-ups can make you FEEL.

Here are a few different feelings a break-up can bring into your life:

- You might feel ABANDONED, since you felt a bond and had a commitment with a man, and then he went against that and went away in a way that left you feeling like he didn’t care for you at all

- You might experience REJECTION because he chose not to be with you… or to be with someone else

- You might have a sense of EMPTINESS that comes from not having the love, affection, connection and sharing in your life that used to be there

- You might feel the ANXIETY that often comes from being completely uncertain about your future and if you’ll ever find someone to love and love you back

- You might develop a strong FEAR that you’re ALONE and that you’ll never have a real, loving, and lasting relationship… EVER

Any of these sound familiar?

These are some common things you might go through as a result of a break-up.

Now, most people say that you’ve got to give yourself time to get over a relationship… and to be with the feelings you have to get over the relationship… and on one level, I agree.

But this is common wisdom. You already know this.

Everyone knows you need to give yourself time and space to get over a past relationship.

What I want to share with you that’s NOT so obvious, is something CRITICAL to know when you go through this kind of break-up.

It’s a kind of dangerous “side-effect” that comes from the intense feelings that follow a break-up. (Remember how you pictured a woman who took only negative lessons from each situation with a man?)

And I can’t tell you how many women (and men) fall into this COUNTERPRODUCTIVE trap that pushes them even further from their strong “emotional center”… and makes it even harder for them to find and create a healthy relationship in their near future.

Let me explain the story of how this dangerous break-up “side-effect” comes about…

It all starts with the emotional experiences you have when a man breaks up with you.

These feelings and emotions can be so intense that your focus can become COMPLETELY FIXATED on what was WRONG in the relationship.

You ask yourself the following questions over and over…

Why is he acting this way, and what’s wrong with him?

What does all this mean about what was wrong with our relationship from the start?

What did I do wrong? Did I choose the wrong kind of guy? And should I never have become involved with him or trusted him in the first place?

Where did it go wrong? Since it used to be so good… and now I can’t understand how all that just disappeared.

You spend hours, maybe even days or weeks, analyzing these questions… trying to figure out what happened with the man and why you didn’t see it coming, and thinking about how this all could have been avoided… and how to never have it happen again.

I’m sure you’ve seen a girlfriend of yours in this state… or even yourself.

And here’s where these difficult questions start to create this negative “side-effect”…

With your intense focus on all the things that were WRONG, you take all the qualities, problems and shortcomings you come up with about the man who broke up with you… and you decide that these are THE things that were missing and were to blame for the break-up and failure of the relationship.

And so what do you do?

You’re so hurt and intent on not having the same thing happen to you ever again that you promise to never be with a guy like this one again…

And you turn your attention and consciousness in your love life towards finding a guy who is as far from what your “ex” was like as possible.

And that’s when you start making the mistake of confusing Cause and Effect when it comes to what was at fault for your past relationship “failure”…

Mistake #1. You start looking for a man who HAS ALL the qualities you found from your break up that your “ex” was missing.

For example, if your “ex” wasn’t a very “feminine” man, in that he didn’t like to explore his FEELINGS on a deep level in conversation with you… you look for a man who is VERY much this way.

Mistake #2. Looking for a man who HAS NONE of the qualities your ex had. (This is the flip side of the coin from Mistake #1)

For example, if you’re “ex” was independent and very confident, you might look for a man who isn’t this way… thinking this will make your relationship work next time around, and help you avoid the same painful experience.

After all, things went so wrong with this last guy that it must be the way he was… and if you find a guy who’s the opposite of all the “ex” was, then things are bound to work better.

Of course, when we take on thinking and behavior that these mistakes involve, it really seems like a logical plan…

If a relationship doesn’t work with one guy and there were problems with him, then it makes sense to look for a guy who’s VERY different from your “ex”… maybe even the opposite.

But here’s where this only hurts you…

If you begin to consciously look for a guy who’s the opposite of your ex, or who doesn’t have a certain quality you want to avoid, then you’re bound to make a big mistake.

And the mistake will most often look like ending up dating a new guy with very few of the numerous GOOD QUALITIES that your ex had that you liked or loved and worked for you both…

But you probably WILL find a guy who has a few very specific behaviors and personality traits that you think you need this time around to make it finally work.

In other words, you’re bound to find a guy who doesn’t have much, if any, of the qualities that made part of your last relationship WORK. (Of course it’s very hard for you to look back at the relationship now that it’s ruined and see the GOOD in the guy you were with.)

Odds are you’re going to find a guy who really only has the qualities that you are looking for IN REACTION or response to your previous situation.

And you’re probably wise enough to know by now, if you’re reading this, that making decisions in response to FEAR and PAIN is almost GUARANTEED to make your life more difficult in the long run.

If you get where I’m going with this, then you already know a few important lessons in life -

For starters, you know that looking for the things you couldn’t get or share with your jerk of an ex-boyfriend is NOT going to get you what you want.

And now that we’ve covered some of the “inner stuff” to avoid about break-ups that will help you stay in a better place and get you back on track faster with men… let’s talk about taking the next steps as you start to move on.

THE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE OF A BREAK-UP… AND THE GIFTS TO TAKE FROM IT FOR YOUR FUTURE LOVE LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP

over the years, I’ve seen that lots of women have come to believe, even if they don’t really see that they do, that relationships end because of the man.

Or that relationships would work well if men would just learn what women knew about them.

And yeah, I get that for lots of women, the majority of the relationships they’ve seen end around them have all the tell-tale signs of being the man’s fault… as men can do things that are destructive.

And so in many senses they’re right.

But there’s more to it if you’re looking for more than the knowledge that a break-up is a man’s “fault”.

Especially if your goal, or the RESULTS you want in your life, aren’t about placing BLAME… but LEARNING and GROWING in a way that will help you find more emotional fulfillment in your life, and create a real, lasting relationship.

In other words, if you can learn to look at what happens in relationships and break-ups to learn what actually WORKS… rather than focusingn your attention and energy on identifying what DOESN’T WORK, and the painful reasons why… then you’re going to start to transform your mind… and your love life too.

But for some women, trying to shut out what they don’t want in their relationship becomes their main “strategy”.

I can’t tell you how much of a waste of time this is for a woman looking to find a real, loving, lasting relationship.

You know, it’s funny how most of our minds work…

I realized 3 or 4 years ago that most of the people around me, including myself, know a whole lot about exactly WHAT’S WRONG in the world and in relationships.. and about what we DON’T WANT others to think, do and say with us…

But most of us have no earthly idea what we DO WANT… and more importantly, how to go about getting what we want for ourselves. (Or showing or teaching someone else how to give us what it is that we DO WANT.)

It’s then that I realized that NOT WANTING something (being unhappy with the way things are) has NOTHING AT ALL to do with figuring out how to get the things you DO WANT. (Actually creating them.)

Read that again and think about it for a minute.

..

..

Ok…

How does this apply to what you spend your time and energy on, in your love life and with a man?

Do you think about, worry about and spend your time and energy “analyzing” how to avoid what it is that you don’t want?

Or do you think through exactly what it is that you want… and consider what that means to the OTHER PERSON that you want it from… and put yourself in their shoes to think about how to help them give it to you in a way that will also make them happy and fulfilled with you?

Take a deep breath right now and sit up straight with your back arched and your shoulders back.

And take another deep breath in… then out.

Good.

To make a long story short… most of us, and most women in relationships with men, use a few “weak strategies” involving this idea of not knowing what we want… and not thinking through how to help another person who isn’t in our heads give or share what we want, when even we don’t know exactly what it is or how to have it.

This exact problem of not knowing how to share what it is that we specifically want… and knowing how to ask another person, given their own set of perspectives, feelings, and desires makes it so that tons of women are RARELY able to find or create the kinds of experiences and relationships they’re looking for with men.

Here are a few examples of these “weak strategies” that I’m referring to when it comes to trying to create the situations that will give us what we want emotionally and in our relationships:

- Using “trial and error”. You try to fit in as many new conversations, interactions and ways of being as possible, hoping that something will eventually just work – but you have no idea what that thing will be since you’ve never found it before.

- “Selfish Love”. Trying to convince a man that the answer to what will make him feel happy and fulfilled in his relationship with you, is to simply do more of the things that you know make you happy and feel love and connection.

- After feeling unappreciated, or that a man isn’t really paying attention to or understanding you, you get frustrated and tired and stop giving much of yourself… and you don’t want to put yourself out there for him anymore just to help him to see what he should already see… effectively making it so that you’re depending on him to guess what you want and give it to you in the way you want it.

Now… what do all these “weak strategies” have in common? And why am I having you spend time reflecting on them and how they relate to you and your love life?

Because they all show how BAD most of us are at creating the experiences, connections and “exchanges” we want with other people.

Especially with those of the OPPOSITE SEX.

So what’s one of the greatest gifts you can take away from your break-up or “failed” relationship?

More CONSCIOUSNESS, LEARNING and GROWTH.

And of course, making things work much, much better for you the next time around when you’re ready.

And so how do you start to really do this?

One clear way I’m taking you through is looking at the strategies that you’ve used in the past that didn’t work… or that even made things WORSE.

The tough reality is that most of us fall back on the same negative or “weak” strategies in our relationships again and again… even though we think we’re in a different relationship and things aren’t the same.

That’s why becoming CONSCIOUS of your own love related strategies is a great first step towards CHANGE and IMPROVEMENT in your love life after a break-up.

And it’s that kind of “negative” analyzing we talked about earlier that leaves you without RESULTS and instead you have more fear, less confidence and create FALSE conclusions about men and relationships.

GETTING BACK TO THAT OPTIMISTIC, COMFORTABLE AND OPEN PLACE WHERE THE RIGHT CONNECTION WILL COME BACK INTO YOUR LIFE “NATURALLY”

There’s a reality to dating and getting “back into the game” after you’ve been in a serious relationship that ends in a not-so-great way…

It feels AWKWARD.

And there’s a problem that seems to always come up when you start “dating” again…

It just doesn’t “feel right” at first.

(Unless you’re swept away by an amazing guy… in which case, enjoy, but stay aware of what you’re really responding to.)

Dating again can feel contrived, distant, and just emotionally unfulfilling… as the person you’re around just doesn’t seem to “get you” or make you feel the same way you felt when things were good in your last relationship.

That’s when your next challenge will come up for you…

The challenge that will help decide if you’re going to take something POSITIVE away from your experiences… or if you’re going to let the negative and fearful aspects of them start to create negative “chatter” and beliefs in your mind.

Do you want to remain open to LOVE, and stay present with the potentially painful emotions you’ll have if you don’t close off or act out in anger or spite?

(Men will instantly sense if you have this closed off or angry reaction going on inside you.)

Or do you want to start living in a way that will “protect you” if you do get close to a man again? Which, don’t you think will help you “safely” find a secure, certain, lasting relationship with a man?

That way you don’t have to waste your time, or risk your heart and be vulnerable again to the uncertainty and quickly shifting desires of a man.

It’s your choice…

I’ll talk to you again soon…

And best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I’m about to share secrets about meeting and ATTRACTING great men that some women know but won’t tell you, or can’t explain.

You’re also about to hear insights into how attraction, dating, and relationships honestly work for men, and what to do about it.

Have you ever noticed that just talking to men for the first time, getting to know each other, and exchanging contact information can turn into some kind of impossible puzzle or “game?”

And the more you think about it or about trying new things, the more you just want to avoid the whole thing?

It’s frustrating and annoying, right?

Does it have to be so much work?

Can’t we both just be ourselves and get past all the tricks, games, etc.?

Well, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be such an ordeal and seem like such a game…if, and only if, you know how attraction works for a man.

I’ll repeat that.

It doesn’t have to be a game IF, and only if, you know how attraction works for HIM.

Notice that I didn’t say how attraction works for YOU.

Have you ever thought about how attraction actually works for men, and how it could be different than how it works for you?

Well, then let me ask you…

Do you know what makes the difference between a man flirting and perhaps feeling some “physical attraction” for you, and a man that becomes almost INSTANTLY CONNECTED and attracted to you on a deeper physical AND emotional level?

I’ll give you a minute to think about the question…

Got it yet?

Give up?

The thing is, lots of women THINK they know how things SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or “strategy” just hasn’t seemed to work out so well in their long, and sometimes disappointing, relationship history.

And the crazier part is that most women never really change their ideas or “strategies” on how they go about finding and creating love,connection, and commitment in their lives with men, even when they just aren’t working.

So how can YOU change your ideas and “strategies” to find and create a strong love connection that really LASTS?

I’ll share the answer with you in just a minute, but first I’d like to talk about HOW ATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions and early on in the “casual dating” stage.

Then we’ll look at the “deeper” kind of attraction a man can feel for a woman and talk about some specific “how to’s” that will instantly take your love life to a more fun, resistance-free level as you and a man get closer and closer.

CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREAT IMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START

Have you had several relationships fall apart in the past, the same way with different men?

And when it happened, did you start to think that all men have a common set of problems or “issues” that they can’t see for themselves, let alone do anything about?

Well, if you recognize this, then odds are you’ve also had that fear and doubt in the back of your mind that there was also something wrong with YOU here, not just with him.

And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourself for some of HIS problems and shortcomings.

Ouch! Don’t go to that negative place.

The truth is that you’re not alone, and the good news is that it doesn’t take months or years of therapy to find your own understanding of how things REALLY work with men, and to stop being so hard on yourself about it.

And it doesn’t take months of intense schooling or training to change your love life for the better and get back to that open, connected,loving place that you know is there for you with a man.

Let’s talk about how things often work in those first encounters between men and women, and what’s going on underneath the surface here… because first impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.

Why?

The short explanation is that men make almost INSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about a woman right when they first meet them.

Everything that happens after a man has a first impression of a woman logged in his mind gets “filtered” through that impression, and it colors almost everything he sees and feels.

So what impression are you making?

Do you know?

And what impression is THE BEST ONE to make?

Let’s start with the basics and look at the situation early on when a man asks a woman for her number.

When this happens, for a man, it generally means one of several things:

- “I think you’re interesting enough to see again and find out if I could be attracted to you…” (not feeling much attraction or connection yet, but curious)

- “I had a great time talking and I’d like to do it again sometime…” (likes the conversation and attention, but he doesn’t “feel it” yet, even though there’s a “logical” or rational connection or bond with things in common)

- “I’m physically attracted to you, and I want to hook up with you, but I haven’t really thought about anything else it might lead to or mean for me…” (feeling just a physical attraction, with no thoughts or conscious intentions beyond getting physical)

- “I feel attracted to you, and maybe “something more”… so I want to see you again to explore these feelings and find out what you’re really all about…” (feeling both a physical attraction AND a deeper connection)

Any of these look familiar in hindsight?

Well, for women who are in a place where they want a real, loving, lasting relationship, it’s important to know what a man is thinking early on and where he’s already at from the start.

NOT finding this out is one of the biggest mistakes that women make because they invest a TON of their precious time and energy with a guy that has noplans for having a deeper, loving, lasting relationship.

So… you may want to read that last sentence again — it’s ESSENTIAL to achieving success in the next relationship you start with a man.

Here are some quick communication tips for you to think about and use early on with men to help identify the good guys from the ones that don’t have a clue:

1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask Questions

So many times I hear women talk about how they don’t ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”, pushy, etc. with guys.

And often times, women will say something like, “I don’t want to scare him off…”

Two things are important to know here about asking questions and finding out the “real deal” early on:

A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears and resistance to commitment and relationships will actually get “scared off” IF a woman asks questions in a mature, playful, and conversational way.

The upside here is that emotionally mature and open guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.

In fact, direct questions, communicated in the right way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kind of guy you’re dealing with – plus they provide you with all kinds of answers about the man’s real character and mindset by his response.

But some women refuse to believe that men can communicate on this open level because of their experience.

I want you to go back to the sentence above about immature men. And now I want you to notice the “IF” there…

“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE… way.”

It makes all the difference.

So often we get caught up in our own perspective, or dealing with and breaking through resistance and fear, that we don’t realize how much it affects our own subtle communication.(Think body language, voice tone and pattern, heart rate, etc.)

B. Context is EVERYTHING

Have you ever noticed that you can say almost anything and have it mean almost anything, just by changing the look on your face when you say it, the tone of your voice, or the emotional state you’re in?

It’s fascinating to watch men and women communicate, because up to 90 percent of the things we learn and identify about each other happens throughsilent, indirect communication.

But sometimes you don’t get the whole story, right?

Exactly. So it’s important to be able to ask questions to find out what you need to know.

Like whether he’s genuinely ATTRACTED to you, or if he’s just a player looking for a quick connection… and then he’s “out.”

One great question I’ve heard women ask men is, “What kind of woman do you respect?”

Asking this question in a playful way sets the right tone for a man to respond in a way that creates attraction without putting a man “on the spot”. This not only challenges a man in a playful way, but makes him think and will teach you a lot by how he responds.

But remember, the CONTEXT of your communication is the key… If you say that, and it’s all about an “agenda”, such as finding the love of your life in your first meeting at a bar…, then I promise it’s not going to go over well.

(But you already knew that… wink wink)

On the flipside, if what you’re indirectly and silently communicating is that your questions are about fun, learning, and most importantly -CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keep FEELING that connection to you, and respond in kind.

2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM

There are several key “attitudes” and mindsets that men are naturally and magnetically drawn to and seek out in women that they like to spend their time with.

When men interact with a woman and they see and FEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, they become instantly attracted… and often don’t even know why.

In fact, many times they can’t help but want to commit to something more serious with these women, even if they didn’t consciously want more coming into the relationship.

Let me share with you one of the secrets of how ATTRACTION works for men…

One of the most undeniably attractive attitudes or qualities for men is when a woman is UNPREDICTABLE.

I don’t mean unpredictable in that she might lose control emotionally and get irritated, upset, frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone else around her.

No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for most healthy men…

The unpredictability I’m talking about is being playful, challenging, and creating intrigue.

The way that YOU answer questions in that initial conversation with a man can also TRIGGER attraction. A great example is when a man asks, “So, what do you do?”

Here’s the boring, PREDICTABLE response that might seem very “nice” and appropriate, but doesn’t create attraction – “I’m an accountant and I run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”

Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clients who had me create a campaign about blah blah blah…”

But wait… these are interesting things about you as a person that someone should know about and value, right?

Yes, but guess what?

Predictable responses make for great conversation to get to know each other – if you want to be JUST FRIENDS.

And yes, your career might be great and say important things about you, but you’ve got to realize that it doesn’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Just like it’s not a man’s career that makes him attractive… it’s his personality, the chemistry you share, and WHY he does the things he does.

Following me here?

Good.

So instead, find a way to keep him guessing…Tell him some made up career that’s ridiculous, silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you’re having fun with him.

In case you didn’t realize it, men will have MUCH more fun trying to GUESS and think about what you really do, rather then just hearing it from you right away.

If you think about the animal kingdom, the female of the species usually selects her mate by either accepting or rejecting the male’s advances and courtship behaviors.

The same pattern has gone on with humans for hundreds and thousands of years. By “playing the courtship game” with a man, you are appealing to deeply ingrained patterns within him -things that he is not even consciously aware of.

For example, if you’re at a bar, tell him “I’m a social scientist doing research here to uncover how ‘beer-goggles’ really work on men.”

And then you say, with a wry smile on your face as you look at him in a playful and fake suspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”

Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you’re doing and JUMP into the fun with you… and he’ll probably even make up a silly joke career of his own to kind of challenge you back and take things up a notch.

And now you’ve got a fun, engaging connection… instead of a predictable, emotionally unengaging, and rational conversation about your real jobs.

There’s plenty of time later to get to those things by the way and cover the predictable life stuff. But if a man doesn’t FEEL ATTRACTION from the start, on a deep emotional level, then everything else will be more difficult and move slowly (if at all) with him.

Create the attraction first, and everything else will follow.

HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION AND LASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN

So I’ve given you some quick tips on how attraction works, and some basic “how to’s” to think about for first impressions and early on.

But we’ve just touched the tip of the iceberg about how men really think and feel when it comes to dating.

Now back to it…

I’d like to answer the question from earlier about what makes the difference between a man that is interested in a woman, but it probably won’t go further than some physical connection, and a man that feels a deep emotional connection and attraction for a woman and wants to be with her?

Well, most women learn at a relatively early age that men can experience just a physical attraction for a woman, and to not confuse this with something more.

So what is that “something more” than Physical Attraction?

It’s what I call “Intellectual Attraction” and it’s that feeling a man has for a woman that will have him court and pursue HER and lead HER into a committed, loving relationship.

The entire first section of my ebook, “Inside The Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clear understanding of how men really and truly think about women, dating, and relationships.

You’ll have a fresh perspective on how to improve your love life just by reading this section and understanding more about what’s really going on with men.

I’ve also devoted an entire section to the specific communication and behaviors that naturally create a deeper, more emotional connection with a man.

The last thing to remember is that you shouldn’t do all “the work” in a relationship just to try and make things good with a man.

If you learn how to create a deeper connection with a man and have him feeling more than just physical attraction, then he’ll be more open, sharing and easy to talk to, and make things better for you both.

So don’t stay stuck in the same old patterns and strategies that haven’t completely served you well with men.

Take the next easy step towards your new improved love life where connection and growth won’t just come from your “hard work”, but from the man feeling so attached and “into” you that he’ll be leading you both forward.

Thanks and best of luck in life and love!

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Have you ever talked to your friends or family about what you should do in your love-life?

Ok, so you know about all that lame “common sense” dating advice everyone has to offer.

Here’s something you might not know about it… Most of that advice has nothing to do with how things ACTUALLY work with men, dating and relationships.

That’s right. Nothing.

Especially when it comes to how men become attracted and interested in long term relationships with women. So if you’ve been listening to your mom, your girlfriends, guy friends, etc., then odds are you’re not having a lot of success, right?

But tons of women (and men) still follow that everyday “common sense” advice and try things that just don’t really help.

Here are a few examples of the advice you’ll hear from the people around you:

• Act a little “bitchy” because men secretly like it
• Go hang out where “good men” are likely to be and you’ll meet a great guy
• Be active, have fun and keep a busy and interesting life of your own
• Don’t act clingy or needy
• Don’t expect to meet any good men in bars, clubs, party places, etc.
• Meet men while doing things you like to do so you have similar interests
• Let him initiate… wait for him to call you or ask you out
• Play a little bit “hard to get”

Sound familiar?

Well, if you’re like lots of women I know, then one of the following probably describes your experience with this advice:

1. The ideas just didn’t “click” with you when you went to put them to use in your REAL LIFE… so you never even got around to doing anything at all

2. You put the advice to use and had some “success”, but when push came to shove, the same obstacles came up in your love-life and you were back to where you started

3. You put it to use and it got you NOWHERE

So what does this mean?

First things first – all of these basically lead to the same outcome in the real world.

You end up QUITTING them because they don’t really do anything radical to improve your love- life.

And guess what?

There’s a “statistical certainty” that applies to quitting…

It gets you NOWHERE.

So what should you do instead?

I’m glad you asked.

You need to find the right information and tools in your life that will WORK and create results.

The truth is, you only get one shot at living your love-life, so now’s the time to get it right.

So let’s get right to what works…

TWO TYPES OF ATTRACTION, TWO WAYS TO ATTRACT A MAN…

After years of study, reading, observation and thinking about what “ATTRACTION” is and how it works, I’ve found something that most people who study the subject have seemed to miss…

There’s more than one type of attraction.

I know… it seems simple and straightforward, right?

I’m sure you’ve experienced different types of attraction in your life.

But the truth is that no one in the “scientific world” of psychology, biology, sociology, etc. has bothered to, or been able to look at these things and separate them out into their parts.

Let alone actually describe how to go about creating these kinds of attraction and what they’re made up of.

Well…

I figured out something FASCINATING a few years ago while I was thinking about attraction.

There are two types of attraction a man can feel for a woman:

I call these “Physical Attraction” and “Intellectual Attraction”.

Here’s a secret about these two types of attraction:

ANY WOMAN can learn about these and go about creating one or both kinds of attraction with a man if she wants to.

PHYSICAL ATTRACTION

Let’s talk about the more “common” type of attraction first and how it’s created.

It’s the easiest and most understood.

We all know what Physical Attraction is and what it feels like.

And as a woman, I’m sure you’ve experienced and recognized how Physical Attraction can be triggered in a man.

Here’s a quick list of things that most women use to trigger Physical Attraction in a man:

- “Speaking” with your body language in a way that gets him looking at you physically – smiles, flipping your hair, laughing, etc.

- Wearing certain cool or seductive fashions, styles and ornamentation that attract attention

- Initiating and maintaining eye contact with men

- Wearing enticing perfumes or scents

- Being really “nice” to a guy and complimenting him

- Creating subtle or “accidental” touches on the man’s arm or leg

- Talking and flirting

- Teasing

- Getting physically close to a man

These are pretty obvious for most women, and sometimes they can create Physical Attraction with a man.

But here’s where it gets interesting.

If you want to get close to a man…

And if you want to create the kind of attraction that has him pining away just see you or hear your voice…

And if you want him to crave a deeper level of involvement, intimacy and commitment with you…

Then Physical Attraction alone is NOT going to get you there.

Never.

And here’s where I see tons of women make a huge mistake when it comes to understanding men and their “dating psychology”.

They believe that by creating an intense amount of Physical Attraction, a man will feel emotionally attached, involved, committed, intimate, etc.

WRONG.

If you haven’t seen or heard about the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”, this end result about men is what the author is talking about.

But in my opinion, he doesn’t explain the how and why… and more importantly, what to do about it if you don’t just want to accept that a man isn’t “into you”.

That’s where I come in.

The answer is – he’s just not that “attracted” to you.

But there IS something you can do about it that I’ve discovered after years of studying situations like this.

Here’s the catch.

A man CAN experience “connection”, involvement and a stronger level of attachment when he’s “physical” with a woman (Physical Attraction)…

But, unfortunately, the situation where a man is feeling Physical Attraction and becomes deeply connected and emotionally committed to a woman is RARE.

In other words, with most men, even if they’re feeling an intense amount of Physical Attraction, it doesn’t mean he wants anything but to continue the physical connection.

I know it would be easier if it were different.

But it’s not, so get over it.

And now that you know, here’s what to do about
it.

First, don’t make the painfully common mistake of assuming that if a man is physically attracted to you, that he also feels the desire to have more than just a physically driven relationship in the long term.

Next, start learning about what to do and what actually works to change the situation…

And now back to creating a deep level of attraction right now…

HOW TO THINK ABOUT “INTELLECTUAL ATTRACTION”

Instead of giving you the “techniques” and “tactics” for creating Intellectual Attraction, there’s something a thousand times more important that I want to talk with you about first.

It’s about creating the right MINDSET so that you can start to create Intellectual Attraction naturally on your own and avoid all kinds of resistance with men, dating and relationships.

Like the old “emotionally unavailable” guy trap.

Then you can go through all the steps and ideas I’ve got to create and AMPLIFY Intellectual Attraction.

Sound good?

Good.

Let me ask you something to help you get into the Intellectual Attraction “Mindset”…

Have you ever been in a situation with a man where you had been dating and physical together, but quickly you started to notice that he didn’t do much to initiate conversations or connect with you anymore?

He was withdrawing physically and emotionally and you could feel it and sense it, even if nothing had really been said.

And so you brought it up with him… and instead of him listening, opening up and seeing how he was acting and how it affected you both, he actually got IRRITATED with you.

Which freaked you out even more.

And at some point in the arguing, frustration, irritation, etc. did you deep down wish that he would just ACCEPT you and be OPEN to how great things really were when you were together?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!!?

Think about it…

Do you think a man should just accept or “tolerate” the person who is supposed to be the love of his life!?

Absolutely not.

No, instead he shouldn’t be able to keep his mind and his hands off of you.

I’ll bet that you’d rather feel this way with the person you spend your life and time with too, right?

What if you were with someone and instead of finding a way to make you FEEL love, lust and a deeper sense of ATTRACTION to them, they wanted to CONVINCE you to feel these things.

And when you didn’t feel how they wanted you to feel, they got upset with you and it hurt and frustrated them to the point of being upset with you.

How do you think you’d react?

Would it MAKE you feel how they wanted you to feel?

It probably wouldn’t feel very comfortable with them.

And it definitely wouldn’t make you feel more ATTRACTED to them.

Get where I’m going with this?

If you want to make a man feel that deep burning desire to be with you both physically and emotionally, then “convincing” him or trying to use Physical Attraction to get close to him won’t work in the long run.

HOW TO TAKE YOUR CONNECTION AND RELATIONSHIP TO THE NEXT LEVEL

So here’s where I give you the simplest piece of information you’ll ever be able to put to use in your life that will have DRAMATIC POSITIVE EFFECTS.

Remember when we were talking about the “common sense” advice that lots of women follow?

Well, even if you’re having a terrible time and getting advice that doesn’t work, DON’T QUIT.

Not even if the ideas or advice you’re working with aren’t helping you.

Huh?

Why in the world would I recommend using advice that I know isn’t likely to help you too much in the long run?

Here’s the “elusive obvious” thing going on here -

You’ll LEARN a thousand times more by not quitting and trying new things in your life…even if they don’t get you exactly where you’d like to be or seem like they aren’t working at the time.

There’s no substitute in the world for KNOWLEDGE and learning.

But learning doesn’t take place if you quit and don’t find the lessons inside what you’re experiencing.

The trouble is that NOBODY wants to go through the process and learn all the lessons.

We ALL want INSTANT GRATIFICATION.

I sure do.

Unfortunately, that’s not how things usually work in the world.

But there is a shortcut here.

There are THREE CRITICAL STEPS that will help get you to a better place in your love-life…FAST

1. Finding the right information

2. Start learning

3. Stick with it and stay AWARE

I’ll talk to you again soon, and best of luck in life and love,

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

I know you’ll want to hear about this one…

Especially if you’ve ever been in that “uncertain” place with a man in your relationship.

Just bought your e-book and am finding it quite useful…. My fiance proposed to me last Feb, and I was so ecstatic, I moved towns to live with him and changed jobs and left most of my friends behind. (still visit the friends regularly though). After four months of living together, the intimacy and newness has died down (with a few arguments along the way).

We are both trying to adjust to living together, and some hurtful things have been said and happened, namely my fiance has insisted we postpone the wedding (after many arrangements have been made), and has mentioned more than once that he’s not sure if he’s up for all the committment that goes with being married, and having a family (acutally has said he is now unsure if he wants all that…) I’m trying to deal with the hurt (actually devistated) feelings of the things I thought we both wanted not happening, and also the fact that what we once had has changed and I now feel like I’m in limbo.

I know I have made some mistakes with this situation, but am trying to see if we can turn it around, or if I should just move on. He says he still loves me very much, he’s just not sure if he is up for it all now. He is also a workaholic and is extremely busy with his business (he owns a business)…and I must say has a lot of self-centered tendencies.

If you have any suggestions regarding which particular sections I should focus on more, it would be appreciated, or if you have heard a similar situation and have any suggestions…

Regards,
V.

Wow… thanks for sharing. Sorry to hear about the painful things you’re going through, but as hard as it might be to believe, there’s good news here… You’re not alone.

In fact, what you’re going though is so unbelievably common (unfortunately) that I want you to make sure you don’t go into “panic mode”. Or the other COUNTERPRODUCTIVE mode women in your situation commonly go into: “Fix-it” mode – where you start to try and change anything and everything, making it impossible to keep the things that are still working going.

This only makes things worse for you AND makes a man feel less confident and comfortable in the relationship with you. But there are several specific things that can quickly take your situation from frustrating and disconnected to CLOSE and INTIMATE again… and I’ll share these in just a minute.

But first thing’s first…

Let me be VERY DIRECT and HONEST with you – My ebook isn’t going to help you. That’s right, I said it. It’s a waste of your time right now.

Seriously.

Here’s why…

I can hear that you’re looking for direction with what exactly it is you need to focus on among all the ideas, concepts and “strategies” in the book. But I’ve got to be real with you here…

Just buying my eBook Catch Him And Keep Him and browsing through it once or twice ISN’T going to help you create a real and lasting change in your relationship.

I wish I could tell you it was that simple. But you know, it isn’t that simple right now when it comes to your relationship. And if I did tell you it was that easy, I’d be lying.

But the truth is that NOT FINDING THE RIGHT ANSWERS right now, even if they take a little time for you to recognize and more importantly APPLY in your love life, represents a much, much more difficult potential situation in the future…

Having your relationship continue to get worse and worse, more and more distant, and less committed and loving, until the special connection you used to have seems to have completely disappeared.

But the upside is that once you do start to “get” more of the concepts and strategies in my ebook, and how they apply to your situation specifically, something MAGICAL will happen…

Great things will start to happen for you in your relationship, and with the way you act and communicate with him (and him with you), out of nowhere.

Actually, there will be several magic moments where you see things “shift” from difficult and resistant to open and understanding… And very quickly you will start connecting and feeling close to each other again. But right now the challenge is to help you get into LEARNING so that these magic moments start to come into your life sooner rather than later. So let me tell you a few simple but profound TRUTHS about learning and life I’ve come across as I’ve helped and worked with literally thousands of women.

And stick with me here… I know these will help you with where you’re at right now and quickly redirect you and your relationship towards POSITIVE GROWTH.

Truth #1. MORE Information Isn’t Always BETTER

I don’t know if you recognize it right now, but you’ve got most of the answers you’re seeking in front of you right now… inside Catch Him And Keep Him. But like a lot of us do, you’ve most likely looked at the ideas and information, passed it through your usual “filters” in your busy mind, and you’ve kept right on doing what it is that you’ve been doing for what I bet is quite some time in your relationship now…

Looking for “that thing” that will jump into your life and magically change EVERYTHING for you right away. All the while, YOU are still thinking the same1 way and you’re still caught up in the same emotional and behavioral “patterns” within yourself and with your fiancé.

In other words, here’s what I’m trying to let you in on…

More information on what to specifically do in your situation isn’t what you need right now at all. You need to first get a hold of your own experience and your own head and have a shift in PERSPECTIVE.

Let me explain it to you this way…

Have you ever seen how some men think that they need to learn great “pick-up lines” in order to meet and attract women?

Ridiculous right?

But TONS of men think this way. In fact, men seek out other men to watch and learn from, some read pick-up “manuals”, and others ask their friends what it is that they should SAY in order to make women interested in them.

I’m talking about men looking for the exact set of words and phrases that they think they can use to attract, interest or “seduce” a woman. And then going out there trying these “lines” with women in the hopes that the women will respond by being physically attracted to them. You can guess how it goes for these guys most of the time. But what’s fascinating is how the men respond and interpret the “failures” they have, using the lines they’ve learned.

When the “lines” don’t work for them, lots of men immediately think to themselves…

“Oh, I must not have found the right pick-up line yet. I better keep searching until I find the right one that makes the woman I say it to feel an instant surge of attraction for me.”

I’m serious here by the way… Lots of men really do think this way about what it takes to meet a woman and get her interest. And I think you know, as a woman, that finding better pick-up lines is NOT the answer for a man who hasn’t had success with the first few “lines” he has tried.

In fact, it’s PAINFULLY OBVIOUS to you that these men are looking in all the wrong places for answers. But I can’t tell you how many rational and intelligent men make this stupid mistake.

So what’s going on here?

How can intelligent people draw such dumb conclusions about people and life?

Well, men who want to learn “pick-up lines” all have something in common (besides not intuitively or “naturally” understanding what can make a woman feel interested and attracted). These men are all looking for answers in a place where they’ll never be able to find “the answer”.

You, being a woman, know that it really doesn’t matter WHAT a man says (unless it’s vulgar or ridiculous, in which case a woman will actually feel repelled by a man). Instead, it’s WHO he is and HOW he says things that makes all the difference. And you know this because you have the PERSPECTIVE to see how things actually work personally and emotionally for you and for other women. But the men who are looking for the “perfect pick-up line” don’t have the benefit or value of seeing things from your perspective.

These guys are COMPLETELY CONVINCED that if they just found the right thing to say to a woman, she would see him in a different way. And they have what they think is “proof” of this because they’ve seen men TALK to women and get the outcome they’re looking for.

But what they can’t see from their perspective is that it isn’t THE WORDS being exchanged that create interest and attraction.

A man who still thinks pick-up lines are the solution is blind to the truth that most of the significant communication and decision making between a man and a woman is happening on deeper and less direct, emotional, social and psychological level.

So even if you tried to tell one of these guys what was REALLY going on when men and women interact, and that it wasn’t pick-up lines which can make a woman interested in them, they wouldn’t be able to believe you.

The human mind is a fascinating and strange thing.

Anyway, here’s the FASCINATING thing I recognized a few years back about women…

Lots of women do the SAME THING.

They have their own version of the “perfect pick-up line”.

Seriously.

Except a woman’s “perfect line” is about creating the instant relationship “breakthrough”, instead of the quick sexual experience men are often seeking.

Lots of women tirelessly analyze their relationship over and over – often times creating more negative emotional distance through the fear and anxiety they experience.

I mean, how many times have you asked yourself in your mind…

“What does it mean since he did [enter whatever behavior he did here]?”

And how many times have you spent hours or days thinking about talking about exactly what it is you need to say or do with a man to fix or change things?

The truth is, the answer often isn’t in YOUR HEAD, and isn’t available from the level of AWARENESS and CONSCIOUSNESS you have at the time.

In other words, the answer for you right now is NOT to find more answers for your specific situation that you haven’t found yet.

You already have a solid system to start with laid out in front of you inside of Catch Him And Keep Him. But instead, the answer right now is YOU.

YOU need to take what you’ve got in front of you and DO THE WORK to change your awareness and perspective.

There are no “magic pick-up lines” to instantly transform a man, or deepen the level of depth and understanding in a relationship just by saying them, or having read them in a book IF you don’t understand the HOW and WHY of it all.

But there are things in my book that bring consistent POSITIVE RESULTS if you work to develop your skills and AWARENESS.

Stop looking for more “relationship pick-up lines”.

Truth #2: Change, Awareness, Consciousness and Growth Are All PROCESSES.

Here’s something I see happen all the time with women who read a bit of my stuff… They take an idea, a concept, or a “technique” that I’ve shown or explained and then say to themselves…

“Hey, that’s cool… I think I’ll try this once or twice to see if it works.”

And then, when things don’t go their way at first, they get frustrated and give up… BEFORE they’ve even had the time to become AWARE of what it is that they’re actually doing.

Sorry, I wish I could bring you instant gratification into your life and relationships, but it just doesn’t work that way. And deep inside your mind, you know it. A relationship is a PROCESS, not a thing you can buy, have and hold. That’s why the ball is in YOUR court right now.

I’ve done my part here, and now it’s your turn. It’s time to make the COMMITMENT to learn and try NEW WAYS of thinking in your life.

THE TRUTH ABOUT INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS

What if I told you that the fact that your fiancé was experiencing doubts and fears could be HEALTHY and exactly what you need to experience and deal with BEFORE you spend the rest of your lives together?

Would you be willing to accept that and find a way to understand how you BOTH can learn and grow as REAL PEOPLE from that?

Or would you RESIST it?

Hint: I’m working on your PERSPECTIVE right now.

As much as it FEELS awful, I know from experience that ALL men and women HAVE to deal with their own fears, discomforts and challenges when they begin to weave their lives closer together.

Especially when they make huge changes in their lives together like engagement and living together.

Here’s the thing…

Most men and women like to think that in a relationship, it SHOULD feel comfortable and safe and “easy” most of the time.

And most men and women have the strong SUBCONSCIOUS BELIEF that the people who have good long-term committed relationships were just lucky enough to find that magic person who eliminates all the resistance, obstacles and challenges other couples experience. But the OPPOSITE is true.

Open, honest, “real” relationships still have LOTS of challenges, doubts, “phases” and fears in them.

In fact, in a way, they have MORE CHALLENGES because both people are truly open and honest about who they are and what they’re feeling. The difference is how both people in the relationship accept, understand, and deal with these “realities”.

Do you panic, creating more emotional uncertainty, and negative disconnected feelings?

Or are you calm, confident, and assured in a way that lets a man know things aren’t going to be difficult and tiresome with you in the future?

Here’s something I want you to do right now…

I want you to start thinking of all the things that are coming up right now that you see as new problems in the relationship as “road signs” guiding your future relationship.

You’re engaged and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. And whether you see it right now or not, that’s a REALLY BIG thing for our subconscious minds, let alone our conscious minds, to grasp.

You owe it to yourself and your fiancé to get things handled and understood between you two, on a deep, real, lasting level, BEFORE you jump into “FOREVER”.

The marriage or engagement doesn’t make the relationship. The relationship makes the marriage. And here’s something that’s COUNTERINTUITIVE about the common problems men bring into relationships with women…

These things coming up actually give YOU the opportunity to become more AWARE and help create a better level of communication and understanding in the future.

Here’s what is more important for you in the short term – What you’re going through can be EASILY OVERCOME with what really are small changes in how you think and communicate. But ONLY IF you can keep from playing “connect- the-dots” game with each thing that has happened, turning it all into one big negative nightmare scenario in your mind.

AND…

Only if you KNOW what to do in each one of these critical things going on, and you can address them in a way that brings a man closer, and lets him know that dealing with these things that come up in the future, will be simple and easy for you both to deal with together, and stay connected.

Remember, the way you’ve responded and reacted in the past, and the way you are now, tells a man everything about how he thinks you’ll be in the future together.

So what are your emotions, reactions, and words telling him?

If he’s scared, non-committal and uncertain, and he has the courage to share that with you while still letting you know that he loves you and not just leaving, but then you freak out and don’t know what to do or say – what kind of story does that create about you in his mind?

A man’s emotions, fears, behaviors, etc. are all part of the road signs in your relationship… like them or not. They SUCK, but they are REAL EXPERIENCES a man is having. The good news is that these experiences and thoughts are driven largely by FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

And, as you probably already know, feelings and emotions can change almost instantly.

My favorite example of this is when a child is tired or unhappy and something happens to them physically, like being lightly bumped, etc. The child will fall down, pretending to be terribly hurt and start crying. But if you put a new toy or a piece of candy in front of them EVERYTHING changes in an instant.

What if there was a way to KNOW what to do in each situation with a man that would change his feelings and emotions?

And therefore affect how he sees EVERYTHING about you and your relationship?

What if there was a way to keep him from worrying about these things and feeling this way in the first place?

And instead of trying to convince him or argue with him about how he should think and act in your relationship…

Make him FEEL physically and EMOTIONALLY drawn to you as a woman and as a partner. To where his experience would tell him that you were the only woman who could makes him feel so amazing and that he has to be around you. That’s where I can come in.

The reality is that ALL men have their own set of fears about being truly close to a woman – as much as they ALSO want to love and be loved… Even AFTER they make a commitment and start to feel and share true love with a woman.

It’s a story that you might find strangely familiar. Don’t be alarmed.

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was very attracted to a particular man, he had the Adonis Effect.

At first, he was just another attractive man… but the more she got to know him, the more she began to feel attracted to him… and the more time she spent with him, the more that attraction grew into a deep emotional attachment and affection for him.

But there was one problem.

As her emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger, she also grew more and more insecure.

Why?

Because she couldn’t tell whether or not he felt the same way towards her.

Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, but nothing ever progressed past the “friendship” stage.

There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.

But something was wrong with the picture.

He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.

And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.

The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.

Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.

After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way.

So she made a bold move.

She TOLD HIM how she felt.

She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.

He responded by flirting with her and he spent some time alone with her, and they even kissed and held each other.

But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn’t call her and wasn’t really “available” to her.

This only confused the woman more.

She didn’t know how to take it…

Did it mean that he really loved her too, but that he was afraid of something?

Did it mean that he wasn’t ready for a long-term relationship?

Did it mean that he didn’t love her, and that he was trying to give her a hint?

Did it mean that she hadn’t tried hard enough?

Did it mean that she needed to put everything on the line and REALLY let him know how she felt?

She finally decided that she couldn’t go on like this anymore… she had to be with him.

She had to make sure that he knew just how much she wanted to be with him… so she took a big step, bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter… again confessing her feelings.

And then, something unthinkable happened.

Either he didn’t reply at all… (Ouch!)

Or he replied and she connected with him on an emotional and physical level for a brief time, but then he backed away.

Then she called him a couple of times the following week before reaching him.

He made an excuse about being very busy and said, “I’ll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”… and hung up… but she never got a call back.

Over the following months, the woman tried desperately to understand what went wrong… and what happened.

THE END….

OK, I’m back.

Now, wasn’t that a sweet story?

Heartwarming, huh?

I know… I should keep my day job, and not take up writing romance novels….

Now, let’s talk about that story.

That story is basically a MYTH.

But I’m not talking about FICTION here.

I’m talking about a story that rings true for lots of women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonates at a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.

And why does this particular story resonate for some women?

Because lots of women have been there in one way or another… at one time or another… and many have been there OFTEN in their lives.

Another thing that gives this particular story a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions that it stirs as a result of the powerful negative experiences it brings back.

Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE me.

They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity to UNDERSTAND the puzzles about men, women and how we behave with each other.

In this particular situation, I think there is something important for a woman to know…

It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots of women DON’T get.

That secret comes down to the reality that if a man isn’t ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attempts to share a connection, convince him to like her, and to feel and share love, will BACKFIRE.

In other words, they not only DON’T WORK- they can actually make things WORSE.

In other words, the very things that a woman does to try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.

They make him run.

Even though a woman might have nothing but the most loving and positive emotional intentions in the long run, these actually cause the woman feeling them to do things that make the man pull away… and sometimes for good.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

But it’s a strangely common dynamic that most men and women really aren’t aware of and don’t understand, even though they’re playing it out.

Hopefully, by explaining the process of how this happens to you, I’ll help you avoid this painful and frustrating situation in your own future…

And maybe you can start to understand what’s going on a little better, if you think about what it’s like when a man you’re NOT attracted to desperately wants your attention, affection and your time.

Have you ever had a guy pursue you?

You know, when a guy asks for your number and maybe you feel awkward turning him down, so you relent.

And then he calls…

As he’s trying to get your attention, approval and affection, all of his pleading and efforts just seem to bug you more and make you want to get away.

Even if all he’s doing is telling you great things about yourself and how he feels about you.

He just wants a deeper connection too.

But does it make you feel the same way that he does, just because he feels it and knows it’s so “real?”

Strange and interesting….

Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction

I’m always fascinated by the idea that we humans don’t always understand the message that we’re communicating to others…

So often we think that because we WANT to communicate a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand what we’re trying to say.

Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over- the-top sexy/cheap and wears way too much make-up?

Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t think that her appearance is communicating the message to men that she thinks it is”…?

Yeah, I have too.

Well, here’s the deal:

If you do something to “let a man know how you feel” but he isn’t open to the situation at that time, or he’s not in the right place/right time to hear it, or most importantly – he isn’t ATTRACTED to you, then it’s going to backfire.

Yep… It’s actually going to trigger a feeling of discomfort and disinterest in the man.

And this is just as powerful as the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

Once a man feels it, he’ll start behaving differently.

In short, he’ll back off, withdraw, or even disappear.

So what causes this?

And why would a man react this way towards a woman who was trying to be nice… a woman who was giving him her time, compliments, attention, or telling him how she feels affection for him?

Because if you think about it from HIS perspective, you’ll realize that the moment you do something to “confess”, you’ve created a TURNING POINT in the relationship.

Up until that point, you were harmless.

I mean, men know when they are getting some “special attention” from a woman and can sense it.

But now that you’ve started pursuing him and talking about how you feel, you’ve passively posed
several questions that can create NEGATIVE
TENSION:

“How do you feel about me?”

And…

“Do you want to be with me?”

You’ve triggered an emotion that can actually repel a man and make him even more detached from his emotions.

Here’s the thing…

You can’t “make a man like you” or change how he feels about you by doing nice things for him.

Doing “nice” things for a man who isn’t attracted to you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates the feeling that you’re trying to bribe him because you don’t think he would just like you for you.

Men are the worst at this, by the way.

They make this mistake over and over again in life because they’re doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They’re doing it because they don’t have an understanding of ATTRACTION.

If you have any guy friends, brothers, etc. in your life who are clueless when it comes to women, then you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

When they’re really “into” a woman and they want things to go somewhere or progress, and maybe the woman’s not feeling it for him so much, what does he do?

Usually a lot of things that communicate, “Hey, I think you’re way more valuable, important and higher status than I am… Maybe one day if I give you enough compliments and gifts you’ll start to like me.”

But let me clarify here so you really get it…

If you have a FRIEND (man or woman) and you like them, and you want to make them like you more, then when you do some nice things for them, they will probably actually like and appreciate you more. As a friend.

On the other hand…

If you have a man that you “like” in a romantic way, and he doesn’t “feel it” for you, and you do something nice for him because you want HIM to like you more, it will BACKFIRE… and he will not only NOT like you more, but he will most likely distance himself from you.

Women think that they need to communicate verbally when they like a man… as if that’s part of the necessary process of getting a guy.

In their minds, it goes like this:

Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you

If you follow this pattern with men who aren’t already FEELING much ATTRACTION or CONNECTION with you, then it’s probably going to BACKFIRE.

If he’s not into you, then it goes like THIS:

He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him you like him>He gets that “yikes” feeling and withdraws…

THE ANSWER

There are really TWO answers to this problem.

The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular guy, but you don’t know if he likes you back.

DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.

Don’t buy him a big gift, do something nice to show him how much you think about him, or write him a love letter…

Don’t send him a note to his work that says, “From your secret admirer”.

Don’t call him several times, without hearing from him.

And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.

If you want to know how he feels about you, do something to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts instead of telling him you love him and hearing the crickets chirp as you wait for his response.

As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HIM. Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.

Asking a man if he’s interested in you in a romantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actually DESTROY the chances that his attraction and interest in you will grow.

Really.

The SECOND answer is to not get into this particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.

And how does one do that?

One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.

One does that by understanding the dynamics of how and why the physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION is triggered in men.

One does that by knowing what you’re doing FROM THE BEGINNING.

And what’s the best way to learn THAT skill?

I thought you’d never ask…

Well, I’ve written about attraction before and I’ll write about it again.

In my program, I talk about the very best ways to learn EXACTLY HOW TO MAKE A MAN FEEL ATTRACTION for you.

Notice that I said FEEL attraction for, not talk about attraction with you.

There’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE.

But there’s more to men and dating than just attraction and chemistry, right?

Well, above and beyond the meeting and attracting men “stuff”, in my ebook I also talk about how attraction, communication, psychology and emotions all play into the longer term “stuff” to create a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.

Wouldn’t it be great if you knew exactly how to attract a man for a REAL and LASTING connection and relationship from the start?

Then you could save yourself from those wasted months and years that you might have already spent with guys who don’t really get emotionally involved, invested and connected with you.

In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of men to tell you the secrets and truths that lots of women will never know about how to create lasting attraction and have him LEADING YOU into a committed relationship.

The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him“.

I’ve spent several years now, studying the ways that women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate using their words, voice tone and body language.

The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC to be around. And you probably know what I’m talking about if you know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everything involving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.

And I’ll tell you… it’s not magic.

You don’t have to be gorgeous or young.

And you don’t have to be LUCKY.

What you DO have to do is LEARN.

It’s a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY woman can learn it if she wants.

But you’re not likely to figure it out by “trial and error”. Many of the keys to making men feel ATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-term, aren’t “obvious” at all.

In fact, many of them make no sense… and they’re the LAST thing you’d do in a particular situation, IF you didn’t know the SECRETS.

For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.

It’s jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.

Go here to check it out:

http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/main/eBook

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Later in this email I share a “secret” formula for communicating with a man in a way that will draw him out of that defensive and disconnected shell, and instead create a deeply connected long-term attraction between you both.

Learning about it could mean the difference between a guy withdrawing from you and never getting close, or creating that lasting and fulfilling attraction and love that last a lifetime.

Here’s the thing…

I realized something this week that gave me goosebumps – in that wierd kind of good and bad way.

It’s that men who pay attention and think about the FEELINGS and EMOTIONS they have, why they have them, what they mean and how to share them are RARE. And it’s even more unique and special for a man to pay attention to his feelings and emotions inside a relationship with women AND to talk openly about them. I know this might sound simple and obvious to you as a woman since you’ve probably been around the block with men like this before, but it’s still unfortunately very true.

Here’s why this is important and what I really want to talk to you about. Let me ask you a simple question…

Why can’t men talk about their feelings?

It’s like they’re helpless morons when it comes to knowing and sharing how they feel.

But mix in a woman and her more natural awareness and ability/desire to communicate about these things and it’s the perfect storm that can make a man withdraw, close off or worse.

So why do men react so weird when you want to talk about things like feelings, emotions, meanings, relationships, commitment, etc?

Why is it that an “emotional connection” for a man can be like kryptonite to Superman?

The answer is pretty fascinating. Here’s how I see it.

Have you ever asked a man how he feels about you or your situation? What happens next?

Exactly – he starts acting all freaked out and turns into a deer in headlights. Or even worse, he starts getting angry and frustrated and turns the conversation back on you with unrelated problems or issues. Ahhh… spitefulness and contempt.

What’s going on here?

Well, you’ve run into the BRICK WALL guys have with relationships and communication. And guess what?

It’s YOUR fault. Yep. It’s all you. I’m not letting you shift the blame to someone else for what matters most to you in your life.

Why?

Because it’s in your best interest.

As one of my more psychologically enlightened friends like to say:

“Don’t go to victim.”

If you repeatedly discover that someone you’re close to in your life can’t communicate the way you’d like them to, you’ve got 2 choices:

Stop communicating with that person, because you don’t want to try and take on the “project” of getting them to change. I think of this way as working towards ISOLATION in your life.

Provide a solution or alternative. Here you modify the way YOU communicate to start to lead and guide them towards communicating with you the way you want them to. I think of this second way as working towards INTIMACY in your life.

So what’s your choice?

Remember, you have the power to CHOOSE. So are you one of those women that doesn’t make a conscious choice to do something about how she’s wants to effect change in her love life and her communication/sharing with a man.

And you continue to bang your head against the man’s “emotional brick wall”? Then shame on you, because it’s your choice. You’ve probably heard it before, and I don’t like using tired old sayings, but this one is worth repeating:

Wrong me once, shame on you.

Wrong me twice, shame on me.

But lots of women are wronged over and over in relationships until they’ve become convinced that men are idiots and that things can’t ever be different or better. Quit it for cryin out loud! Yes, men are often idiots with feelings, emotions and communication “stuff”.

But you know that. Deal with it and recognize that now it’s your choice and up to you. You can try the same things that haven’t been working… Or you can start learning and eventually provide your own “bridges” and solutions for yourself to a more intimate connection with a man.

Trust me, there’s a better way. But you’ll never figure things out by trying to do things that simply “make sense”. Planning and approaching complex situations in your life just by what “makes sense” is not only naive, it’s honestly pretty stupid. Even the smartest people around who run schools, businesses, foundations, etc. have a team of smart advisors they listen to. They rely on these advisors for outside perspectives – all so that they don’t just act on their own quick instincts, but take a more “integrated” approach. And it makes their decisions MUCH more likely to work and be successful.

That’s why these people go to school, college, and training.

They study and read, and THEN they go out and make a go of it with everything they’ve learned.

So how much thinking, planning, reading and learning have you done around your communication with others (and more specifically, with men)?

Maybe you picked up the latest best-seller by some publishers daughter on something like how swans mate and are monogamous and you and your guy can be beautiful and happy like swans in love too….

Hey, not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll write a book about that. Not!

Are you going to keep banging your head against the emotional brick wall?

Or are you looking to learn?

Good, then let’s get started.

THE “SECRET COMMUNICATION BUTTON” IN A MAN THAT WILL INSTANTLY GET HIM TO OPEN UP… AND HOW TO PUSH IT

Did you know that men have a kind of “SECRET BUTTON” you can push that will make communicating with them almost effortless.

And if you learn what it is and how to use it you’ll be able to get to what he really thinks and feels.

So let me take you through a situation I guarantee you’ve either been in before or you’ll be in with a man….

HELLO!

That means pay attention because this is one of those “universal situations” that can mean priceless knowledge for you. Let’s say your talking with a man you’re interested in and you want to take things to “the next level” but you don’t know how. And you’ve been waiting on him to talk to you or express his interest or love for a while. But he hasn’t done that, and you get a little disappointed and frustrated with things.

You’ve tried being patient and talking with your friends but you’ve got to know how he feels and you need things to move forward.

So what do you do?

Well, most women build up everything they’re thinking inside until they have to let it out in one big emotional release. And guess what men see when this happens?

No, they don’t see how much you care or love them and how amazing it is that you want to be with them. Somehow instead of seeing the good and the positive intentions you have, they see intense negative emotions that they can’t understand. And men get scared of emotions that are really intense or that they don’t understand.

Most of all, they just aren’t used to them. So when you share your feelings and want to know his feelings for you, he freaks out. He either becomes the “deer-in-headlights” guy or the “angry-frustrated-scared” guy. Most women do what makes sense in this situation – they push and encourage the man to talk, to get in touch with his feelings and to share HER feelings.

But men don’t see it as positive encouragement. They see it as you being “over-emotional” and pushy about the issue. (Yeah, I know… Men are freakish emotional creatures!)

When you resist or react negatively in any conversation, everything becomes more difficult. And the WORST mistakes you can make here with a man I call the 4 Deadly Sins:

-Assuming – that he knows what you want or expect
-Begging – for him to “give you” what you want
-Convincing – trying to make him feel the way you do
-Bullying – bullying him into your way of thinking or feeling.

You will never have any long term success with a man if you keep doing these.

You’ll be beating yourself against the “BRICK WALL”.

So what’s the “SECRET BUTTON”?

Well, remember that there’s a catch to all improvements in your life, right?

So the same goes for this button thing.

You’ve got to make it happen by changing YOUR communication first in order to push his communication button.

It’s up to you to get a man’s fears and defenses out of the way so you can get to the bottom of things.

And getting past the masks men can wear with women out of fear is the essence of “pushing the button”.

Here’s the 5 basic steps I’ve recognized that you can use to push his “secret button”.

I’ve given some brief explanations and examples or specifics along with to give you a general idea of what these are.

But I can’t into all the details here in a short newsletter. Like anything that can have a lasting positive effect on a person, it’s a process, not a short trick.

So Here’s His “Secret Communication Button”:

Step 1) The Primer

This is the “starter” for the conversation that will build an entirely positive context – and it might seem like something you could skip, but it’s actually the most important step. To do this, you might do something like starting off talking with positive comments about the time you’ve been spending together and some of the great times you’ve had. The idea is ALL about setting the right context so a guy becomes positive, comfortable and opens up.

And I’m sure you know how guys get when you start talking about issues, problems, intense emotions, etc…Men become babies and shut down. Don’t make that happen here, it’s too important. Even if you’re having a tough time because he’s done something to hurt you lately, you’re interested in him for a reason, so try to remember those things.

You can’t drive this conversation with all the “negative” things – it will never work that way.

Not with men, not with anybody.

Step 2) Casual Introduction

This is the first step into “where things are going”. But instead of springing “the talk” on him like most women can’t help but do, keep talking about positives, the good things, the things you want to continue that are WORKING. If you don’t have too many of these things, think harder. You’re interested in a future with this guy for some reason, right? But don’t just compliment him. Make sure it’s about BOTH of you, and how you are together, not just about him.

You’re goal here in this step is to get HIM to think and start communicating about the relationship and the good things ahead in the future.

You’re helping him build the bridge.

*Important Word of Caution Here….

If you can’t come up with too much positive stuff that you’ve done recently or that you’ve both enjoyed, you might want to think about that and the timing of your “talk”.

Is this the right time and the right place?

Maybe you already know something about the guy and “where things are at”, but you aren’t acknowledging it to yourself. Remember that you’re not here to try and “convince” a man to want of feel something. That’s a losing battle with almost certain failure and heartbreak ahead for you. Make sure you’ve thought things all the way through about what YOU want and if he’ll really make you happy, or if you’re wanting to change him somehow with this talk.

Trying to change or convince in ANY form is NOT a part of this conversation.

If you find yourself doing either, step back, relax and think smart and positive. Stay focused on the REALITY of the situation, not what you want it to be. Think about the positive nature of the ideal relationship you’re looking for and speak from that place and feeling.

Step 3) Applying With Positive Strokes

So now you’re tuning into each other a bit in the conversation and sharing thoughts about the good things you have together.

Then tell him, “Hey, you know what’s great? I bet you and I see things differently, which is OK, but I love spending time with you and we have such a great time together”.

Again, you’re getting into a conversation about relationships that will eventually turn to your situation, but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger any resistance or fear from the man and this is what you’re aiming for.

Step 4) Non-situational Honesty

Tell him, “You know, I’ve known for a long time that I want a relationship that [explain your ideals about what would make a great relationship for you here]”

Of course it’s up to you to talk about the ideal relationship you want. But there’s a HUGE mistake you need to avoid in this step. Do NOT start talking about how what you have now isn’t what you want or that you NEED to have this ideal relationship with him right now. And doing this might seem like just another thing not to do, but if you make this mistake it will change the ENTIRE nature and context of the conversation – and odds are the guy will change his mood and how open he is to share and listen in half a second flat.

Step 5) Active Listening

Active listening isn’t an idea I came up with. There’s all kinds of great ideas and books on it out there. But what’s it’s really about is tuning into the OTHER PERSON you’re talking to, making them feel heard, and actually LISTENING to the things they’re saying and reading what THEIR emotions and feelings are.

Luckily, I don’t have to teach you much about this since you’re a woman.

It’s the guys we have to worry about here.

But the reality is that the more you listen, the more you’ll be heard. And if you don’t believe me, start trying it with your friends and family.

Once someone gets things off their chest, they’re 50 times more open and available to listen and care about what’s going on with you.

But sometimes it’s tough – you have to be the bigger person and listen first, not be heard first.

If you follow these steps, it will blow a man away.

AND even better….

it will create massive ATTRACTION!

Yeah, imagine that.

By talking about serious relationship “stuff” you won’t scare a guy off.

No, you’ll actually make his attraction for you STRONGER.

How?

Well, men secretly wish that they had women that they felt completely open and comfortable with.

As hard as it might be to believe, they actually like sharing their feelings, thoughts and desires on subjects they usually have a hard time with.

It feels REALLY good to talk about things, especially if they’ve been bottled up!

I bet you’ve felt that too.

When you push the button for a man, he experiences a kind of open and honest communication “release”.

And the more intense the topic or issue is, the more amazing and “freeing” the experience is.

For men, there’s nothing tougher and more foreign than getting really in touch with their emotions and sharing them with someone.

When you’re then one to do this, men almost can’t believe it…

They instantly see you as someone unique, rare and “cool”.

When you can talk about tough issues in a way that makes them easy and fun AND you have the right amount of positivity and “detachment” from the outcome, it makes men EXTREMELY attracted to you.

AND it has the even more elusive and magical benefit of making a man more interested in the future with you.

I call this more “long term” kind of attraction that’s created when you do these things with a man “Intellectual Attraction”.

Your Friend,
Christian Carter

Like when you seem to be drifting farther and farther apart, and actually talk and share less as time goes on…but the guy doesn’t seem to notice or care?

Where did all the conversation, connection, attraction and passion go to?

I mean, is it really a woman’s “job” to be the one who does all the work just to get a man to actually COMMUNICATE and connect?

The answer is NO….

However the reality is that lots of women have relationships with men that become stuck in a rut this way.

But guess what?

It DOESN’T HAVE TO WORK THIS WAY.

Keep reading and you’ll LEARN how men can go from “emotionally unavailable” and withdrawn with a woman to intimate and connected, WITHOUT you having to do all the work.

But first, let me ask you…

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t able to talk to a man about anything “serious” or important in your relationship? At least not without things turning ugly?

And forget about sharing your deeper feelings, questions, or doubts.

These would seriously FREAK HIM OUT and push his buttons, right?

What’s with men?

Are we completely immature and incapable, or do women share responsibility here too?

Good question.

If you’ve ever felt lonely, disconnected, or unappreciated because you didn’t have a “voice” inside your relationship with a man…

Or if a man didn’t ever “see” or “hear” you, even when you couldn’t have been more open, thoughtful and direct, then you won’t want to miss this email.

THE COMMON WAYS “EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” MEN WITHDRAW…AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

One of the most common, frustrating and destructive things men do with women in relationships is pull away or completely withdraw emotionally.

If you’ve ever had this happen and it dragged on, even just for a few hours or days, then you know it can feel like a slow “emotional death.”

Your creativity, energy, and passion all start to wither away and you get drawn into some weird “funk.”

Give me a silent nod if you know what I’m talking about and you’ve experienced the negative effects of “emotional withdrawal” with a man before.

Well, there’s something that lots of women don’t recognize that I want to share with you…

It’s strange, kind of bizarre, and hard for lots of women to believe…but it’s something I’ve observed again and again about men.

It’s that when it comes to emotional withdrawal and distance in a relationship, most men DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND what it is.

And therefore they can’t notice it or see it as a problem to address when it comes up.

Ok, let me repeat that.

Some men just plain DON’T GET IT.

Got it?

Now, why am I telling you this?

Because lots of women get upset when a man withdraws and pays more attention to his favorite sports team, work, or whatever, and they take it personally…as though the man is consciously doing something to ruin the relationship or to REJECT her.

Wrong.

The truth is that lots of men have no idea how important sharing feelings, emotions, and experiences are to a relationship…and they honestly don’t have much practice at it either.

So when a great woman comes along that he could have an amazing time with and get close to…

And she starts noticing that he has some emotional shortcomings that he doesn’t have all the answers for, or experience with…

Instead of identifying these for what they are (part of his natural “masculine” tendency to pull away and focus in an emotionally uninvolved way) she feels rejected, unappreciated or deadened by it.

How many men do you know who get together with their friends to talk about their feelings and discuss the details and meaning of the relationships in their lives?

Exactly.

That’s why it’s FASCINATING to recognize that lots of men actually value NOT SHARING these things (feelings, emotions, meaning behind relationships).

Men who are this way often say or think things like:

“It’s better if we don’t talk about it…”

Or…”Why do you nag me about this stuff?!”

Sound familiar?

So what’s a woman to do with a man who thinks or talks this way?

Dump him and move on?

Ok, I can’t make that decision for you, but a man MUST BE willing to be part of the learning process that IS a relationship.

Translation – if he’s open to learning and growth in some way, then he’s not a lost cause.

So how open to learning and growth is your guy?

And how open to learning and growth are you?

Or is all this talk about learning to understand more about men feeling like too much “work?”

THE POWER TO UNDERSTAND IS THE POWER TO CHANGE AND GROW

Let me ask you an important question, since men aren’t going to magically change their biological make-up, personalities, or brain chemistry any time soon…

Have you ever thought about how a man’s “emotional withdrawal” actually works, and what brings it about?

I’m asking because I’ve noticed something crazy and fascinating…

Lots of women don’t take the time to think through HOW and WHY a man becomes distant.

(Just like lots of men don’t think through how or why a woman wants to emotionally connect.)

Instead, they jump to immediately feeling frustrated that it’s happening… AGAIN. (Which usually leads to things getting worse, not better.)

And hey…I get that this would be frustrating for a woman, who’s putting so much of herself into the relationship, to try and make things better for him and her.

But there’s a better way than becoming emotionally drained and resisting when a man acts like this…

So what can a woman do to avoid a man’s “withdrawal response” in the first place to save them both the trouble?

And how can a woman deal with this, unfortunately, common situation with men in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place quickly?

I thought you’d never ask…

STEP ONE:

The first step for a woman is to identify how the man withdraws.

Why?

So she can understand what’s going on when it happens, and not be caught off guard or get carried away with the fear of not knowing what’s happening.

As strange as it might sound, just knowing more about how a man withdraws will keep you in a better emotional and mental state.

Below are a few of the ways men can withdraw and avoid emotional connection. See if you can identify with any of these:

-He doesn’t listen at all or dismisses what you’re saying because he’s distracted, focused on, or more interested in, something else.

-He gets defensive for no good reason, tries to argue and turns the table with anything you say, telling you that you give him too much “drama” and points out your faults.

-He plays dumb. (And maybe he’s not even playing!)

-He immediately responds with irritation and frustration when you mention the distance between you, and tells you that you’re overreacting.

-He’s so wrapped up or stressed by his work or projects in his life that when you do spend time together, he’s still not really there with you. And he seems even more irritated when you try to get him to relax and open up.

-He tries to appease you by acting like he “gets” what you’re talking about, but he doesn’t really listen or take what you have to say to heart. It’s back to the same old guy behavior a few days or weeks later.

-He has no idea what to do or how to start communicating with you on the subject, so he changes the subject or tunes out to avoid talking about it.

Ok. Now, any of these look familiar?

You might even recognize several.

You might even have one or two of these that seem to happen over and over.

I want you to realize that these are the withdrawal behaviors that take place, and I want you to become aware of how they work.

STEP TWO:

Now, there’s another reason for doing all this that relates just to YOU…

I want you to take out a piece of paper right now and write down the thoughts that came to mind as you read this.

First write down, in detail, what it is that the guy you are with, or your ex, did in the past to withdraw.

Then, once you’ve done this, describe how the distance or withdrawal made you FEEL inside.

I’ll give you a minute.

Ok, now that you’ve got your thoughts down, there’s a second step after identifying how withdrawal takes place…

Our minds have a tricky and destructive habit that leads us to make faulty and negative associations between what happens in the world around us and the personal meaning we give them inside.

Let me give you an example…

You probably know people who are convinced that they have terrible luck, so when anything happens they think, “Of course, I’m such an unlucky person…”

These kind of people have a very negative view of everything that happens to them because they see themselves as someone to whom only bad things happen.

I call this “Limiting Beliefs”, and we all have some version of this that fits our own fears and life experiences.

Right now you’re going to identify some of your own Limiting Beliefs around what it means about YOU when a man withdraws or acts distant.

That way, you can better understand and make good choices if it happens with a man again.

Following me?

Good.

So what is the feeling you had when you think back to when a man withdrew from you?

Picture it in your mind.

Now, take that negative feeling and find the “internal state” that it created inside you, which is the general emotional state that you felt.

Realize that the feelings you had, and the state you were in, were a result of YOUR OWN BELIEFS about what the man’s behavior meant.

But here’s the thing…

Our beliefs are NOT often the “reality” of the situations we’re in.

In other words, a man’s behavior DOES NOT have to equal a negative reaction or feeling inside YOU.

Read that line above again.

Good. Now…think about the negative belief inside your own head that created the negative feeling or reaction inside you.

What was that belief?

There might be more than one.

Take several minutes and write it down.

I’ll give you another minute…

So here’s the whole point. It SOUNDS simple, but it isn’t. It’s very powerful…

I want you to try and remain AWARE of the Limiting Belief that you have, that you have identified, so you can start to “un-link” the faulty judgments and reactions that these Limiting Beliefs will try and make for you subconsciously.

And once that happens you’ll start to have your mind “freed up” to make new, productive choices that will naturally bring a man closer to you and make him start connecting with you.

THE CRITICAL “NEXT STEP” TOWARDS IMPROVING YOUR LOVE LIFE…FOR GOOD

We just did a quick exercise that can bring a lot of real, positive change to you and any relationship you have…including a relationship with a man.

But that’s just the first step…the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

There’s a TON more where that came from, and that’s why I want you to take the next step.

KEEP LEARNING.

In my ebook, I talk in specific detail about the common negative beliefs that most women have that keep them from having fun, healthy, lasting relationships with men.

In Chapter 5, I uncover the common positive beliefs and behaviors of the women that men end up with, but would never come out and tell you about for fear of you “using it” on them.

After years of study and observation, I’ve found that there’s a very specific mindset, attitude, and belief system that women who naturally attract men for close, loving, lasting relationships have…

And that women who seem to have the same difficult, painful, or troubled relationships again and again don’t have or don’t get.

In Chapter 6 of my ebook, there’s a section called “Setting Yourself Apart From Other Women.”

In that section I reveal the five specific emotional “habits” that attract men and have them asking a woman to connect and commit to them because they find her SO irresistible.

Go check it out now at the link below.

http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/main/eBook

You can download the ebook and be reading it in a couple of minutes.

And best of all, I’m so confident that you’ll love the ebook and that it will truly help you, that I’ll let you try it for free to see if you like it.

If you don’t get every penny’s worth and more, I won’t charge you a thing. No questions asked.

And yeah, I know that in this day and age, there are a lot of scams and tricks online.

I can honestly say that I’ve been here doing this for years, I’ve helped thousands of women, and receive emails every day with success stories from women who have changed their love lives for the better…just by checking out my ebook.

That’s why I’m willing to give you my ebook for free so you can see if you like it before paying a thing.

All the risk is on me, and there’s no better time than the present.

So go get your copy now.

http://www.CatchHimAndKeepHim.com/e/main/eBook

Thanks and best of luck in life and love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter